End Of The Road: Mallorca and bad weather

They've spoken about closing the coast road between Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa. For reasons of the environment. It has sounded mad as it would involve either cutting off Puerto Pollensa or building a road somewhere else. It doesn't sound quite so mad when you consider an entirely different reason.

When the winds blow, this road is totally exposed. There is nothing to stop the sea. The beach, such as it is, is narrow. Much of it is shale, stone, rock, posidonia and seaweed detritus. The road is a nightmare.

The winds have blown. To drive along the road when they have blown is to swerve and manoeuvre away from the hard stuff being spewed onto the tarmac by the waves. What's the insurance policy like for getting sea-tossed rocks smacking against the bodywork? The road should be closed. Give it back over to nature. It's a hazard even when the winds don't blow. Witness the flower tributes that are constantly being renewed.

Along the road when the winds were blowing were tourists. Out walking. Buffeted by nature. Wet and miserable. I've long disputed the notion that, even when the weather's rubbish in Mallorca, it's still better than being back in Britain, if you're a tourist. It is not. To claim otherwise is to engage in what we might dub tourist dissonance justification. I come to Mallorca for the sun and the beach and when I can't have it, I justify this by reasoning that the weather's a whole load worse in Manchester. It's fair enough, but not when you take into account the expectation that such a justification is not going to be necessary.

The justification might be ok if there were anything to do. This is partly an issue to do with different parts of the island. There are more "things" in the south, for example. Even these things, though, require foul-weather gear and a very brave face. Most things are outdoors, assuming they don't get cancelled.

When the rain abates, visitors can take to the streets, flip-flopped feet filled by the puddles. The long march of everyman, vainly in search of something, anything. The bars do ok, for the simple reason that they are the anything. Cold beer, though, is cold comfort. In fact, it's no comfort at all.

I'm wary of rumours. But there is one doing the rounds. In Alcúdia. I'm not saying where, but word is of a redevelopment, one along Center Parcs' lines. Hallelujah! Finally someone's got it. If it's true. I have lost count how many times over the years I have argued in favour of such a development. All-purpose and all-weather. Somewhere that when the weather does go belly-up, it is possible to not have to resort to the dissonance justification.

Too much of Mallorca is conceived the wrong way round. The heat of the summer is what prevents a vision of working from the rotten end of the weather chain, not from the blissful. But like much housing is inadequate for the cold and damp, so is pretty much everything else. Want all-year tourism, well then create things that can accommodate it. Ah, but you say, it's like snow in Britain. It happens so rarely, it's not worth it. Bullshit. October can be poor, so can September, as can May. And climate change isn't going to change the propensity for storms; quite the opposite.

Then there are the other months, the winter months. If the rumour is true, it's a no-brainer. They should do it, and repeat it elsewhere. Tell you what, they could start by closing the coast road and erecting a centre in the vicinity. But they wouldn't do that because of the Albufereta nature area. Nope, the road would be closed, the winds would blow, the rain would fall, and there wouldn't even be any tourists to get miserable.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.