Won’t You Accept My Reward

Seasoned visitors to this blog amongst you may recall the 2006 awards (if you don’t, they appeared on 1 January this year). Anyway, amongst the winners was JK’s Bar in Puerto Pollensa; indeed JK’s was one of only two - how can I put it - sensible winners. The award was for best new bar of 2006, an award that was repeated in the “El Puente” tourist guide for Pollensa and Puerto Pollensa, for which I can claim some responsibility. Now, it takes a busy bar owner or two to take a month or so to get truly up to speed with some things. Like noticing that this award has been mentioned in the guide. But that says a lot, a lot as to why JK’s got the award. Because it is a very hard-working bar. To cut to the chase, they’re thinking of blowing up the award thing in the guide, and posting it outside as a form of plaque. Damn good idea, too.

So, in recognition of this, and because it’s been a while, here is the latest BAR OF THE WEEK - JK’s, Puerto Pollensa:



Where: Ctra. Formentor, Puerto Pollensa, close to Tango’s and next to the back entrance to the Miramar.

What: Family-run bar but not a family fun bar, with a very good menu of freshly prepared food and two enormous screens that show all the sport.

When: Every day 12:00 till 24:00.

Who: Jane and Kevin, with Cecilia and occasional assistance from Ellie and Charlotte.

Why: Utterly reliable, very friendly, in total contrast to the doom of “The Cavern” that preceded it.


Oh, I tell you this quiz thing’s taking on a life of its own. So here goes. Geoff points out that the “I can call you” question was too easy, which it was, but rightly adds that Chevy Chase in the video sounded remarkably like Paul Simon. The name was of course Betty, or Beddy if you prefer the American style. Alastair, meantime, tells us that “sospan fach” means little saucepan in Welsh, which indeed it does. (James had also got in on the sospan explanation.) Tasha has been overwhelmed by her mention with respect to Talking Heads and has had to take to her bed.
I couldn’t think of anything with award so reward is the nearest I could come up with. So, the line in today’s title - who sang it? Great, great record. And a double reward if ... In the video for this song was a visual reference to what truly weird film?

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Hey Big Spender!

Having derided the local tourist authorities for not getting out fiesta information in English, praise is due to Pollensa for doing just that for the fiestas of Virgen del Carmen which kick off today in Puerto Pollensa. If you can’t lay your hands on the leaflet, the info is also to be found on the What’s On Blog or under Fiestas Pollensa on www.thepollensaguide.com.


First there was the Guest Quiz Inquisitor, now the first Guest “Titlist” Of The Day. (I’m not sure that titlist exists, but hopefully you get the meaning.) Anyway, the honour is bestowed on Al (Alwyn), he formerly of Sospan Fach in Magalluf/Palmanova, now of Foxes in Puerto Alcúdia. The singer of the title is easy, but it comes about as a consequence of what Al is thinking of initiating at Foxes, namely a National Tipping League. Now, some days the tipping is good. Some days though it’s not so good, hence today’s somewhat ironic (if not hacked off) title. Al, you should all know, is a worthy cause, so do hand over those pocketfuls of loose change. Otherwise it’s the workhouse.

There is a point here though regarding tipping. The British “norm” is 10%. A question one often gets asked by those new to these shores is “how much should I tip?”. The answer is, there is no standard answer; you just tip what you want, or don’t if you want to raise Al’s hackles.

Anyway, I reckon there should also be a sweep on who comes top of the Tipping League. In the absence of hordes of Yanks (who are generally pretty generous in this regard), I’m inclined to think - at risk of offending others in Britain and elsewhere - that the English would come out on top. But what do I know?

So - quiz. No prizes for knowing the singer of today’s title. An alternative title could be “You Can Call Me Al”, but what can I call you? Ah, come on, easy. Jackpot time for the last quiz. Tasha was the first to get “Once In A Lifetime” by Talking Heads.

And ... cultural, linguistic quiz time makes its first appearance. What the fach does “SOSPAN FACH” mean?

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Same As It Ever Was

The changing of the new political guard is now complete. Along with Mr. Government Antics (Antich, the socialist leader of the Balearic Government), we now also have one Francina Armengol taking over as president of the Council of Mallorca. Promising her doors would be open to the man in the street (I bet they bloody aren’t; I know, I’ll try, and see where it gets me), she has kicked things off by kicking into touch a second ring road for Palma, the Inca-Manacor motorway and new golf courses and tourist/residential growth.

Seems ‘twas ever thus. Take the conservatives out of the equation (the PP) and populism rules. Now, I’m not that bothered to be honest. The golf courses, more tourist/residential stock, I reckon I can go along with. The roads, I’m not so sure. There is in all of this an environmental dimension and something abstract in the sense of preserving Mallorca. If this is what the Mallorcans want, then fine. It’s just - the road infrastructure in and around Palma is bad. It has inherent inefficiency; it is a hindrance to productivity; it is typical of a still backward-looking society of mañana and siesta and lousy service. But hey, that’s Mallorca. Or is it? I’m not so sure. Then there is the safety angle. Ok, there have been some really bad smashes on the Inca-Palma motorway - one just last week - but motorways are generally safer than the main roads, where the nutters really rule and Trafico stands at roundabouts rather than getting amongst the nutters. But hey, that’s Mallorca. Or is it? I’m not so sure.

Very nearly but not quite. Bryan Adams fan Rafael Nadal just missed out at Wimbledon. Manacor’s favourite son didn’t quite do it. Get a better playlist for your iPod, Rafa. That’ll do it.

Quiz: It was a corker. And the answer was ... Thunderclap Newman. Thunderclap Newman, man alive. So to today's title. Reflecting the static nature of Mallorcan politics, this is a line from a song by, I think it fair to say, a ground-breaking American rock band. Name the song and the band.

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P.S. Acknowledgement due to “The Bulletin” for information in this piece.

Accidents

There are things that occasionally trouble or intrigue me. It happened today.

It was windy on the beach. Umbrellas were flying. It was then that I wondered. Has anyone ever been killed by a beach umbrella? On the one hand, the spiky bit isn’t usually that sharp; on the other, if the wind lifts an umbrella with sufficient force and at sufficient velocity it could do some serious damage. What would happen if, say, an umbrella were to remove an eye? It may seem unlikely, but ... . Who would pay? Indeed, would the owner of the offending umbrella be liable?

This all reminds me of a time in the south of France when a group (make that a crowd) of nudists, irate because the local plod was attempting to intervene in (i.e. stop) their regular evening, er, entertainment in the dunes - I don’t think I need to spell it out - responded to the police’s action by showering them with beach umbrellas being used as javelins. Apparently it did the trick. Until, that is, plod deployed dobbin. Sounded like splendid fun. Wish I had actually seen it. But the point (as it were) was that the police were sufficiently concerned by the potential harm that the beach umbrella could cause to beat a temporary retreat.

Of course if the umbrella is actually lobbed at someone, it would - presumably - be classified as an offensive weapon, but I still wonder. So, if anyone can enlighten me as to the legal situation regarding accidents-by-beach-umbrella, I will be very grateful.


Different form of accident. Road. Guess which road? Oh yes, the Carretera Arta. Now I did say - ages ago - that these new roundabouts are a bit tight. This may have been a factor. That, and excessive speed, I’d wager. By the Pointed Thing Roundabout, someone had hammered into a couple of parked cars and some trikes. I can well imagine. Too quick through the roundabout. Found it was too tight. Hit the island, Crash, bang, wallop. It wasn’t pretty.

Quiz: Well, everyone got it. Abba. Today’s title. Man, is this a good question. Which group, generally remembered as one-hit wonders (because they were) released a single with this title as a failed follow-up to their one great hit? (Clue: it wasn’t anything to do with noted (?) Mallorca-frequenting one-hit wonder Leapy Lee.)

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Money, Money, Money!

Daft or what?

It has been known for this blog to present tourism statistics. It has also been known for the rip to be taken out of these statistics. So, here are some more.

For the first five months of this year, tourist spend increased by 1.1 per cent. Moreover, the average spend was 809 euros, a fall of 0.1% on the same period last year.

Well, I am impressed. You probably won’t be. This stuff comes from our old mates at “The Bulletin”, so thanks to them. But what is unclear is what the spend is per tourist. The 809 euros figure is for tourist visit. Does that mean family, one person, or what? The length of stay is also an issue.

I suppose it’s pretty academic. The word is still that tourists are spending less - at least in these parts - so you can have statistics coming out of your backside, and they’re irrelevant.

Just a linguistic point, “Bulletin”. In British English, we say per cent, not percent. Sorry, but these things matter.

Anyway, this blog doesn’t just report, it finds out. So, I’ve been on the Net, looking at forums. This is, as ever, highly unscientific, but here are a couple of comments:


“We never spend more than €500 in a week in Spain even when we stay half board.”

“I’m going AI for 1 week with my boyfriend and we are taking 500 euros between us.”

And then if you consider comments which relate to spending on cigarettes (and you want to stand in a tobacconists to see the wads that get handed over), you start to form a picture. People are seemingly spending less on restaurants (not necessarily on bars), are relying on the board arrangements, be they half-board or all-inclusive, and using the spare cash for fags and the odd excursion.

Unscientific, but indicative.

Quiz: The title from yesterday was adapted from “Selling England By The Pound”. Genesis. Again. Sorry about that. Don’t know why they keep muscling in here. Today’s title? Very easy. Who sang it?

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Selling Mallorca By The Pound

Can someone tell me how long the pound (as in pound sterling) has been the official currency in Spain?

The answer is of course that it isn’t the official currency. The euro is, in case you haven’t noticed.

So, why therefore does one supermarket show - in large numbers - its prices in pounds, with the euro amount in smaller print in the corner of the card?

Might it be that because the pound number will always be lower, substantially so, customers are being enticed by an apparently low figure. Only when they see the smaller print do they realise that the large figure is not the euro amount.

Below is a photo that shows this. Hopefully it is large enough to show everything.



My thanks to Gordon for bringing this to my attention. If anyone else has anything of similar note, just send it in. To the email address below.

Quiz: It was of course Chris Rea. Today’s title is adapted from which album title?

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P.S. You will see the look of the blog has changed. The old black background was a tad difficult. There are now other features that I hope to include; as and when I can figure them out.

On The Beach

A mini-blogette today. Reason: Beach. More beach. Babes. Beach. Sun. Beach.

Check out the WHAT’S ON Blog for events at the La Victoria two-day celebs, starting tomorrow. Forgot to put on this that at 24:00 tomorrow is the “Rom Cremat” (Burnt rum) thing. Very odd.

Back to the beach. Today sees the first day of your entries for the ALL-TIME GREAT SUMMER AND/OR BEACH records. I shall reprise last year’s when I can be bothered. So, get nominating. Email below.

Local media watch: According to “Euro Weekly”, Arsene Wenger “will be leaving the club (Arsenal) after 2008”. That’s will be not may be. Must know something the rest of us don’t, but given all the arsen’ around at Arsenal, could be right.

Quiz: ‘The sitcom was “Soap”; the number one was R. Kelly “I Believe I Can Fly”, which Tone may have believed, too. Today’s title? Way too easy.

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Index for June 2007

Balearic Government - 22 June 2007
Banks - 13 June 2007
Barnard Hamilton - 28 June 2007
Bars/Cafés - 3 June 2007, 9 June 2007, 22 June 2007, 26 June 2007
Beaches - 1 June 2007, 22 June 2007, 30 June 2007
Bellevue - 11 June 2007, 18 June 2007
Blogs - 24 June 2007
Blue flags - 1 June 2007
Bullfighting - 17 June 2007
Café La Sala - 22 June 2007
Caprabo - 14 June 2007
Carretera Arta - 1 June 2007, 4 June 2007
Chinese restaurants - 6 June 2007
Diablito - 19 June 2007
Eroski Syp - 14 June 2007
Es Turó - 8 June 2007
Estate agents - 19 June 2007, 28 June 2007
ETA - 11 June 2007
Festas Bar - 26 June 2007
Fiestas - 13 June 2007, 16 June 2007, 17 June 2007, 30 June 2007
Foxes Arms - 9 June 2007
Illegal selling - 7 June 2007
Indian restaurants - 6 June 2007
La Birreria - 3 June 2007
La Victoria - 30 June 2007
Mosquitoes - 8 June 2007
Muro - 16 June 2007, 17 June 2007
Noise - 1 June 2007
Paddle ball - 8 June 2007
Property market - 15 June 2007, 19 June 2007
Property prices - 3 June 2007
Puerto Pollensa beach - 22 June 2007
Restaurants - 2 June 2007, 6 June 2007, 8 June 2007, 19 June 2007
Road accidents - 1 June 2007, 2 June 2007, 4 June 2007
Roads - 26 June 2007, 28 June 2007
Sa Taverneta d’es Moll - 2 June 2007
Sant Joan Fiesta - 16 June 2007, 17 June 2007
Sant Pere Fiesta - 13 June 2007
Supermarkets - 14 June 2007
Taste of India - 6 June 2007
Terrorism - 11 June 2007
Tourism economics - 28 June 2007

Things Can Only Get Better

Well, hopefully. Word is things are not too great this season. There again, you hear this every year. Someone said it’s 30% down. There are complaints of lack of people and especially lack of spend. We have been here before. Last year, to be precise. That was a record year, allegedly.

All-inclusives are the devil in all this, but there are other factors. And people are being more careful with the money. Why? Debt, that’s why.


Another departure from Estate Agent Street in Puerto Pollensa. Barnard Hamilton’s office has closed. But this is a positive closure. The new one is at the start of the pinewalk. And very impressive it is, too. Very impressive.


A letter to “The Bulletin” sheds some light on the resurfacing of roads. Apparently it has to be done when the weather’s hot - for technical reasons that I don’t need to bother you with. I had kind of thought this might be a factor. Except. Why then do they surface roads when it isn’t hot? Confused? You soon will be.

Which brings me to the quiz. That last line came from a very famous sitcom. What was it? Also, in recognition of Tone’s departure and Gord’s ascent, I’ve wheeled out today’s title. No prizes for knowing D:Ream, but who was number one when Tone became PM first time round. Was it Oasis, R. Kelly or The Spice Girls?

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Inn-Festation

Is there ever a good time to resurface roads?

Probably not. But there are surely times when it makes less sense than others. Like now, for instance.

Driving into Palma or along the Via Cintura is a pain at the best of times. And now is not really the best of times. Common sense dictates that there is more traffic than in, say, January. But that doesn’t stop them resurfacing the motorway. Nor, apparently, does it stop them resurfacing the roundabout coming into Alcúdia, and roads off. Still, at least the resurfacing and remarking does appear to have eradicated the highly unsafe approach lane that went around the roundabout in the port’s direction.


And now. A big welcome to thealcudiaguide.com to our NEW Bar of the Week. Well, not new as such. Just new to the site. So, word up for FESTAS in Puerto Alcúdia.



Here’s the gen:

Where: C/. Olimp, Puerto Alcúdia, opposite - more or less - the Three Towers of the Club Mac.

What: Theme bar, with the emphasis on The Addams family, hence Festas (or Festers if you prefer). Home-made Festas’ shots - vodka shots with secret recipes the speciality of the house.

When: Every day 19:00 till late.

Who: Lynne and Steve, and not forgetting the inanimate assistance of “Skelly”.

Why: No-nonsense bar, but with a “chill-out” and relaxing feel with good music from the 60s, 70s and 80s. A place that gets punters returning year after year. ...


Quiz time: The link between Karl Wallinger and Peter Gabriel was Charterhouse. They both went there.

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What The Blogging Use Is A Blog?

This is a blog, in case you haven’t noticed. It is not necessarily a thing of beauty, but it serves a purpose. Moreover, it’s free. I’m all for free. One of the wonderful things about the internet is that there are very nice people who let you do things for free. Like blogger.com. Like myspace.com.

I was chatting to Trev at La Sala (see the previous entry) about all this malarkey. Trev is no computer-illiterate. He understands that websites cost money. But for a café such as his, why pay a shed-load for something that you can do for nowt. Ok, these sites are limited in what you can do, but - for many an establishment - they are sufficient. Also ok, you need to devote a bit of time. If you are as switched on as Steve at Little Britain (www.littlebritainmallorca.com), you can use the facility offered by Microsoft to do a very serviceable and good website of your own. Yes, this takes more, but the result is fine.

Moreover, if you get linked via a mother site that offers good optimisation - let’s say, for sake of argument, www.thealcudiaguide.com - and you’re quids in. Well, maybe.

Try it.


Quiz: Oh dear, I will wear a hair suit. What a mistake, but honest I thought “Burn You Up, Burn You Down” by Peter Gabriel was called “Twist And Shout”. That was meant to be the link, but it wasn’t. Never said I was infallible. But ... this track by Peter Gabriel was co-written with Karl Wallinger (Waterboys, World Party). There is another connection between him and Peter Gabriel. What is it? (Think education.)

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P.S: The title of this piece comes courtesy of my friend Carol. It’s ok, she doesn’t understand these things. God, what have I said?

Government Antic(h)s

The excitement could barely be less. After weeks of indifference since the elections, Jaume Matas, the now ex-leader of the Balearic Government, has resigned, thus paving the way for a socialist-nationalist coalition under Matas’s predecessor, Francesc Antich. Just contain yourselves.


Close on Puerto Pollensa’s beach being granted a blue flag - at long last - comes the news that, once more, there is a sewage problem. This is confined to the smaller beach in front of the Anglada Camarasa promenade, but it isn’t too clever, and it happened last year, too.


Not so much Bar but Café Of The Week. Prompted by the photo of Alicia that was put up on to their blog, here is a CAFÉ LA SALA rundown:



Where: Opposite the town hall in the old town of Alcúdia.

What: Coffees, teas, salads, baguettes, chili, curry and more. The favourite is the Flavours of Asia baguette or salad. And the fresh juices are nectar.

When: Every day except Saturday.

Who: Trevor and Stuart run the place, with help from Alicia.

Why: Fabulous location in the heart of the old town. Hugely popular with locals of all creeds and with visitors; English, Spanish, Mallorquín and German spoken. And I’ve now also discovered that Trev is something of a Mac expert. So, for all you Mac users ...

Can I find out more? You can indeed. Check out the Café La Sala blog, which is linked here, and see Alicia’s photo. You can also see Stuart and the star of the show, the ever-howling Nanouk.


Quiz: The title came from Deacon Blue. The origin of “schtum” is from the German “stumm” meaning silent but may also have come from prison life. And today’s question: What links Deacon Blue, The Beatles and Peter Gabriel? (Clue: it’s a song title.)

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Whatever You Say, Say Nothing

I have to keep confidences. You would be amazed what people tell me. Or maybe, you wouldn’t be amazed. But I keep schtum. Or at least I can say in general terms. Remember the piece about the property market a few days back?

There is a well-known estate agency hereabouts that is up for sale. Why? Can’t know for sure, but over-stretched, over-ambitious, negative cash flows, these could all be aspects. Or maybe it’s just can’t be bothered any longer.

If it is all the former, then it tells a story. A story about expansion that places profit before cash flow. Beware entrepreneur. Cash flow is the stuff of any good business. But also a story that may be salutary when it comes to the chasing of moolah in the property market. Shake-out time? Maybe. There are two former estate agents along Estate Agent Street in Puerto Pollensa that have “for rent” signs on increasingly decaying shops.


More positive. Opening this evening is the Diablito restaurant in what was the old Nico’s place in Puerto Pollensa. Some might recall Diablito in Puerto Alcúdia’s Alcudiamar, now Chili. Good luck to them.

Quiz: Ok, schtum leads me to today’s title. Which band recorded an album with this title? Again, they have featured here before. Also, what is the origin of “schtum”?

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Six Of One, Half A Dozen Of The Other

A few days ago I picked up some poor reviews of Bellevue. In an idle moment I looked again at the website from which those reviews had come, and then looked also at a different website. This is really intriguing. Below, I set out keywords or phrases that appear in these reviews, some of them several times. In both cases, I cite from the six most recent reviews, all of them submitted by people who have been to Bellevue in the past month or so. The first set all come from one site, the second set from the other:

“would not return; dangerous; unsafe; vandalised; uncomfortable; broken down; cockroaches; mosquitoes; foul language; smelly; under-/badly cooked; diarrhoea; disgusting; poor service; feeding time at the zoo; raw sewage; unhelpful; Butlins; stay away”

“brilliant time; friendly and helpful; spacious and clean; open mind and don't believe everything you read; fab; will definitely be going back again; food was good; excellent; highly recommend; cleaned every day; very very good; well worth the money”.

Now, the thing is that all six reviews from the first site criticise heavily; all six from the second praise highly. In the case of the second set, people also didn’t seem to be affected by mosquitoes.

Remarkable that experiences can seemingly vary so markedly.


Quiz: It was of course the KLF, and John Leyton was in “The Great Escape”. No quiz today, but the latest must-hear record to add to Laura Veirs. This one is Kate Walsh, “Your Song” (not the Elton one) from her album “Tim’s House”. Simple, and simply gorgeous. Hear it at www.myspace.com/katewalsh.

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Ancients Of Muro (Mu-Mu)

So, out of the goodness of my heart, I have listed a few events for the Muro gig on the What’s On Blog. Initially, I paid scant regard to what I had got from the town hall’s site. Yes, there was a bullfight but, on closer examination, the star turn seems to be one El Cordobés. El Cordobés!? Is this the Cordobés or Un Cordobés? He would be 71 from what I can glean of him. Bit old for having a barney with an angry bull. Or is it some impostor? Or is the Cordobés moniker a form of dynastic title, handed down through generations? Or is it some form of Cordobés tribute bullfighter? The Bootleg Cordobés, or some such.

I have been to but one bullfight. When I was 14 on holiday in Mallorca. Can’t say I much cared for it. But the bullfight, despite the obvious objections, remains an important facet of Spanish life, so much so that you get bullfight reports on TV sports shows. Pretty odd sport in my view, but hey that’s culture for you.

But this all gives me the chance to haul out today’s title. I’ve been wanting an excuse. Old bullfighter. Cows (well sort of). Play on the name Muro. They were justified and ancient. And they were damn great. Who were they? Oh, that’s today quiz, if you haven’t worked it out.

Yesterday’s answers. An evening waiting for a train at Staines station for those of you who got “Sound Of The Suburbs”. And for all who knew John Leyton sang “Johnny Remember Me”, what famous war film was he in?

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Johnny Remember Me

There’s something very odd going on here.

I live in Playa de Muro. That means I live in the municipality of Muro. Yet I know what goes on for the Sant Pere fiesta in Alcúdia. I know about Patrona in Pollensa. I know these things. What I don’t know, except by chance, is what happens in my own town.

Muro is currently celebrating the fiesta of Sant Joan (Saint John). Does anyone know about it?

I recently asked the lovely Cati at the Playa de Muro tourist office if she could mail me with information for Muro, like Pilar in Alcúdia does. Problem. Not that she won’t, just that the town hall doesn't get its act together (and that’s most certainly not her fault) and seems to have forgotten that there are people living in Playa de Muro. Living and visiting. Now, might it not just be that people here on holiday would want to go to the pueblo of Muro to enjoy the festivities? Ok, some of it is pretty obscure for non-natives, but there is, for instance, a massive disco party on the 24th (music from the 70s and 80s, starts at 23:00). There is, for instance, a bullfight (if you can stomach it) at 18:30 on the 25th. There is, for instance, a grand fireworks display, also on the 25th.

How do I know? Because I’ve looked at the town hall’s website. All in Mallorquín. Fat lot of use.

Look, I am quite happy to translate this stuff. I did so for the Sant Pere fiesta in Alcúdia. Put up the information on www.thealcudiaguide.com and on the What’s On Blog. No one pays me. I don’t care. I’m giving a service. More than some are.

Anyway, maybe I’ll do a full translation for the Muro gig. But only because I think people who are here should have the opportunity to know what goes on. People who don’t happen to speak Mallorquín.

In the newspaper “Part Forana”, there was a note about the fiesta. It said at the end that everyone was invited. Great. But they can’t go if no one tells them.


Quiz time. Ok, you win, or rather you don’t. It wasn’t Johnny Waitrose as some wag had it. The answer was Nicky Tesco and the band was The Members. Huge prize today. A copy of the Muro Sant Joan programme scrawled on the back of a fag packet to anyone who can name The Members’ big hit. Also... today’s title. Who sang it?

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I’m Forever Bursting Bubbles

Has the property bubble in Spain finally burst?

The stock market took a dive a while back as investors sold property stocks in anticipation of an end to the boom. And now it seems as though the harsher realities of the market are about to hit home. I spent some time this morning speaking with some local estate agents. There is some “difficulty” was a comment on more than one occasion. For difficulty, read lack of sales.

Fact is that there is a glut of speculative development, a general view that property is overpriced, some concerns over legalities and also interest-rate rises.

Much of Spain’s recent economic boom has been based on the construction sector. The downturn in the market threatens, it is said, two out of five construction companies. As the boom has lasted, more and more players have come into a market - across the sector - eyeing strong returns. But no boom lasts forever.

Despite this, it is also being said that a drop in prices may not feed through for at least a year if not longer. Perhaps so, but there is one factor that may hasten this. It is not uncommon for people to buy a new house with an existing property (and mortgage) acting as a form of collateral, so to speak. While the intention may be to sell the first property, there has not always been pressure to do so, especially if the market is buoyant and interest rates are reasonable. Take these elements out of the equation, or rather replace them with instability and increased mortgages, and the pressure to sell - at a lower price - becomes a likelihood. It is also the case that consumer debt in Spain is over-leveraged (in other words, people are too stretched, even by comparison with the UK). It may sound remarkable to UK readers who will be aware of the apparently disproportionate house-price to salary ratio, but the ratio of house prices to wages is above that of the UK.

For the potential buyer, therefore, this could all be good news, though the potential volatility - at least in the short term - may mean buyers holding off. Whether this market shift also affects Mallorca as much as the mainland is another question, though - as some estate agents are suggesting - “difficulties” are already in the system.

On the other hand ... Back in 2002 I distinctly recall it being said that prices would come down within a couple of years. It was argued that prices then were inflated, largely as a result of the introduction of the euro. Well, that is no longer an issue, and it could just be that the property market, as then (when prices kept going up), turns out to be more robust than is being suggested. But the euro remains an issue in one very important respect, and this is - arguably - the nub of the whole property story. Spain entered the single currency with an exceptionally low interest rate, which the European Central Bank seems likely to increase. Interest rates have been below inflation rates, thus creating the circumstances for boom.

The Bank of Spain is saying that there will be no crash, placing faith - in part - in the level of immigration to buoy demand. The Bank’s main concern lies with the financing arrangements of the leading construction companies, which also means the lending arrangements of the banks.


Quiz. I’m not letting you off. It’s a great question, yesterday’s, so another day at least ...

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

N.B. Acknowledgment due to www.ft.com for some information in compiling today’s piece.

Supermarket Sweep

Locally there are three supermarkets that matter. Mercadona, Eroski Syp and Caprabo. Well now Eroski (I still refer to it simply as Syp, which is what it used to be here) has bought Caprabo - it has a 75% stake. The general impression, one that you get from people you talk to and which, frankly, I have no way of verifying, is that Mercadona is the best-priced, Caprabo is the most expensive.

With the market having now been reduced by 33%, the competition becomes smaller. And this is really the point I want to make. Although the UK has seen a rationalisation of the supermarket market, there is a generally higher level of competition. Here, there is less, not least from foreign chains. Carrefour had been in for Caprabo, but it missed out. Lidl, the German chain, has a supermarket in Inca and has been rumoured to be building a store on the area currently occupied by Karting Magic by Alcúdia’s Magic Roundabout. But otherwise, foreign chains are little in evidence. In other retail sectors the German Schlecker and Müller stores have a presence (Müller in Alcúdia is a cracking shop), but this part of Mallorca at any rate has been largely ignored by the free market that is meant to be the European Union.

What continues to bug me is that the local supermarkets seem immune to or unprepared to offer foreign goods. Wine is the most obvious case in point, one I have made before. Mallorcan, Spanish, Spanish, Mallorcan. French, Australian, Californian, Chilean? Forget it. Some of the tourist supermarkets are better in this regard. Colber along the Greasy Mile is a good example, but the main supermarkets? Free market? Nah!

Still, and coming back to the Basque issue, a Basque-based company - Eroski - has now expanded its interests further. Despite the foregoing, a better advert for matters Basque than ETA’s arsing around.

Quiz time: Here I quote today’s winner.

“Andrew. The answer to 'which team did J.Iglesias play football for?' I think is Real Madrid. Wasn't he a goalie? Haven't looked at your blog for a few weeks, but thought I'd better catch up on the goss as I'm coming over on 23rd June. Thanks for keeping us 'Alcudia exiles' up to date! Jan.”

Thanks a lot, Jan. And you’re right. It was only the junior team, but Real it was, and the Julioster was indeed a goalie.

Ok. Here is a monster question. On the supermarket theme. Name the lead singer of which punkish band from the late 70s whose “surname” was that of a well-known UK supermarket chain. (I have mentioned this band quite recently.)

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Party, Party!

A report today reckons that standards of service at UK banks are lower than other European countries, including Spain. Hmm. Maybe, maybe not.

I have had cause to question the service at Credito Balear in Puerto Alcúdia, mainly because of the lack of people to give you service. But I now also have an account with Solbank, also in Puerto Alcúdia. Can’t be faulted. I should do a Bank of the Week thing, but I think that’s going a bit far.


Yes folks, we’re coming up to that time again. FIESTA time. Yippee! Great traditional events and piss-ups. First up of the fiesta season locally is Saint Peter, or San Pedro, or Sant Pere, depending on what language you prefer. More of a gig in Puerto Alcúdia than Puerto Pollensa, the fiesta is actually a nine-day series of events. The first day (22 June) features, for instance, folk dance and music down on the Paseo Marítimo. The real big day is the 29th, which finishes off with a grand fireworks display. Ominously, prior to all the pyrotechnics, there is entertainment courtesy of one Natalia. Who she? Apparently she is a one-time contestant on “Operación Triunfo”. Now if you thought the likes of “X Factor” were a big deal, they pale into a Simon Cowell scowl compared with Triunfo. Doesn’t make it any better though. Normally, all the girls are wannabe Jennifer Lopezes, the boys wannabe Enrique Iglesiases. Sounds cool eh? So Natalia, whoever she is, will be larging it for the masses. Bet you can’t wait. I can.

Anyway, enough of this cynicism. Go and enjoy the events; they’ll be loads of fun. The programme is listed on the WHAT’S ON BLOG which is linked here.


Quiz time: Yea, well, I knew it was tough. No-one has tendered any suggestion in favour of Carla Lane. Rather suspected this would be the case. Anyway, back to Pop Quiz. Enrique Iglesias is the son of Julio. But for which football team did Julio play?

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N.B. According to Wikipedia, Natalia is/has been quite big in the UK and is/was a sort of Spanish Britney Spears. So, presumably she’s in rehab and has shaved her hair. There again, you can’t believe everything you read on Wikipedia. By the way, I have got a great Wikipedia thing up my sleeve. Not saying, but it is Mallorca-related. Maybe I should start this as a quiz.

Holiday Hell

You have to be careful. The internet is full of reviews of all manner of things. Some while ago I mentioned the fact that action could be taken against, for example, restaurant owners who post their own glowing reports. That’s one thing. Then there are also the reviews, quite genuine, that slag somewhere off. I don’t doubt the sincerity of many of these. The only thing is that what is awful for one person is good for another. It is amazing how much views can diverge.

I raise this because elsewhere I have read some really scathing reviews of Bellevue from people who have been there this season. They pull no punches. I wonder if anyone at Bellevue takes any notice of this sort of thing. They should.

But you can also find people who are satisfied. Each to their own, I guess.


ETA has called off its truce, placing the Spanish security services on maximum alert. While there are worries about targets such as the America’s Cup in Valencia, a return to terrorist activity could yet cause problems for tourism.

Why this breakdown in the truce?

There is a view that it was simply a ploy to rearm and gear up for a return to activity. Maybe. There is also a political dimension. The Zapatero Government has placed much store in its rapprochement. The national elections are now less than a year away. There had been hope of a Northern Ireland-style end to the conflict.

Not now there isn’t.

Quiz time: Well done to all who got the right answers to our Guest Quiz Inquisitor’s posers. Answers were Blackadder and Jimi Hendrix.
The foxy title? Manfred Mann.
And Alastair puts this very difficult sitcom question. "Can you name any TV series by Carla Lane that was any good?". Phor, that’s a toughy.

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Like A Fox On The Run

Now, the deal is, if you take the time to send me stuff, and if I like you, then you can blag your way into being Bar Of The Week. NO MONEY CHANGES HANDS! Yet.

Anyway, Jamie at Foxes in Puerto Alcúdia has become something of a media icon in his home town of Leicester. And just to prove it, here is something from the “Leicester Mercury”, which shows Jamie doing his morning aerobics outside Foxes near the Magic Roundabout.



But let’s do a proper Bar Of The Week run down on FOXES:

Where: Carretera Arta 46, Puerto Alcúdia, close by the Delfin Azul and opposite the Jofre tabacos.

What: All manner of good pub grub food. Top breakfasts. And the curries are popular. All your favourite beers and spirits.

When: Every day from nine in the morning.

Who: James and Karen are the owners. Tracy, Leighton (“Tiny” - he’s massive!) and Al also.

Why: Seriously unpretentious and down-to-earth nice bar-café. Lovely people. Economic and good fare. Loads of Leicester City memorabilia.

Can I find out more? Yep, there is a spaces thingy, now linked here. And if you want a full copy of the article from the Mercury, daresay an email to Jamie will bring a positive response. thefoxesarms@hotmail.co.uk


The success of the Pop/Sitcom Quiz knows no limits. We now have Guest Quizmasters. Or should that be, in good Michael Miles terms, Guest Quiz Inquisitors?
Alastair, who rightly got “Two Tribes” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, sets his own posers. First up, a Patrick Allen follow-up. In the first series of which comedy series was Patrick Allen the narrator? And. Which dyslexic American rock star choked to death on his own “vimto” in London in 1970?
No doubles of marmite to give out; the holidays album was Fairport Convention.
And also ... Today’s foxy title. Which group recorded it?

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Wot We ‘Ate Abaht Our ‘Olidays

I think Alcúdia should be worried. Elsewhere on the internet, people are moanin’ and a-groanin’ about mosquitoes. “Ooh, I got terrible lumps.” “Scratched ‘em that bad.” “They woz bleedin’.”

Apparently there are those who, somewhat unedifyingly, wolf down jars of marmite in an attempt to ward the blighters off. Don’t know if that works. I reckon I’d puke up before I found out.

But there is a serious side to this. You get people issuing warnings about mosquitoes akin to an imminent nuclear attack. Perhaps the authorities should issue “Protect and Survive” propaganda. Patrick Allen: “Smear yourselves with marmite and then hide under a table.”

Yea ok, the mosquitoes can be bad, they can affect some people worse than others, but Alcúdia is not the only place in Mallorca that suffers. But get enough bad publicity and it makes people think twice about coming.


Now, I live here. But if I were on holiday, in addition to the mosquitoes, there would be other things that hack me off.

So, here is the first in another irregular series.

What I Hate About My Holidays. Any of you with suggestions, they will be gladly received (to the email address below). But here is the first.

PADDLE BALL. “Dock. Dock. Dock. Dock.” You know how it goes. You find a nice quietish speck on the beach, stretch out for some serious burning, and along come a couple of dorks with their paddle ball. Right next to you. The regular sound. “Dock. Dock. Dock. Dock.”

Just piss off and go and play with the jellyfish, won’t you.


A couple of weeks back, 20 May to be precise, I mentioned ES TURÓ restaurant near Santa Margalida. I said it was an impressive place. Now I can also report that it has some seriously impressive prices. Expensive? Not a bit of it. Very well-priced indeed. Try this. A tumbet starter and a chicken main course for a bit over a tenner. Damn good value. Given that Can Picafort is largely bereft of decent restaurants, for the price of a taxi (it’s only 6 kilometres from Can Pic), it is a really good bet. Stunning place. Great atmosphere. Nice food. Go there.


By the way, the mosquitoes seem to have largely cleared off for the time being.


Sitcom/Pop Quiz: Loads of you got it. The spoof band was “Bad News”. And going back firmly to Pop Quiz. With today’s title in mind, who recorded the album “What We Did On Our Holidays”. I reckon this is pretty tough, so double helpings of marmite to anyone who can get it. And a bonus question. Patrick Allen and “Protect and Survive”. In which record did a sample of this feature and by which group?

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A Lovely Pair Of Melons

No, not what you think.

News comes that the local plod in Calvia are cracking down on beach fruit-sellers (melons predominantly).

Beach sellers are a pain. Not only do they rarely if ever have a licence to do this, what they sell is not always as well looked after as it might be. That’s the ones selling fruit. Then there are the guys selling shades, watches, jewellery etc. The ones who also come into bars and restaurants.

Now some people seem to like buying fake trash from these guys. Good luck to you. If you want to hand over good money for rubbish, that’s your affair.

But there is a bit more to all this. Where does all this stuff come from? Who’s providing it? Not the fruit, the goods. Then there is the sometimes aggressive selling. Pursuing people down a street, haranguing them.

Traders along the Greasy Mile produced leaflets warning folk against buying stuff from these chaps. Vested interest maybe, but these traders have their rents to pay, their staff to pay, their stock to buy.

So I’ll echo what these traders say. Just say no, and walk away. And that goes for the ladies who do the hair braiding as well. They can be a damn nuisance, too.

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Orient Excess

How many Chinese restaurants does a place need? I have oft pondered this conundrum whilst moving about Puerto Alcúdia. Unlike Puerto Pollensa, which is admittedly smaller in any event and has a mere five (one of which, Pascalino, is not the full-blown deal), Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro combined boast at least 15 plus a couple that are Pascalino-esque. (Chances are there are more, but I haven’t done a thorough survey, though it certainly was more but two have bitten the dust.) Given the competition that such a number creates, the ones around the Greasy Mile have all started to offer “Buffet Libre”. Presumably one started, and the others followed suit, thus eliminating any form of differentiation that the first mover might have wished for. Thing is there are these huge signs saying “BUFFET LIBRE”. Now, if I didn’t know, I’d reckon this meant that the buffet was free. Of course it doesn’t mean that. But why not, bearing in mind the invasion of Brits, put up signs saying “PIG OUT AND HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT FOR UNDER A TENNER”. Or something like that.

The tourist has an insatiable appetite for chow mein and sweet and sour, or so it would seem. Overwhelmingly, restaurants offer the mere familiar, certainly for British tastes. Along the Greasy Mile and on roads off, the choice is predominantly grill, pizza, grill, Chinese, grill, pizza. There are notable exceptions, and I am not having a go; Luna Grill, for instance, is one of the most regularly commended restaurants.

I shouldn’t find it odd, I suppose. However, for all the internationalisation of cuisine in Britain, the average-Joe Brit tourist and his family still crave a lump of meat and a side-serving of chips. As also does your average-Hans German tourist. But we Brits are also seemingly addicted to our fried rice and our chicken tikka masala.

Unlike Chinese restaurants, Indians are relatively thin on the ground. Three in Puerto Pollensa. Three in Puerto Alcúdia. One in Playa de Muro, and one in Can Picafort. Anyway, this is all a bit of roundabout way of introducing today’s Restaurant of the Day (which may appear strange, given the foregoing), but it is TASTE OF INDIA for which there is now also a little blog site, linked here.



Where: C/. Astoria, Local 1, near to Bells Disco, and so just off the Greasy Mile.

What: Indian food. What do you think?

When: Every day.

Who: Siraj is head honcho.

Why: Totally transformed. It used to be Agra which, though its reputation for food was good, needed a serious makeover. And so it has had one. And word is that the food is top notch.


Sitcom Quiz: Well, “Bottom” wasn’t too difficult, but the other two were more so. Nigel Planer was in the pretty dire “Roll Over Beethoven”, and it was Peter Richardson who was originally down to play Mike.
Combining Sitcom and Pop quizzes, what was the name of the spoof rock band that comprised Richardson, Mayall, Planer and Edmondson?

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Crash Bang

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Look. If you want me to stop banging on about the road system on the Carretera Atra in Puerto Alcúdia I will. But I think it’s worth banging on about.

This morning there was another accident. This one was on the islands between the Palma roundabout and the islands by the Campsa garage. It looked as though either the black 4x4 was trying to overtake or the other car had exited the side road and was driven into by the black one. Either way, they had managed to park themselves onto the island. At least neither had simply ploughed straight through it like with the accident up by the Greasy Mile the other day.

You are just left wondering, was it only local people who saw this all going to happen? I’m by no means alone in being totally mystified as to the logic of this road system.


Sitcom Quiz: This blog’s old chum Geoff reckoned it was The Young Ones minus Rik Mayall. In fact it was The Young Ones minus Chris Ryan. Respectively, Nigel Planer, Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson were Filthy, Rich and Catflap.
And leading on from this ... Ade Edmondson more or less reprised his role in what later sitcom? Nigel Planer took the lead in what sitcom with a rock theme? And who was originally down to play Mike in The Young Ones rather than Chris Ryan?

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Filthy Rich and Catflap

I overlooked something. Last week’s “Sunday Times” (well, I am only a week out) had this thing about Mallorcan property. Not just any old property, but ones such as the Cielo de Bonaire in these northern parts, which is on the market for 34 million quid.

34 million quid!?

Quoting Matthias Kühn, a partner in this development and head of the ubiquitous Kühn & Partner (why is it that estate agent ubiquity in Mallorca appears to be Germanic, what with Kühn and Engel & Völkers?), he can “smell the indication that more (very rich people) are coming.” Coming to Mallorca, that is.

Chances are that if you’ve got 34 million quid to lavish on a Mallorcan pile, you’ve probably also got sufficient stashed away not to be too bothered if the whole place goes belly-up. With all the dire predictions of the effects of climate change on Mallorca, I can’t help feeling that I’d rather put my 34 million quid into a place in Estonia. But maybe for the super-rich, the long-term doesn’t exist. Not sure I’d be confident that in 40 years’ time 34 thousand quid, let alone 34 million, could be recouped from a property investment here.


Knew it wouldn’t last. Restaurant of the week thing, that is. Here’s the first of Bar Of The Week. A real cracker, too.
LA BIRRERIA

Where: C/. Colón 3, Pollensa, just off the Plaça Major by Bar Espanyol but with a terrace in the square.

What: Over 50 types of beer. Plus snacks like pinchos (snacks on bread), pa amb olis (which are also snacks on bread to be honest).

When: Every day.

Who: Pep is your main man.

Why: Delightful stone-walled interiors, very relaxing atmosphere, music, nice terrace in the main square. Oh, and all those beers. From all over the place, and some stonkers from Belgium. 12%, my friends. 12%. Be careful!!



Short weather word: It is still rather unsettled. Rain again this morning. Not what the boys want.


And so, briefly returning to Sitcom Quiz, today’s title. Who starred in it?

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Restaurant Of The Week

Another bad accident. The highly dangerous junction in Puerto Alcúdia where the bypass joins onto the road between the horse roundabout and the roundabout as one comes into Alcúdia. Even for experienced local road users, this junction is bad news. This lunchtime it claimed more victims. Fact is it isn’t necessarily down to bad driving. The system is at fault, in my opinion. It’s confusing for those who don’t know, traffic comes along at high speed. It is an accident waiting to happen. Well not waiting. Actually happening. Again. Personally I would suggest they put in another roundabout instead, but what do I know.


New feature time for the blog. Restaurant Of The Week. Or maybe it will be Restaurant Of The Day. Depends how I’m feeling. Whatever. Could be Bar Of The Week, Shop Of The Week... you get the drift.

Any road up. Here’s the first one. Utterly at random.

Restaurant Of The Week: Number One in a series - SA TAVERNETA D’ES MOLL



Where: Avda. Gabriel Roca 11, Puerto Alcúdia. Keep going along the Paseo Marítimo towards Alcanada, and it is next to Fujiyama Japanese restaurant.

What: Tapas, Galician food, Good wines.

When: Every day but Mondays.

Who: Davíd the chef and Manu, who some might also know for his DJ-ing at, for instance, what was The Room.

Why: Cool and intimate tapas bar, lovingly converted from what was once a pokey bar. Stone-wall features and table-bars above barrels. Neat thing - Manu brings you the menu on a big blackboard. Everything’s freshly done, and is very keenly priced. Great range of tapas. Manu does English, German, Mallorquin and Castellano (that’s Spanish).

Any impartial recommendation?: You betcha. “Best tapas in Mallorca”. See the comment for Sa Taverneta in the Eat Alcúdia section on www.thealcudiaguide.com

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Fly The Flag

Word on blue flags awarded locally. All pretty heartening stuff. According to “The Bulletin’s” useful map, most of the local beaches have fared well. The main centres - Puerto Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa - have their flags, as do Can Picafort and the Cala San Vicente beaches at Barques and Molins. Oddly enough, Playa de Muro doesn’t appear to get one, which - given its location sandwiched between Alcúdia and Can Picafort - seems strange.


Looks like someone decided that all those islands along the Carretera Artà were indeed unnecessary. Just down from the Greasy Mile roundabout going towards Playa de Muro, there is twisted metal, empty islands. Dunno, but my guess is someone went for an overtake, didn’t register the island, and hammered straight into it (in fact them, as they took out two). Bravo.

Could have seen it coming.


What’s with this noise pollution? What’s with this anxiety as one drives? A hooting of a horn. Regular. What’s wrong?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong. It’s the Cheers Jeep, cruising the roads, peeping its horn. Sorry, but it happened twice this evening. Just driving along, and someone’s hitting the horn. I think - what’s going on. Then I look in the mirror, and there’s this “mascot” waving its green, limp arms, and the driver peeping the horn. Stop it, will you. Just, stop it.

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Valediction

Am I unusual?

Many of you will know about my work with published guides here. What many will not know is how personally I feel involved. Not just with the guides. More than this.

For several weeks, months even in late winter and spring, I have no life other than the guides. I live them. And I live the businesses they represent. That’s the problem. That’s where maybe I am unusual.

These businesses. Some of them are run by friends, or rather by people who have become friends. Others are run by people I like. Others are run by people I barely know, but I admire for what they achieve. Only rarely could I not care a toss.

Over these weeks and months, I can see these businesses and people in my mind. I do the simplest of things. The making of a coffee. The opening of the gates to the driveway. The turning off of lights at night. Somehow, some way, they all bring a business to mind.

I’m too close.

For these weeks and months I live all this. And then come the printers. One year it was the plotter. Another year it was the capacity in the production management system. This year it’s the elections. Always some reason. I don’t blame them. But I wonder what goes through their minds when they turn off the lights at night.

Now the guides are done, they’re out, but it doesn’t stop. In the mind all the time.

That’s why this valediction. I will remain in some capacity. I’m not going away. And there are many other things to do. But I am going. And so when I turn the lights off at night, maybe I will just think again of those businesses and think it’s been a pleasure. And it has been. Cheers.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

P.S. Ne’er fret. The blog continues.

Index for May 2007

Advance Passenger Information - 26 May 2007
Alcúdia’s old power station - 23 May 2007
All-inclusives - 30 May 2007
British tourists - 21 May 2007
Bus timetables - 2 May 2007
Cafe Art 66 - 5 May 2007
Carretera Artà - 21 May 2007, 22 May 2007, 30 May 2007
Elections - 13 May 2007, 22 May 2007, 28 May 2007, 29 May 2007
Es Turó - 20 May 2007
Eurovision Song Contest - 12 May 2007
Expatriates - 29 May 2007
Horses - 24 May 2007
Jellyfish - 15 May 2007, 24 May 2007
My Travel - 21 May 2007
Oxygen Bar - 9 May 2007
Property prices - 1 May 2007
Public holidays - 1 May 2007
Rafael Nadal - 20 May 2007
Restaurants - 20 May 2007
Road accidents - 30 May 2007
Rubbish - 5 May 2007
Smoking - 25 May 2007
Son Serra de Marina - 24 May 2007
Time - 15 May 2007
Tourism - 25 May 2007, 27 May 2007
Weather - 23 May 2007
Weirdness - 20 May 2007

Awful

Seasoned viewers of this blog will know that two of the issues I have paid particular attention to are road accidents/deaths and all-inclusive hotels.

I’m sorry to say that both have have reared their ugly heads once again (and I say “ugly” in respect of all-inclusives only because I have strong first-hand experience of the deleterious effects they have on friends). No flippancy today.


There are more flowers on the roadside. These heartbreaking tributes. These pitiable monuments to loss. These flowers adorn the hedge just up the road from me in Playa de Muro - on the carretera. They are there because of the crash around 7:30 last Saturday morning. I didn’t go and look. I just heard the peeping of the police, the sirens, the revving of engines caught in a jam. I had no need to look. I did once when I heard the crash right outside a couple of years back. When I helped a neighbour with a hose. When I saw firemen cutting the car bodies. I had no need to look again.

I spoke to a local policeman about it a few days later. “Fatal,” he said. That’s pronounced “fatahl” here. Yes this means fatal, but it also means awful. That’s what he meant.


“El Defensor del Pueblo” is how the Ombudsman is called here. El Defensor has decreed that he will not approve any regulation against all-inclusive hotels in the Balearics.

Let me be clear. I have no axe to grind with all-inclusives. I have said it before that they represent not only good value but also consumer choice. Indeed it offends me - as a believer in the free market - that the all-inclusive and the primacy of the consumer should or could be undermined by governmental action that limits this free market and choice. But.

I know an awful lot of people here. An awful lot of people who run bars and restaurants. I know an awful lot of stories about the effects of all-inclusives.

Perhaps I should harden my heart. Accept the dynamics of the market. I do, but I also don’t.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Am I Bothered?

“Elections? Face? Face? Elections? I AIN’T BOTHERED!”

Oh Lordy, Lordy, “The Bulletin” gazes in a navel direction. Why do so few expats vote?

Answer’s simple: they ain’t bothered.

Setting aside straightforward apathy, there are a number of reasons for the lack of interest: don’t understand the voting system; don’t understand the language and therefore don’t understand the messages; don’t know who the politicians are; don’t know what the political parties are all about. Don’t know. Don’t understand. Don’t care.

People should care, of course they should care. But it goes deeper. Gather together a sample of a hundred expats and ask them who the leader of the Balearics Government is. Ask them to name the mayor of Alcúdia, or of Pollensa. See where it gets you.

The fourth estate and local politicians may believe that they are trying to engage expats in the political process but they are not. “The Bulletin”, a few days back, referred to the “wining and dining” by politicians of, well of I’m not quite sure. Perhaps the editor of “The Bulletin” and some buffers from ESRA and other expat groups.

Fact is that most Brit expats have way more interest in political matters back home. And the fourth estate reflects this. Take our old mate Leapy Lee. Not uncommon for him to sound off about Blair and the awfulness of Britain. “The Bulletin” does try. But it is essentially a British newspaper with some local stuff tagged on, and that isn’t a criticism.

If the press and politicians were really serious about engaging the expatriate community perhaps they might think about producing election specials which detail what the parties stand for, who they are, how the voting system works, why it is important to be involved. Not just the odd article, but a full supplement. Perhaps some of the money that goes into printing all those damn posters could be diverted into producing such specials. But only if the political parties were really serious. But are they bothered?


Pop Quiz: To all of you who said Alice Cooper, a copy of the Partido Popular manifesto (unused).

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I Wanna Be Elected!!

Well, actually I don’t, but for those of you gripped by election fever and gagging for news as to who’s in and who’s out, here’s a summary.

Balearics Government: The Partido Popular has lost its overall majority and will need to create a pact with the UM (Unió Mallorquina) to stay in government.

Alcúdia: Stays UM but with a coalition.

Pollensa, Santa Margalida, Sa Pobla: Stay PP with coalitions.

Muro: goes PP with a pact.

There, I am sure you all feel better for this information.


Pop Quiz: “Royal Scam” was our old chums Steely Dan. And today’s title is from ...? Easy.

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A Royal Scam

THIS IS A PUBLIC INFORMATION ANNOUNCEMENT - WARNING, WARNING!!

Restaurant: Las Sirenas in the Paseo in Puerto Alcúdia. Couple having a meal. Another couple finish meal, join the first couple to enjoy a drink together. Innocent enough?

The couple that joined the first couple finish drink. Then go. Bill for their meal?

First couple is presented with a 50 euro ticket.

First couple doesn’t have to pay after intervention of other diners.

Watch out. Perhaps I’ll give details of what they look like. Listen up, lowlife, there’s always some stroppy bastard on the Internet who’ll get you. Watch out.


Meantime, which country can lay claim to having the worst tourists?

No prizes for guessing it’s the Brits. But, one of this blog’s favourites, Jeremy Clarkson (a favourite because he knows how to rant; really, he doesn’t play at it, he does it) disputes this. The Russians, he reckons. To give you a flavour, he finishes his piece in “The Sunday Times” thus: “A lout from Liverpool may vomit on you and that’s nasty. But a Russian would happily garnish your pizza with a dash of polonium.”

In recognition of this contribution to fraternal tourist diplomacy, I’ve linked “The Times” site.

Pop Quiz: JK’s Spanish hit was “Una Paloma Blanca”. Today’s title is stretching it a bit. But we’re back to a previous Pop Quiz band. Who did “A Royal Scam”?

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Advance, Advance!

Knickers in a twist time?

Spain, ahead of other European countries, will introduce the so-called Advance Passenger Information system from 13 June. This requires all passengers from non-Schengen countries, such as the UK and Ireland, to give full name, date of birth, nationality, passport number before travelling. If this is not done in advance, the info will have to be collected by check-in staff. Consequently, there are dire warnings of delays, of people not coming to Spain, blah, blah... . It is questionable why Spain feels the need to bring this in now as other EU countries will not be doing so for up to 12 months. Ok, the introduction coincides with the start of the peak season. But when should Spain introduce it? It will presumably be operable in future high seasons, so what’s the problem now?

It is the case that new-generation passports contain all the relevant information, so there may be a bit of overkill here, but fact is, folks, we have to live with this sort of inconvenience (not that it is, to be honest). More pertinent, I suppose, is what this information collection does in terms of deterring terrorism, which is the point of it all. Forged passports anyone?


Pop Quiz update: I was waiting for Andrea to come up with Jonathan King. And so the corollary is - apart from anything else he may or may not have done, what was Jonathan King’s greatest crime in musical terms? Clue: it was a “Spanish” hit.

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Cough, Cough

A few days ago I got an email from Ben, he of the Piccadilly site that is linked here. The gist of this was, what’s the deal with smoking nowadays since the introduction of smoking restrictions some 18 months or so back.

Anyone in England, coming to terms with the rigorous anti-smoking laws in public places, might well ask what restrictions. Setting aside the confusion of the Balearics applying a different interpretation to the mainland, the basics of the law are these:

Any bar/restaurant over 100 square metres must have separate smoking and no-smoking areas.
Any bar/restaurant of less than 100 square metres can opt to be smoking or non-smoking.

Overwhelmingly the smaller establishments have opted to remain smoking zones. In larger establishments, the separate areas are a joke as physical barriers are barely in evidence. But moreover, the policing of all this has been pretty woolly. “The Bulletin” today has a good article about this (you see, I can praise it sometimes!). It quotes findings from the Spanish consumers’ association which reveal that a “blind eye” is often turned towards the issue, while a request for information on fines from the country’s autonomous regions drew only four (out of 17) fully completed answers.

The fact is that the anti-smoking laws here are totally inadequate. England’s (and Ireland’s and Scotland’s) may seem draconian, but perhaps they are necessary. That said, there’s something to applaud in the fact that Spain doesn’t go too far in proscribing what people can or cannot do, and where. Though the other side of this coin is that I still feel the tobacco sale law verges on the iniquitous (in the sense of a functioning free market) in creating a form of monopoly whereby bulk purchases of tobacco are only possible through the limited number of licensed tobacconists.


The season had a stuttering start in April. But now hotel occupations have grown, and the prediction of an even better year than 2006 may yet prove to be accurate. Again quoting from “The Bulletin”, the MD of one tourist group is praising the efforts of the Balearic Government and Tourism Ministry for the promotional strategy which is bearing fruit. Well, good for them. And I suppose this praise has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact the elections take place on Sunday.

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A Horse, Of Course

Look away now, if you are easily offended. I am going to talk about shit. Or rather I am going to get to this via a typically circuitous route.

The other day I asked for nominations for the weird. Let´s go big here, well relatively big. Forget the mere restaurant or bar, I hereby nominate Son Serra de Marina as not just the weirdest place in northern Mallorca, but in the whole of Mallorca.

Son Serra is a ghost town even in summer. You can fully imagine tumbleweed rolling along the empty streets, and a toothless old gummer manning a one-pump garage that doubles as a bar (with no drink of course).

Can anyone tell me what the point of Son Serra is? It's as though it was developed as a mini Can Picafort and then someone forgot it was there. Unlike Can Pic, there is nothing save for less than a handful of restaurants and a nautical club that always seems shut.

Well, there is one point to Son Serra. Its beach. I’m not talking the beach where the houses end, which is constantly chocker with sea detritus, I’m talking the one further along where the Germans get their kit off.

And now I start to get to the point. Ok, I admit I have been to this beach too. It’s a very nice beach. But you can be lying there, minding your own business and suddenly be aware of a rumbling. A rumbling of hooves coming ever closer. You look up and there’s this posse of cowboys galloping towards you. It’s the Rancho Grande boys taking dobbin for a spin.

Now there is something extremely liberating and thrilling about riding horseback on a beach. But.

Horses have this tendency to crap when you least expect them to. Indeed horses are remarkable in being able to produce a motion whilst in motion. Humans can only do this trick with the aid of a dodgy curry.

So, my point is, you get these horses coming along and having a dump on the sand. Why is this seemingly ok? Dogs are meant to be banned from beaches as they too are less than decorous and choosy when at their toilet. Maybe it’s because of the volume. At least with a horse you can see only too clearly what it’s produced, and steer an avoiding course. A dog. Bit trickier. So, I suppose that’s the reason why horses can go on beaches and dogs can’t.

Enjoy the beach.


At the same time as a minor oil slick caused beaches around Magalluf to be closed for a short while, word comes of worries among Balearic hoteliers as to the jellyfish problem. Specifically, they are calling for measures to eliminate the pesky little monsters. But to suggest that jellyfish may cause tourists not to come to the islands is probably stretching a point.


Pop Quiz time: Come on down, Mark Draper. “Red Rain” was of course Peter Gabriel. Mark, you get the hour’s point-duty as no-one´s got the Crusaders’ line-up. It was: Joe Sample, Wilton Felder, Wayne Henderson and Stix Hooper.
No prizes for knowing that Peter Gabriel was an original member of Genesis, but which disgraced music entrepreneur was instrumental, as it were, in the development of Genesis’s early career?

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Red Rain

Lord Rogers, it would appear, is one of a number of architects being lined up to develop the hideous old power station next to the commercial port in Alcúdia. The deal is that it would become some form of science, technology and arts park. Sounds ominous. Sounds vaguely familiar, too. Think Millennium Dome. Architect: Lord Rogers.

There’s no doubting the thing has to come down, and let’s hope it does, rather than some sentimentalist, seeing art deco where none exists, getting a preservation order slapped on it. Think Battersea Power Station, and the seemingly never-ending attempt to redevelop that. At least Battersea has a form of charm; the Alcúdia station has none whatsoever. So, do away with it.

But why a science, technology and arts park? The Mallorca Council, and doubtless other politicians, see this as a means of regeneration and winter tourism. If they want winter tourism, I have a much better idea. Build a Center Parcs. I mentioned this ages ago in respect of Playa de Muro. Now they have the perfect opportunity. Something people would come to in winter, unlike a science, technology and arts park. May sound as though I’m a Philistine. I’m not. But give people what they want, not what politicians might think people want and end up, potentially, with a white elephant.


Strange weather time. It’s been raining dirty. Hence today’s title and Pop Quiz. One of this singer’s finest moments. The first (non-chorus) lines are “I am standing up at the water’s edge in my dream. I cannot make a single sound as you scream.” Who? And to be nice, I’ll give you another day to answer The Crusaders’ question.

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Road Movies

I decided against slagging off the Carretera Arta once again. I decided against taking issue with the notion that is now an aid to traffic circulation. You’ve heard it before. So I decided instead to highlight the benefit, the possibility, the opportunity. Job creation for the police. That’s what it is. Aid to traffic circulation? There were police on point-duty at the roundabout at the top of the Greasy Mile this morning. That’s how much of an aid.

On Test Match Special yesterday Geoffrey Boycott was saying that the people who set the international cricket schedule love the sport, but they have never played it at a top level and don´t understand the sport at that level.

The people who have designed this road doubtless love roads. They love tarmac, white lines, roundabouts, traffic islands. They love data collection on traffic movement. They love operational research models of traffic movement. But have they ever driven on this road?

They can love Google Earth maps of the roads, their own personal road movies. But they don´t know the plot and the actors.

Within operational research there was a development some 30 odd years ago called soft systems methodology. Essentially, this was an extension of the consideration of the human element in systems. Behaviour, if you like. The people who love roads don´t seem to love behaviour. I’ll give an example. I nearly crossed a red at the Sa Pobla roundabout this morning. But I was doing what any driver does. Looking to the left to wait for the chance to go. I wasn´t looking skyward to the lights.

One of the additional problems of the road is that the crossings (and therefore the lights) are too close to the roundabouts. Their proximity does not take into account driver behaviour.

But I said I wasn’t going to slag the road off. So I won’t.


Apparently election fever has gripped the island (trust the good old “Bulletin”; never one to stint on the hyperbole). All I can say is that I must have hypothermia because I am neither gripped nor feverish.


“Street Life” was sung by Randy Crawford, and she recorded it with The Crusaders. Today's quiz: can anyone name any original members of The Crusaders? An hour’s point-duty at the top of the Greasy Mile to anyone who can.

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Street Life

Remarkable what you find in the street.

I’m not talking the what was quarter-full plastic bottle of Coke in a bag that was conveniently left under my car and the contents of which (the bottle that is, not the car) were sprayed into my neighbour’s garden by the force of a too rapidly reversing several hundredweight or so of Nissan. No, I’m talking the My Travel schedule of arrivals from Leeds-Bradford, replete with a dirty great tyre mark. What, I thought, were those sheets of stapled A4 littering up the pavement?

Cracking stuff that's what, though mercifully without home addresses, as I could have otherwise faxed a copy to my old acquaintance in Pudsey, Arthur “Lightfingers” Lightfoot, and recommended he got his jemmy and glass-cutting equipment out of the attic and gone on a bit of a night tour of the West Riding.

Still, you can’t have everything. But the sheets make interesting reading.

Which hotel in the whole of Mallorca is the most popular with this - admittedly limited - sample of northern sorts? Answer: the Sol Alcudia Centre. 17 of them. Lagomonte comes second, with Alcudia’s dominance only challenged by 10 heading off to the Bouganvilla Park in Sa Coma. Indeed Alcúdia is by some way the destination of choice for Tykes. Puerto Pollensa gets a measly eight, all of them in the Oro Playa. Not even Magalluf can apparently compare with Alcúdia when it comes to the affection of the White Rose.

Fascinating, I’m sure you’ll all agree. In future, perhaps My Travel (and Thomson, Thomas Cook etc). might just email me the lists so I don’t have to pick them up from the street. You don’t know where they’ve been. The email address is below.


Streets, roads. Roads, streets. Here we go again with the daftness that is the remodelled Carretera Arta. Now, the traffic has undoubtedly been slowed down. That’s the good thing. But one of the benefits that was alleged for the changes to the road, prior to their being done, was that they would aid the circulation of traffic. Wrong.

By high summer in past years there has always been a queue going towards the junction with the Greasy Mile. Now the queue can extend back almost as far as Eroski Syp. There always were lights here, but now they seem to be more frequently on red. Thing is it is only May. It’ll be murder by August, murder when it’s really hot and drivers are getting fractious, murder when drivers use the side-roads and try and jump the queues. Best advice is to just avoid the road completely.


A while since the Pop Quiz. But it’s back. Today’s title. Who sang it? And with which band did she record it?

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The Weird

The hunt is on.

In my life as a publisher of tourist guides, I am constantly bombarded by publicity for restaurants etc that emphasises their atmosphere, their sunny terraces, the quality of their food, their specialisms (Spanish restaurants love to announce that they are, inter alia, “specialists in meat”, which has never sounded much an enticement to me, at least).

But what I do not come across, what is never publicised is whether a place is just weird.

Weirdness comes in many guises. Weird location, weird food, weird people. And weirdness is a positive, in my book at any rate. Forget your romantic ambience, I want restaurants, bars, anything that are nuts, strange, left-field, off-the-wall, bonkers. I want ghoulish ambience, ghoulish people, bearded women, restaurants with no food, bars with no drink, the inhabitants of Bedlam.

Where are these places? They must exist. So tell me. The weirder the better. And, rest assured, the weird will be given its place in the sun (irrespective of terrace) on this blog. The rules for the search are that the weirdness must be an advantage and this weirdness would make you return. So, come on ...


Meantime, the merely magnificent. Recently I discovered an astonishing restaurant near Santa Margalida. Hardly a difficult place to discover as it sits next to the main road. Except that is that no-one ever goes to Santa Margalida, which is hardly surprising as there is little worth going for if you are the average tourist. This is a mistake, however. There is a quite impressive church, totally oversized given the size of the town, and an impressively unremarkable monument thing. Santa Margalida would be a good entry for weird towns, for which I invite more input. And it should be noted that the castle-looking affair as you go towards the town belongs to one Demis Roussos, so I was told. Not weird as such, but worth a trek to spot the large Greek.

Anyway, the restaurant is Es Turó, which is part of the very old S’Alqueria des Comte. Very, very impressive. So here´s a piccy.



Manacor’s favourite son and muscle-bound tennis heart-throb, Rafael Nadal, declares in today’s “Sunday Times” that his favourite music includes Bon Jovi and Bryan Adams.

Bon Jovi and Bryan Adams. God forbid.

Go back almost a year - to 27 May last year in fact - to find out why I cannot stand Bryan Adams.


I found out yesterday that Leapy Lee was actually born Graham Pulleyblank. He goes up in my estimation.

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All The Time In The World

I thought to say that the Spanish don’t understand time. But I have reconsidered. They understand it only too well. They take the abstract and extend it to its extremes. How else can one explain the – literal – moveable feast that is midday and hence lunchtime?

Perhaps it’s a trait of Spanish culture that they can treat the abstract with such regard. Picasso was but mere canvas to a national pastime, as it were.

The mañana ethos is too facile a description of the Spanish ambivalent adoration of time. It implies a tomorrow, when that tomorrow rarely, if ever, comes. Except when it suits.

To the northern European expat conditioned – variously – by WASPish or Prussian punctiliousness and punctuality, the void that is Spanish time can be hard to fathom.

And so is the Spanish attitude to communication. This is especially unfathomable, given that the Spanish nation has had a mobile phone surgically grafted onto to one of its collective ears. Yet, they don’t phone. They never phone.

I say all this from experience. I still don’t get Spanish time or Spanish communication. How long have I been here? I can’t say. To do so would be to seek to make tangible the abstract. Perhaps I should go native.


To other matters … Here we go again. Summer’s barely on us and the papers are screaming about jellyfish. Unlike last year’s plague, which didn’t happen, it might be a tad more likely this year. Apparently the little blighters have been loitering with intent in the waters around the Balearics during the winter rather than pissing off elsewhere, as is normally the case.

Some of you may know that the Spanish for jellyfish is “medusa”. I have an awful confession to make. I was once in a rock band that was called Medusa. Wasn’t my idea, honest. It was a lousy name especially as we were part of what was the at-the-time south-west Surrey music scene that spawned Graham Parker, The Jam and The Members. Medusa. How embarrassing.

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Vota Vota Vota

There’s an election going on. And remarkably it doesn’t involve Tony Blair. Thank God. That Trimdon speech out-did even a Serbian Eurovision winner for sheer feigned emoting.

No, these elections are local to here. And I can’t avoid them. This fucking poster turned up on the telegraph post outside my house a couple of days back. It shows a rogue’s gallery of various worthies (let’s give them the benefit of the doubt) all shot in a field, which is probably what should happen to most politicians.

The poster belongs to the PP (Conservatives to you and me). Last time there was an election, a group of PPers turned up at the gate and attempted to engage me in conversation. The foreign vote was very important, they said. Maybe it is. But I don’t vote for any of them. Not through apathy, but because there is no real attempt to engage “foreigners” in the local political process. Well, none that I am aware of, at any rate.

But if a similar group pitches up this time, what I want to know most is what they plan to do about the weeds growing in the road. Those nice green weeds heading skyward towards a poster of politicians in a field.


And just by the bye. As some acute regular readers of this blog will know, I publish local guides. I was at my printers yesterday. The print shop was full of posters for this and that politician. Printers are log-jammed at this time of year, what with getting menus, cards, maps, guides etc all done. Into this mix come the PP and PSOE and the rest. Brilliant timing.

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Sing Something Simple

Eurovision. An annual event, and an annual feature on this most Euro of blogs. The Spanish take this nonsense seriously, but given that it is indistinguishable from the rest of Spanish television, this is not surprising.

The contest has never been about music. Now it is a glorious and cynical exploitation by the mobile industry of the diaspora and the nationalistic and xenophobic tendencies of the not-so-long liberated eastern Europe and near Asia. They should just junk the song part and move straight to the voting. Brilliant.

But it cannot be taken seriously. If it were, how could one possibly explain the UK entry. Only at one level was it spot-on – a couple of homosexualists and some dodgy totty. Pretty much like any cabin crew. And for anyone who wondered whatever happened to Timmy Mallett, it would appear he’s now Ukrainian.

For what it’s worth, there was but one song that grabbed me. Despite or perhaps because of the George Michael rip-off, Turkey was the stand-out.


Meanwhile … after all the dire weather, it is now starting to large it. Perhaps all those predictions of a hot-hot-hot summer might come true.

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Oxygenated

Too busy. Too busy. Little time. But, in the irregular series of who is new and where, here we go … Oxygen in the Avda. Mexico just near the Greasy Mile has a new Dave, and an Amanda. And to prove it, here’s a photo. Nice place, nice folk.


I thought long and hard about taking a photo, but no. There were flowers on the Carretera opposite the Delfin Azul. It’s the anniversary of the terrible road accident last year. I didn’t take a photo of the flowers. Too intrusive.


And always keen to oblige with those neat little sites. Added to the links is one for Piccadilly. It's from Ben, who I hadn't seen for years until I bumped into him at the Vamps opening gig. Check out the site - good pics.


Pop quiz update – Geoff has been good to enough to let me know that it was one P. Townsend who wrote “Run, Run, Run” after all. And he can claim his Transunion timetable when next here. R. Dean Taylor was the male Motown artist. Female? Kiki Dee.

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A Load Of Rubbish

There are facts of interest, and then there facts of no interest at all. But, never let it be said that something of no interest prevents me from telling you about it.

Rubbish.

There’s a lot to be said for rubbish in Mallorca. Or at least its collection. First-rate. None of this two-weekly, maggot-ridden, tubercular, Third-World rubbish collection in benighted blighty. Every night here.

And, despite separate containers for recycling, don’t worry, just chuck it all in to the general container. Batteries, broken plastic garden furniture, nuclear waste. In it all goes. That’s my type of rubbish collection.

But, and now I come to the fact of no interest, there is other rubbish collection.

During the winter there was a beach rubbish-clearing exercise. Cost a cool 600,000 euros. No matter, this investment brought about a total collection of 168,757 kilos of rubbish. Impressive, huh?

Well, what is impressive is that great armies of the otherwise unwashed unemployed have seemingly had the job to count the rubbish. Rummaging around landfills with sets of scales, doubtless.

But where does it all go? I have the answer. It came to me after bumping into Paul Danks. As an accountant, I bow to his numeracy skills. The four thousand holes in Puerto Pollensa sounded an under-estimate to Paul. Probably right. But whatever the number, they can stuff them full of 168,757 kilos of beach rubbish.


Always in pursuit of some new bar or other that you should patronise, word up for Café Art 66 in Cala San Vicente. Strange place for a chill-out bar, given the blueness of the rinse of the average Cala tourist, but maybe the Cala will become this summer’s cool. Or maybe it won’t. Whatever, good luck to Ramon, it’s a very nice place.


Sitcom quiz – Blakey was of course played by Stephen Lewis. But now we’re back to the pop quiz. Here’s a belter, courtesy of Maconie and Radcliffe. Huge prizes. A copy of the Autocares Mallorca timetable to anyone who knows the name of the first white female artist to record for Motown. And … a copy also of the impenetrable Transunion bus timetable for Pollensa for those who also know the name of the first white male to record for Motown.

And while on Maconie and Radcliffe, they have given this blog its current record of 2007. Laura Veirs, “To The Country” from her CD “Saltbreakers”. Blissful.

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On The Buses

Here’s a strange thing.

I go to the tourist office in the paseo in Puerto Alcudia. Marina, do you have a new bus timetable? Oh, no, Autocares Mallorca aren’t bringing us any. Why not? Don’t know.

So, I go to the main tourist office in Alcudia. I ask Magdalena the same question. Same answer. Same lack of explanation.

So then I go to the Autocares office. Why aren’t you taking copies of the bus timetable to the tourist offices? Er, one girl passes me on to another. Something about tomorrow, or maybe, or something. Who knows?

Now, this might seem a slightly arcane subject to highlight, but it has a serious side. Fact is that the bus timetables always start on 1 May. Fact is that tourists need this information. Fact is that, among the top five questions tourist offices get asked, is what are the times of buses to …

Now personally I think worrying about what time a bus may or may not turn up is a form of stress best left at the airport check-in. When and if they come, they come. If you can get on, fine. If you can’t, just wait, or give up.

But this sort of thing matters to tourists. So, why is there such a disjointed approach to provision of information? Autocares Mallorca may not be a state company, but they are a stakeholder in the overall success, or otherwise, of their local community, of which tourists form a vital part.

Not to worry, the timetables will probably turn up tomorrow, or maybe they won’t.


Ok, so we’ve moved on from the pop quiz. Now, it’s old sitcoms. The title of this piece is from one. So, here goes. Name the actor who played Blakey? Easy.

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The Start Of Summer

First of May. Public holiday.

When isn’t it a public holiday here? I get endlessly confused by public holidays. Just when you think it’s some religious deal, turns out to be nothing of the sort, like Constitution Day. So May 1 is boring old Labour Day. Not a saint in sight. You could be forgiven for thinking that the only saint who is not celebrated here is Simon Templar.

Not that Labour Day will be given its rightful celebration. Oh no. The first year in Britain when this became a holiday I was still at university. My what a craic. We kidnapped a prominent member of the Socialist Workers’ Party, got him drunk and took compromising photos. All in the best of taste of course.

Spain may have enjoyed something of an economic miracle, but it still tries its hardest to suppress productivity. Take a saint, any old saint will do. Have a holiday.

That economic miracle, that economic boom, has been based to a large extent on property, and property prices. Well, things are not looking so good. The Spanish stock market has been hit by investors divesting their property stocks in anticipation of the bubble bursting in the Spanish property market. About time, too. Property is overpriced. Not necessarily wonderful news for all those on Estate Agent Street in Puerto Pollensa. Or maybe it will be, if property becomes more affordable.

But back to saints. The Catalan for saint is sant. I heard a joke yesterday. Who’s the saint for food? Santwich. Doesn’t really work in its written form, but I thought it was quite funny.

One other thing about the first of May is that denotes the start of summer, in that here spring and autumn more or less don’t register in people’s consciousnesses. Summer is May to October, in other words the main tourist season.

Pop quiz – the title of the last piece came from Jefferson Starship, in the days when they still were Jefferson.


Index for April

British products - 17 April 2007
Cafe Bony - 17 April 2007
Can Picafort - 27 April 2007
Corruption - 27 April 2007
Cyclists - 19 April 2007, 25 Apirl 2007, 27 April 2007
Didis Coast Adeventure - 25 April 2007
Driving - 7 April 2007
Eroski Syp - 17 April 2007
Estate agencies - 19 April 2007
Grupo Boulevard - 11 April 2007
Language -17 April 2007, 19 April 2007, 21 April 2007
Peter Maffay - 25 April 2007
Nordic walking - 25 April 2007
Parking - 3 April 2007
Religion - 11 April 2007
Road deaths - 13 April 2007
Roads - 20 April 2007
Roundabouts - 7 April 2007
Sa Pobla Cricket Club - 1 April 2007
Sunbeds - 27 April 2007
Taste of India - 3 April 2007
Tourists - 3 April 2007, 7 April 2007
Traditions - 21 April 2007
Trencadora - 25 April 2007
Vamps - 3 April 2007, 11 April 2007, 15 April 2007
Weather - 13 April 2007

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