The State We're In: Language

Should Mallorcan businesses get it right? Get English right? It was once put to me that it didn't matter and that mangled English was just all part of the charm. Possibly so, but possibly it is also a case of being lazy or of mistake reinforcing mistake.

There are any number of English speakers knocking around who might help a restaurant, a shop, an event, an estate agency from making a language gaffe. Are any ever asked to give a menu, some instructions, a sign the once-over, just to be sure? Some are, but there are plenty of businesses who still manage to mangle English. All part of the charm perhaps, but there is charm and there is being professional.

Recently, we had the priceless "rules" set out by the Pollensa Music Festival, under which, among other things, it was not allowed "to enter any type of container nor devices of telephony". We know what they were getting at, but a little bit of attention might have eliminated the potential for confusion or indeed hilarity.

There have been some wonderful mistakes that I have encountered over the years. A personal favourite remains the "flesh on the tenterhooks" of a grill restaurant. The owner said that the printers who had been responsible for the translation had insisted that they could do the English correctly. Which may be part of the problem; that of non-native speakers who fall into the language trap.

"Flesh on the tenterhooks" was, one presumed, meant to be something along the lines of tender meat, but it came out as sounding like an act of torture by the Inquisition. Tenterhooks, for the record, have nothing to do with cooking and everything to do with stretching cloth.

Making a complete balls-up has arguably been made more likely thanks to the Google translator and other machine translation systems. And when it comes to idioms and slang terms, of which there are an awful lot in English, such systems are almost completely useless.

Some mistakes, however, just keep on getting repeated. And a prime example is the "state agency"; not an agency of the state, but an estate agency. You can find many states that appear to be being traded by state agencies which should in fact be estate agencies.

A new sign appeared at one estate agency the other day, replete with the same old mistake. But why does it keep being made? Has no one ever pointed the mistake out? My guess is that "state" is so common that it is thought to be correct, not least by signmakers who will insist that it is correct as they have been in this state for years.

Proper names can also be problematic. In certain cases, they always have been. In Puerto Alcúdia, the recent fire at an apartment block caused a bit of a problem as to how it should be reported. The apartments have always lacked one letter. Who originally took the "p" out of the Mississipi (sic)? The same person possibly who didn't see the "c" in the Picadilly (sic) bar. Has anyone ever noticed the missing "n" that means that the Britania (sic) bar doesn't rule the waves? (The missing "p" might be put down to being Spanish, but then in Spanish there would be a missing "s" as well - twice over; Picadilly and Britania are Spanish, but their markets have been British.)

Not that these probably matter. Test your average Brit tourist and, nine times out of ten, he wouldn't know how to spell them anyway. And it's certainly not as though the language trap doesn't work in reverse or that borrowing from Spanish doesn't come into play.

Pop along to your nearest state agency, or preferably estate agency, and you might find a property that takes your fancy. However, the state agent tells you that it is in need of reform. Has it been a naughty boy? Is it to have its law changed? The widespread use of reform to mean altering a building in some way isn't, strictly speaking, correct usage. Incorrect or not, it is a good example of a word whose meaning has been borrowed from Spanish that, because of its generality, works rather better than correct English alternatives.

And the property needing reform might well be in an urbanisation, another specific adaptation from the Spanish to mean an estate, or should it be a state? Once reformed, the property may well become "perfect", states of perfection being more widely expressed by "perfecto" Spaniards and therefore also now by English-speaking adopters.

To answer my initial question though. Tell me. Should they get it right? Go on, tell me. I command you. The abrupt, somewhat impolite use of this imperative is something else that has passed from Spanish. "Digame". Tell me.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.