Always The Sun

There is a story that you may have missed. It has to do with a town called La Muela in Aragon on the mainland. Though a story from "the peninsula", it could just as easily be of Mallorcan origin. And that is because it has to do with corruption in public life.

What makes La Muela particularly interesting is that it reveals that nothing in Spain, not even the sun and the wind, is immune to corrupt practices - allegedly - so long as there is a backhanded buck to be made. The story surrounds wind farms in La Muela and the boom in clean energy, which also includes solar "gardens", and the consequent boom in less-than-transparent behaviour and the acquisition of monies from questionable sources. All allegedly, it should be repeated.

As so often with these cases, a mayor is implicated: La Muela's in this instance. Other officials in other parts of Spain are under investigation in connection with certain suspicious activities, such as the trafficking of licences to provide solar gardens. In the wider sense, these are all environmentally sound manifestations of the malaise in the construction industry and among "notoriously corrupt real estate developers". These words come from a piece in "The Observer", as does the information for this blog item (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/22/la-muela-renewables-spain-corruption).

Apart from demonstrating that Mother Nature is herself corruptible or an unwitting party to corruption, these cases show just how widespread inappropriate behaviour is in Spanish public life. The spate of scandals in Mallorca, which now includes the latest tourism minister implicated in the case of a road scheme (always construction, you see), has led to some comment that not only is Balearic administration so riven with corruption it should be given over to central control from Madrid but also that there should be early elections to sort things out. The problems with these suggestions are that you wouldn't necessarily know if you could trust a central control system any more than the local one while early elections might bring back into power the Partido Popular, the party most exposed to corruption charges dating from the past few years.

One is left, I am afraid, to conclude that, rife though corruption is and has been in Mallorca, it is not the only part of Spain to suffer and that perhaps this is all just part of a cultural phenomenon. That seems a facile thing to conclude, but what else is one to make of all these cases? If you can steal from the sun and the wind, you can steal anything.


Mysteries of public provision
A whole series with that title must surely beckon, but let's try this one for starters. I was in Pollensa yesterday. The place was packed. Market day. Weather was very fine. Sun, sun and sun. Lots of tourists, and not only German and Swiss cyclists with their tell-tale Hürzeler accessories. And yet ... Why, on a Sunday of all days, when it's the market and there are quite so many people around, is the tourist office shut? I know Pollensa town hall is broke, but they may as well say to hell with it and pay double time.


Mallorca Top Gear Rally
Officially renamed thus as clearly no-one else took part, despite the best position in the race of the three only being 30th by Jeremy Clarkson. Above is a photo of said presenter/journo together with Ben, and there is a host of photos of Ben and Sara with the Top Gear-ists and other shots at http://picasaweb.google.com/mallorcaben/MallorcaClassicCarRally2009#.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Canned Heat (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrljWGIHB7c). Today's title - and always the wind, too, but not in this song by ...?

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Two Lanes Will Take Us Anywhere

The power of shaming. Sara did duly send me some snippets, one of which confirmed that it would indeed be illegal to drive with one's wing mirrors detached or in some way not meeting the requirements. The local driving theory book - in its English version, it must be pointed out - is full of "requirements", "obligations" and so on, which suggests it was originally written in fact by a German. Anyway, perhaps the most important thing to emerge has to do with roundabouts, the negotiation of which - for anyone who has ever attempted this here - is open to considerable interpretation as to precisely what one should do. So, here we go, and definitely wake up at the back because this is important stuff.

Right, you have two lanes going towards a roundabout. Let's assume, for one moment, that it is the Pointed Thing, some say Fish Hook Roundabout at the great Muro-Alcúdia divide, itself a roundabout of two lanes - theoretically at any rate - and that you are coming from Can Picafort. Now, the left exit goes to Palma and Sa Pobla, and that is where you want to go. So, the question is this. In which lane do you approach the roundabout and then remain as you circumnavigate the Pointed Thing?

If you have said the left-hand lane, you would be wrong, because it's the right. But for those of you with hands-on or should that be wheels-on experience of this particular roundabout, you will know that virtually no-one follows this procedure. I include myself in this. Indeed, those who do cause considerable confusion (see below). Yet, here is the evidence:

"As the exits are situated on the right (by which it means, one presumes, that you leave a roundabout by turning right), the driver must, as a general rule, situate himself in the right hand lane in order to exit. The exit must always take place using the right turn signal (indicating right) in advance but ensuring that no confusion is caused to other road users."

All clear? Well, of course, it isn't thanks, in particular, to that marvellous caveat "as a general rule". Anything that explains itself by reference to "as a general rule" can of course be interpreted in an entirely different way. One should also note the second brackets in the above, which are from the book and are not my own. They contain the mysterious word "indicating". For you and I this might well be understandable, but local Mallorcan folk would struggle even with a Catalan translation of the word. It comes as something of a surprise that the act of indicating is even mentioned, especially as it is intended to ensure that "no confusion is caused to other road users", because the creation of maximum confusion has always seemed to me to be uppermost in the minds of those using local roundabouts. And the indication "using the right turn signal" does seem to rather contradict convention which is, when the indicator is used at all, to signal left.

Still, I am immensely grateful to Sara, and I'm sure you will all wish to thank her as well and to wish her great success with her driving lessons. And may she always, as a general rule, exit using her right turn signal.


One wonders, still on matters of an automotive nature, whether those taking part in the Classic Car Rally are subject to the same rules, or absence of the rules of the Mallorcan road as others. It is a not unimportant issue because, as mentioned before, the Top Gear boys are going to be hacking around the tarmac of the island this year, and one would hate for them to fall foul of Trafico. Were they to do so might cast a shadow over what otherwise should prove to be a very positive thing for Mallorca. Top Gear has not only a large audience in the UK, it is has a worldwide following. It all does rather depend, though, on how much coverage there is and of what. Meanwhile, "The Bulletin" says that, following its breaking of the news that Clarkson and his chums were on their way, the British community has been "thrown into a frenzy". Perhaps I am one of those because a frenzy means a state of mental derangement, and, along with all British expats, I am mentally deranged as a consequence of knowing that Jeremy Clarkson will be in Mallorca. Actually, this frenzy has been a "long list of people wishing to get involved". And you could just about have predicted it - all manner of bloody wannabes and hangers-on will be wishing to grab a piece of the action. The expat socialite set will be seeking to decamp from their normal places of vacuity for some photo ops with Jezza and co. Platinum blondes of wrinkly brownness tottering in a Barbara Windsor manner atop non-sensible twin towers of Jimmy Choo's accompanied by their husbands - the Blingmaster Flashes. I trust that Clarkson will bring with him his sharpest of pens.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Whitney Houston (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJ_2zQYUFg). Today's title - comes from what is considered one of his finest; he's a bossy sort and the song has a weather element.

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But Not Forgotten

There are times when I get a distinct sense of déjà vu.

There are times when I get a distinct sense of déjà vu.

And it was like it only happened yesterday. All of it. Well, a lot of it. Like the Tour of Mallorca cycle race. It starts today. It is a year since the last one, which you might expect to be the case, but it doesn't make it any less mindboggling. It was like it only happened yesterday.

There was this thing a few weeks ago about a woman who has total memory. That is total memory, as in she cannot forget things. From ever. It's all there. It never goes. Total recall. All the time. Can you imagine that? Not that I have a similar affliction, but I may see the most inconsequential of things and a whole history comes into my mind - as, for instance, with the Tour of Mallorca.

We All Stand Together, 12 February, 2008. That was the last time. A year ago. It seems hard to believe. I remember the miserable faces of the Guardia doing the security (nothing unusual about that I suppose; miserable Guardia faces, that is), meeting someone walking his dogs, going into Kroxan for a coffee, seeing the bike clothing and gear for sale close to the finishing line, missing the taking of a photo with the mayor in it, making the jibe about what do the totty on the winner's platform have in their bags, asking what the point is of being a spectator at this sort of thing. Last year a stage ended in Puerto Alcúdia. By Kroxan. It was a sunny day. I can also remember the haze that afternoon that hung over the Sant Marti mountain as I gazed the length of Tucan in anticipation of the riders haring towards the finish.

I also remember that this race used to have a stage that started in Pollensa. I remember it pouring down with rain one year, waiting in Café Illa and then heading up to the Carrer Costa i Llobera to see the cyclists negotiate the wet and slippery cobbles. It seemed like a health and safety issue to get too close to the riders.They've changed this. Not everything remains the same, even if the memory does and so it was with the Classic Car rally. A stage did start from the nautical club. Ben, who would like to run his MG Midget in the race, thinks not now. Of course it wouldn't. Stupid me. How could it? The cars went along the front line. Couldn't now, could they. Pedestrianised. Or maybe they suspend that for a day. No-one much pays any attention to it anyway. It might be good if they were to list the stages on the website. Maybe they will. Classic Car Rally, 18-21 March - http://www.rallyislamallorca.com/


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Queen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuxS-9t3tnY). Today - forgiven but ... and the youtube - a real treat - is from before they were well-known.

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Bump 'n' Grind

Sleeping policemen. Was it "The Mail On Sunday" that used to feature a sleeping policeman in an ad? "Not a snooze paper", or something like that. Two days in a row and references to British newspapers. What can this possibly mean? Precisely nothing. But sleeping policemen. Bumps in the road. Designed to slow you down, though you do wonder about the necessity given the state of some of them. With the current months-long digging up of the carretera in front of the Vanity hotel, you have to use the road that runs parallel. You take that at speed at your peril. All manner of holes and sunken sewer covers.

Ben, he of Piccadilly Ben as was, has reminded me of the nature of these bumps. His girlfriend Sara had a bump of her own, taking on one of these things armed - or maybe that should be footed - solely (as it were) with some rollerblades. Things that go bump in the day. The old bolted-in bumps weren't so bad mainly because they fell to pieces and a swift manouevre could glide you through without obstacle. Except that when they fell to pieces, the bolts came out and stuck in your tyres. As I know. So now the bumps are solid-state. I'm sure people used to go and unbolt some of the old ones in the dead of night because one day there would have been one and the next day there wasn't. Not these ones they won't. Concrete. Immovable except with the aid of some serious grinding and drilling with a Kango Wolf. Not so much a sleeping as a dead policeman with full rigor mortis. And they are everywhere.

Ben also reminds me that the Classic Car Rally is due to take place from 5 March. One can but only hope the route doesn't take in too much concrete boneshaking. Not all classic cars were built to last. Some old sports job held together with string takes one of them at high speed, and bang - bits of chassis, wheels, engine spread all over the place. Perhaps they are all the idea of some Dick Dastardly in the roads authority or the Mallorcan cement industry. Anyway, if you fancy seeing some of the wacky races, here is the link www.rallyislamallorca.com/basic/estilos/index.php?nocache=1723 and here are some photos from Ben http://picasaweb.google.com/mallorcaben/MallorcaClassicCarRally2007

And while on reminders, here is some info on when some places are opening. Foxes Arms will start up on Monday, 3 March, which should ensure time enough to follow Leicester City's fortune, or possibly misfortune, as they slip into Division 1 or is it 2 or maybe 3. Not as it was in my day. Vamps and Canny Lad are getting going at the end of the month. And yep, time enough to watch the Messiah taking the Toon Army to the promised land of the Championship. And finally, Hidropark will not open 1 May this year, but 5 May. So now you know. Did I mention that Spurs won the Carling Cup by the way?


QUIZ
Yesterday - was of course "Oliver". Today's title - biggie from which US R&B singer?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)


Index for February 2008

Albufera – 3 February 2008
Alcúdia’s power station – 15 February 2008
Art – 24 February 2008
Bailey’s Irish Café-Bar – 11 February 2008
Bars – 6 February 2008, 11 February 2008
Bellevue – 8 February 2008
Blogs – 23 February 2008
Café La Sala – 20 February 2008
Cafeteria Mediterraneo – 23 February 2008
Canoeing – 11 February 2008
Carnation sellers – 29 February 2008
Carnival – 1 February 2008
Centro Canino – 10 February 2008
Corsaris, Alcúdia – 2 February 2008
Crime – 21 February 2008, 29 February 2008
Cycling – 9 February 2008, 12 February 2008
Dogs – 10 February 2008
Driving – 22 February 2008
Environment – 15 February 2008, 16 February 2008
Expatriates – 14 February 2008
Fiestas – 1 February 2008
General election – 7 February 2008, 13 February 2008, 14 February 2008
Hamilton, Lewis – 5 February 2008
Help Unlimited – 19 February 2008
Holiday lets – 18 February 2008
Home design – 19 February 2008
Hotels – 8 February 2008, 16 February 2008, 17 February 2008, 18 February 2008
Immigration – 13 February 2008, 14 February 2008
Internet – 18 February 2008
La Birreria – 6 February 2008
Lago Esperanza – 11 February 2008
Life On Mars – 28 February 2008
Light – 24 February 2008
Live music – 6 February 2008
Mayors – 6 February 2008
Metamorphosis – 19 February 2008
Nationalities – 17 February 2008
Painting – 24 February 2008
Partido Popular – 13 February 2008, 14 February 2008
Perfume – 27 February 2008
Pickpocketing – 29 February 2008
Police – 4 February 2008
Processionary caterpillars – 10 February 2008
Property management – 19 February 2008
Racism – 5 February 2008, 13 February 2008, 14 February 2008
Rajoy, Mariano – 13 February 2008, 14 February 2008
Roads – 22 February 2008
Rugby – 2 February 2008
Sa Cisterna – 20 February 2008
Santa Margalida – 6 February 2008
Shopping – 27 February 2008
Solecito Apartments – 17 February 2008
Son Serra de Marina – 4 February 2008
Spanish economy – 7 February 2008
Spanish television – 28 February 2008
Sports tourism – 9 February 2008, 11 February 2008, 25 February 2008
Stefanel – 27 February 2008
Sunwing Resort – 17 February 2008
Tour of Mallorca – 9 February 2008, 12 February 2008
Tour operators – 16 February 2008
Tourists – 26 February 2008
TUI – 16 February 2008
Vanity Hotel Golf – 16 February 2008
Wines – 20 February 2008
Winter tourism – 1 February 2008
Women in business – 19 February 2008