Celebrity Island

The Celebritarium has had its fair share of controversy. There was of course the small matter of levelling much of the Tramuntana mountain range in order to accommodate it. But let's face it, we've always been able to bank on the Partido Popular to side-step the odd environmental objection. More of a problem was the delay caused by the fact that the Tramuntana had been chosen as the location for the remake of "The Sound Of Music", the delay being even greater, thanks to the endless wrangle over whether Katie Price or Cheryl Cole would get the part of Maria.

The critics have, in the end, been generally and thankfully kind to the film. They haven't much cared for Barbara Windsor's Mother Abbess rendition of "Climb Every Mountain" next to some beer pumps in a re-created Queen Vic along Magalluf's strip. They have also been scathing of the intrusiveness of the Balearics Tourism Agency logo appearing in every shot along with its new website name - www.forgodssakecometomallorcaonholiday.com - but otherwise the film has been something of a box-office success and a triumph for Mallorca and for the tourism agency which handed over its entire promotional budget for ten years to the producers by way of an incentive to come and make the film.

We will be able to look forward to "The Sound Of Music" and its stars featuring in the Celebritarium. Personally, I fancy I might eschew the opportunity of partaking in the karaoke "Edelweiss", but then I wasn't convinced, and still am not, that Graham Norton was right for the role of Captain von Trapp; it should have been either Ant or Dec, or possibly both of them.

Other than the questionable attraction of singing along with your favourite celebrities in the Karaoke Pavilion, the Celebritarium does have much to commend it. Of merit is the chance to photograph celebrities in their natural habitats. Whole streets and landscapes of Mallorca have been created inside the Celebritarium and special viewing platforms built at least 200 metres away from them so that you can get the full effect of getting some lousy shots through a zoom lens of the celebs doing nothing in particular.

This is the great thing about the Celebritarium. You can watch as celebrities go for a walk, go shopping, blow their noses, drink a coffee. There are hours of amusement to be had, therefore. Plus, as most of the celebrities will be wearing caps and sunglasses and will be shielded by bodyguards - and this is where it gets really entertaining - you have to try and work out who they are. At the end of your trip to the Celebritarium, you can try your luck in a quiz to see how many celebrities you spotted and where. Fearne Cotton will be on hand to announce the winners.

One issue with the Celebritarium is which celebrities will be in it at any one time. There will, naturally enough, be those in permanent residence - the likes of Philip Schofield, Louise Redknapp and Lulu - but not yet resolved is how the celebrity rotation will work according to the high and low tourism seasons. There is a danger that you pitch up in February and have to make do with Lembit Öpik, Calum Best and the entire original cast of "Grange Hill" minus Todd Carty.

As for peak season, names being tossed around include Madonna and Brad Pitt. Madonna, so it is rumoured, will be reading a book and going for a jog, while Pitt is said to be planning to drive a car. The prospect is certainly enticing.

Critics of the Celebritarium argue that it panders to a vacuous obsession with celebrity and that it represents a dumbing-down of Mallorca. But how you can dumb-down the already dumbed-down isn't entirely clear. Those on the left wing in Mallorca have condemned it for including celebrities who don't speak Catalan and who will not be shown making pa amb oli. However, the Celebritarium is in line with the tourism agency's strategy of celebrity tourism, and for once the agency appears to have got its strategy right.

Moreover, the Celebritarium offers a genuine all-year tourism attraction (despite the possibility of Lembit Öpik). Yes, it may have necessitated much of the Tramuntana being blown up in order that it could be built, but then no one much would ever have taken any notice of all that World Heritage site stuff. Better to get rid of the mountains and forget all the nature and culture malarkey, as the real culture is celebrity. That's what the punter wants, and in the Celebritarium he can have it, 365 days of the year.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.