The Chou Chou Man: August holidays

When is a holidaymaker not a holidaymaker? The answer is when he or she is an Augustine. At least I think one could, were one of a mind to, refer to an August holidaymaker in this way. The British don't have such a term, but it exists elsewhere.

I became aware of the term in France, a notice having been chalked up onto a board next to a beach that welcomed "les aoûtiennes". They were mostly from Paris, or so a lunatic who used to dance along the beach selling chou chou nuts had it. According to his bizarre sales pitch, which consisted of a kind of poem, his chou chou nuts were the best for all the aoûtiennes "en vacances" from "Par-ee-yuh!". So effective was he, that he was a Pied Piper, trails of kids following him along the beach, joining in every time he gave chou chou the full chou chou treatment - "chou chou-wah!" They don't make beach salespeople like him any more, and more's the pity. Strangely enough, though he was clearly out of his head all the time, he was also legal.

The Spanish could have the equivalent of aoûtiennes, "agostistas" or "agostenses", though I suspect I've made both of them up. They certainly, and unfortunately, don't have mad beach sellers, only grinning young (and sometimes not so young) ladies who wish to give you a "masaje". But like the French, everything stops for August and holidays start, which is slightly odd when you think that the local schools broke up in the middle of June.

A Spanish news website recently had this thing in which it tried to convince its readership that, with August just around the corner and therefore holidays, the time was approaching to forget all that nasty IVA increase stuff, those horrible unemployment figures and the dreaded R-word. Instead, the "playa" was beckoning, everything would be all right, crisis would disappear, the euro would become the world's dominant currency and Spain would reclaim its empire.

Unfortunately, one fears that the "playa" has been part of the problem, and not only in August. There it is, a very pleasant temptation and diversion from the inconveniences of life, such as working. August may be here but so also is the head-in-sands burial time. So long as there's always the beach, nothing else matters.

A holiday is a time to put life's worries to one side, but it is pretty bloody difficult when your economy isn't going down the pan but already has. In the circumstances, rather than heading for the August beach, perhaps this August should be a month when offices don't all suddenly close, when shops don't suddenly decide there is no point in opening. There again, it is perhaps reasonable to argue that things are that terminal, another month of inactivity won't make any difference.

National politicians are, however, showing rather greater willingness to keep things going this August than in previous years. Prime Minister Rajoy, for example, will take a holiday next year, he says. It may actually be a very long holiday; a very long holiday from being prime minister at any rate. Otherwise, we can all rest easy in the knowledge that the minister for the Hacienda will be working practically the whole of August.

What of local leaders in the Balearics? Announcements have yet to be made, but how can they take holidays? The mayor of Palma, for example, is confronted with the possibility that Palma will be on strike for most of August, not that anyone would probably notice, given that it is August, but Emaya has announced eleven days of (in)action, adding to the strike dates previously registered by the bus drivers. The last thing any of these leaders need is being caught on camera, sunning themselves by a beach chiringuito, sipping a mojito. "¿Cree-sis? ¿Cuál cree-sis?" Bauzá in particular is going to need to be at his desk, aware that the man who in a few months probably won't be prime minister has called a grand parley of the regions' presidents in September, designed to show the world that Spain is united and strong (don't laugh).

Sorry, but August really should be cancelled, and this applies to everyone. No agostistas this year, thanks very much. The beach will always be there next year, assuming there is a next year and that we haven't all had to inure ourselves completely against reality by resorting to consuming industrial quantities of hard drugs and resigning ourselves to having to sell chou chou nuts.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.


Index for July 2012

August holidays - 31 July 2012
Catalan and public workers - 19 July 2012
Citizenship - 9 July 2012
Coastal development and human pressure - 17 July 2012
Coasts Law reform - 14 July 2012
Cruise ship in Alcúdia - 22 July 2012, 28 July 2012
Excursions and Mallorca's travel agencies - 29 July 2012
Fiestas: lesser known - 27 July 2012
IVA rise - 4 July 2012, 12 July 2012
Maria Munar - 18 July 2012
Meliá Hotels International and Palacio de Congresos - 6 July 2012
Noise - 24 July 2012
Norman Foster at Pollensa Festival - 10 July 2012
Nouriel Roubini - 1 July 2012
Olympics as seen from Mallorca - 26 July 2012, 30 July 2012
Poverty in the Balearics - 13 July 2012
Public toilets in Palma - 8 July 2012
Regional government and financial autonomy - 23 July 2012
Spain and Euro 2012 - 3 July 2012
Sports tourism and Bradley Wiggins - 25 July 2012
Sports tourism forum - 11 July 2012
Street names and historical figures - 16 July 2012
Strikes in Mallorca - 5 July 2012
Tourism law - 20 July 2012
Tourism opinion survey - 2 July 2012
Town hall rationalisation - 15 July 2012
Virgen del Carmen night party - 7 July 2012