The Obamas And The Tourist Tax

The Queen, Letizia that is, has apparently invited the Obamas to Mallorca. Were they to come, it wouldn't be the first time that Mallorca has experienced some Obamaisation. Michelle and the younger of the Obama girls, Sasha, were here in 2010. But now it would appear that, during the royals visit to Washington, Tizzy suggested that the whole Obama clan drops in at the Marivent for a spot of summer vacationing. Which will be nice for them and pretty damn good PR for Mallorca as well, if it comes off.

There is, however, one key question that would arise from this. Would the Obamas pay the tourist tax? Indeed, what will happen, assuming Biel has had his way and the tax is up and running in time for next season, when the royals pitch up?

Biel Barceló, or BB as we should now refer to him with due recognition of his Bardot-esque status as Mallorca's "homme fatale", needs to get his holiday accommodation regulations sorted out sharpish. Where do royal palaces fit in with this scheme of things, especially ones that Mallorca shells out some million or so euros per annum for its caretaker and the blokes who change the light bulbs and cut the grass? The King, decent cove that he is, wouldn't flinch at handing over some folding euro notes as tourist tax payment, but who's going to demand it of him? Or of the Obamas?

My own suggestion would be that the Speaker of parliament, Xelo Huertas, is pressed into service as tax collector. As she suggested to His Royal Highness that the wonga forked out for the recent reception at the Almudaina would have been better spent on soup kitchens, then the task should be hers and be in the full glare of the media: the royals stumping up the tax and Xelo then shooting off and thrusting it into the hands of some Syrian refugees in their Arenal hostel. But Xelo, people would say, this isn't what the tax is intended for. It isn't?, she would query, but rightly point out that BB and La Presidenta have alluded to the "solidarity" nature of the tax. Tourists showing solidarity with Mallorca, in whatever way, and joyfully forking out the equivalent of an evening's drinking (or more than one evening in all likelihood) in rescuing the island and the islanders from the penury forced onto them by the evil Mariano and Count of the Mount of Gold.

To all those making bids for their cut from the tax we now have to add Mallorca's small farmers - small as in size of holdings as opposed to stature. As tourists take selfies of themselves in front of almond trees or peasants packing straw, then they are worthy recipients of the tax as well. And quite right, too. Indeed, the more applicants to benefit from the tax the better, and in the spirit of the new age of politics, might I suggest that Podemos organise a text-voting system to figure out where the revenues should go? Participation is the word of the moment, and it should involve all the taxpayers - resident and tourist alike - given that residents are now also classed as tourists.

Among those bidding for some tax money would be myself, my justification being that, erm, well I don't have one, but as every other bugger wants a cut, then why not? With a massive social media campaign, I'd storm to tax victory and then willingly share the booty in demonstrating solidarity with the bodegas of Mallorca.