Simply The Best (Beach Destination)

The 25th best beach destination in the world and the only one in Spain to make the top 25. Therefore, the best beach destination in Spain. And the winner is?

Before I tell you, what would you consider are the criteria that amount to the best beach destination? A decent beach is obviously one. But otherwise?

Each to their own. One man's best beach is another man's acres of too much flesh gathered in one place. One man's best beach destination is another man's Blackpool transported to the Mediterranean. Identifying the criteria is a near-impossible task, and given this near impossibility the fallback position is one of hyperbolic, quasi-poetical criteria that conjure up images which may or may not be entirely accurate.

Trip Advisor has been fingered over its reviews. The British Advertising Standards Agency has made it change its system of classification. The agency might also be inclined to have a word with whoever it is who has been consumed by brochure-talkitis. This malady of the mellifluous strikes many in the travel world. And here is an example:

"Velvety white sand stretches along five miles in ..., making it one of the longest beaches in Majorca. Go for a quiet stroll around the quaint beachside fishing village or swim or snorkel in the electric-blue sea. Parts of the beach are a bit breezier, attracting windsurfers and paragliders galore. Interesting shops and ancient Roman ruins add to ...'s allure."

Actually, this doesn't make you want to vomit as much as some brochure talk. But is it entirely representative?

By now, you will probably have realised that the beach destination in question is Puerto Alcúdia; the Roman ruins were a giveaway, even if they aren't strictly speaking in Puerto Alcúdia (unless one includes those buried under the sea that can't be seen). You might have been confused, however, by the "quaint beachside fishing village".

I know Puerto Alcúdia very well. The word "quaint" is not one I would have ever considered to have described any of it. Fishing there is, but the quaintness of the port's fishing village is something that is lost in antiquity.

If this description is perhaps slightly questionable, what about the main photo that accompanies the text on Trip Advisor? I can't be certain, but I suspect that it isn't what most people think of when Puerto Alcúdia beach is mentioned. This is because it looks much like Alcanada, up the coast a tad, a part of Alcúdia certainly, but a very different place to Puerto Alcúdia. At least the sea in the photo looks "electric-blue", if I understand what electric-blue is, and to be honest, I don't.

But why should I worry? Is this not marvellous publicity for Puerto Alcúdia? Absolutely it is. Being voted the best by Trip Advisor for whatever it might be is a tremendous accolade. It is one that should be milked for all it's worth. By the town hall, for example. Will it, though? Probably not.

The trouble with Trip Advisor, however, is that it has been hoist by its own successful petard. It has become a sort of travel bible, dispensing wisdom to a faithful who follow its "word", even if this word is the collective scribing of holidaymaking apostles. Not everyone is, unfortunately, a believer.

Back to Puerto Alcúdia though. There is no doubting the excellence of its beach. It is a beach that has been awarded many a tribute in the past, and rightly so. But even its "five miles" and its, if you insist, "velvety white sand" are not necessarily everyone's criteria of the best. The photo on Trip Advisor might conform to others' criteria. The beach, not that you can actually see a beach, could even be "quaint", and quaintness could well be a criterion for "best". To find it, however, you would need to take more than a "quiet stroll".

And then there is the rest. That which isn't the beach. It is here that the Blackpool thing raises its clichéd head. "Alcúdia is like Blackpool." Ho hum. It's been said many times and it has been said of one part of Puerto Alcúdia. It has even been said on Trip Advisor. The comparison is a false one. Does anyone ever say Blackpool is like Alcúdia? No, I don't think so. And if the comparison can't work this way round, then it can't work the original way. It's not logical, Captain.

But best is best. And Puerto Alcúdia is the best beach destination in Spain. And you know something, I think Trip Advisor might even be right.

Trip Advisor


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.