Yes We Can

All in all, it is probably as well that England are not in Euro 2008. Ah, our plucky lads, the lumpenproletariat-cum-nouveau riche of galactico footballers, who lump the ball rather than caress and adore it. Against the passing of the Spanish, the verve of the Dutch, the technique of the Croats, humiliation would once again have beckoned. The bars may not be packed with England t-shirts, but those who've gone to watch are spared what was once described by French pundits (while watching the 1990 World Cup in the bars of southern France) as "primitif". Admittedly, 1990 got better than the game against Ireland which gave rise to this description (and the Irish were no less immune to the primitive criticism), but the years pass and the lack of basics that seem to come so naturally to nearly all other football nations survives. Way back in the '50s, they were bemoaning poor technique and control while Puskas and co. exposed the insularity and aloofness of the English game.

Flicking through channels in advance of one Euro 2008 game, I stumbled across another football tournament. The players had fine technique, ball control and all balls played to feet, pace, movement and passing. It was quite mesmerising. They were all of eleven or twelve years old, teams from Spain and Germany playing in a competition in Mallorca. Small they may have been and small also the pitch and goals may have been, but it was not hard to imagine that some might grow to be a Xavi, a Ballack or a Villa. It was like watching Arsenal play, which probably explains why Wenger eschews mostly anything born in Britain. In England, kids still play on full-sized pitches and are exhorted to "get it long" and run around like headless chickens. One of England's brighter talents (brighter in terms of footballing ability that is), the spud-faced Scouse nipper now playing for Man U, is a decapitated fowl and a foul waiting to happen. It occurs to me that you might want to nip along and see the semis and finals of the junior football tournament taking place during Sant Pere: they're on the 26th and 27th at 18:00 at the sports ground. It won't be like watching England play that'll be sure.

On TV, the Euro finals have been grabbed by the Cuatro channel for those who have no desire to fork out for the pleasure. Compared to the wackiness of La Sexta's coverage during the last World Cup, this is dull fare; no Three Tenors, the singing commentators of 2006, for a kick-off, and especially no short-arsed, balding one with a bow-tie who was, by far, the worst offender. Mind you, the threesome that Cuatro drags out look as though they may have recently come off stage having warbled for a cabaret audience. They each have uniforms of black jackets and white shirts with at least two buttons undone and no tie.

Not much time is devoted to analysis during the Cuatro transmissions, in fact virtually none. Nor are there the meaningless pitch-side interviews. "So tell me, Petr, why did you screw up so badly with that cross?" One suspects that they might have found some time for a bit more endless slow-mo of offside decisions if it were not for the need to get the ads all in, the ones the football tiresomely gets in the way of. And one of these is a Cuatro corporate thing that they repeat endlessly. It has a slogan; well, there's a surprise. It's one word. "Podemos". We can. If I were being cynical, I would ask: "we can what"? But I have already coined the We Can line for Can Picafort, admittedly in English. Better get down Santa Margalida town hall quick and get them to accept it and pay me handsomely, except they wouldn't as they haven't got any money.


QUIZ
Chain - REM did a cover of "I Will Survive". And which REM single has a link with Elvis impersonators? Yesterday's title - Mr. Mister, "Broken Wings" (see this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWyeVfuolT4). Today's title - which politician has this as a song?

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