Here I Go Again

Oh, oh, people, people, listen up. I have said before that I really, really appreciate comments coming into me as emails. The problem with the comments facility with the blogger system is that they can be left anonymously - unless, that is, I make it that only "members" can comment, which I don't want to do. But I don't like anonymity. If someone has something to say, it would be wonderful to do so openly. The other point about the comments facility is that, as the blog moves on so quickly, it doesn't really lend itself to responses and more comments, so a comment to a piece from a few days ago or longer ago gets lost. If it is sent as an email, I can either reproduce the comment, quote from it and/or correspond with you directly if you so wish. Not though do I wish to deter the anonymous who then become regular email correspondents with incisive comments to make. To that end, Colin, I haven't forgotten the follow-up integration piece; it's on its way.

Anyway, that all said, there was such a comment to the piece of 25 September (The Sun Ain't Shining No More). This said that it was an interesting article but wanted to know what the "one or two attractions" that I referred to were. It's a fair question, and it deserves an answer. One reason for not setting these out in the previous piece was that I had covered this before, so I didn't necessarily wish to repeat myself. However, I am aware that new people come to the blog all the time, so perhaps a degree of repetition is worthwhile.

The context of the comment and of the article was, of course, that old chestnut, winter tourism, one that gets roasted over an open butane-gas heater every winter only to find, when the shell is opened, that there is nothing but a rotten fruit of inconsequentiality. The grand winter tourism delusion is that a mix of often vaguely thought-out niches with equally vague notions of demand is somehow going to magic an off-season of visitor riches. A bit of golf and cycling, a bit of culture and history, a bit of gastronomy, a bit of shopping; these make for the stuff of the delusion. This is not to deny that there is a nice little niche for all these, but little is the operative word, and little is not a word expressed enthusiastically in the tour operator, the hotel or the airline lexicon. As importantly, the belief that Mallorca can be in some way re-branded or double-branded as a tourism centre without a unifying message - and all those bits do not add up to a unified message - overlooks the strength of the real Mallorca brand, namely sun, sea, sangria, the f-word (fun) and the e-word (entertainment). That is the Mallorca brand. All the rest is an, if you like, sub-brand that filters through the main brand. All this rest exists as a support mechanism, not as the control room.

Winter attractions do exist, mainly in the south, such as the Palma Aquarium. They do not, in themselves, make for a great winter tourist demand. Attractions I have in mind are on an altogether grander scale, and the Gran Escala project near Zaragoza is, or should be, the sort of thing to not just put fear up the Mallorcan tourist authorities but also make them consider, digest and wonder - what if? What if all those casinos, all those theme parks and all those hotels? On a less grand scale, take the conversion of the old power station in Alcúdia. A shiny science museum might sound prestigious, but it ain't going to bring in loads of punters expressly to visit it. Build a Center Parcs. Of course they'd would come. They go to those in the UK and Holland, and the weather's worse. Or. Those fiestas of January; Sant Antoni especially. A damn great theme park near Sa Pobla, the centre of Sant Antoni on the island, with demons as the central motif. All year with virtual devils and fire-runs and some that are for real. EuroDemon.

Yes, some of this may well sound blue sky, it would appal the environmental lobby and the conservative Mallorcan mindset with an inward-looking perspective which believes that a heritage and history of marginal, relative importance allied to a romantic image will result in mini-mass tourism. It will not. Some of the above may be rubbish. I am willing to accept that, but you get nowhere without some perhaps insane thinking. The editor of "The Bulletin" once called for a bit of imagination. Quite agree. And I've offered it, along with other views about the promotion of Mallorca over the months and now years.

But then of course there are the politicians ...


FOOTBALL SHIRTS
Oh my Mellors, oh my Spoonys, oh my Alan Greens of "what do you think about Orient's chances this season" 6-0-6. Danny Baker is back on Tuesdays. Twice sacked from the show he originated, and probably about to make it a third. But not before he has raised and then trashed the folly that is the football replica kit. "Nothing is more depressing and distressing (when on holiday) than someone coming towards you in a Yeovil shirt." Could be any other of course.

I confess. I have never owned one item of football replica. The only Spurs paraphernalia I ever had was a scarf - three of them in fact - until, that is, the third went the way of the other two during the ritual Saturday post-match beating at the hands of Chelsea fans in Victoria station. But not only are whole Far-Eastern sweat shops of footie replica paraded on the summer streets of puertos Alcúdia and Pollensa, I even have friends here who wear such stuff. Integration? Expat integration? Hand me that Real Mallorca shirt. On second thoughts, don't bother.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Squeeze: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JYiylIluQQ. Today's title - one of them went on to team up with a former Byrd and a nearly Monkee.

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