Going To The Beach: Days of drought and tsunami

A major report into the effects of climate change on Mallorca has been released. Don't worry, I want go into detail. You can guess at much of it anyway. Prepare to meet thy doom some time soon, and if you happen to have a property near to the sea, then best to check the small print on the insurance policy or get the sandbags in sharpish.

The latest report (from the university in Palma and something known as the centre for scientific investigations) should send shivers through anyone who has anything to do with Mallorca. Well, it would do were it not likely to make you feel even hotter than at present. It's hard to shiver at 30 degrees. It will be even harder when that 30 rises and rises.

None of what is now being said is that new. We already know about rising sea levels and temperatures. But there are some newer concerns - extended periods of drought and a greater propensity for severe hurricanes and tsunamis, neither of which would be good news were you to be lying on a Mallorcan beach, reading this (which is unlikely I admit). A prediction of a 20 centimetre rise in sea levels and 20 metre losses of beach and coast might have you gathering up the lilo and heading for Inca. All of which would be bad enough, but it is the time frame that should really give the shivers. Forty years from now.

Presumably, there won't be a day in 2050 when the sea suddenly decides to rise and when the beach slides into the Med. Were, for example, one able to say that 17 April, 2050 would be the day, then one could plan accordingly, i.e. by doing nothing for at least three decades. Unfortunately, it's unlikely to happen in this way. (What am I saying, unfortunately?) Because the rise and the loss will occur over time, this makes them seem rather less threatening, which also means doing nothing. And that's the nub of the issue. Is anyone actually doing anything?

The Costas are one department of government which is up to something, much to everyone's annoyance. It may act as an eco-Terminator trampling over illegal buildings and blasting the Don Pedro hotel, but maybe even it is not as bonkers as many would have it. "Hasta la vista." Perhaps it should be: "That vista, the nice one of the sea and that nice beach?" "Oops, there goes the beach, and watch out for those bloody great waves."

Then there's this trifling matter of drought. Rainfall is predicted to decline by almost a quarter. It has been said by certain enviro-ists that Mallorca has overstretched itself in terms of resources. And water is one of them. Who'll fill all those pools in future? The balcony divers should be warned.

Greenpeace and the United Nations are just two bodies who think it might make some sense to plan for the day when 25 metre waves and the loss of coastline occur. Though sea rise and beach disappearance will be, or should be, gradual, there is, worryingly, the chance that beach could indeed just go - on a given day. And this is because of the possibility of earthquakes in the Med which would produce tidal waves.

Mind you, there might be some benefit from all this. The agonising over certain local matters would subside, even if the waters didn't. Pedestrianisation in Puerto Pollensa? Don't worry about it. There won't be a Puerto Pollensa. Golf course in Muro? Forget it and invite back that company with an idea for an aquatic theme park. There wouldn't be plenty of fresh water, but there'd be plenty of another type of water for them to help themselves to.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Here Comes A Hurricane

Yet more climate change worry. Last week’s “The Sunday Times” carried a report about the Mediterranean becoming a hurricane zone. All to do with the sea warming. Naturally, this could have serious consequences for Mallorca, as could other aspects of climate change that I have noted in the past on this blog.

But there is a greater concern than the mere environmental impact. If the Spanish weather authorities were to need to name hurricanes in the style of the Americans, they would run out of names. Unlike the UK and the USA where you can, more or less, inflict any embarrassing name you like on your offspring, in Spain you can’t. There are only so many names that can be used. Accordingly, you couldn’t force your child to suffer a lifetime of shame by calling them “Moon Rocket” or “Dog Breath”, or some such. Ever wondered why ever other male in Spain is called Juan or Pedro? Well, now you know. I guess they could increase the pool by using Catalan versions, e.g. Joan or Pere, but they would soon run into problems with certain letters, like K for instance. No Kylie, Kayleigh or Keanu for the Spanish. Kike, and that’s about your lot (and even that comes from Enrique).

So one can but hope that, for the sake of Spanish children in generations to come, hurricanes do not occur, or they might just have to change the naming rules.

Quiz: Last time’s answer - The Rolling Stones, “I Wanna Be Your Man”. Today - the title comes from a song by which Scottish rock band? And a secondary hurricane question. He worked (as engineer and producer) with two massive groups in the ‘60s and had his own hits as a singer. Who was he?

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