Vidimus Killed The Wannabe Radio Star

In my university days I had some small experience of radio. It consisted of twice being interviewed, once of being a presenter as part of a pills-assisted "all-nighter" special and once of impersonating a leading student far-left politico and making out that I had renounced Trotsky and had seen the light of capitalism. The last of these experiences made me realise that some people did actually listen to the university radio; an announcement had to subsequently be made that it was a hoax.

Local radio is for local communities. In theory it is a good idea. The problem with it is that it isn't national radio and suffers by comparison in terms of resources and of slickness and professionalism. Much of it tends to also be derivative. Back in university days, the DJs all sounded like John Peel as he used to sound when he was still under the influence of the Pink Floyd. Nowadays they are more likely to be of the wacky variety, the Chris Moyles impersonator-style, the Westwood or Tong or, for the mature audience, the whispering Bob Harris.

The greatest problem, however, lies with providing a compelling reason for people to listen. It isn't sufficient to believe that merely being of a community constitutes a reason to listen. It doesn't, because there are so many alternatives. These alternatives may not deal with local issues, but unless these local issues are presented in a way that makes for required listening, the local station is unlikely to have much impact and much by way of listenership.

The British community in Mallorca now has not one but two radio stations, both having started virtually simultaneously. The history of English-speaking radio on the island is long, as Riki Lash, who was one of its mainstays, continues to tell those who can penetrate and understand his unique Lashlish in the "Bulletin". It has also been a faltering history. But now, despite all the competition from other radio stations, easily accessible through different means, and from other media, two have emerged - Spectrum and Radio One Mallorca.

The latter is a product of Globo Balear, the entertainment concern responsible for Pirates. As a channel for promoting its shows, the station probably makes some sense, but it, as with Spectrum, faces the same challenge. Why would anyone listen?

I confess to having listened very little. What would make me abandon the BBC or a superior Spanish station such as RTE3 for some wannabe DJ on local English radio? Very little. Radio One Mallorca does, from the brief bit I have listened into, have a degree of oomph, if only from the music. If it's aiming for the youthful Mallorca-based market, then it may well be pitching things correctly. But it still needs to give a reason why it and not the real Radio One. Spectrum sounded as though the presenter was in his bathroom, and quite frankly if I'm expected to find Lady Gaga and Amy Winehouse a compelling reason to tune in, then I'll select Radio 2.

Music is, or should be, only a part of it. Indeed, it should be less of it rather than more. It won't be, because music is easy. But to provide a compelling reason to listen, there has to be far more, be it, for example, a uniqueness in presentational style or in content. Or shows that might really mean something and grab the attention. One fears that none of this will happen.

What would really make a reason to listen is for something hard-hitting. But unfortunately, Mallorca doesn't do hard-hitting. Not among the expats it doesn't. Like the "Bulletin", radio would only ever be sanitised, self-censoring, and timid in making a statement; an enervating vidimus of avoidance and of the consequent dominance of the superficial. This is how media in Mallorca has to be for the Brits. Yet the scope for piss-taking, satire, investigation or even controversy is great. It's a shame it won't happen.

At university the best show was one that a friend of mine did. It entailed him always having had a drink or several prior to going on air. He would then proceed to be generally offensive, and his finest moment was when he urinated into a milk bottle that was placed next to the mike. People listened, and not just his mates. The reason why was because you never knew what would happen. Would English-speaking radio on Mallorca ever offer such offensiveness or unpredictability? Possibly it might, but whether anyone would be listening would be another matter.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.