A Lovely Pair Of Melons

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them."

Vilafranca's annual melon fiesta and fair sadly does not last twelve nights. Were it to, then Shakespeare's line from "A Twelfth Night" would be more apposite. The fair lasts twelve nights divided by two. But greatness is, nevertheless, the theme of the fair. Greatness as in size. It matters.

Some melons are born (or rather grown) great, some achieve greatness (more than others) and some (of the growers) have greatness thrust upon them and proudly display it during the how-big-are-your-melons competition.

Showing off your melons should be the cue for a local version of Esther Rantzen to suddenly pop up with an hilarious (sic) feature for "Así Es La Vida" or, to be linguistically correct, "Així És La Vida". Simpering Cyril Fletcher would read a witty ode: "It was the competition for the meló més gros, and Tommy Morlà's meló was the grossest of them all. The gross greengrocer's contest in the village of Vilafranca, the melon 'le plus grand' in the lingua franca".

Tommy, or Tomeu to give him his usual name, has now produced the biggest melon on no fewer than five occasions. The king of the melons. Presumably he gets to keep the trophy. This year's offering was only slightly smaller, by 0.6 kilos, than the melon record-holder (a record held by Tomeu). Ooh er, missus, what a whopper.

A thing about melons is that you normally expect them to be melon-shaped. Typically, therefore, they are round or oval. The biggest melon in Vilafranca wasn't. It was more of a curved oblong. Indeed, the melon bore a startling resemblance to the biggest pumpkin in Muro during last autumn's how-big-is your-pumpkin contest, only not orange. Could it in fact be the same? A pumpkin in melon's clothing. We demand an answer.

Towns and villages across Mallorca are known for their agricultural specialisms; hence, Muro with its pumpkins, Sa Pobla with its potatoes and Vilafranca de Bonany, as it is grandly and fully known, with its melons. There should be a greengrocery guide to Mallorca and its "pueblos" and a whole new strand of alternative tourism. Forget sun and beach, here's the fruit and veg.

Such tourism might help to put Vilafranca on the map. It is on maps already, but clearly no one can find it as no one goes there. Few are likely to have even heard of the place. But were visitors to venture to Vilafranca during its melon fiesta, what fun awaits them. In addition to the biggest melon contest, there is also the melon-eating competition.

This year's winner, in the senior category, was one Pep Rosselló, who put away just under 1.8 kilos of melon in five minutes. Apparently, the secret of his success is, if you wish to try this at home, to chew and swallow. Which is pretty sound advice for most food that you put into your mouth. There is the additional bonus, where Pep is concerned, that he likes the fruit. It does help, one imagines. (If, by the way, you had read any reports of Pep's achievement in the Spanish press, you might have been forgiven for thinking that he had devoured 86 of Tomeu's 20.7 kilos of biggest melon; it's how it gets written, or at least I assume he didn't actually get through one thousand, seven hundred and ninety kilos.)

The melon-eating competition may be a bit potty, but at least it is an example of putting fruit to the purpose that it is usually intended, i.e. to be eaten, rather than thrown, which is what happens in Binissalem during its Vermar fiestas (later this month) when there is the great grape battle. There again, chucking melons at each other probably isn't a good idea, especially if they weigh over 20 kilos.

The melon fiesta is also traditional (in that 41 years of its celebration equates to being traditional), which is more than can be said for what will happen soon in the village of Bunyola which will stage its seventh come-in-your-underwear event. Cue Esther once more. Or probably not.

And the melon eating is testimony to the quality of the local fruit. According to the announcement of the MC prior to the "melon-off", the contest was to eat the "most famous melons in the world". So there we are. Vilafranca is on the map after all. It is on the globe. And the globe is melon-shaped, which in Vilafranca is like an oblong.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.