I'm A Substitute

For once a bit of animal sense, and it has come from an unexpected source - in terms of sense, that is - Pollensa town hall. The council's assembly has rejected a proposal to substitute, with replicas, the cock of the Pi de Ternelles fiesta and the lamb of Corpus Christi. (The Pi de Ternelles occurs in January as part of the Sant Antoni fiesta; the "pi" is the pine that gets soaped up and some nutters try and climb it; the lamb is not actually slaughtered, as, in accordance with the old tradition of Corpus Christi, it once was.) The Mallorcans may be showing hitherto hidden sensitivity towards animals, but there is a point beyond which the artificial replacements in the name of animal welfare all become rather silly. The Can Picafort rubber duck lunacy is an example. The notion that, for instance, an imitation lamb on wheels perhaps might be rolled through the streets of the town rather than an actual lamb is only sensible in its sheer nonsensicality; it would be an hilarious act of surreal comedy to do so. Perhaps they should substitute the live lamb on second thoughts. Indeed why stop at the animals? How about a Teletubbies version of the Last Supper at Easter for instance? Rather than an actual pine tree, environmentally destructive as it clearly is, how about one of those tinselly fake Christmas tree things? And as for the cock, please don't anybody start getting ideas about imitation cocks. Just stop it and behave yourselves.

But as I've mentioned before, the animal crackers that Pollensa town hall haven't pulled out notwithstanding, how is it that bulls can still be killed? The town hall has agreed that no animals will be killed on its patch; there again, it doesn't, unlike Alcúdia and Muro, have a bullring, or anything quite as obscene as the Fornalutx bull run. Surely a bull substitute could be introduced. Something like those souvenir bulls with a sombrero, but in large scale. Put it in the middle of the ring and let the matador accost it with the comfy chair and cushions.


Winter has come early this year. Early, that is, in respect of hotels being closed. I got quite a surprise yesterday morning. The Rio Mar in Playa de Muro. Shut. And it's not even October. What with the Lagomonte packing up next weekend, and the Viva Sunrise just a bit after, the situation in Alcúdia is not much different. The season is collapsing in on itself. Meanwhile the director-general of Iberostar says that there will be fewer hotels (not just his, but all) open this winter and the occupation will be lower. So much for all those social tourists and for that announcement (who was it made it?; politician probably) which reckoned the tourist industry would help this winter to take up the unemployment in the construction industry. They really haven't got a clue, have they. Into all this strides the editor of "The Bulletin" who says that, on top of the economic crisis comes the likely acquisition of the island's main football team by a foreigner and the resultant cry among Mallorcans as to what's happening. I can tell them exactly what's happening. It is the sound of the walls of the island's complacency tumbling around them together with the wails of politicians who have lived off that complacency and are now exposed as not only having little to turn to but also as being inadequate. It's going to be a long winter.


ISLAND FAIRS
I have been talking about the fairs that occur on the island in autumn. Today is the climax of the wine fair in Binissalem and this coming weekend is Alcúdia's fair. At this time of the year, the whole of Mallorca seems to get in on the fair act, and many of them tend to be disregarded by the visitor. However, they afford the opportunity to experience something with a touch of authenticity and to visit places that might not otherwise be on the normal visitor trail. To this end, No Frills are offering trips to two such fairs - one in Lluc and the other in Esporles. The information for the mountain fair (Lluc) and the sweet fair (Esporles) is on the WHAT'S ON BLOG - http://www.wotzupnorth.blogspot.com.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Bronski Beat (www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7-q1WRaKNg). Today's title - should I even be asking "who"?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)