Sunday, July 31, 2016

The Winner Is ... Papa Smurf?

Spanish TV, which manages to justify 24-hour news coverage with greater repetition than even CNN or Sky can inflict (meaning an enormous amount of repetition, or at least from experiences of times before I gave them both up as bad jobs), had this thing the other day in which The Four Great Leaders were shown in split screen over and over and over again. Here was a metaphor for the Spanish nightmare of forever being visited in the dead of night by the ghosts of elections failed, failing and yet to fail. Loop after loop was displayed, as I sipped an Americano (a longish process) and waited for something else to appear. It didn't. And it has been much like this for the past how ever months it has been. In they are wheeled (not actually on wheels, which might make for an interesting diversion) by one bloke in white to await the handshake and to then be wheeled in elsewhere by another bloke in white.

We're talking the Mariano-Pedro-Albert-Pablo Show. And tonight's star guest is the King. Whoop! Whoop! In between the two wheeling processes, there is a pause, as each stands alone, face to camera(s), exposed for all to see. Dec (as in Albert, the little C of the C's) made haste with hands, clasped over his crutch. Were his flies undone? Crikey, what a thing that would have been. And would have been even worse, having to adjust one's seating to avoid the King's subsequent growling glare and frantically attempting to up the flies.

Each of The Four Great Leaders in the solitary moments pre-handshake betray a great deal. It's as though they're about to be ushered into the head's study. "Right, Iglesias, bend over. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

Pablo shuffles in stage left (right as you look at it), open-necked shirt and chinos, a dude from the 'hood with attitude. Albert. Well, we already know about Albert. Maybe he in fact had a slight accident in the royal urinal: God, that would be even worse. Pedro, the head boy, for whom a career in consultancy beckons. And finally Mariano. Senior master Mariano, doing the Mariano grinning thing, something tutored into him once he became premier (president). "Oh do try and smile, Mariano." He attempts it and, as ever, fails, managing in the process to look like Papa Smurf.

When the solitary moment is about to pass, the other bloke in white emerges (stage right, left as you look at it) and is followed in by the King. Out goes the hand, the shake is consecrated. Pause for camera(s), and if you don't get a good shot, you can always use the one you took earlier, i.e. the last time The Four Great Leaders had their rendezvous with monarchical fate.

Pablo doesn't shuffle this time, he slopes. "Hey, King bro', wassup!?" and pulls out his phone. "Hey, Pokémon. I found the Pokémon right here in the palace. Cool."

Albert: oh dear. "Never mind, Rivera, just don't do it again." "Sorry, King."

Pedro: "I believe, Your Majesty, that we are in a quadruple-stasis environment situation, demanding a meta-based impact analytical scenario within a re-engineering chaos theoretical paradigm and framework. I've prepared the PowerPoint. Oh, I did go to business school, you know." "I didn't. I was at Georgetown. Washington. A master's in international relations. The sort of thing politicians are meant to do."

Mariano: "This is a song with a nice refrain. Yes, we will sing it once again. From Smurf Land where we belong. All together now. La, la, la, la, la, la ..." The King, hoping against hope that one of The Four Great Leaders is going to present a viable plan to form the next government, turns and looks at the TV screen. Over and over and over. Again.

Index for July 2016

Alcanada power station - 8 July 2016
Alcudia and port developments - 4 July 2016, 5 July 2016
Amnesia and raids on other clubs - 10 July 2016
Brexit and other matters - 13 July 2016
Catalan policies - 15 July 2016, 20 July 2016
Emser, Pollensa - 11 July 2016
Fiestas and attitudes of the left - 9 July 2016
Hotelbeds - 14 July 2016
Individualism in Mallorca - 29 July 2016
Low Cost Holidays - 23 July 2016
Magalluf crime - 12 July 2016, 26 July 2016
Mancor de la Vall demons - 2 July 2016
Moors and Christians, Pollensa - 31 July 2016
Overbooking, occupancy and statistics - 27 July 2016
Palma police corruption - 3 July 2016
Podemos mistrust of PSOE - 18 July 2016
Pollensa town hall rows - 7 July 2016
Sant Crist, Alcudia - 25 July 2016
Seasonal workers - 28 July 2016
Sources of impatience - 22 July 2016
Spanish government - 24 July 2016, 31 July 2016
Tourist tax commission - 21 July 2016
Tourist tax introduction - 1 July 2016, 30 July 2016
Virgen del Carmen - 17 July 2016
Vueling chaos - 6 July 2016, 16 July 2016
When it rains in Mallorca in summer - 19 July 2016

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