Eight Is Great - And It's Magalluf

There are times when you do have to wonder. There was this news item about Magalluf. Yes, really, Magalluf. You never normally hear anything about Magalluf, do you. If we were all in Pennsylvania, we would currently be preparing for Groundhog Day, and there was something of the groundhog about this news item. Had I not read it before? Or had I not been made aware of what it was reporting before? I had.

This was a good-news news item. For once. Countering the propaganda drive against Magalluf devised by the Goebbels of the British media together with their Leni Riefenstahl video presenters, here was something to be proud of. Number eight. "Two, four, six, eight, what do we appreciate? Magalluf is number eight. Isn't that simply great!" And let's not forget Palmanova. God's in heaven. Lucky seven.

What is this all about? Well, it's all about Trip Advisor Bingo, the fun game for all the family to play. Let's rate our best beach destinations in Spain. One fat lady: on its own, number eight - Magalluf. Let's rate our best hotels for a family holiday in Spain. Tom's tricks: on its own, number six - Viva Palmanova. Cue a quiff-and-swivelling-hip collective of Elvis impersonators at a local karaoke bar: "Viva, Palma Nova; Viva, Palma Nova."

Calvià town hall, battered and bruised by the BBC and the bully-boys of the red tops, is said to have greeted the results of Trip Advisor Bingo "effusively". Come on, everyone, let's run around the empty streets of Maga being effusive. Hooray, hooray, it's a holi-holiday (later this year). Still, let's be grateful, or let Calvià town hall be grateful for anything to be clutched hold of that is positive. Here, have this straw.

There is just one slight caveat to all this calling out of "House". And this is where the groundhog comes into the equation. I knew I had seen all this before, and so I checked. Almost a year ago, I wrote an article about the number one beach destination in Spain. Kelly's eye, Puerto Alcúdia. And which resorts were seventh and eighth respectively? You have probably already worked this out. Palmanova and Magalluf. The town hall, it would appear, has finally cottoned on, about eleven months after everyone else had, to the rankings that Trip Advisor Bingo came up with. Hence, I think it justifiable to allude to straws and the clutching thereof.

Better late than never, though, I suppose. "It is a great satisfaction," says the council's tourism spokesperson. Absolutely it is. "You are number eight." "Who is number one?" "You are number eight" (or should there be a comma after the "are"; this was always the McGoohan ambiguity).

Doubtless there was also great satisfaction at Alcúdia town hall when it became known that Puerto Alcúdia was number one. I recall there being a gaggle of happy, smiling Alcúdia sorts at a travel fair who were being effusive because of their great satisfaction, but this was about the only public display of having won Trip Advisor Bingo. A missed opportunity you might think. Where was the huge banner hanging from the sculpture of the alleged horse screaming out "we are number one"? There wasn't one. But if now Calvià opts to promote Magalluf as number eight, then it is at least taking advantage of this grand, online parlour game.

Because this is what the Trip Advisor Bingos are; representative of the players and sometimes representative of clever businesses who work Trip Advisor to their advantage. There's nothing wrong with this, but when, for example, a best restaurant quite clearly isn't a best restaurant, it should be obvious that the result is all part of the game.

Trip Advisor is just one place that you can play these games. There are many, many others. The best of this, the best of that; award for this, award for that. Fair enough, but when the best is chosen from a self-limited few that happen to have registered in order to qualify for possibly acquiring best status (or number eight status), who can honestly say that it is? No one, if they are actually being honest, because there are potentially tens, hundreds, thousands of others that aren't part of the game.

Magalluf could, just as easily, be number one (it does, after all, have a very fine beach). Or it could be twenty-eighth rather than eighth. Trip Advisor Bingo doesn't really mean anything, other than giving Trip Advisor ever more publicity. But if there is to be great satisfaction from achieving high ranking (or eighth place), then it's best if it is taken in a timely fashion. Like almost a year ago.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.