Only The Lonely

I was in a bit of a hurry. But I wasn't in that much of a hurry. I could have stopped, spent fifteen or thirty minutes. He'd suggested a coffee. Sorry, got to get off, work to do; that sort of thing.

He's not someone I really know. The sort of person you see around, bump into now and then. It was only as I was driving off that I realised I should have hung around. What's the scale, do you suppose, of loneliness in Mallorca?

Many years ago now, my mother once confided in me that she was lonely. Initially I was surprised. She was outgoing, a life and soul of the party East End girl; we used to duet in the local pub when I was a kid. But then I became less surprised. Moved house, family gone, a not unusual tale of social breakdown.

That was in England though, where the familiar surrounds you, where things are easy. They can be easy enough in Mallorca, but there isn't quite the same familiarity. A while ago, before she moved back to England, someone who had lived on the island for some years, told me that it wasn't quite the same. Yes, you had friends, but they weren't friends like the old ones. There is a convenience of friendship, she was implying. Those you know wouldn't necessarily be ones you would really choose. But isn't this true of anywhere that you might move to?

The point is though, I guess, that you can know people and still be lonely. And there is a sense in which expat communities are indeed a convenience. Without them, the potential for loneliness would be increased through exclusion by language and culture. But where this convenience exists, there is the risk of the sort of superficiality that the "Daily Mail" sought to expose a couple of years ago (in Portals), one based on what is an erroneous perception of expat lifestyle centred on doing lunch and yacht parties - erroneous where most are concerned, but not all.

In April last year, The Royal British Legion published an outstanding report - "Caring In Spain". (The full report and the accompanying "knowledge bank" are available online at http://www.britishlegion.org.uk.) While primarily this looked at health care, the report also dealt with issues such as the importance of social networks and of clubs. Convenience maybe, but what came through, clearly enough, was that without clubs and associations the lives of many would be intolerable.

However, not everyone is "clubbable". The most obvious club is ESRA. It does much by way of good works, but it also comes in, with the greatest respect, for criticism. It has an image problem that turns people off. Perhaps the fault lies with its being seen as being too "expat". I really can't put my finger on it. But maybe some research into what this image problem is might not go amiss, as it has the power for immense good, along with the expansion of the efforts by Age Concern España.

The issue of loneliness, though, is not exclusively one that might affect the elderly. It can be seen around and about. Just one stereotype is the person clutching a drink at a bar. When the TV critic of "The Sunday Times", A.A. Gill, savaged the dead Keith Floyd, he did so by referring to the sadness of the expat in a Costas bar in mid-morning - and staying there for several hours. Paul Whitehouse's cringingly embarrassing Archie is not too far removed from a type you might be unfortunate enough to encounter. Alcohol dependence and being the bar bore are, nevertheless, or can be, symptomatic of a state of loneliness.

And loneliness can be a step away from more serious conditions. The Legion's report looked also at psychological problems, of which depression or suicidal tendencies can be a part. As far as I am aware, there is no Samaritans service in Mallorca, but there is on the mainland, on the Costa Blanca (http://www.costablancasamaritans.com). The presence of the Samaritans in Mallorca might well be something to be explored. One wonders how well depression is tackled, even where it might be admitted, when the potential for language problems with a local doctor is concerned.

This might all sound as though I am overstating the issue. Perhaps so. But I come back to the question I posed. What's the scale of loneliness in Mallorca? I have no idea as to the answer. Under a Mallorcan sun, however, there are social issues that seem as though they can't or shouldn't exist. They do. And under a Mallorcan sun is a sparsely populated karaoke bar. Up steps a performer to the confessional mike. Behind the dark glasses. Only the lonely.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.