Friends Will Be Friends

Now, you know those fire runs and demonic bonfires; the ones that occur at mostly all fiestas but especially at the likes of Sant Antoni in January. Yes, you do know. And if you say you don't, you've obviously not been paying attention, so you can be damn grateful that I'm not going to give you a test on Alcúdia place names - as I threatened yesterday - but just don't let it happen again. Right, got that clear. The fire runs have cropped up on numerous occasions here, so you've got no excuse. And you've also no excuse for not knowing that I have suggested that running along streets with lighted torches and making bonfires on someone's door step might, just might, be a tad dangerous. And damn me, the European Union agrees with me. I should tell you, some time, about my one-time involvement with the European Union, in the form of the European Commission and its then special group to study the effects of electronic publishing, but that was years ago, so I won't bother, but suffice it to say that I, and our European masters, have form and some connections. And what a fine body of men, women and bureaucrats they are. So, anyway, the point is that Brussels is taking an interest in the fire runs. It doesn't seem to approve. How surprising. What it's going to do, and indeed what business it is of Brussels I'm not entirely sure. If Mallorcans wish to set fire to their houses and to themselves as part of their weekly piss-ups (sorry, fiestas) then let them. I'm certainly not going to stop them. Indeed, I will stand by and roar on my approval. More fire, more fire!!

However, there is a gloriously wonderful twist to this, and that is that the Balearic Government is holding its cap out for rather more Brussels moolah than it currently gets - about 35 million euros more of Brussels moolah, or an increase of some 200% plus. No small amount therefore. President Antich and his boys believe that the Balearics "has (sic) to meet costs no other isolated region in Europe faces". Or so says "The Bulletin". I think there might be a bit of a translation issue here as the Balearics aren't exactly isolated in the sense that, say, virtually uninhabited parts of northern Norway are, but that's another issue. I do, though, understand - sort of - what the government means. And what it means is that it wants more money. So say all of us, me especially. But, to come to the point, there are to be some Balearic Day celebrations in Brussels as part of this attempt to land a rather larger wedge of regional development funding. And these celebrations, less than diplomatically perhaps, are to include a fire run. What a brilliant idea. There is Brussels saying stop it, and the Balearic Government goes along to Brussels' own back garden and sets fire to it. How to win friends and influence bureaucrats. Actually, I am with Brussels. We're not going to give you 35 million euros so you can go and blow it all on making stupid demons' outfits and buying everyone family-sized packs of Standard fireworks.


I mentioned a couple of days ago that Top Gear is due to be filmed in Mallorca. As a slight coincidence, Clarkson has gone and got himself in the news for a different reason. Normally, I don't fall into the expat trap of believing that everything and anything back in Britain is worthy of comment (even if the comment was actually made in Australia), but I will make an exception simply because of the coincidence. If one studies what Clarkson said, one must ask, well, what is the fuss? "One-eyed?" Yes. "Scottish?" Apparently so. "Idiot?" Well, that's up to you to decide, but I fancy that some have used stronger insults for Gordon Brown, such as, of course, the sage of Santa Ponsa, Leapmeister Lee, who commonly refers to the PM as Herr Braun, thus, seemingly, affording him (Brown, that is), hilarious Nazi overtones. Ho, ho. Expect a future column from the Leapmeister to compare himself with Clarkson (rather than Littlejohn, which is his norm) and for him to point out that he, too, has called Brown a liar. The big difference, of course, is that no-one takes any notice.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Alicia Keys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJiLcNQdye4). Today - big hair and big moustache.

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