Keep Feeling Fascination: Mallorca people

Barbara Walters, the antique American TV presenter and journalist, produces an annual list of her ten most fascinating people, these being ten fascinating people, as chosen by Barbara Walters, who aren't Barbara Walters.

Choosing fascinating people? How fascinating. It's fascinating to know how fascinating is defined. Very interesting? Intriguing? Walters has chosen as those who are über-fascinating, and among others, General David Petraeus (last year), J.K.Rowling, Lance Armstrong and Bill Clinton.

Fascinating does, pretty much by definition I guess, mean famous. In WaltersWorld, it would do, but in other worlds, it might not have to. Who, for instance, have been the ten most facinating people in Mallorca during 2011? Now, there's a question. There would doubtless be many who would consider themselves to be endlessly fascinating, many of them Brits who are anything but.

Having posed myself the task of attempting to do a Walters and come up with a shortlist of Mallorcan fascination, I very quickly ran up against an obstacle; I couldn't think of anyone. Perhaps Mallorca doesn't do fascinating, or I just lead a very sheltered existence, unexposed to all the fascination that adorns the island's nightclubs, yachts and golf courses.

One fancies that it is the glitterati in which many would invest fascination. It all depends, however, on your definition or indeed knowledge of the glitterati, and for sure Mallorca has it in abundance, most of it shallow, self-serving and self-publicising; a celebrity under-class of the non-celebrity.

The Walters top tens have been littered with those from the world of politics. Taking this as a hint, does Mallorca have any politicians who might merit the fascinating tag? Bauzá? Hardly. There is little to fascinate other than his having been perfectly formed out of a PP mould of cloned austerity; he is the Borg of the Balearics, and this isn't a reference to Björn.

What about Carlos Delgado? Perhaps, but only because it's fascinating to understand why so many people dislike him. More left field and more left wing would be Miquel Ensenyat, mayor of Esporles and failed candidate for the national parliament of the PSM Mallorcan socialists. Why him? Because he is an openly gay politician, which in Mallorca, but I might be wrong, doesn't seem like a great career move. Having said that, nor is membership of the PSM.

Away from politics, the year has thrown up the Duke of Palma. Is he fascinating? He most certainly wasn't, as no one had ever heard of him other than those who hold an unhealthy fascination for all things royal. The limelight, though, has not made him fascinating. What is fascinating is the case mounting against him and all the money that seems to have been finding its way to him over the past few years. Fascinating, as once again it asks a question as to what type of society allows people, be they politicians or married into royalty, to feel that they can - allegedly - trample over societal mores in the pursuit of lucre with which to line their pockets. But then the added fascination is - what social mores?

The world of business has some candidates, not least those at the top of the hotel food chains. Miquel Fluxá and the Escarrers, father and son, of Meliá, for instance. The Escarrers, through their plans for Magalluf, have highlighted, if highlighting was indeed necessary, the dominance of the hotel industry in Mallorca. Fluxá is, though, more fascinating, if only because he looks like a Red Indian chief.

Air Berlin's Alvaro Middelmann, a rare voice of unremitting common sense in the tourism industry, might do. But he, as with the politicians and the other businesspeople, is not someone who can be said to touch the life of the common man in the café. The common man in the café reading his newspaper is more inclined to a fascination with Rafa Nadal or to be fascinated by the fascinating and at times bizarre goings-on at Real Mallorca. Or more inclined to be fascinated by someone who is, to no small extent, a newspaper phenomenon. Or was. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the nominee for fascination. Riki Lash.

What has happened to him? His column, compiled with the use of a language he invented - Lashlish - has descended into Reuterised news-feed comprehensibility. For no other reason than the unlashing of Lashlish lexicography and the complete absence of an explanation as to why, the fascination award has to go to the enigma that is Riki.

We hope he's all right, as we want our Lash back.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.