Smiley, Smile

"The Balearics (are) a summer destination and in winter there are not many alternatives."

These are words that will not be music to the ears of anyone much in Mallorca or the other Balearic islands. And certainly not to a succession of tourism officials who have sought to promote Mallorca in the winter and to promote specifically its "alternatives". We are treated, through the words of these officials, to an endless diet of gastronomy, to an endless round of golf, to an endless tour of cultural sites. But to no avail. There aren't many alternatives. Who says so? TUI. And worse still, TUI Germany.

The moaning that occurs regarding the lack of winter tourism is primarily one inspired by the absence of British tourists and by the absence of aircraft belonging to airlines from the British Isles rumbling along the runway in Palma. There are tourists in winter, however, and they are mainly German, courtesy of Air Berlin's regular services from all over Germany.

Notwithstanding the winter lifeline that Air Berlin throws Mallorca, for TUI Germany to state that the Balearics are a summer destination should make tourism officialdom and all others who claim that there are alternatives to "sol y playa" (sun and beach) squirm in the vacuity of their endless desires to promote the alternatives. The desires count for little or nothing, as do whatever is meant to have been happening to realise them. "There is a lack of initiative to give life to the (winter) season." Who says so? TUI.

If it really wanted to, TUI could probably do something about the "many places that are dead" in winter (again, its words). But why should it? There are plenty of other places that aren't dead. Anywhere but Mallorca, let alone Ibiza or God-forsaken Menorca.

TUI Germany's director-general and his two able lieutentants were holding court the other day in Palma. The three wise men followed the ibero star to Mallorca, bearing gifts but unable to turn dross into gold. But what gifts they were. The level of all-inclusive will rise to 33% from its current 20. Gifts to the consumer who has driven the demand (says TUI). And the consumer is the gift to Mallorca this summer. "The level of sales is very, very good." And guess what type of hotel is increasingly enjoying these very, very good sales.

At roughly the same time as the kingdom of TUI and its court was assembling in Palma, elsewhere in the city a different type of court was amassing. The new kingdom of Bauzá. It must be utterly disheartening for a Mallorcan and Balearic leader to know that his own court is largely irrelevant and that the real power has just arrived from the north.

You know that story about the German businessmen who wanted to buy Mallorca. I've never known if there was any substance to it or if it was simply an urban myth. It doesn't really matter, because Germany runs Mallorca anyway. The castle and stripes are not the flag of Mallorca. The real one is a smiley logo. TUI's.

When TUI puts in its court-like appearance, it is offered tribute by the media and the lickspittles of officialdom. When Völker Böttcher, the TUI boss, speaks, it is as though there were a papal visit and address. What TUI says is far more important than anything that comes out of the Balearic parliament or from the mouths of a Balearic president or tourism minister.

It is in the gift of TUI to do something about winter tourism, were it minded to. And were it minded to, it would simply reinforce the fact that Mallorcan officialdom has been incapable of doing anything. This officialdom talks a good game - of golf, mainly - but knows, or should know, as TUI knows, that the only real game in town and across the island is sun and beach. It always has been and always will be.

It is also in the gift of TUI to do something about summer tourism. Like turning its back on it. It wouldn't do so, of course it wouldn't, but it can do pretty much as it wishes. Hence, a 13% increase in all-inclusives. What's to stop it? TUI can make or break the island. It's the real power. You just have to lump it, and smiley, smile.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.