Lights Going Out And A Kick In The Balls

Follow the leader. Or something like that. No sooner has Puerto Alcúdia had its day of the tourist than Calvia is going to do likewise. 25 September and it will be a day of fun, fun, fun and thanks to the visitors who fill the coffers of Palmanova and Magalluf licensed premises. Worryingly, the whole thing is set to end with performances by groups doing "internationally known songs", to quote "The Bulletin". Sounds like more Beatlejuice to me. Whatever.

Tourist days. Sounds all well and good, but why are they taking place in September? And with this in mind, what about thanking all the other tourists? Those who will be around and who were around in Alcúdia will be and were the unwitting representatives of a whole season's tourist humanity. I hope they feel suitably honoured. But it is a bit undemocratic. Having a tourist day seems like a tautology. Every day is a tourist day during the season, is it not? One day among the 184 of the official season when the tourist is lauded; the other 183 when he is not. Are all tourist establishments to be given smile lessons and hand out "I Love Tourists" badges? And what of the ents to be staged? Where are the drink as much as you can until your head expands and projectile vomiting contests? No true day of the tourist would be complete without them. 183 days of the year they take place, so why not the 184th? What they should do is make the tourist day a national holiday, not tell any tourists and then close everything for the day. That would be more like it.

Or perhaps a tourist day should involve a good old, healthy punch-up, especially for the Brits; or at least some 12 per cent of them. "The Diario" today reports on findings from a body of the European Commission which say that this percentage was engaged in street or "places of night entertainment" scraps during 2007. It will surprise few to learn that the Brits head the league table. That 12 per cent may be a tad on the conservative side. It does not seem to include incidents that occur within the confines of hotels. Having a bundle is, for some, all part of the holiday experience and entertainment - "lights going out and a kick in the balls".

The fisherman's fair in Puerto Pollensa that occurred over the weekend, decreed a success, would probably not have attracted many who prefer a touch of violence to some samples of Mallorcan produce and gastronomy. Ostensibly a fair to celebrate all things sea-going, this event also embraces the land, in the form of information regarding things such as honey and almonds as well as "show cooking" of different dishes. The fair takes its place alongside others on the island which do similar; all part of a hoped-for spin-off into a different form of tourism.

"Show cooking" is something one stumbles across quite a bit here. There is a place in Puerto Alcúdia, for example, that advertises itself as a show cooking location. The restaurant, Pippers, shows off a grill and the cooking of meat. The term appears to be a translation of "muestra" ("mostra" in Catalan), to mean show or demonstration. As such, it has crept into general usage and has moved away from the mere sense of a demonstration to become a "show" - the preparation of a meal as a spectacular, if you like. But also as such, although the individual words - show and cooking - are clearly understandable, the concept may not be. The anglicisation as a promotional device may, ironically, make sense to the Spanish but may mean less to the Brit, or indeed other nationalities. Expect, therefore, there to be more and more restaurants engaging in it.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Undertones. Today's title - this has been a question before; well worthy of repetition though; where's it from?

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