Money In My Pocket

“How much should I tip?” Along with other questions from the first-time visitor such as “where’s the loo?”, this is one of the most standard, especially for the Brit used to a pound norm of 10%. Without some guidance, that 10% becomes euro norm as well.

There is no rule of thumb to tipping here. But, according to “The Bulletin”, too much is being given in tips; too much by the Spanish themselves who still haven’t quite adjusted to coinage conventions since the days of the peseta. If the Spanish are tipping too much, one can take it as granted that the British are tipping too much on top.

This is not to advise against tipping; never let it be said. When Alwyn at Foxes Arms mooted his National Tipping League, I was quite willing to give 1.20 euros on top of the 3.80 for a small English and coffee if only to try and ensure that England were not relegated in his league table. (The League never did see the light of day, but had it then Wales would have walked off with the championship.) 1.20 on 3.80, that’s not far off a third again – outrageous. But for national honour it was money well worth wasted. There again, handing over a crumpled grey five euro note and leaving, say, just 20 centimos and pocketing the gold and silver euro seems somehow churlish.

Conveniently, much seems to cost something and 80 centimos. At Kroxan, one of the only bar-cafés in Puerto Alcúdia actually open that isn’t in the port, a coffee and croissant is 2.80. Simple. Leave 20 centimos. It’s more a case of can’t be arsed picking up the change and bulking out the wallet than giving a tip. Similarly, the chap who delivers the butane. Now this is 12.30 a bottle (actually, I think it’s 12.29 but that’s hardly worth worrying about). Give him 12.50. Percentage-wise it’s not much. There again, I don’t know that it is normal to tip the butane bloke. I always have but mainly because I can’t be bothered him hassling to get 20 centimos out of his pocket.

With Christmas nigh, the annual tipping season would be under way in the UK. No such an issue here. For a kick-off, my post is kept in a post office box, so I tip myself. The rubbish collectors (who do actually deserve something compared to their British colleagues as they come every day) do not tip the contents of your bin all over the garden in face of a tip refusal; they don’t come near your garden as it’s all collected from the communal wheelie. Unless you fancy racing after the rubbish wagon with a jangle of loose change in a pocket making you sound like jingle-bells then forget it. Just believe that merely having thought of tipping them is good enough, especially as the rubbish-collection taxes have soared.

The tipping rule is there is no tipping rule. What guides it is more a case of will the waiter think I’m a tight-fisted git. That at least is the main British motivation. There is a way out of all of this. It is quite common to leave payment and just walk out. This is quite alien for most Brits, and the British insistence on waving frantically to get the waiter’s attention, giving the payment there and then and waiting for the change and then making a point of giving a tip is quite alien to many bar or restaurant staff (Spaniards at any rate). But if the bill comes to, say, 9.90, just leave a tenner and get out quickly, safe in the knowledge that, yes, you are a cheapskate and you will probably never go back anyway. I, of course, would never do such a thing, certainly not if Alwyn’s anywhere in the vicinity.


QUIZ
Yesterday – Simon and Garfunkel. Today’s title – reggae artist: which one?

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