Calling “Come On Thunder”

More joyous statistics. Mallorca’s hotels enjoyed an average occupation rate of 94% in July, and the best results were to be found in the north. Right here. Can Picafort - 99.8%. You’d think that would make everyone very happy, but it probably won’t, given the all-inclusives that are, for instance, the Viva Holiday Village and the Clumba Mar. Alcúdia enjoyed the same level as last July, whatever that was.


TOURISTS
Tourists can be strange. There seems to be amongst some - Germans especially - a perception that everything is fair tourist game, and that includes gardens and houses. The standing and staring is one thing (and staring is something of a German national past-time), but actually entering a garden or a house is quite another. I have a neighbour who has put up a wall around her house. Not a high wall, but a wall nevertheless. There were two sets of trespassers that she was most determined to deter - dogs and tourists.

I know of someone in the old town of Alcúdia who lives close to the church. The door to the house is now always locked or at least closed as it wasn’t uncommon to find someone in the house having a look around. To a point, one can understand this. The town houses of the old town often have their doors open and, because they are generally attractive, one can appreciate why a tourist might wish to venture in, or to stand at the entrance and have a good old “nosey”. One can appreciate it, but it is still a bit of a cheek.

This same person in Alcúdia has also had to contend with the problem that is the lack of public toilets. One day, this elderly lady came to the door and asked if she could use the toilet. Taking pity on her and her advanced years, she was admitted only then to be sent packing when the old girl called out to her mates across the way who all started to descend upon the house with the same aim in mind.


STORMS
There is a disturbing reassurance that comes from a storm, especially a storm at night; a satisfaction from watching a storm from the safety of a terrace - the neon flashes, the erratic daggers, the sudden appearance bringing it closer. The Mallorca summer storm. It is an entertainment all of its own. It brings loud noises, flashing lights, a rush of fear and excitement. And it’s all for free.


QUIZ
Well, I really seem to have started something with the last quiz. I didn’t know there were so many grammarians. Anyway, the line from “The Bulletin” contained not one but three errors, although two are kind of understandable. It should have read: “70 per cent of the population wants to see fewer tourists”. Percent (one word) is American usage, the verb conjugation is determined by “the population” (singular entity), and if you can count something it is fewer, not less. Not bad though for an English-language newspaper.
“Far From The Madding Crowd”. Thomas Hardy wrote the book, but the line comes from Thomas Gray’s “Elegy In A Country Churchyard”. Where else can you find a blog that one day has football songs, the next day Gray’s Elegy?
Today - the title comes from this lyric: “There’s a boy leaning against a wall of rain, aerial held high, calling ‘come on thunder, come on thunder’ “. The group and song?

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Never Far From The Madding Crowd

Too many people, making too many problems. “The Bulletin” reports on a report which discovers that residents of Mallorca and the other islands feel there are just too many damn tourists in summer. No pleasing some people. To be fair, they are not saying that they don’t want tourists - you bet your life they’re not wanting that - but that the concentration in summer causes overcrowding and saturation.The solution would be to spread tourism out, the favoured options being congresses, cycling, cruises and cultural tourism. A load of c-words it would seem. One might well ask, what does a congress do for tourism, or indeed a cruise (which surely takes people off of the island), but perhaps I’m missing something. And put more cyclists on the road, and there will be even more complaints about them than there are already.

The simple fact is that the overwhelming majority of tourists come to Mallorca, and would continue to come to Mallorca, for one key reason - hot sun. They do not come - in great numbers - to admire architecture or historical artefacts. Alcúdia’s Roman town - “some old ruins that we didn’t bother with” was one comment I once came across. Let’s be blunt, most tourists couldn’t care less. Sun, sea, sand, sex, sangria. A load of s-words, in other words. That’s what they care about (in varying degrees admittedly). The hoteliers know this, the tour operators know this, the airlines know this, the restaurant- and bar-owners who close by the end of October know this.

A true year-round tourism market would be wonderful, but dream on.


QUIZ
Today there is a language question. What is wrong with this (it comes from “The Bulletin”)? “70 percent of the population want to see less tourists”.
And a literary question. Today’s adapted title should be familiar, but where does the correct version come from originally?
Yesterday - Steve Lillywhite. New Order’s “World In Motion” was the best of course. Those who suggested “Blue Is The Colour”, “Ossie’s Dream” and “Ally’s Tartan Army”. No, no and no.

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It’s Coming Home, It’s Coming Home ...

A matter of hours now. Only one sleep. What have we been doing with ourselves all this time? It’s back. Premier League football. The bars will be alive with the sound of Sky boxes, “go on my son”, and “another round of John Smith’s, mate”. Never mind all this fannying around on beaches, tomorrow is when the summer starts. This is what we save up for; this is what we want; this is football on holiday. And if you support Wigan, this is where it all goes very wrong.

At least the footy will boot the fillers off the bar TVs. Can someone explain to me the fascination for “Only Fools And Horses”? I was passing a bar off the Greasy Mile yesterday morning. It could have been one of many others and not just in Alcúdia. There were Del Boy and Rodders. While the punters were tucking into their fry-ups, they were also being fed a diet of the Trotters. Why?

Ok, ok, anything to get the punters in. But why always Fools And Horses? I would just love it if a bar were to put on an old episode of “The League Of Gentlemen”. It would clear the bar quicker than you could say “NOT LOCAL”. Which is presumably why it isn’t shown, and also why I don’t run a bar.


Tonight is the occasion of one of the greatest of the summer events - the Can Picafort all-nighter. Knocks spots off of all the other party do’s. Weather’s just about holding up for it. It is, I’m afraid, looking very much like last August.


QUIZ
Yesterday - Kirsty MacColl. Today - she was married to whom? And also. Not so much a quiz, more a question. Today’s title is easy, but was it the greatest footy song of all time?

And another myspace and another female singer - Nancy Elizabeth - this time from Wigan, so there’s one thing to be thankful for if you’re from Wigan - www.myspace.com/nancyelizabethcunliffe.

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There’s A Guy Sings Down The Bar Swears He’s Elvis

Oh no, we are but a week away from an anniversary. Normally I might set this as a quiz, but I can’t wait.

16 August 1977. Elvis. As a board.

First it was a celebration of 40 years ago, now it’s 30. I remember it well; an initial moment of shock and then a concern about what punk band was playing the Greyhound in Fulham and were we having a curry.

You might ask, why bring this up. Well, Elvis is deeply engrained into the local psyche, or at least into the local how-do-we-get-the-punters-through-the-door psyche. I don’t have a problem with bars drumming up business, nor with drumming it up with some dodgy doppelganger lip-curling his way through “Are You Lonesome Tonight”, nor indeed with the artists themselves earning some euros (not all of them are dodgy; indeed some are quite good, but that's not the point). What I do have a problem with is this Elvis thing, period. I wonder whether Elvis would have thought - back in Nashville in the ‘50s - that it would be pretty cool for some cabaret act in 2007 to be impersonating him in a hotel entertainment area or bar in Alcúdia or Pollensa. No, I don’t reckon he would have. Nor, I suspect, would he have thought this once he himself had become an average cabaret artist, nor when he was lying on his bed in Graceland taking his last barbiturates.

Doubtless that arch Elvis and Elvis-impersonator apologist - Lash, R. - will celebrate all this. ‘Fraid I won’t. I won’t repeat it, but if you want to look back at 3 October last year, you can read why.


Following the huge success of the Indian Palace restaurant review (3 August), Seamus returns in our new feature - CULLEN’S CULINARY CORNER. Today - GOLF CLUB ALCANADA:

“There were two of us for lunch and we thought we would try something nice. The golf club has a nice terrace and also an air-conditioned dining-room when it is too hot. It was a bit cloudy today but we ate inside anyway. There is also a 180-degree view of the bay of Alcúdia, from Alcúdia to Betlem.
 
“They have an a la carte menu which is quite expensive by Alcúdia standards and also a snack menu that looks of a very high standard and reasonably priced. They also have a menu del día (daily special menu). They have a very good chef as all our food was of a really high standard and well-presented.
 
“I had foie gras to start, which was excellent, and a home-made lasagne that was for sure home-made, as the pasta was 100% fresh and tasty. My girlfriend had a ricotta cheese mousse salad and goulash soup, both were excellent. We had a half bottle of wine, a rioja. The bill came to 74 euros, expensive for Alcúdia but worth it I think.
 
“This is a nice place to eat and the staff were very friendly and spoke in English to my girlfriend and in Spanish to me. I also noticed a group of Spanish grannies and they had menu del dia; it looked great - bacalao (cod) and a white wine sauce. It came very quickly as well.
 
“This is a very nice place to enjoy a nice lunch. Don’t go in a rush and enjoy it.”


QUIZ
Well done to all who got Carole King. Today’s title is based on whose hit record?

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It Might As Well Rain Until September

What was that about watching flowers in the rain being the last thing you could do here at the moment? What does it do? Rains. Grey skies and rain. Uncanny. I checked the entry for 8 August last year. Rain. Hopefully there won’t be a repeat of last August which was distinctly variable.

A bit more on yesterday’s piece about the record year. “The Bulletin”, which sometimes uses items from the previous day’s “Ultima Hora”, ran yesterday’s news today. I’m glad they did, because I had overlooked something yesterday, so much so that I went back and checked the original. Sure enough there it was, namely a source referring to the fact that some areas of Mallorca have suffered from the effects of all-inclusives, but that these were IN THE MINORITY. I put this in caps as it comes across as being dismissive, in effect saying, well don’t worry about places like Alcúdia and Can Picafort, the rest of the island’s all right, Jack. Except of course it isn’t just Alcúdia and Can Picafort.

But herein lies the rub about these statistics. They do not take account of situations locally. They sound good, but they disguise as much as they reveal.


QUIZ
Yesterday was Eddi Reader of Fairground Attraction. Today’s title? Who wrote it and had the original hit? And after Candie Payne yesterday, another hot tip also from Liverpool - Ladytron. Their myspace - www.myspace.com/ladytron.

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It’s Got To Be, Perfect

Well more statistics if you can bear them. “Ultima Hora” today reports that it is indeed a record year. The front-page headline blares out: “The Balearics register the best tourist season in the last ten years”. With the exception of the increasing (or should that be shrinking) basket-case that is Menorca, the other islands have been faring well, Mallorca topping the league with up to 95% hotel occupancy, business profitability up by as much as 5% and activity in the restaurant sector up by 10%.

But scratch beneath the surface, and what do we find? The restaurant figure is skewed by a 15% increase in Palma alone. Not Calvia, not Alcúdia, not Pollensa. Palma. Moreover, the occupancy (and that restaurant activity) is assisted by the strength of Spanish national tourism, with the British market somewhat down.

While the figures can allow a collective pat on the back for those organisations and authorities that thrive on positive numbers, the increases are not necessarily universal. Spanish tourism, while not inconsequential in the north, does not fill the bars along the Greasy Mile nor indeed many an establishment in Puerto Pollensa.

So, as always, one takes these figures for what they are not - an accurate reflection of the local market. 


CARRETERA ARTA
One of this blog’s most popular themes, especially since the redesign of the road. I have to be honest and say it isn’t as bad as I had anticipated. The slowing of the traffic seems also to have brought a hitherto unknown courteousness when it comes to letting people cross the road - at crossing points. It is the non-crossing points that are the problem. Despite the increase in the number of crossings and the islands without actual white lines, you still encounter people appearing from nowhere in the middle of the road. It may come as a surprise, but jaywalking is an offence here.

Despite the apparent best intentions of the road’s planners, there is no accounting for people’s bone-idleness. There again, one does have to question the positioning of some of these crossings. One, like that where people walk from the boat that ferries them over from Bellevue to the beach, is eminently sensible. Another, or rather one that doesn’t exist, is that in front of the Delfin Azul (for which read also Port d’Alcúdia and Alcúdia Beach). Yes there is a pedestrian crossing up the road a bit; yes there are a couple of crossing islands close by. But behaviour isn’t like that. “I’ve walked up this road, I want to cross this big one, so I’m going to cross it here, not there.” And so they do.

And just on those crossing islands. I used the one near the Delfin Azul one day. There I was on the island. To my right, a line of traffic at the head of which was a Trafico car. What do you know? Trafico stopped, and waved me across. What fine people they are.


QUIZ
Thanks to all who suggested 1967 records. And thanks also to those who replied to yesterday’s quiz. One of the most popular yet. It was The Waterboys “Whole Of The Moon”. Which brings me to today’s: Briefly The Waterboys counted among their number a female singer who had a number one hit with her own group. Who was she and what was the group?

The latest of this blog’s contemporary music recommendations. Don’t know what it is with female singers, but here we go. Candie Payne. There’s a myspace: www.myspace.com/candiepayne

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This Is The Sea

Today’s leader in “Ultima Hora” refers to the fact that 2007 “is going to be a record year”. Elsewhere, it reports that turnover among businesses situated in Mallorca’s tourist areas will increase by 2.7% over last year (also a record year, you may remember).

Here we go again. Congratulatory statistics, but what do they mean? If, for instance, the turnover figure includes revenue for hotels then there should be some disquiet when it comes to tourist spend. This is because many hotels increased their prices this season by around 4%. Put that into the equation, and things don’t sound so great. But as ever, getting any real sense out of these stats is a pretty forlorn task.


THE SEA
This is an island. A small island. The wind is a constant. A constant change. A north-easterly four days ago and then Friday a full-on northerly. The roar of the sea was so great it woke me, making me wonder if the fans were still on downstairs. The waves were not that high, but there were red flags anyway. And so of course people ignore the flags and the lifeguards. If there is one thing you don’t mess with, it is the sea.

I have seen people hauled from the sea. I have known people taken away by currents and undertow. You live by the sea, and you know the sea. Not everyone does. The sea says: you want to fuck with me, go ahead, and I’ll fuck you up. They don’t come back unless tangled with seaweed. But they keep on trying to take on the sea, and failing. And they will always fail, because the sea will always win.

And the other thing with the change in wind. Blows jellyfish in. There they were, beached. There was this little girl hollering. And still people challenge the sea.


MORE 1967
Jefferson Airplane “Somebody To Love”, The Beach Boys “Heroes And Villains”, The Moody Blues “Nights In White Satin”, Spencer Davis Group “I’m A Man”, The Kinks “Waterloo Sunset”, Traffic “Paper Sun”. Also The Beatles “All You Need Is Love”. Does anyone else remember the broadcast that featured this? Was it the Earlybird satellite? The Beatles were one thing. Wasn’t there a thing with a woman giving birth in Sydney, too? Forty years ago. It was cutting edge. The broadcast that is, not the giving birth.


QUIZ
Last time. The Move’s “Flowers In The Rain” was the first record played on Radio One on 30 September 1967. Thanks to Geoff for finding that The Bee Gees “Massachusetts” was the second. Today. This is an album title, the best-known track from which has the lyric: “You came like a comet, blazing your trail. Too high, too far, too soon. You saw ...” Who?

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Watching Flowers In The Rain

The last thing you’re likely to be doing here at the moment. God, it’s hot. Anyway, more environmental worries. All a bit behind the times, but better late than never. “Euro Weekly” quotes sources which suggest that climate change will destroy Spanish beaches, tourism and thus the economy. We’ve been here before. Here was what I said on 11 January this year:

“The seas will come again and reclaim the coastal plains, rendering what land remains worthless, subject as it will be to ever more encroachment and erosion; as worthless as it was considered until only the last sixty years or so. All the greed and prosperity will be washed away. People will return to the hinterland to pick over what is left of a shattered economic model that saw tourism as its wealth-creator, its greed-creator and finally its destroyer.”

Or on 12 March this year: “Doesn’t sound too good, does it. No more Mallorca holidays, no more Mallorca villas by the sea, no more Mallorca. 40 years. Half a lifetime.”


INDIAN PALACE
First there was the Guest Quiz Inquisitor, then the Guest Titlist, now the Guest Restaurant Reviewer. And it is none other than our old chum Seamus at No Frills who, quite out of the blue, filed a review of INDIAN PALACE in Puerto Pollensa. Now it just goes to show that a restaurant doesn’t have to be advertising on one of our websites to get its name mentioned. Whereas Everest and Kashmir, both of them fine establishments, are on www.thepollensaguide.com, Indian Palace is not. Doesn’t mean the review would be turned away. Anyway, I thought of modifyng the review as a RESTAURANT OF THE WEEK thing, but decided to leave it more or less as is. So, here it is - kind of like a “Winner’s Dinners” without the pomposity or indeed Michael Winner:

“I’m not really one to write reviews but the meal I had the other night deserves one.

“I like all types of food and the other night I was looking forward to a good old pizza in the old town. As usual I was late and my girlfriend decided to start walking. I picked her up near the bar Ses Muralles (near the Ford garage in the old town) and she goes let’s have Indian! Where I ask? Puerto Pollensa! Shit - miles away. It’s 21:30 by this stage so of we go.

“We went to the Indian Palace near the Hotel Miramar. I’ve eaten in this place before and it was good, but this time it was worth writing about.

“We had poppadoms and sauces. Starter - prawn puree, a really tasty prawn dish.

“Main - chicken korma, delicious sauce and tender chicken; chicken biriani, absolutely wonderful; and of course two nan breads and chips plus one water, three Cobra beers and one Coke.

“The whole lot was 42 euros. I think that this is very reasonable considering Puerto Pollensa prices. The guy who runs the place is called Papu and I think his wife does the cooking (she is a very good chef I think). I have to admit this was the best meal I have had in ages, staff friendly, cheap and great quality.”


1967
The 1967 revivalist fervour has brought these other suggestions: The Beatles “Strawberry Fields Forever”, Aretha Franklin “Respect”, Small Faces “Itchycoo Park”, The Doors “Light My Fire”, The Turtles “Happy Together”. Geoff recalls the summer of 67 at Jaywick Sands (now, there would be an entry for weird places as I discussed some while back) and the music of, inter alia, The Move. So, today’s QUIZ question: What particular moment of fame did The Move experience in September 1967 (see today’s title)? Yesterday was of course Scott McKenzie.

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If You’re Going To San Francisco

Welcome back to the Department of Fatuous Statistics. The first six months has seen the level of tourist spend on the islands increase by some 5%. In real terms, this equates to a spend - per day, per tourist - of 99 euros. What is unclear, and these statistics are rarely clear, is whether this spend takes into account the actual cost of a holiday. If not, the 99 (let’s call it 100 shall we) doesn’t sound that bad. But I’m unconvinced. Recently, elsewhere on the internet, I gave some info to a chap coming to stay in Alcanada. His budget for him, his wife and two kids was 130-140 euros per day for all four of them, or 35 euros per day, per tourist. This isn’t a huge amount if you start to weigh up costs of meals, transport (necessary in Alcanada), drinks, the odd excursion, hire of fans perhaps, a bit of shopping, more drinks. But it still adds up, over a fortnight, to something a bit short of 2000 euros. Now, that’s quite a lot of money.

And still one hears that things are slow. The tourist offices are a good gauge of activity, and the one at the top of the Greasy Mile reports that the number of enquirers is down, especially amongst the Brits and Germans. What is holding up is the Scandinavian market (if one takes enquiries as an indicator). But with increased mortgages in Britain and a less favourable exchange rate, one can understand things being slow.

A different angle on mortgages - local ones. As mentioned some while back (15 June: I’m Forever Bursting Bubbles), interest rates are on the rise and are expected to continue to rise. This has already had an impact on property prices, in parts of Palma at any rate. There, prices are down by as much as 30% (sorry, another statistic), so there does appear to be a trend towards a correction in the property market, which is long overdue.


CAN PICAFORT FIESTA
Added to the WHAT'S ON BLOG is a list of stuff for the fiesta fortnightish in Can Picafort, one highlight of which is the all-nighter party, shifted this year to the sports arena.


1967
One of the beauties of doing a blog is that you can do what you like - well, within reason. So, indulge me. And I only ask because I know how surprisingly popular all this music and trivia quiz stuff is on this blog.

I heard Pink Floyd’s “See Emily Play” last night. Forty years. 1967. Forty of your whole years. It was summer then; it’s summer now. But this was 1967. I was twelve. Bournemouth. Hippies in the Winter Gardens. Two years before my first experience of Mallorca (Arenal, if you must know, and I can still remember what looked like a shanty town at the back of the hotel).

But 1967. In no particular order, in addition to “See Emily Play”, Procol Harum “A Whiter Shade of Pale”, The Monkees “Pleasant Valley Sunday”, The Supremes “The Happening”, Keith West “Excerpt From A Teenage Opera”, The Young Rascals “Groovin”. Rose-tinted glasses I know, but they don’t make summers like 1967 any more. Anyone else any recollections, especially of the musical variety, so long as they don’t involve Engelbert Humperdinck.

Quiz stuff - Yesterday, The Ronettes and The Searchers. Today’s title. It was the anthem of 1967. Who? Easy, I would reckon.

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Sweets For My Sweet

Following the jelly-bean incident at the last test between England and India, I can tell you that members of the SPCC (Sa Pobla Cricket Club) are rightly indignant. Buff, buff, buff. It wasn’t like that in their day, when one could have expected canapés, other finger-food and occasionally a full three-course lunch with wine to have graced the wicket. But that’s modern sport for you. Anyway, talk of sweet throwing naturally brings me to our irregular BAR OF THE WEEK feature. Why’s that, Andy, I hear you ask. Because José throws sweets, that’s why. Here’s the sugary nugget that is CAFÉ BONY:


Where: Plaça Miquel Capllonch, Puerto Pollensa, better known as the market or church square.

What: Mega drinks, leading UK and Spanish beers, salads, sandwiches, snacks, and the unique Bony atmosphere.

When: Every day, normally from about 11:00am, except Wednesdays, when it is - in Bony language - leg-over.

Who: José is the man with the clothes-pegs on his trousers, and Pablo the sane one. Then there are the girlies.

Why: Great location in the square. A brilliant café in many ways, as José knows how to work his audience, sorry, customers.

Is there a website? Well, sort of. Under construction and maybe will be for while, but it is www.josebonysheilarichard.com, something that trips easily off the tongue.

And apropos the whole American malarkey from yesterday, my mole all things American, Carol, recently back from Florida, tells me that the size of the American lard-mass is now so substantial that even a queen bed is barely sufficient to accommodate your average Yank. So, there’s another issue for Mallorcan tourist authorities to worry about were there to be an American invasion, to say nothing of the crush on BMI and the excess-baggage charge.


THIS BLOG’S MUSICAL TIPS
A rare thing, and all the better for it, but some may recall my mentioning of Laura Veirs. Well, make sure to tune in to Mark Radcliffe, BBC Radio 2, from 20:00 UK time (21:00 Spain) on Thursday. For those of you not up to speed in Spain, you can hear this via the steam internet.


Quiz: Forgot yesterday. The BMI angle. Where is this lyric borrowed from? “BMI, BMI, BMI little baby, my one and only, baby my darling, BMI baby now, ow-ow, oh-oh-oh-oh.” Forgive me, I am long out of the UK, but did BMI never use this as an ad campaign? And if not, why not? And today’s title? Who recorded it? Yesterday - those good ole boys were drinking whisky and rye.

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American Pie

Having rather despaired of Playa de Muro last time, some good news. The town hall has produced its document for its annual fiestas in four langauges, including English and German. So, good on them. The Playa de Muro gigs dont compare with the scale of those in Alcúdia and Pollensa, but then Playa de Muro doesn’t have the size or the history. Go back 40 years or so, and there was pretty much nothing there other than sand, dunes, scrub and Albufera. I must do a proper history of the place, especially as I have a neighbour with photos from that era, but that’s for another time and probably place.

Also on fiestas or events at least, I should have mentioned that the annual Sa Pobla Jazz festival started yesterday. There is a gig each week during August. Information for both Sa Pobla and Playa de Muro is on the WHAT’S ON BLOG.

GOD BLESS AMERICA
A few days ago, the executive-chairman of the airline BMI, Sir Michael Bishop, was interviewed by “The Bulletin”. Given BMI’s membership of the Star Alliance, alongside the likes of Air Canada, United Airlines and US Airways, one could argue that he was being a tad self-serving when it came to suggesting that the USA and Canada could become a “good market” for Mallorca. But his views are worth considering.

North America is a negligible market at present. It is rare to hear an American accent here. But with a network operating through Heathrow as a hub, there may indeed be merit in promoting the island (and the Balearics as a whole) to this market. The anticipation might be that it would bring in a more “quality” form of tourism. For quality, read doshed-up. It is not a market that should be ignored.

But it is not as if it has been totally ignored. For some years now, Michael Douglas has been beaming out of leaflets for Valldemossa and the Costa Nord. His attraction may not have proved to be fatal, but nor has it exactly given life to a market that, while it “does” Europe, does it in daily doses, and for which a detour to an island is only worthwhile if it comes with a guardsman wearing a bearskin. There again, maybe I’m wrong. But I can’t somehow see Gary from Indiana and his family treading the Greasy Mile of an evening in search of a karaoke bar.

QUIZ - Well, last time’s answer was The Cure. Geoff offered what would have been an excellent alternative (which would have made him the second Guest Titlist) in Sam Cooke’s “Another Saturday Night”. Today - oh too easy, but what were those good old boys drinking?

INDEX FOR JULY 2007
Airlines - 31 July 2007
Alcúdia marina - 12 July 2007
American market - 31 July 2007
Balaixa - 23 July 2007
Balearic Government - 18 July 2007
Bars - 10 July 2007, 11 July 2007
Beach umbrellas - 6 July 2007, 15 July 2007
Beaches - 24 July 2007
BMI - 31 July 2007
Can Picafort - 15 July 2007
Carabela Apartments - 26 July 2007
Carretera Artà - 14 July 2007
Climate change - 20 July 2007
Council of Mallorca - 8 July 2007
Euro Weekly - 17 July 2007, 27 July 2007
Fiestas - 10 July 2007, 17 July 2007, 21 July 2007, 24 July 2007, 31 July 2007
Foxes Arms - 10 July 2007
Hotels - 23 July 2007, 25 July 2007
Hurricanes - 20 July 2007
Jellyfish - 14 July 2007, 26 July 2007
JKs Bar - 11 July 2007
Kites - 24 July 2007
Leapy Lee - 17 July 2007
Lynham, Jane and Mike - 12 July 2007, 21 July 2007
Markets - 12 July 2007, 14 July 2007
Menu of the day - 23 July 2007
Mosquitoes - 26 July 2007
Motorways - 8 July 2007
Nadal, Rafael - 8 July 2007
No Frills Excursions - 17 July 2007
Patrona - 24 July 2007
Personal names - 20 July 2007
Playa de Muro - 15 July 2007, 29 July 2007, 31 July 2007
Politics - 8 July 2007
Pollensa - 23 July 2007, 24 July 2007
Pricing - 4 July 2007
Puddle Duck Elite Collectables - 12 July 2007
Puerto Pollensa - 10 July 2007
Railways - 18 July 2007
Restaurants - 23 July 2007, 27 July 2007, 29 July 2007
Road accidents - 6 July 2007, 14 July 2007, 27 July 2007
Roads - 8 July 2007
Sa Pobla Jazz - 31 July 2007
Sant Crist fiesta - 17 July 2007, 21 July 2007
Sant Jaume fiesta - 17 July 2007
Steak House Carabela - 27 July 2007
Sunbeds - 15 July 2007
Sunwing - 25 July 2007
Tipping - 10 July 2007
Tourism economics - 5 July 2007
Tourist spend - 29 July 2007
Virgen del Carmen fiesta - 10 July 2007
Weather - 23 July 2007, 24 July 2007
Websites - 23 July 2007, 25 July 2007
Weever fish -27 July 2007
www.thealcudiaguide.com - 25 July 2007
www.thepollensaguide.com - 23 July 2007, 25 July 2007

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10:15 Saturday Night

I don’t normally talk about trivial matters such as what I do on a Saturday evening, but for once I will. I was having a curry at New Delhi in Playa de Muro. What a dismal experience. The food was fine, the company was fine. But the restaurant ... Two tables were occupied in the whole of the two-and-a-half hours spent there. Two tables. Last weekend in July. High season.

There are any number of reasons. Lack of spend. All-inclusives. But this part of Playa de Muro looks pretty dismal.

Empty units with for-sale signs. A bar and restaurant - open and running - but both with for-sale signs. The terraces are mostly empty. There is a lack of life, a lack of light even. They have had the life sucked out of them. They have little more to offer. And what they did has been sucked up by the Boulevard DIY centre where the tex-mex is doing ok and there are people at the café. The shop lights shine and welcome the moths of tourists like runaways drawn to the city lights and away from the drabness and ordinariness of provincial life.

But lacking the funds of Boulevard, these other places - caught between the rock of rents and overheads and a hard place of low spend - cannot (apparently) even shine out brightly to attract custom.

And there, on the other side of the road, are the opulent Iberostars, radiant, glowing, temples of exclusive all-inclusivity, tying their worshippers by cocktail and third-rate cabaret.

There is a view that every year is not as good as the one before. Last year was better, the one before was better still, and five years before the streets were ticker-taped with euros being crunched by those wearing diamonds in the soles of their shoes. 

It was always better. Go back ten or twenty years, and there was an alchemy that could turn the mere dross of a Saint Mick and a burger into rivers of gold and the riches of kings.

It is of course questionable that it was ever really THAT good. But if one uses the evidence of one’s eyes, at least when it comes to one part of one resort, one has to ask - was it ever really THIS bad?

Quiz - Last time. Harry Potter, the latest of course. Today’s title? Who?

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The Deathly Shallows

And now we start to make the news. Remember the piece about the side road in Puerto Alcúdia; it being a potential death-trap (14 July, “The Bitter Sting Of Tears”). There it is - in a rather different form - in the current “Euro Weekly”. No, no, they haven’t nabbed it. Nothing like that. They were sent it. A combination of my words, Karen at Foxes’ instigation and John’s camera. The only slight problem is the headline, “Accident Waiting To Happen For Cyclists”. Well, yes, cyclists could have an accident, but it was more to do with a car going too fast and smacking into an inattentive tourist. But, no matter, at least it’s there.

There I was talking yesterday about the non-jellyfish alert, and now there is a rather more ominous marine threat. Courtesy of another piece in “Euro Weekly”, it seems that the weever fish, a really nasty bit of work, is making its presence known near Mallorca’s beaches. While this most unpleasant chap is not uncommon, his numbers are up, as are the number of stings, and the fish has been reported in Alcúdia Bay and off Son Serra de Marina.

As the weever hides in the sand, often in shallow water by the water's edge, it might well be worth taking the precaution of wearing something on the feet. Flip-flops would probably not be sufficient, but something like those shoes with the quite thick, airy soles and the holes over the top of the foot (that everyone’s wearing this year) could do the trick. Anyway, watch out, weever’s about!


Quiz. A carabela was a three-masted sailing ship from the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries. Columbus used carabelas. Misunderstood? ‘Twas The Animals, for which Geoff was very grateful!! Today’s title? Everyone must know where this is taken from and adapted.

And given this burst of carabela stuff, here’s another RESTAURANT OF THE WEEK. It is ... STEAK HOUSE CARABELA

Where: Avenida Reina Sofia, Puerto Alcúdia, opposite the Carabela Apartments.

What: Alcúdia’s best barbecue (well, that’s what the publicity says). Chateaubriand. Very generous portions.

When: Every day.

Who: Tomas is the top man here. José and Julie, also to be found at Nova Marina, are the owners.

Why: Excellent location for hotels like the Vivas Tropic and Golf, Alcudia Garden and Coral de Mar. Just over from the beach. Good-sized terrace.


And finally, I am indebted to Alastair who, given the combination of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore and Stingray on these pages these past days, mailed me a youtube. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua_wCMywEM0. Cut and paste to see the classic sketch that took the mick out of Thunderbirds.

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Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

One of the satisfactions of doing this blog is when folk email me. Very often this is with quiz answers, but not always. I prefer that people email, rather than put comments on the individual posts for two reasons: a) these comments can be anonymous, which can also mean someone with an agenda, and b) if the email contains something of note I can then use this in the post itself, thus giving it more prominence. And it so happens I have received such an email. It comes from James who picks me up on yesterday’s reference to the Carabela Apartments. I quote:

“To put someone off the Carabelas due to the reasons you stated are fairly short-sighted. Firstly the rubbish area is three bins with some recycling banks, limited if ANY pungent smells come from this area and you will know that they are emptied regularly. Secondly "refurb" - yes I agree the outside of the buildings are in need of a re-paint, although these where professionally re-painted three years ago they are again due to be done. But surely the inside of the apartments which by and large are of a VERY high standard and the location should count more as to whether or not the exterior needs refreshing or there are a few bins outside on the main road.

Anyhow keep up the good work with the blog - I do enjoy reading it.”

As I said to James in reply to his email, I am delighted to be corrected. And I happen to agree with everything he says. The location of the Carabelas is excellent and the overall standard of the apartments themselves is very high. I know for a fact that they are in high demand, both from visitors and potential purchasers. So, yep, it’s a fair cop, and thanks to James for his helpful comments.


Summer would not be the same here without malevolent little creatures whose main purpose for their existence seems to be to cause harm to humans. Jellyfish and mosquitoes. “The Bulletin” goes with a front cover headline today “Jellyfish Alert”. Except, there isn’t really an alert. Any plague has yet to materialise, partly perhaps because of attempts to scoop the jellyfish up before they get too close to the shores. So, I’m not quite sure what the fuss is about, although the piece does say that chemists have run out of the jellyfish protective creams, which I think I had already alluded to on 14 July (“The Bitter Sting Of Tears”). As for the mosquitoes; it’s hard to fathom them out. Back in May and much of June, they were a damn nuisance. But for some three weeks or so, there’s been hardly sight nor buzz of them. What is more of a problem this summer is flies. Their peak period has always been from September till December. Not this year.

And your starter for ten ... What is, or was, a carabela? In view of the Carabela exchange, today’s title. Who sang it? Yesterday - The Greaseband.

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With A Little Help

Yea, now they’re all getting in on the pop quiz idea. “The Bulletin” today offers tickets to Joe Cocker in Palma if you can answer a Cocker-related question, the answer to which is Ringo Starr. That answer - along with today’s title - will tell you what the question was.

But this leads me to ... A couple of days ago I chronicled an email exchange there had been on thepollensaguide.com. Help. Yes, we help. In the words of the BBC’s one-time slogan: “It’s What We Do”. Going on in the background. On the different sites, especially thealcudiaguide.com. Someone wanted to book for Sunwing in Alcúdia. Couldn’t get an English website. We went. Asked. Got the address. But you can’t book unless you’re Scandinavian. Shame. I can think of some hotels in Alcúdia that I would prefer to have a weekend with the Taliban than stay at. But Sunwing isn’t one of them.

Someone was concerned there was no air-conditioning at their hotel. This surprised us. We went and asked. There is air-con in all rooms at the Sol de Alcúdia.

Someone wanted advice as to where to stay. Had a specific enquiry about the Carabela Apartments. We went. Found the block in question needed some refurb and was next to the rubbish area. She chose the Venecia instead.

Someone wanted an interior hotel with a pool. We checked. Got them a fortnight at Posada de Lluc.

Someone was arriving at midnight at the airport. We put them in touch with Majorca Airport Transfers. “They are great to deal with.” Not our words.

Someone asked ... Well, there are plenty more where these came from.

With a little help. Doesn’t earn a cent. But, boy, is it satisfying.


Anyway, Joe Cocker. Give me Jarvis instead any day, but needs must ... What was the name of the group fronted by Joe in the mid-60s before he got by with a little help from his friends? Yesterday: Dick Van Dyke ok, but David Tomlinson was the main chap, "Mary Poppins" the film.

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Let’s Go Fly A Kite

So much for what I was saying about the flat sea yesterday. Really whipping in today and windy. But this is not a weather report. Remember what I was saying about beach umbrellas and accidents. Well, add to beach umbrellas, beach kites.

Now we’re not talking kites as we knew them. Flimsy bits of paper or plastic glued to a shaky frame of balsa-wood. These kites are industrial. They are the beach-bound bastard cousins of the kites that kitesurfers use. Smaller than those but built with frames to withstand a nuclear attack, or certainly to withstand smacking into some hard beach at the speed of a VW cabriolet from a local car-rental firm hammering along a side road and into a passing drunk. And they smack into the beach with a heck of a thud. Missed me by a whisker. Really startled me though. Lying there knees up, eyes closed. It could have been between the knees. It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Last year, I waxed if not lyrically but slightly nostalgically about beach life as it was. In the days before the entire contents of Toys ‘R’ Us and Milletts got dragged onto the beach and deposited or erected thereon. When you could lounge in a stupor and be under attack only from a passing gull dropping its payload. Not now. Now you need body armour and headgear. In fact, a cricketer’s protective equipment - from box to helmet via chest and arm protectors would not go amiss for the contemporary beach.

The German girl who nearly neutered me was very sorry. And if I’m honest, had I fancied her a bit more I might have forgiven her completely and got up to give her a lesson - in kite-flying, that is. But I didn’t. So I didn’t.


PATRONA
Starting on the 26th of July is the jolly shindig that is the Pollensa Patrona festival. I’m not sure if an English version of the programme is available, but the tourist office very kindly sent me an elaborate PDF document. As usual it was in Mallorquín. But, as usual, I’ve translated it, and it’s on the website and the What’s On Blog. The big event is on the 2nd August, the simulation of the battle between the Moors and the Christians. Catch it while you can before political sensitivities put a stop to it. (The Moors got their bottoms slapped, and Moors are/were Muslims. That’s why.)


Quiz: It was Peter Cook and Dudley Moore as Derek and Clive. Today’s title: The film should be easy enough. But who, effectively, was the lead singer?

Are You Handy?

Are we handy? Not ‘alf. There’s what we do behind the scenes. It is hidden from view. We get all sorts of enquiries to our main websites, and we deal with them personally. Sometimes, we go and find out, and there will be an example of this coming up in a day or two. While we are delighted to point people in the direction of advertisers, that isn’t the first thought. We hope that we help. Below is a correspondence that may well also prove very useful to visitors coming to Pollensa or Puerto Pollensa. The correspondence was via www.thepollensaguide.com

ENQUIRY: What a great website. We are off to Pollensa. Please can you recommend some restaurants that offer good value for money. We have three children so eating out can be expensive. Love the idea of menu of the day and good food at a reasonable price. It would help to have the names of 5 restaurants save us wasting time looking. thanks.

REPLY 1: Thanks for contacting us and for the compliments.

You say you are going to Pollensa, but not sure if you mean by this Puerto Pollensa. The two are some distance apart. But no matter. For menu of the day, this tends more often to be offered by less touristy restaurants.

In Puerto Pollensa, I know of El Posito in Calle Llebeig, Bon Profit and La Vall in Calle Vicenç Buades. None of these are actually represented on this site, but I can vouch for each of them. If you like pizzas, I would recommend Little (Italy) which is on the pinewalk. Their pizzas are not expensive but really good. You might also want to try some well-priced tapas at Neptuno, which is on the corner of Ctra. Formentor and Calle Migjorn.

In Pollensa town, there is Celler El Moli on the outskirts of the town not far from the Roman bridge along Calle Mar. This does a very popular menu of the day and is inexpensive. In the centre of Pollensa just close to the main square is Eu Centro, another that does a well-priced menu. Near to the monument to Costa i Llobera are two places - Can Miguel and Monument - which offer menus though I don't know a lot about these.

One thing to be aware of. Menu of the day is usually lunchtimes only (lunchtimes extend to around 3:30 here). Sometimes there are special evening menus as well, but often the restaurants revert to the normal menu.

REPLY 2: That is really great.  We are based in Pollensa old town but will be going to Puerto Pollensa too. Thanks very much.

REPLY 3: Pleasure. Have a great time. Will you be in Pollensa first week of August?
That's when the Patrona fiesta takes place. Very lively! (Edit note - Patrona finishes 2 August.)

REPLY 4: We are there from 31 July to 5 August. I noticed in Pollensa there is a classical festival on Saturday 4 August starting in the square in Pollensa town centre. Not sure about any others. Oh one other question. We are staying in a town house in Pollensa with no pool! Not bad because we are near the beach but do you know any hotels that allow you to use their pool if for example you had lunch there?  Just a thought.

REPLY 5: Of the hotels in Pollensa only two have pools - the mega expensive Son Brull, and Posada de Lluc (only a small pool). Another option might be the lovely Balaixa restaurant, which is on the main road going towards Puerto Pollensa (behind the Eroski supermarket). They have a decent pool and do a 3-course lunch Monday to Saturday for 15 euros (wine included). If you go there, say hello to Mandy or Arnie and mention we put you onto them!!

By the way, Balaixa also have a bistro near to one of the beaches in Cala San Vicente. As an alternative to Puerto Pollensa, you might want to nip into CSV (which is between Pollensa and the port). Pretty place, especially the lower part where the bistro is.

There are different events going on in Pollensa. The Patrona is one, there is also the Festival of Pollensa which has a couple of concerts each week till the end of August.

REPLY 6: Yes knew about Balaixa. Thought we would do that on the Saturday. Maybe I will book now via email. I also see they have a bistro in Cala S Vincent. We have been before and the kids love jumping off the rocks so when we go there we shall eat there definitely. Can't imagine eating a three course meal though and then wanting to go for a swim!!!!

Thanks for everything and will say hello to them for you.



You wouldn’t expect there not to be some other angle for today’s title. It is this. Today the sea was as flat as your hat in Playa de Muro. Blissful. Idyllic. The varying shades of turquoise could be viewed without the usual turbulence of waves. The wind was down, you could hear the laughter, shouts and screams from the children in the sea. You could also hear ... someone talking on a mobile. In the sea. Walking in the sea. On a mobile. Why the title? In Germany, the mobile is called the “handy”. Does this justify a quiz question? Yep, you betcha. The title comes from a sketch from a record by the alter egos of two very famous British comedians. Who were they?
Last time. It was of course Norman Cook aka Fat Boy Slim. (He was originally Quentin and changed his name to Norman for some reason.) Malcolm Bradbury was the author.

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The History Man

I am, for my sins, a history scholar. Or, at least, I have a history degree. History continues to fascinate. And living in a different society, there is a whole new history to learn. But I wonder how important history is to many visitors, or indeed to many of those who have decided to live and work here. My guess would be, not very. Or perhaps I’m wrong. Whatever, here is a very short history thing. On 26 July this year in Alcúdia, there is the 500th anniversary of the Sant Crist miracle, an event that takes place every three years.

As the name implies, the celebration is of Christ. The deal is thus:

In 1507, Alcúdia and indeed the whole of the island was enduring a time of famine, plague and warring between competing dynasties. To add to this, Alcúdia had a threat of drought, which, in turn, threatened the harvest. In order to try and combat this, the local clergy and justices, organised a procession. It was to be a form of begging or pleading procession, the centrepiece of which would be an image of Christ on the cross, crafted from wood. The hope was that an adoration of and pleading to this image would lead to some form of deliverance from the misfortune that had befallen the local people.

The image was taken from the cave of Sant Martí, which is at the foot of the Puig (hill) Sant Martí, which overlooks Alcúdia. On returning to the cave, it was noted that the image oozed water and some drops of blood. This was subsequently confirmed by the religious men. The upshot of all this was that the next harvest was one of the best for many years, thus cementing the miracle of Sant Crist into local history, tradition and folklore. Whether you believe it or not (and as with most of these alleged miracles, they are implausible at best), is not really the point. The fact is that it is part of local history, mythology one might even venture. And it gives the clergy a chance to dress up and walk through the streets and for there to be a bit of a do.

And as to why every three years. In 1697 the then rector of the Sant Jaume church decreed as such. Moreover, they shifted the actual date from 28 July to 26 July, which also happens to be the date of Santa Anna.

So, now you know.


From the sublime to the, well not ridiculous, but quite different. Just a note to say that Mike and Jane Lynham - Mr and Mrs Puddle Duck as they are often referred to - had their leaving thrash at the Crew Bar last night. The boat is about ready, we saw the photos of the place, and in a week or so they will set sail for a new life in Bulgaria.



Quiz: Simple Minds from the title track of “Street Fighting Years”. Norman “Hurricane” Smith who worked with The Beatles and Pink Floyd and had some truly dire hits of his own. What is with it Normans requiring alter egos? Name a famous one who was/is a mate of Paul Heaton’s. (This particular Norman was not actually originally Norman.) And a literary question: who wrote “The History Man”?

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Here Comes A Hurricane

Yet more climate change worry. Last week’s “The Sunday Times” carried a report about the Mediterranean becoming a hurricane zone. All to do with the sea warming. Naturally, this could have serious consequences for Mallorca, as could other aspects of climate change that I have noted in the past on this blog.

But there is a greater concern than the mere environmental impact. If the Spanish weather authorities were to need to name hurricanes in the style of the Americans, they would run out of names. Unlike the UK and the USA where you can, more or less, inflict any embarrassing name you like on your offspring, in Spain you can’t. There are only so many names that can be used. Accordingly, you couldn’t force your child to suffer a lifetime of shame by calling them “Moon Rocket” or “Dog Breath”, or some such. Ever wondered why ever other male in Spain is called Juan or Pedro? Well, now you know. I guess they could increase the pool by using Catalan versions, e.g. Joan or Pere, but they would soon run into problems with certain letters, like K for instance. No Kylie, Kayleigh or Keanu for the Spanish. Kike, and that’s about your lot (and even that comes from Enrique).

So one can but hope that, for the sake of Spanish children in generations to come, hurricanes do not occur, or they might just have to change the naming rules.

Quiz: Last time’s answer - The Rolling Stones, “I Wanna Be Your Man”. Today - the title comes from a song by which Scottish rock band? And a secondary hurricane question. He worked (as engineer and producer) with two massive groups in the ‘60s and had his own hits as a singer. Who was he?

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How’s About That Then?

You get some real crackers, I’m telling you. The new Balearic Government of Mr. Antics (who now shall be known as Frantic) is to oversee - and I quote “The Bulletin” here - “a legislature...hallmarked by being known as ‘The Age of the Train’ ”. Grand stuff, if it comes off, as the existing line north, which currently terminates at Sa Pobla, would go on to Alcúdia and Cala Ratjada.

But seriously, “The Age of the Train”. Jimmy Savile will be back, appearing on Mallorcan TV, bling and cigar to the fore. Only 25 years after it was the age of the train in Britain, but Jimmy probably needs the work.

(Please add your own Jim inflections as you read this.) “Now then, now then, now then, I have had a letter from a young sir in the lovely island of Majorca who wants to know if I can fix it for him to build a new railway. Well, young Francesc, I know just the person, and here he is - Sir Richard Branson.”

On a more serious note, it is fine to try and develop the rail system, but I somewhat doubt that any development would make much of a dent in the current road usage. There is also talk of another track to Inca, but even with this, the rolling stock that can be carried by the lines is not great and nor are the trains that frequent. Moreover, what Mallorca could also benefit from would be a rail system that allows for freight to be carried, but that just simply will not happen in a place this size. If one takes the local issue of the coal that is transported from the port of Alcúdia to the power station, it is an environmental absurdity. Heavy vehicles pouring out God knows what pollutants - up and down the roads in constant shuttles. A railway would be ideal, but it won’t happen.


Quiz: “Hello, John, Got A New Motor?’” Correct for all who got it. Today: Jimmy Savile presented the first (and indeed last) “Top Of The Pops”. Which group was the first act on that first show, and what song did they do?

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OTT?

There has been a fine spat going on between Alexei Sayle and our old mate, Leapy Lee. A less likely combination one could hardly imagine; one, a reconstructed communist and comedian of repute (The Young Ones, OTT, The Comic Strip etc.), the other, not.

For those of you who do not know, Leapy pens a weekly column in Euro Weekly. It is often provocative. There is nothing wrong with being provocative, but provocation has to be tempered to lend it some charm. Otherwise, it is wholly one-dimensional and, as such, worth less than a fig. One can think of numerous columnists who provoke - Simon Jenkins, Boris Johnson, Matthew Parris, Simon Hoggard (from the political arena); Danny Baker, Victor Lewis-Smith, A.A. Gill, Martin Samuel and, yes, Alexei Sayle (from a sport/entertainment arena); Rod Liddle, Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Littlejohn, all of whom can rant for England and can be utterly outrageous. These columnists represent a broad church of political leanings. But what all have in common is that they are either informed, intellectual, humorous, tangential thinkers, ironic, sharp observers, or often a combination of all these things.

Now I don’t expect local expat newspapers to be of “Fleet Street” standard, nor do I expect their contributors to be. I can understand the constraints on such papers. But I do expect at least one of the qualities I list above when it comes to contributions. What I do not expect is the equivalent of the pub bore who sidles up to you and earholes you for fifteen minutes on God knows what.

I must just say I think Euro Weekly is not too bad. It has its moments of curious reporting, as I have noted before on this blog, but it’s a well put-together paper, and I like Gordon, the guy who runs it on the island. Which brings me though to this spat.

Alexei Sayle, writing in The Independent, had a right old go at Leapy. To give a flavour of this, I quote: “Yes, that’s my idea of the perfect columnist, some expat singer with a criminal record and views tailor-made for his audience of drink-sozzled, golf-playing Costa Brits.” I only know this and can quote it because Leapy, having taken umbrage (understandably I guess), repeated it (along with much more) in his column. Now I would have thought that, having been the target of a vitriolic hatchet-job, you might prefer to keep it quiet. No, not Leapy. He goes ahead and reproduces it, for which we should be grateful. Had he not, we might never have known.

FIESTAS
Just to say that the Sant Jaume and Sant Crist fiestas are coming up in Alcúdia. Information on the What’s On Blog. Sant Crist happens only every three years, and this year is the 500th anniversary - some malarkey about sweating blood and tears and turning them into water, or something like that.

SERVICE OF THE WEEK
Also on the What’s On Blog, you will find some regular offers from our good friends at No Frills Excursions, based in Puerto Alcúdia. So, here is a Service of the Week thing - NO FRILLS EXCURSIONS:



Where: Avenida de la Playa 13, Puerto Alcúdia and various sales outlets around and about, plus web: www.nofrills-excursions.com.

What: Excursions all over the island, such as Marineland, Palma, Soller etc. Also local events such as the Alcúdia Bar Crawl.

When: Er, this doesn’t quite work like it does for bars, but no matter - something every day!

Who: Seamus and Toni are your men. Then there is Lisa and numerous others.

Why: Low-cost but high-quality excursions with a strong personal touch, well-informed and friendly guides who make for a great experience.


Quiz: So, what was Alexei Sayle’s hit record? (One thing he has in common with Leapy is that he, too, was a one-hit wonder.) I forgot to mention that Troy Tempest was modelled on James Garner. And as for 200 Motels etc, it was Frank Zappa, though strictly speaking the song lyric came from a collaboration with Captain Beefheart (the album “Bongo Fury”). The lyric referred to the 200th anniversary of American independence.

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200 Motels

And more on beach umbrellas. Beach umbrellas and sunbeds. In Can Picafort and Playa de Muro there is a little local issue regarding the numbers of umbrellas and sunbeds on the beaches. In Can Picafort, part of the beach (in Son Bauló) has had a different problem - there not being any. But the issue on the main beach and in Muro is that there are too many. Seems this has all to do with the fact that when the concessions are being sorted out, there are secret tenders handed to the town halls. There are about four main concessionaires, and they try and outbid each other for the various “lots”. Obvious you would think, but the bids are excessively high in order to get the lots. So the town halls trouser a goodly sum and then wait for additional income through fines. That’s because the concessionaire, having handed over so many folding notes, puts out more sunbed and umbrella sets than are prescribed. Why? In order to coin back the outlay. The fines are doubtless budgeted for in the concessionaire’s business plan. They are not ordered to remove the excessive numbers of sunbeds; just fined. And they, the concessionaires, continue to charge about 8.50euros - per use - for a sunbed and umbrella set. Anyway, the local residents and neighbourhood groups have had enough, and have complained, grounds being that there is less “public” space, i.e. beach, and more and more commercialised space.


The 200th post to this blog was recently attained. Seems like 2000. Anyway, to celebrate here is a 200 quiz. “200 Motels” as a title is in honour of the fact that between Alcúdia, Pollensa, Playa de Muro and Can Picafort, there are at least 200 hotels or other such establishments, if not motels. This was the title of an album by whom? And then there is also this lyric: “She's 200 years old. So mean, she couldn't grow no lips. Boy, she'd be in trouble if she tried to grow a moustache”. Who? The answer is the same for both questions. And what is the lyric’s reference to? Yesterday - Band Aid. Of course.

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The Bitter Sting Of Tears

So there was this really useful article in “The Bulletin”. Spoke about a cream that protects against jellyfish stings; before you go in the water. Great, one thinks. Then one reads it again. There’s something missing. Something quite important. The name of the cream. Nowhere to be found.

Anyway, I went to the friendly chemists in Playa de Muro. Said I’d read this article. Ah yes, but it’s “cortada” (finished) for this summer. Demand presumably. Have a look. Oh no, there is some. So I got a bottle. It is from the ISDIN range of sun protectors. Comes as a sun cream, factor 25. Protects against jellyfish, it states, though it also says to avoid going into waters infested with jellyfish. So, it’s ok for the odd jellyfish, not a plague. But at least it’s something. If this is not the cream mentioned in the article, maybe someone can let me know, and I shall put the information up here. Email, as always, to the address below.


Update on a previous item. I quote from 28 March:

“Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the Carretera Arta. Well, no it’s a crap idea - the red track I mentioned last time. Karen from Foxes was giving the situation a good once-over and was muttering darkly about drivers using it rather than cyclists, which begs the question - what is the point of it?”

Well, Karen was going on about this again today. And absolutely rightly. Just to give you a picture. As you come from the Magic Roundabout going towards Playa de Muro, there is a red lane which is clearly marked “bicicletes”. This lane then cuts down from the main carretera. The point is that cars and coaches are using this, and then hammering along the side road that runs in front of Foxes, the chemists and Epcot. And I stress “hammering”.

The problem seems to be that no-one is absolutely sure what is and isn’t allowed. The sign suggests cycles only, but there is nothing to say that vehicles are prohibited. Whatever the situation, this cut-through is seriously dangerous if it is used by vehicles going at high speed, which is often the case. We need to find out more, because it’s going to end in tears as there will be a serious accident here before long. For anyone who is staying at the Delfin Azul and other nearby hotels, or just walking on that side road or across it, please take great care. It seems obscene that right at the spot - on the main road - where one of last year’s worst accidents took place, the side road could become a death-trap.


Re markets. I mentioned the other day that Playa de Muro now has two markets a week. Sorry, I got that wrong. The Saturday market has now moved to Mondays. And weather word ... could be hitting 40 degrees this weekend.


Quiz: Congratulations to Anne Marie in Dublin who not only got Stingray but also got Gary Miller: “What are these strange enchantments that start whenever you’re near”. What a cracking record that was. Additional quiz question: which actor was Troy Tempest modelled on? And today’s title - from what famous song does this come?

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Marina, Aqua Marina

Or possibly it could be “On The Boardwalk”. Whatever. The thing is that down in the Alcúdia marina (Alcúdiamar) there is a daily evening market. Now, this sounds all well and good, and probably great for the likes of Chili and Varadero, but it ain’t so good for the regular shops in the port. Naturally, you stick some stalls up alongside the boats, and the tourist punter will be attracted like the moth to the flame. But it is good for the port, some might say. Brings people in. Perhaps so, but then they mill around that part of the port - and no other. Besides, you have to ask - how many bloody markets does any place need? Alcúdia town has two; two whacking great big ones per week. Playa de Muro has added another day, so there are now two there as well.

The curse of this marina market was not necessarily a factor, but it could have been a final straw had the decision not already been taken. I’m referring to Jane and Mike Lynham’s move from Alcúdia and Mallorca. The Puddle Duck shop certainly gets no favours from this market. Anyway, they’re out of here, which a number of you probably already know. Bulgaria. Yep, Bulgaria. Where you can shop for a week for what it costs to buy a packet of 20 here. Well, not quite, but you get the drift. So, we shall miss them, and wish them well. And the MYCT Crew Bar will be the rendezvous for the final knockings on Friday, 20 July.

Quiz - Julian Cope, ok, but it was the band I was after: The Teardrop Explodes. And the film? In the video you see a shot of Jack Nance from David Lynch’s “Eraserhead” - weird and horrible. And so to today’s. The title is a song from which TV show? And who sang it?

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Won’t You Accept My Reward

Seasoned visitors to this blog amongst you may recall the 2006 awards (if you don’t, they appeared on 1 January this year). Anyway, amongst the winners was JK’s Bar in Puerto Pollensa; indeed JK’s was one of only two - how can I put it - sensible winners. The award was for best new bar of 2006, an award that was repeated in the “El Puente” tourist guide for Pollensa and Puerto Pollensa, for which I can claim some responsibility. Now, it takes a busy bar owner or two to take a month or so to get truly up to speed with some things. Like noticing that this award has been mentioned in the guide. But that says a lot, a lot as to why JK’s got the award. Because it is a very hard-working bar. To cut to the chase, they’re thinking of blowing up the award thing in the guide, and posting it outside as a form of plaque. Damn good idea, too.

So, in recognition of this, and because it’s been a while, here is the latest BAR OF THE WEEK - JK’s, Puerto Pollensa:



Where: Ctra. Formentor, Puerto Pollensa, close to Tango’s and next to the back entrance to the Miramar.

What: Family-run bar but not a family fun bar, with a very good menu of freshly prepared food and two enormous screens that show all the sport.

When: Every day 12:00 till 24:00.

Who: Jane and Kevin, with Cecilia and occasional assistance from Ellie and Charlotte.

Why: Utterly reliable, very friendly, in total contrast to the doom of “The Cavern” that preceded it.


Oh, I tell you this quiz thing’s taking on a life of its own. So here goes. Geoff points out that the “I can call you” question was too easy, which it was, but rightly adds that Chevy Chase in the video sounded remarkably like Paul Simon. The name was of course Betty, or Beddy if you prefer the American style. Alastair, meantime, tells us that “sospan fach” means little saucepan in Welsh, which indeed it does. (James had also got in on the sospan explanation.) Tasha has been overwhelmed by her mention with respect to Talking Heads and has had to take to her bed.
I couldn’t think of anything with award so reward is the nearest I could come up with. So, the line in today’s title - who sang it? Great, great record. And a double reward if ... In the video for this song was a visual reference to what truly weird film?

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Hey Big Spender!

Having derided the local tourist authorities for not getting out fiesta information in English, praise is due to Pollensa for doing just that for the fiestas of Virgen del Carmen which kick off today in Puerto Pollensa. If you can’t lay your hands on the leaflet, the info is also to be found on the What’s On Blog or under Fiestas Pollensa on www.thepollensaguide.com.


First there was the Guest Quiz Inquisitor, now the first Guest “Titlist” Of The Day. (I’m not sure that titlist exists, but hopefully you get the meaning.) Anyway, the honour is bestowed on Al (Alwyn), he formerly of Sospan Fach in Magalluf/Palmanova, now of Foxes in Puerto Alcúdia. The singer of the title is easy, but it comes about as a consequence of what Al is thinking of initiating at Foxes, namely a National Tipping League. Now, some days the tipping is good. Some days though it’s not so good, hence today’s somewhat ironic (if not hacked off) title. Al, you should all know, is a worthy cause, so do hand over those pocketfuls of loose change. Otherwise it’s the workhouse.

There is a point here though regarding tipping. The British “norm” is 10%. A question one often gets asked by those new to these shores is “how much should I tip?”. The answer is, there is no standard answer; you just tip what you want, or don’t if you want to raise Al’s hackles.

Anyway, I reckon there should also be a sweep on who comes top of the Tipping League. In the absence of hordes of Yanks (who are generally pretty generous in this regard), I’m inclined to think - at risk of offending others in Britain and elsewhere - that the English would come out on top. But what do I know?

So - quiz. No prizes for knowing the singer of today’s title. An alternative title could be “You Can Call Me Al”, but what can I call you? Ah, come on, easy. Jackpot time for the last quiz. Tasha was the first to get “Once In A Lifetime” by Talking Heads.

And ... cultural, linguistic quiz time makes its first appearance. What the fach does “SOSPAN FACH” mean?

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Same As It Ever Was

The changing of the new political guard is now complete. Along with Mr. Government Antics (Antich, the socialist leader of the Balearic Government), we now also have one Francina Armengol taking over as president of the Council of Mallorca. Promising her doors would be open to the man in the street (I bet they bloody aren’t; I know, I’ll try, and see where it gets me), she has kicked things off by kicking into touch a second ring road for Palma, the Inca-Manacor motorway and new golf courses and tourist/residential growth.

Seems ‘twas ever thus. Take the conservatives out of the equation (the PP) and populism rules. Now, I’m not that bothered to be honest. The golf courses, more tourist/residential stock, I reckon I can go along with. The roads, I’m not so sure. There is in all of this an environmental dimension and something abstract in the sense of preserving Mallorca. If this is what the Mallorcans want, then fine. It’s just - the road infrastructure in and around Palma is bad. It has inherent inefficiency; it is a hindrance to productivity; it is typical of a still backward-looking society of mañana and siesta and lousy service. But hey, that’s Mallorca. Or is it? I’m not so sure. Then there is the safety angle. Ok, there have been some really bad smashes on the Inca-Palma motorway - one just last week - but motorways are generally safer than the main roads, where the nutters really rule and Trafico stands at roundabouts rather than getting amongst the nutters. But hey, that’s Mallorca. Or is it? I’m not so sure.

Very nearly but not quite. Bryan Adams fan Rafael Nadal just missed out at Wimbledon. Manacor’s favourite son didn’t quite do it. Get a better playlist for your iPod, Rafa. That’ll do it.

Quiz: It was a corker. And the answer was ... Thunderclap Newman. Thunderclap Newman, man alive. So to today's title. Reflecting the static nature of Mallorcan politics, this is a line from a song by, I think it fair to say, a ground-breaking American rock band. Name the song and the band.

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P.S. Acknowledgement due to “The Bulletin” for information in this piece.

Accidents

There are things that occasionally trouble or intrigue me. It happened today.

It was windy on the beach. Umbrellas were flying. It was then that I wondered. Has anyone ever been killed by a beach umbrella? On the one hand, the spiky bit isn’t usually that sharp; on the other, if the wind lifts an umbrella with sufficient force and at sufficient velocity it could do some serious damage. What would happen if, say, an umbrella were to remove an eye? It may seem unlikely, but ... . Who would pay? Indeed, would the owner of the offending umbrella be liable?

This all reminds me of a time in the south of France when a group (make that a crowd) of nudists, irate because the local plod was attempting to intervene in (i.e. stop) their regular evening, er, entertainment in the dunes - I don’t think I need to spell it out - responded to the police’s action by showering them with beach umbrellas being used as javelins. Apparently it did the trick. Until, that is, plod deployed dobbin. Sounded like splendid fun. Wish I had actually seen it. But the point (as it were) was that the police were sufficiently concerned by the potential harm that the beach umbrella could cause to beat a temporary retreat.

Of course if the umbrella is actually lobbed at someone, it would - presumably - be classified as an offensive weapon, but I still wonder. So, if anyone can enlighten me as to the legal situation regarding accidents-by-beach-umbrella, I will be very grateful.


Different form of accident. Road. Guess which road? Oh yes, the Carretera Arta. Now I did say - ages ago - that these new roundabouts are a bit tight. This may have been a factor. That, and excessive speed, I’d wager. By the Pointed Thing Roundabout, someone had hammered into a couple of parked cars and some trikes. I can well imagine. Too quick through the roundabout. Found it was too tight. Hit the island, Crash, bang, wallop. It wasn’t pretty.

Quiz: Well, everyone got it. Abba. Today’s title. Man, is this a good question. Which group, generally remembered as one-hit wonders (because they were) released a single with this title as a failed follow-up to their one great hit? (Clue: it wasn’t anything to do with noted (?) Mallorca-frequenting one-hit wonder Leapy Lee.)

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Money, Money, Money!

Daft or what?

It has been known for this blog to present tourism statistics. It has also been known for the rip to be taken out of these statistics. So, here are some more.

For the first five months of this year, tourist spend increased by 1.1 per cent. Moreover, the average spend was 809 euros, a fall of 0.1% on the same period last year.

Well, I am impressed. You probably won’t be. This stuff comes from our old mates at “The Bulletin”, so thanks to them. But what is unclear is what the spend is per tourist. The 809 euros figure is for tourist visit. Does that mean family, one person, or what? The length of stay is also an issue.

I suppose it’s pretty academic. The word is still that tourists are spending less - at least in these parts - so you can have statistics coming out of your backside, and they’re irrelevant.

Just a linguistic point, “Bulletin”. In British English, we say per cent, not percent. Sorry, but these things matter.

Anyway, this blog doesn’t just report, it finds out. So, I’ve been on the Net, looking at forums. This is, as ever, highly unscientific, but here are a couple of comments:


“We never spend more than €500 in a week in Spain even when we stay half board.”

“I’m going AI for 1 week with my boyfriend and we are taking 500 euros between us.”

And then if you consider comments which relate to spending on cigarettes (and you want to stand in a tobacconists to see the wads that get handed over), you start to form a picture. People are seemingly spending less on restaurants (not necessarily on bars), are relying on the board arrangements, be they half-board or all-inclusive, and using the spare cash for fags and the odd excursion.

Unscientific, but indicative.

Quiz: The title from yesterday was adapted from “Selling England By The Pound”. Genesis. Again. Sorry about that. Don’t know why they keep muscling in here. Today’s title? Very easy. Who sang it?

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Selling Mallorca By The Pound

Can someone tell me how long the pound (as in pound sterling) has been the official currency in Spain?

The answer is of course that it isn’t the official currency. The euro is, in case you haven’t noticed.

So, why therefore does one supermarket show - in large numbers - its prices in pounds, with the euro amount in smaller print in the corner of the card?

Might it be that because the pound number will always be lower, substantially so, customers are being enticed by an apparently low figure. Only when they see the smaller print do they realise that the large figure is not the euro amount.

Below is a photo that shows this. Hopefully it is large enough to show everything.



My thanks to Gordon for bringing this to my attention. If anyone else has anything of similar note, just send it in. To the email address below.

Quiz: It was of course Chris Rea. Today’s title is adapted from which album title?

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P.S. You will see the look of the blog has changed. The old black background was a tad difficult. There are now other features that I hope to include; as and when I can figure them out.

On The Beach

A mini-blogette today. Reason: Beach. More beach. Babes. Beach. Sun. Beach.

Check out the WHAT’S ON Blog for events at the La Victoria two-day celebs, starting tomorrow. Forgot to put on this that at 24:00 tomorrow is the “Rom Cremat” (Burnt rum) thing. Very odd.

Back to the beach. Today sees the first day of your entries for the ALL-TIME GREAT SUMMER AND/OR BEACH records. I shall reprise last year’s when I can be bothered. So, get nominating. Email below.

Local media watch: According to “Euro Weekly”, Arsene Wenger “will be leaving the club (Arsenal) after 2008”. That’s will be not may be. Must know something the rest of us don’t, but given all the arsen’ around at Arsenal, could be right.

Quiz: ‘The sitcom was “Soap”; the number one was R. Kelly “I Believe I Can Fly”, which Tone may have believed, too. Today’s title? Way too easy.

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Index for June 2007

Balearic Government - 22 June 2007
Banks - 13 June 2007
Barnard Hamilton - 28 June 2007
Bars/Cafés - 3 June 2007, 9 June 2007, 22 June 2007, 26 June 2007
Beaches - 1 June 2007, 22 June 2007, 30 June 2007
Bellevue - 11 June 2007, 18 June 2007
Blogs - 24 June 2007
Blue flags - 1 June 2007
Bullfighting - 17 June 2007
Café La Sala - 22 June 2007
Caprabo - 14 June 2007
Carretera Arta - 1 June 2007, 4 June 2007
Chinese restaurants - 6 June 2007
Diablito - 19 June 2007
Eroski Syp - 14 June 2007
Es Turó - 8 June 2007
Estate agents - 19 June 2007, 28 June 2007
ETA - 11 June 2007
Festas Bar - 26 June 2007
Fiestas - 13 June 2007, 16 June 2007, 17 June 2007, 30 June 2007
Foxes Arms - 9 June 2007
Illegal selling - 7 June 2007
Indian restaurants - 6 June 2007
La Birreria - 3 June 2007
La Victoria - 30 June 2007
Mosquitoes - 8 June 2007
Muro - 16 June 2007, 17 June 2007
Noise - 1 June 2007
Paddle ball - 8 June 2007
Property market - 15 June 2007, 19 June 2007
Property prices - 3 June 2007
Puerto Pollensa beach - 22 June 2007
Restaurants - 2 June 2007, 6 June 2007, 8 June 2007, 19 June 2007
Road accidents - 1 June 2007, 2 June 2007, 4 June 2007
Roads - 26 June 2007, 28 June 2007
Sa Taverneta d’es Moll - 2 June 2007
Sant Joan Fiesta - 16 June 2007, 17 June 2007
Sant Pere Fiesta - 13 June 2007
Supermarkets - 14 June 2007
Taste of India - 6 June 2007
Terrorism - 11 June 2007
Tourism economics - 28 June 2007

Things Can Only Get Better

Well, hopefully. Word is things are not too great this season. There again, you hear this every year. Someone said it’s 30% down. There are complaints of lack of people and especially lack of spend. We have been here before. Last year, to be precise. That was a record year, allegedly.

All-inclusives are the devil in all this, but there are other factors. And people are being more careful with the money. Why? Debt, that’s why.


Another departure from Estate Agent Street in Puerto Pollensa. Barnard Hamilton’s office has closed. But this is a positive closure. The new one is at the start of the pinewalk. And very impressive it is, too. Very impressive.


A letter to “The Bulletin” sheds some light on the resurfacing of roads. Apparently it has to be done when the weather’s hot - for technical reasons that I don’t need to bother you with. I had kind of thought this might be a factor. Except. Why then do they surface roads when it isn’t hot? Confused? You soon will be.

Which brings me to the quiz. That last line came from a very famous sitcom. What was it? Also, in recognition of Tone’s departure and Gord’s ascent, I’ve wheeled out today’s title. No prizes for knowing D:Ream, but who was number one when Tone became PM first time round. Was it Oasis, R. Kelly or The Spice Girls?

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Inn-Festation

Is there ever a good time to resurface roads?

Probably not. But there are surely times when it makes less sense than others. Like now, for instance.

Driving into Palma or along the Via Cintura is a pain at the best of times. And now is not really the best of times. Common sense dictates that there is more traffic than in, say, January. But that doesn’t stop them resurfacing the motorway. Nor, apparently, does it stop them resurfacing the roundabout coming into Alcúdia, and roads off. Still, at least the resurfacing and remarking does appear to have eradicated the highly unsafe approach lane that went around the roundabout in the port’s direction.


And now. A big welcome to thealcudiaguide.com to our NEW Bar of the Week. Well, not new as such. Just new to the site. So, word up for FESTAS in Puerto Alcúdia.



Here’s the gen:

Where: C/. Olimp, Puerto Alcúdia, opposite - more or less - the Three Towers of the Club Mac.

What: Theme bar, with the emphasis on The Addams family, hence Festas (or Festers if you prefer). Home-made Festas’ shots - vodka shots with secret recipes the speciality of the house.

When: Every day 19:00 till late.

Who: Lynne and Steve, and not forgetting the inanimate assistance of “Skelly”.

Why: No-nonsense bar, but with a “chill-out” and relaxing feel with good music from the 60s, 70s and 80s. A place that gets punters returning year after year. ...


Quiz time: The link between Karl Wallinger and Peter Gabriel was Charterhouse. They both went there.

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What The Blogging Use Is A Blog?

This is a blog, in case you haven’t noticed. It is not necessarily a thing of beauty, but it serves a purpose. Moreover, it’s free. I’m all for free. One of the wonderful things about the internet is that there are very nice people who let you do things for free. Like blogger.com. Like myspace.com.

I was chatting to Trev at La Sala (see the previous entry) about all this malarkey. Trev is no computer-illiterate. He understands that websites cost money. But for a café such as his, why pay a shed-load for something that you can do for nowt. Ok, these sites are limited in what you can do, but - for many an establishment - they are sufficient. Also ok, you need to devote a bit of time. If you are as switched on as Steve at Little Britain (www.littlebritainmallorca.com), you can use the facility offered by Microsoft to do a very serviceable and good website of your own. Yes, this takes more, but the result is fine.

Moreover, if you get linked via a mother site that offers good optimisation - let’s say, for sake of argument, www.thealcudiaguide.com - and you’re quids in. Well, maybe.

Try it.


Quiz: Oh dear, I will wear a hair suit. What a mistake, but honest I thought “Burn You Up, Burn You Down” by Peter Gabriel was called “Twist And Shout”. That was meant to be the link, but it wasn’t. Never said I was infallible. But ... this track by Peter Gabriel was co-written with Karl Wallinger (Waterboys, World Party). There is another connection between him and Peter Gabriel. What is it? (Think education.)

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P.S: The title of this piece comes courtesy of my friend Carol. It’s ok, she doesn’t understand these things. God, what have I said?

Government Antic(h)s

The excitement could barely be less. After weeks of indifference since the elections, Jaume Matas, the now ex-leader of the Balearic Government, has resigned, thus paving the way for a socialist-nationalist coalition under Matas’s predecessor, Francesc Antich. Just contain yourselves.


Close on Puerto Pollensa’s beach being granted a blue flag - at long last - comes the news that, once more, there is a sewage problem. This is confined to the smaller beach in front of the Anglada Camarasa promenade, but it isn’t too clever, and it happened last year, too.


Not so much Bar but Café Of The Week. Prompted by the photo of Alicia that was put up on to their blog, here is a CAFÉ LA SALA rundown:



Where: Opposite the town hall in the old town of Alcúdia.

What: Coffees, teas, salads, baguettes, chili, curry and more. The favourite is the Flavours of Asia baguette or salad. And the fresh juices are nectar.

When: Every day except Saturday.

Who: Trevor and Stuart run the place, with help from Alicia.

Why: Fabulous location in the heart of the old town. Hugely popular with locals of all creeds and with visitors; English, Spanish, Mallorquín and German spoken. And I’ve now also discovered that Trev is something of a Mac expert. So, for all you Mac users ...

Can I find out more? You can indeed. Check out the Café La Sala blog, which is linked here, and see Alicia’s photo. You can also see Stuart and the star of the show, the ever-howling Nanouk.


Quiz: The title came from Deacon Blue. The origin of “schtum” is from the German “stumm” meaning silent but may also have come from prison life. And today’s question: What links Deacon Blue, The Beatles and Peter Gabriel? (Clue: it’s a song title.)

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Whatever You Say, Say Nothing

I have to keep confidences. You would be amazed what people tell me. Or maybe, you wouldn’t be amazed. But I keep schtum. Or at least I can say in general terms. Remember the piece about the property market a few days back?

There is a well-known estate agency hereabouts that is up for sale. Why? Can’t know for sure, but over-stretched, over-ambitious, negative cash flows, these could all be aspects. Or maybe it’s just can’t be bothered any longer.

If it is all the former, then it tells a story. A story about expansion that places profit before cash flow. Beware entrepreneur. Cash flow is the stuff of any good business. But also a story that may be salutary when it comes to the chasing of moolah in the property market. Shake-out time? Maybe. There are two former estate agents along Estate Agent Street in Puerto Pollensa that have “for rent” signs on increasingly decaying shops.


More positive. Opening this evening is the Diablito restaurant in what was the old Nico’s place in Puerto Pollensa. Some might recall Diablito in Puerto Alcúdia’s Alcudiamar, now Chili. Good luck to them.

Quiz: Ok, schtum leads me to today’s title. Which band recorded an album with this title? Again, they have featured here before. Also, what is the origin of “schtum”?

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Six Of One, Half A Dozen Of The Other

A few days ago I picked up some poor reviews of Bellevue. In an idle moment I looked again at the website from which those reviews had come, and then looked also at a different website. This is really intriguing. Below, I set out keywords or phrases that appear in these reviews, some of them several times. In both cases, I cite from the six most recent reviews, all of them submitted by people who have been to Bellevue in the past month or so. The first set all come from one site, the second set from the other:

“would not return; dangerous; unsafe; vandalised; uncomfortable; broken down; cockroaches; mosquitoes; foul language; smelly; under-/badly cooked; diarrhoea; disgusting; poor service; feeding time at the zoo; raw sewage; unhelpful; Butlins; stay away”

“brilliant time; friendly and helpful; spacious and clean; open mind and don't believe everything you read; fab; will definitely be going back again; food was good; excellent; highly recommend; cleaned every day; very very good; well worth the money”.

Now, the thing is that all six reviews from the first site criticise heavily; all six from the second praise highly. In the case of the second set, people also didn’t seem to be affected by mosquitoes.

Remarkable that experiences can seemingly vary so markedly.


Quiz: It was of course the KLF, and John Leyton was in “The Great Escape”. No quiz today, but the latest must-hear record to add to Laura Veirs. This one is Kate Walsh, “Your Song” (not the Elton one) from her album “Tim’s House”. Simple, and simply gorgeous. Hear it at www.myspace.com/katewalsh.

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Ancients Of Muro (Mu-Mu)

So, out of the goodness of my heart, I have listed a few events for the Muro gig on the What’s On Blog. Initially, I paid scant regard to what I had got from the town hall’s site. Yes, there was a bullfight but, on closer examination, the star turn seems to be one El Cordobés. El Cordobés!? Is this the Cordobés or Un Cordobés? He would be 71 from what I can glean of him. Bit old for having a barney with an angry bull. Or is it some impostor? Or is the Cordobés moniker a form of dynastic title, handed down through generations? Or is it some form of Cordobés tribute bullfighter? The Bootleg Cordobés, or some such.

I have been to but one bullfight. When I was 14 on holiday in Mallorca. Can’t say I much cared for it. But the bullfight, despite the obvious objections, remains an important facet of Spanish life, so much so that you get bullfight reports on TV sports shows. Pretty odd sport in my view, but hey that’s culture for you.

But this all gives me the chance to haul out today’s title. I’ve been wanting an excuse. Old bullfighter. Cows (well sort of). Play on the name Muro. They were justified and ancient. And they were damn great. Who were they? Oh, that’s today quiz, if you haven’t worked it out.

Yesterday’s answers. An evening waiting for a train at Staines station for those of you who got “Sound Of The Suburbs”. And for all who knew John Leyton sang “Johnny Remember Me”, what famous war film was he in?

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