And After All, You're My Wonder ...

So I pass by the tourist office in Alcúdia old town as they've called and want a favour. This is the deal: they're going to produce some postcards in association with the Oceanos folk in Bonaire. Some excellent photos of sea creatures, which they show me - the photos that is. They need an English slogan. "Paraiso," they keep mentioning (as in paradise). "No, no, forget all this paradise malarkey," I don't say, but do say something along the lines of the paradise motif is done to death. So I think and come up with "Alcúdia - an underwater wonderland". Trips off the tongue, it has a melody and a sort of alliteration. Quite good, I reckon. It's only afterwards I realise its similarity to "walking in a winter wonderland". Oh well, not to worry; still sounds ok. Anyway, as I was leaving the office, I said that I would pass by with my invoice. Thousand euros should cover it. Laughter all round. Ho, ho, ho. Like Santa guffawing in a winter or indeed an underwater wonderland. But why not, thinks I. Plenty. Apart from the fact that the town halls are notoriously bad payers, there is the fact that payments (were they to be made or indeed invoices submitted) have to meet some sort of "market value" test. What is market value though?

You, if you happen to be the creative director of a major ad agency, could probably slap in a five-figure bill for such a slogan. Especially in the UK. But we're talking a local town hall here. And in Mallorca. And something unimportant. This market value test, though, is becoming important. It is all part of trying to stamp out spurious invoices for often huge amounts that are raised without any work necessarily being done. The latest great scandal in Mallorca concerns the Palma velodrome. All manner of people have been implicated, and all manner of unjustified invoices seem to have surfaced together with payments of black money. Fair enough. It's the public purse that may or may not have been cleaned out. But let us assume for a moment that work has been done, and done well. Who is to say what the market value is? This is where this test becomes nigh on impossible to prove, unless there is some form of governmental going rate, as there is for many jobs. While the government may feel that it can establish rates for jobs such as waiters, how can it do so for something creative? I guess they can try, but ultimately a market value is, to state the bleeding obvious, a value that the market decides, in other words pretty much what anyone is willing to pay. Unless, that is, the market is controlled, which is what the authorities seem to have in mind.

This makes no sense in what is ostensibly a free market. There are ways and means of catching those who abuse public (and also private) funds by raising outlandish bills, as the velodrome case (and others) prove. But a controlled market value distorts the workings of the market. As with the daft calls for price controls for the likes of a cup of coffee, it really has no place in a modern economy. Not that I should worry, as there will be no invoice and no payment. Favours, always favours.


Oasis
Apropos yesterday, I need to thank Lynne for pointing out that Oasis played in Mallorca a few years back. Was it part of a Radio 1 comes to Mallorca thing? Or am I mixing these up? Doesn't matter. The Gallaghers did indeed once put in an appearance, not that they are likely to again; certainly not together. And it was the real Oasis and not the bunch which has the same name that pitches up on a regular basis at local fiestas.


Temperature watch
And so the heat goes on. The met boys say that the three months of June, July and August have been the second hottest since 1971, temperatures exceeded only by those of 2003. The average temperature for Sa Pobla for these months has been 25.4 (it was 27 in 2003). Sounds a bit on the low side to be honest, but that second spot is totally believable.


QUIZ
Today's title - a Blankety-Blank cheque book and pen if you can fill in the missing word, but don't bother with the invoice.

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