Belongs To Us

Birmingham council has apparently banned apostrophes from street signs. Which might be the excuse for a cheap joke at the expense of Brummies were it not for the fact that they are not the only ones who don't know what an apostrophe is. How many speakers of the Queen's English, one must ask, are fully conversant with the correct use of the apostrophe? And does it matter?

Some of you will know that I have had my moments on this blog; moments of despair as to English and its use locally. Most recently, there was the piece of 30 November (I Can't Help Myself) and the "excellent quality" that was (incorrectly of course) "open for lunch and dinner". You will note that there was an apostrophe in the title of that piece. Gather a group of ten inhabitants of Birmingham, and one of them might venture the reason - omission - which is one of the purposes of the apostrophe. The other is to indicate possession. This may all sound - to some of you - like basic English, but, trust me, there are many here who had a note from their mother the day they did the apostrophe at school: I did once have to explain to someone (British) the difference between "its" and "it's" and the fact that the former is an exception to the possession rule. And while on matters English, don't get me started on fewer versus less. No-one seems to know this one, and those Spaniards who may use English newspapers in order to learn English are going to come unstuck when it comes to - for example - something like the "nowadays you get less/fewer euros to the pound" conundrum. Perhaps I should do a multiple-choice quiz, except in this instance it would only be a multiple of two. Is it "less euros" or "fewer euros"? Answers, as always, to the email address below.

But coming back to the apostrophe, its use to demonstrate possession is often apparent in the names of bars - JK's, for instance. There is also a theory that names which end in "s" are, in some way, better than others. The basis of this theory - such as it is, and theory is rather overstating it, one fancies - seems to be that it (the "s") implies a certain homeliness and familiarity. It is a theory I have heard expounded on more than one occasion, normally when significant amounts of cold drink have been consumed. The question then, though, is whether there is an apostrophe and, if there isn't, whether there should be. All important stuff, I'm sure you'll agree.

Many years back now, Barclays - as in the bank - dropped the apostrophe. Strictly speaking, it should be Barclay's (the bank of Barclay). Other businesses also dispensed with the apostrophe. In sport, you are as likely to read Lords Cricket Ground as Lord's (it should be the latter - the ground of Thomas Lord). In the case of Barclays, and other businesses, there was a marketing reason for dumping the apostrophe - it just gets in the way when it comes to graphics. But more fundamentally, the apostrophe just seemed to become unnecessary. Barclays was the name, whether it implied possession or not. And the sound of the "s" was and is as important as anything else. The company may have collapsed, but Woolworth was always Woolworths; there was no need for an apostrophe, but the addition of the "s" made it sound as though it "belonged". For all of us as customers, we like things to belong to us; the mere use of a letter can make them seem to do so. Hence, therefore, that theory about homeliness and familiarity associated with names that end in "s". Whether apostrophe or not - and I really don't know that it matters - that "s" in the name can, one is led to believe, make all the difference. There again, it might all be complete bollocks.


I would like to thank Rod Liddle in "The Sunday Times" for drawing my attention to the sorts of Christian names you would not encounter on upmarket holidays, which - by implication - means that you would encounter them on downmarket ones. He was referring specifically to a company called Activities Abroad whose boss was the one who identified the chav names that would not be registered on one of its holidays. So, get yourself booked in for a fortnight at one of this area's chavvest all-inclusives, of which there are a few, if you happen to be named thus - Dazza, Britney, Chardonnay, Shannon or Candice. And to that list, one can add Kylie, Jordan, Wayne, Tyler, and on and on. You know, there is something in the Spanish rules about Christian names after all.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Robert Plant, but here is a version by Alison Krauss (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zmrdh8jO5lc). Today - "because the night belongs to us ..." Who?

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