I'm A Walkie Talkie Toy

Right, what I was saying a couple of days ago about Brussels banning fire runs and the like appears to be in the form of a rule, or "norma" to give it the Spanish or Catalan word. This is not a Norma Major (ho, ho), which translates in Catalan as main rule - as I'm sure you all know - but a "norma europea de pirotecnia". I'm not sure exactly how Brussels intends to regulate, but it is safe to assume that it is going to do just that - regulate pyrotechnics, or fireworks to you and me. The directive, which is due to come into effect in 2010, is being challenged by various Mallorcan bodies which are expressing their displeasure: it would be an attack on the culture, it would harm tourism, blah, blah; all the usual stuff. As I have said before, if the Mallorcans wish to go around setting fire to themselves and their property, and indeed that of their neighbours, then they should be allowed to. Anyway, even if this so-called norma becomes the norm, chances of anyone here taking any notice of her would be slim. Local laws are generally ignored, so it is highly unlikely that Brussels would be able to impose its pyrotechnic decree. No political group on the island is going to support such a regulation for fear of being seen as anti-culture. The only other possibility is that, like they're replacing live animals with plastic ones in response to an encroaching animalist political correctness, perhaps they could have pretend fire - torches with plastic flames or in fact just torches, battery ones, that is. They could carry heaters around with them to give off the impression of warmth. The trouble is they would need some pretty long flexes, though, and I'm sure these would contravene every European directive going, so forget that.


The norm in Pollensa, when it comes to attacks on the poor old mayor, is that the "Alternative" takes to the press in order to publicise whatever it is the mayor has failed to do this week. The Alternative has, however, allowed another mob the opportunity of a spot in the media spotlight. So, rather than the United Left/Greens one-man and his dog, which is the Alternative, it is the turn of the Partido Popular and the Unió Mallorquina (UM) to have their say, which may seem slightly odd as the mayor is of course from the UM. But be that as it may. The latest rumpus is really an old rumpus, namely the shambles that is the port's public swimming-pool, the one that has been open, closed, open, closed, maybe open, will it open, was it ever open - anyway, that pool, the one that had the roof on the wrong way round.

There are, essentially, two things that one should know about Mallorcan life, apart from the fact that they can cock-up roofs on swimming-pools. One is the "denuncia"; the other is the licence. And very often the two go hand in hand. The denunica, which is usually a complaint to the police, does not have to be, as the word can mean complain without any plod involvement. So when "The Diario" says that the PP/UM group "ha denunciado", I don't think they have actually complained to the police; at least I assume they wouldn't be quite so silly as to do so even if - as is the case - there is no licence in place for "activities" at the pool and that there is also a problem with the reception, as in there doesn't appear to be any electricity - minor matter. In this particular instance, when they say there is no licence for "activities", what exactly do they mean? Is, for example, swimming an activity? I would have thought it probably was. If so, then what they mean is that there isn't a licence, period. Bit of an oversight, you might think. Anyway, according to the mayor, the pool will be opened next month; no, make that, re-opened - again. But don't hold your breath, unless you're under water, but you won't be because the pool's not open. And even if it were, chances are that they might have forgotten one important element - water.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Corrs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqeCuyJ458Y). Today - what has this title to do with today's piece? This is by the way of ancient television history, and it comes from the programme's song (though song is stretching the definition, it is fair to say).

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