The Sun And The Moon

I like London's China Town, not that I've been there for some years. But it used to have an atmosphere of Bohemian seediness and the smell of spice mixed with bodily deposits. My kind of place. Not that Puerto Pollensa is anything like that. Perish the thought (save doggy deposits, that is). But you can forget Agatha Christie as the promotional motif. Come to Puerto Pollensa, where the Mediterranean meets the Orient. Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro may, combined, have roughly the equivalent of a World Cup squad of Chinese restaurants but they are diluted over a fair land mass. The Puerto Pollensa Chinese land grab is far more concentrated.

I had been inclined to think that it was some sort of wackiness, a Puerto Pollensa-goes-East Grinstead in L. Ron Hubbard terms, but no, Serenity Coast turns out to be, you guessed it, a Chinky. One of the international variety, whatever that is. Just a chopstick's throw from the other one, the wording above the restaurant is like that you might find on a CD of music to do massage by. Sun and moon, and wind, and promise, and some other stuff. When it opened, there was a bit of a Chinese do, which was fair enough, but I'm damned if I can make head or tail of a Chinese dragon in terms of what it's all meant to convey. Serenity Coast, not a bad name though, if, that is, you're talking an Ibiza chill-out album perhaps.


Still on all-inclusives
Much as I have wanted to avoid the gloom, it is, I'm afraid, unavoidable. Another bar owner had a word. Again, it was not recession but the all-inclusive. When owners say things are bad, you are not inclined to disagree with them. The rough economic climate has exacerbated the underlying market change that the all-inclusive has caused.

I have been known to defend all-inclusives, if only in the pursuit of balance and objectivity. There have been some outlandish examples of blame being placed at the doors of the AI. When it was once suggested that a restaurant away from the centre of the old town of Pollensa was suffering because of AIs, that was stretching the bounds of credulity.

The AI has been an easy target for blame, and the mindset now is to seek to lay ever more blame. There is little point in dissecting the economic and market situation, either that at a macro level of recession or that at a micro level, of which the AI forms a major part in Alcúdia or wherever. No-one is inclined to listen.

Yesterday, I referred to a "breaking point". That was in terms of businesses going down. There is another breaking point - people's attitudes and actions. When there is talk of protests and of mass closures of bars, shops, etc. as a demonstration of what things might look like if there is no intervention (with AIs), one has the growing sense of a breaking point, and it is only the middle of June. Perhaps the high season will mark an improvement, one can but hope so. If not ...

The sadness is that this was all too easy to have predicted. The economic shocks of the past twelve months may have been less easy to have forecast, but an economic downturn was inevitable, at some point. The fact is that there has been a decline over the past three to four years, a decline that the AI is only partly responsible for, and despite a so-called record year in 2007. Nevertheless, it did not require such severe shocks and resultant downturn to have exposed the folly of a local tourism economic model disrupted by such a fundamental market change as the all-inclusive.

When bar owners seek to air their grievances through the press, what alternatives do they have? Some might argue that, well, that's business, chum, and if things aren't working out, then better you go and do something else. That would be callous and heartless. Perhaps there was a fear that to deny the tour operators and hotels and therefore the tourist their places in an all-inclusive sun would have meant the abandonment of Mallorca and its resorts. Maybe so. But one hears and sees, and one wonders if it might not have been some tough love had the AI been strangled at birth, because the monster that is now stalking the resorts seems only to be growing in its strength and drawing the life out of all around it. Breaking point?


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - It Bites: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xslQTkZ0cxI. Today's title - "the wind and the rain"; and this is from?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

A Secret Place

Ok, let's not get over-excited; calm down, chill-out. There was even some interest coming out of Puerto Pollensa this morning, and a lady mailed me wanting more information, which was fair enough. What, what, what? Yes, friends, the chill-out zone on Puerto Alcúdia beach. The photo above, the one that isn't La Villa, may rather give you an impression. Sorry, the weather was not great this morning; mercifully there were clouds and wind after all the extreme heat. It may not show the chill-out area at its best, but to be honest I'm not sure what the fuss is all about.

The tourist office in Bellevue was also not sure. I went and had a word with Pilar this morning; Pilar who is a tower of knowledge and help. So, Pilar, asks I, this chill-out zone on the beach? Chill-out, she says, and begins to tell me about the chill-out bars Playero, in the marina and in Bonaire. No, no, says I, the chill-out zone, the one on the beach, the one that the town hall has started. What chill-out zone? There isn't one. Yes there is. Oh no there isn't. Oh yes there is. It was in the "Ultima Hora" or "Diario" months ago and there was something in "The Bulletin" the other day. Pah, or something like that, and muttering about English newspapers. But there is, Pilar, and it's the town hall's. The head of town planning was quoted the other day. What's his name? What? I can't remember, but he was talking about the chill-out zone. Give Magdelena (her boss) a call. She's on holiday. So there was a call to a lady who's something to do with technical services on the beach. I get passed to her. Hello, this chill-out zone on the beach. Why do you want to know? Eh? Because people are asking about it, because it's in the newspapers. One moment ... ... ... The phone gets cut off. I tell you what, Pilar, I'll go find it and take a photo. So I do; photos in fact. How does one find it? There is no sign anywhere. Don't whatever you do go left on the beach at the top of The Mile, go right. Go right, over the canal, and then some. Past the Playero and then a bit, and there it is. You know it is as it says so. Well some signs flapping in the wind say so. The loungers look quite nice, wooden-framed and well-cushioned with the town hall's logo on. There are a couple of speakers hanging somewhat apologetically from poles. There is no bar attached. Don't know where you get your drinks from. Remember what I said about the Son Real necropolis the other day? Is that it? The chill-out zone is a contemporary equivalent. Twelve grand for ... Well, let's just say that maybe the weather didn't show it at its best.

Anyway I go back and see Pilar and show her the photos. So now the tourist office in the area knows. Hats off for internal town hall communications. While I'm there I also ask about the WiFi zone. Why, I wonder, aren't there any signs about that either? There is publicity in the hotels. But not on the beach, as such. No. Fine. So how do you actually know about it? Pause. Em, how do you pay for it, assuming you know about it? The sunbed men. You pay them and they give you cards. Well that's something, I guess. Good to know that the million euros or whatever it was has at least got some chaps who will take your money for something that isn't publicised, unless you are in one of the hotels.

Later on, when in Puerto Pollensa and there is somewhat unexpected interest in the chill-out one, I'm told that it (the chill-out zone) has a WiFi zone. Well yes, I say, but it's the beach area not just the chill-out zone; there's a network for the beach and the hotels next to the beach. So not just the chill-out zone? No, no. Oh.

Fabulous. Publicity is everything, or would be. Someone said to me today that these things get put in place but they remain "top secret". Secret places. Strange.


LA VILLA
To other matters. A while back I mentioned that La Villa, the Chinese restaurant in Puerto Alcúdia, had a new place in Puerto Pollensa. Tonight is the official opening. There are many who will know La Villa in Alcúdia, many who will know Ray who is one of the nicest people you could meet. I would go the inauguration but I have a visceral dislike for these occasions; not because of the restaurant or bar owners, but because of the freeloaders who pitch up. I know that they are something that has to be done, but there are those who make a career of attending them. Not for me except to take some photos. But Ray has sent me some, one of which is above. La Villa in Alcúdia has long enjoyed an excellent reputation, and now it is in Puerto Pollensa.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Madonna - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJgzJTg-plc. Today's title - jazz man who was mentioned here recently in connection with Bill Withers.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Man Ray

Back to prices. I read somewhere someone moaning that things are much more expensive in Alcúdia this year, that all the restaurants have put their prices up. Well, yes, some may well have put their prices up, but equally there are those that have not. But if a bar has whacked on 50 centimos to the price of a pint, and a returning client notices, then that bar's going to have to be doing something else well if that client is not going to shop around. Prices do vary even within reasonably close areas. In Puerto Pollensa, for instance, a pint of Mahou can cost 4.60 euros around and in the square; a bit away and you can get one for 3 euros. Similarly a round of four drinks for a family that can come to 9 euros off the square is 6 just down the road.

There are plenty of reasons why prices may have gone up - the additional costs of energy, petrol, social security etc. have to be taken into account. But while upping the price of a pint by 50 cents or so may increase the profit per pint, the question is whether those increased prices translate into volume of sales. It is volume that counts, and price, ever more so this season, is the key selling point for many. Of course, there is also the price perception issue, among the Brits most obviously. The strength of the euro has changed the mental picture for the tourist. Last year's 1.40 plus to the pound has gone down to 1.20 or so to the pound. Last year, that 1.40 was rounded up - to 1.50 in the tourist's mind; this year, it has been rounded down to 1.00. The tourist makes a cognitive error in calculating a 33% difference in value, even if it is an understandable error of mathematical convenience and even if the real cost has not shifted or has gone up by no more than, say, 10%. However, it cannot of course be denied that the euro in your pocket (if you are British) is worth less. And an evening out with a hundred euro note may, last year, have allowed you to enjoy a good night out and leave you with considerably more than enough for a bag of chips on the way back; this year, it would probably just be enough to cover the cost of that bag of chips.


And just on Puerto Pollensa. There will, in the next couple of weeks, be a new Chinese restaurant opening. Another Chinese, you ask? Well yes, except this one will bring with it an already strong reputation, as Ray from La Villa in Puerto Alcúdia has taken over what was La Vall (a remarkable piece of closely named serendipity, one feels) and will be bringing the 15 years of La Villa experience to Puerto Pollensa, from where people already go to Alcúdia in order to sample the La Villa menu. Well, from 8 July, they will not need to. And I think I may have mentioned this before, but La Villa is the only Chinese I know locally that gets itself listed in the a la carte league; it has also, unlike many Alcúdia Chinese restaurants, not had to stoop to the "buffet libre" form of promotion. Price is indeed important, but it is not everything.


QUIZ
Chain - The Four Seasons, "Let's Hang On"; The McCoys, "Hang On Sloopy". And what official role does Hang On Sloopy have? Yesterday's title - Kajagoogoo (see this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P6I4pT_tVA). Today's title - a very different sort of question today. Ray isn't really Ray's name as such (I could give you the full Chinese, but I won't); neither was Man Ray the actual name of ...?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Orient Excess

How many Chinese restaurants does a place need? I have oft pondered this conundrum whilst moving about Puerto Alcúdia. Unlike Puerto Pollensa, which is admittedly smaller in any event and has a mere five (one of which, Pascalino, is not the full-blown deal), Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro combined boast at least 15 plus a couple that are Pascalino-esque. (Chances are there are more, but I haven’t done a thorough survey, though it certainly was more but two have bitten the dust.) Given the competition that such a number creates, the ones around the Greasy Mile have all started to offer “Buffet Libre”. Presumably one started, and the others followed suit, thus eliminating any form of differentiation that the first mover might have wished for. Thing is there are these huge signs saying “BUFFET LIBRE”. Now, if I didn’t know, I’d reckon this meant that the buffet was free. Of course it doesn’t mean that. But why not, bearing in mind the invasion of Brits, put up signs saying “PIG OUT AND HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT FOR UNDER A TENNER”. Or something like that.

The tourist has an insatiable appetite for chow mein and sweet and sour, or so it would seem. Overwhelmingly, restaurants offer the mere familiar, certainly for British tastes. Along the Greasy Mile and on roads off, the choice is predominantly grill, pizza, grill, Chinese, grill, pizza. There are notable exceptions, and I am not having a go; Luna Grill, for instance, is one of the most regularly commended restaurants.

I shouldn’t find it odd, I suppose. However, for all the internationalisation of cuisine in Britain, the average-Joe Brit tourist and his family still crave a lump of meat and a side-serving of chips. As also does your average-Hans German tourist. But we Brits are also seemingly addicted to our fried rice and our chicken tikka masala.

Unlike Chinese restaurants, Indians are relatively thin on the ground. Three in Puerto Pollensa. Three in Puerto Alcúdia. One in Playa de Muro, and one in Can Picafort. Anyway, this is all a bit of roundabout way of introducing today’s Restaurant of the Day (which may appear strange, given the foregoing), but it is TASTE OF INDIA for which there is now also a little blog site, linked here.



Where: C/. Astoria, Local 1, near to Bells Disco, and so just off the Greasy Mile.

What: Indian food. What do you think?

When: Every day.

Who: Siraj is head honcho.

Why: Totally transformed. It used to be Agra which, though its reputation for food was good, needed a serious makeover. And so it has had one. And word is that the food is top notch.


Sitcom Quiz: Well, “Bottom” wasn’t too difficult, but the other two were more so. Nigel Planer was in the pretty dire “Roll Over Beethoven”, and it was Peter Richardson who was originally down to play Mike.
Combining Sitcom and Pop quizzes, what was the name of the spoof rock band that comprised Richardson, Mayall, Planer and Edmondson?

PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)