I've Not Booked O-Boner: Nude Mallorca

The largest tour operator in Europe that specialises in naturist holidays is a German company called Oböna. Please note the umlaut over the second "o". Those of you who are familiar with the German umlaut will know that it extends the sound of a vowel. Oböna is, therefore, pronounced O-berner. However, the umlaut is often ignored, perhaps deliberately. The pronunciation then becomes O-boner.

Prurience, as in the wrongful pronunciation, is par for the course when it comes to naturism and naturist holidays. Naturism retains the power to titillate and to arouse titters, all words - titillate, arouse, titters - one uses advisedly in this context. Prurience, innuendo, oo-er missus. Naturism is the stuff of a Carry On film, and it very nearly was, before Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw realised that they had gone to the wrong Paradise campsite.

Mallorca now has, thanks to Oböna, its first naturist hotel. It is the Aparthotel Sa Punta de s'Estanyol in Colonia Sant Pere. Only a small hotel, it is located close to the beach of Sa Canova, one that lies between Colonia and Son Serra de Marina, and which for years has been an unofficial nudist beach.

The unofficial nature of Sa Canova's status might make the choice of hotel seem a little odd. According to the blurb, guests can, after all, stroll to the beach in kitless bliss. Yet being unofficial, you might wonder how they can. The point is that, though there are official nudist beaches in Mallorca - part of Es Trenc being the best known - there is seemingly little difference between what is official and what isn't. At least, this is the interpretation adopted by the Spanish Naturist Federation.

You might be surprised to learn that, according to the federation (and I quote from its website): "In Spain, nudism is another of your rights. At this time, there is freedom of nudism in any public area in Spain and no authorisation is required. Beaches, rivers, lakes, open fields, tracks, roads, streets, squares, parks, etc. are public areas in Spain. According to the current legislation, nudism cannot be limited nor sanctioned and even less so forbidden".

A few years ago, the combined might of Alcúdia and Muro town halls became aware of my having publicised on the internet that the rustic beach in Playa de Muro (known as Es Comú) was popular with naturists. Oh, don't say this, they insisted. Why not? It's a matter of record. One only had to wander along the beach to realise that it was.

There was a lack of keenness for attention to be drawn to the nature of naturism in Muro because of its potentially negative impact. I pointed out what the federation had to say, so suggesting that, in theory, nudism could be practised on any beach. When an attempt was made to check the information on its website, it couldn't be accessed. It had been blocked, presumably by someone administering Alcúdia town hall's web server.

This, in itself, told a story. Naturism might be a minority holidaymaker interest, but interest it nevertheless is. Maps showing nudist beaches on Mallorca have been around for ages, and they are ones that have been produced by a governmental body. Yet, here were two town halls, and two town hall tourism organisations who were rather of the view that the N-word shouldn't be named. Or even viewed on the internet. In Artà, the town which hosts both Sa Canova beach and the aparthotel, they are presumably less bashful.

I could, though, understand that there might be reluctance to draw attention to the legal interpretation adopted by the federation. Whether it is right or not, its implication that one could wander the streets kit off with total impunity sounds very risky, just as going tackle out on any beach might not be looked upon with complete favour. It might not lead to a collar being felt (not that there would be one to feel), but it might lead to one being thought a bit of a berk. Or a plonker, if you'll pardon a further innuendo. On one occasion, on a part of Playa de Muro's beach that isn't naturist, some chap was smugly lying there sunning his crown jewels. As he was the only one who was, he was either extremely stupid or an exhibitionist.

As there are beaches, such as Sa Canova, where it is common knowledge that they are naturist, why isn't there some admission that they are? If there is anxiety over offence being caused, then the simple expedient of a sign would notify the unwary, so long as it's not the sign of an o-boner. 


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.