Tiddly-Om-Pom-Pom

Strolling along the prom, the brass bands playing tiddly-om-pom-pom.

Funnily enough, you do get brass bands, sort of, on the proms. During fiestas the local music bands are dragged out - lots of brass, lots of bugles and banging of drums. They're not quite the prom of British summers past, but they'll do.

Proms. As in promenades and not the last night thereof. Elsewhere, on Holiday Truths to be precise, someone was asking about proms. Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa were mentioned.

First things first. Why is that people rarely refer to Puerto Alcúdia? It's always just Alcúdia. They are, strictly speaking, two different places. Hardly anyone ever refers to Puerto Pollensa as Pollensa, correctly making the distinction. I suppose it's all down to the distance factor, or the absence of distance where Alcúdia and its port are concerned.

But to return to proms, someone replied that while Alcúdia has a flat prom (aren't all proms flat?), it is more "Englished" by comparison with Puerto Pollensa. Whether the Englished referred to the prom or to the whole of Alcúdia was not clear, but let's just consider this English angle, which I will expand to be British.

If you take the proms alone, those of Puertos Alcúdia and Pollensa, can either be described as British (or Englished)? Go on, can they? Between the two of them I can think of only very few establishments that are British or quasi-British. Oceano in Puerto Alcúdia, but slip an "o" on the end of ocean and you get something un-British. No Frills in Puerto Pollensa possibly, but that's half-Mallorcan, while Seamus is from Donegal; not a lot of Britishness there, except in terms of British Isles.

No, there is little or nothing British/Englished about either prom.

Broaden the concept to embrace the whole of the resorts, and what does one then get? In the ports of Alcúdia and Pollensa, there are similar numbers of British bars. There are similar numbers of British supermarkets - one per port. Only as you head off Mile way, does the Britishness really start to kick in. But hang on a minute. Granted there are a whole load of Brit tourists, granted there are a number of Brit bars, but there are an awful lot of non-Brits. Alcúdia is extraordinarily cosmopolitan; its tourism profile is that diverse that most of Europe is represented. The same cannot be said for Puerto Pollensa. What can be said is, for example, that "Bild" once famously warned its German readership from going anywhere near Puerto Pollensa because it was a "well-known English holiday citadel" (4 June 2008, "Hans Plays With Lotte"). It didn't say anything about Alcúdia, or even Puerto Alcúdia. Puerto Pollensa is so British, it has acquired the flavour of an Eastbourne. There should be more brass bands on the prom, prom, prom in Puerto P.

Ok, I know what was meant, and at least the weak old Alcúdia is like Blackpool line wasn't hauled out again. But let's compare like for like, which means comparing port with port. There's very little difference, except for the fact that Puerto Pollensa is vastly more British - one can't say "Englished" because of all the Jocks - but more British it most certainly is.


On the HOT! Facebook, there is a youtube of Bad Manners doing "I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside" (something of a coincidence as the group is playing the ReggaeSkaFest in Alcúdia today), but here is a different performance. From 1939, Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes sings "I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside". Take it away, Baz:





Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.