You Don't Know My Name

Having several languages to contend with makes life confusing enough without there being the additional palaver which is trying to make sense of the names of different parts of towns, some of which come in different languages as well. Let's take Alcúdia as an example shall we. Yesterday, I was studying the telephone directory, as you do, and I realised that, for the purposes of Telefonica at any rate, Alcúdia, though in population terms barely 17,000 strong, boasts sufficient parts that there is one part per head of population. Well, that is a slight exaggeration, but there do appear to be vast numbers of them, and they don't necessarily conform with other classifications.

As far as Telefonica is concerned, these are the different parts of Alcúdia - and pay attention because you're likely to be tested on this at some stage - La Marina, Camp de Mar, Barcares, Morer Vermell, El Mal Pas, Bon Aire, Ca S'Angles, Port d'Alcúdia, Albufera, Son Fe and, of course, Alcúdia. There is also a sort of subordinate and frankly completely unnecessary section to the directory which is for Es Port d'Alcúdia; unnecessary because it's already appeared under Alcúdia.

Then there is, as an alternative source of local place namery, the map book of the "pueblos" of Mallorca. For Alcúdia, this lists Sa Marina, Camp de Mar, Barcares, Morer Vermell, Manresa, Mal Pas, Bonaire, Ca S'Angles, Alcanada, Port d'Alcúdia, Lago Menor, Lago Esperanza, Platja d'Alcúdia and Alcúdia.

I hope you're following all this. What one can establish, on an admittedly smallish survey, is that there are parts of Alcúdia, for which there appears to be some agreement as to some names. Minor differences may occur thanks (or rather not thanks) to the application of Mallorquín - as in Sa as opposed to La Marina. At least to the north of the town, there is a degree of harmony, even if no-one knows where these places start and finish. Camp de Mar, from what I can make out, is the same as Barcares, and why Telefonica ignores Manresa I'm not sure; alternatively, one might ask why it bothers to refer to so many places that occupy the same small acreage of land. Then there are parts that one simply didn't know existed. Go on, how many of you knew of Ca S'Angles and Son Fe? I still don't know where Son Fe is, though I'm guessing it's the road out of Alcúdia going towards the motorway. Ca S'Angles is as you go towards Barcares from the old town. There, you can amaze your friends with your new-found and utterly useless knowledge.

But when we get into what is generically known as Puerto Alcúdia or Port d'Alcúdia, to use the Catalan, the fun really starts. For Telefonica, the whole of the area from the Magic roundabout to the Muro boundary is Albufera. How many of you living in that area know that? Given that Albufera is not even in Alcúdia, this is quite an achievement. To be fair, Albufera used to be. All of what is now The Mile and Magic was once Albufera, but hasn't been for a fair old while now. Not that this stops Telefonica. The alternatives are the names of the lakes or Platja d'Alcúdia (Alcúdia Beach), though one is also likely to encounter Bahía d'Alcúdia (Alcúdia Bay).

Although all the little parts to the north of the old town manage to get named, in the Telefonica classification there is no place for Alcanada; it is Port d'Alcúdia. Alcanada doesn't exist, which may be why some residents there have problems getting broadband.

As with many things here, there is no one defining reference. It's a bit like the law. You just take the bit you fancy and apply that. Someone once asked what the area off Avenida Pedro Mas y Reus was called. He needed to know, so he thought, as he was looking to rent a villa in that area. Rather foolishly, he thought that all websites, maps etc. might conform to a singularity of place names. Not so, of course. As anyone can tell you, Pedro Mas y Reus has many names, some of them even official. The town hall would generally call it Ciudad Blanca, but how many others do? The lack of agreement or knowledge is what gives rise to places and areas adopting unofficial names - like Bellevue or Magic to describe areas. They may be unofficial, but they are more accurate and more relevant. Albufera certainly isn't.


A haven for writers
The Balearic Government has apparently supported a motion which would make the islands a sort of safe haven for writers who are persecuted for what they write in other countries. This is fascinating. Why? Because the Balearics are part of Spain, and Spain is not without a streak of censoriousness. Take the rip out of the King and the Royal Family and you could find yourself up before the local beak. Some of you may remember the case of the cartoon that took the piss out of the King's son and his wife, and resulted in a fine and a right old fuss about whether it was correct to prosecute or to apply a limit to the freedom of the press. I wonder, therefore, if a writer who had offended royalty in another country, would be extended the safety of the haven of the Balearics.


More bargains!!!
Some might maintain that the property market in Mallorca has not really been affected by the slight economic difficulty and that prices have not tumbled. These some are talking bollocks - generally speaking. I know people who, for different reasons, are very keen to shift their properties, be it because they have to (repayment problems) or because they need to return to the UK, or some such equivalent, non-financial reason. I know, therefore, of - for example - a house in Puerto Alcúdia. Very nice. Bungalow-style. Three bedrooms. Was on the market originally for 450,000 euros. How much now? 300 grand. That, I'm telling you, is one hell of a bargain. Anyone who's interested, just email me and I'll put you in touch.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Sophie Ellis Bextor (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Nsi05HkXw). Today - US female R&B-soul singer.

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