Surf's Up

Things you can't take to the beach - or shouldn't, must not: pets (goldfish presumably not, but mainly dogs); camping gear, cooking devices; boats, kites for surfing, jet-skis, super tankers, nuclear submarines - oh, and windsurf boards and sails. Or to clarify. Dogs are not irregular visitors to the beach, but no-one seems to much do anything about them; jet-skis, kitesurfs can be taken so long as they are in the "sports zones" or beaches set aside, such as - for kitesurfing - La Marina in Alcúdia and Es Comú in Playa de Muro. And also windsurfs.

On the beach in Playa de Muro three windsurfers were making their way back to shore. A lifeguard was on patrol. The whistle went and there ensued much gesticulation, discussion and talking into his two-way by the lifeguard. Plod arrived. Plod on water. Plod on a jet-ski, carefully brought into shore without the engine in full blast. More discussion.

Windsurfing, unlike jet-skis and kitesurfing is not particularly dangerous in terms of potential harm to other sea users. So long as there are not many of them and the windsurfer knows what he or she is doing. As soon as there are a load of them and those who don't know what they're doing, then there is the potential for harm. Hence, you cannot windsurf wherever takes your fancy. Them's the rules. Except for those who believe that the rules are there for others. It is not a uniquely Spanish thing, but there is a definite trait that says rules are for others - this manifests itself in various ways, one of which is bringing the windsurf board, the jet-ski or the kite to the beaches where they shouldn't be. Probably along with the dog as well.

The kitesurfing that occurs at La Marina has become something of a sightseeing spot. When the wind is blowing, as it often does there, the skies are full of colour and of Charlie Browners performing mobes. It is a spectacle. But unfortunately it is also quite dangerous. Not because of the kitesurfing per se, but because of the rubber-neckers, the Charlie Browners (kitesurfers) themselves and those drivers who just suddenly stop. The road here is a blackspot, which is why there are always floral tributes. The kitesurfers wander and run across the road to their cars; tourists pull up with little warning or poodle along too slowly. There's going to be an incident there.


Museum piece
More on museums. The Inca footwear museum controversy continues. The opposition Partido Popular at the town hall has denounced the extra costs of 800,000 euros for the museum. It says that it has been known for five years that extra funding would be needed and that the whole project has been a "botched job". Meanwhile, the projected new Pollentia museum in Alcúdia is to be funded courtesy of money from the central government. The sub-director for state museums, and there is such an individual, has promised the consortium (the town hall and agencies of the Mallorca Council and regional government) that the money will be forthcoming under budgets for 2011. So, work is unlikely to start till then. The level of funding has not been disclosed but is believed to be in the region of three million euros.

And still on local project funding. Threequarters of a million euros have been forked out to create the park by La Gola in Puerto Pollensa. This has been a colossal waste of money. It should have been reserved only to keep the water clean and free of the stagnation it has been prone to; the rest, pointless. Doubly pointless as the park is not being maintained properly. It is full of dog shit and litter and benches have graffiti. One has the impression that officialdom has washed its hands of the whole thing; there hasn't even been an official opening.


Palma bombs
Two bombs in bar-restaurants in Palma. No injuries. A third has gone off in the Plaza Mayor. There was a call purporting to come from ETA. The chief prosecutor for the Balearics believes that this indicates the likelihood of there being an ETA group on the island.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Shakira, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL0xp6XIp0Y. Today's title - one of the greatest songs ever.

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Don't Bother

August is the sleep month. Some businesses close altogether, some work only half days, and some probably would prefer that no-one bothered them. People really can't be bothered in August. The heat is gruelling, and for one part of society that does bother - drivers - the heat makes going anywhere a gruelling event of cars baked by the sun or frozen by air-conditioning or blown by sand and confronted by endless streams of tourists with lilos crossing the roads where they shouldn't.

No-one can be bothered. To do anything invites an outpouring of sweat, to do nothing invites an outpouring of sweat, a pair of clammy hands, a pair of feet dirtied by the dust that insinuates itself inside sandals, a desperate desire for something cold to drink, a seeking of shade or the wind of the beach. Pity the poor delivery men, pushing trolleys, unloading and loading, drenched after a couple of minutes and spending the day climbing in and out of steamy truck cabs, sliding on the seat, unable to grip the wheel because of the wetness of the hands and the boiling plastic. Or the butane chaps, humping the weights of containers from the lorry, parping impatiently as they come across an empty bottle outside a gate, ten euro notes that become immediately absorbent, like toilet paper, as they are handed over by customers cursing the need to step out into the sun. Or the police on control duties dressed in their long trousers, staring ominously from behind the ever-present very dark and sinister sunglasses, tetchy and inclined to give someone hell. Or waiters, often also in long trousers, forced to move in a constant routine of picking up, setting down, wiping sweat from their wrists across their damp foreheads in an attempt to not soak the order docket, the heat and smell of a lunch leaping at them or the quickly dripping glasses of iced glasses rolling droplets down the arm or onto those trousers. Or anyone who moves from a ninety-degree exterior to an Arctic interior, the constant shifts in body temperatures, up and down like erratic blood-pressure monitors, causing sniffs and lightheadedness.

No-one can be bothered. Well some of us. Bloggers. The soporific swelter of mid-afternoon makes the eyes close, the gentle scraping of the fallen bougainvillaea bracts on the terrace lulls, the breeze through the persiana wafts the lace, waving it lazily, idly. And then a moto cracks the somnolence, a lizard jerks quizzically on the terrace door, kids with a football suddenly bounce past with incongruous energy, one of those two wasps-in-one things darts into vision, a flying black malevolence, one part docked to the mother ship; and some of us can then be bothered - to go to the beach. And then you realise that summer is only just about to start. It's back - the footy.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Depeche Mode, http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xcrfa_depeche-mode-walking-in-my-shoes_music. Today's title - Colombian-Lebanese, who she?

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Walking In My Shoes

They've got the hump in Puerto Pollensa: several humps, sleeping policemen, zebra bumps. Along the coast road, raised crossings, Newcastle United stripes on mounds, traffic calmers. No more pedestrianisation, but instead more ways of slowing the cars. Things that go bump in the night and in the day. So many humps - concrete, plastic, plastic falling to pieces, exposing bolts that rip open tyres, concrete humps that deflate, rock the suspension. At least the coast road humps are gentler, assuming they are not taken at high speed; they are smooth-curved, not the kerb variety of raised crossings in front of the parking in Puerto Alcúdia. These are car-friendly and pedestrian-friendly. No vehicle should travel at high velocity along that coast road, certainly not at this time of year. People emerge, emerge from the invisibility caused by parked cars, step out, cross when least expected. The crossings in Playa de Muro are a menace, the crossers shielded by hedge, palm or car. They should also be raised on a gentle slope.


Museums. I have been less than complimentary about them in the past. They are too often of the past with no sense of the contemporary in their style or their interactivity. There is meant to be a new museum in Inca. One devoted to footwear. Well there is a new museum - nearly. It has been projected for years, but it may be a while yet. The town hall doesn't have the money to open and maintain it; the building itself is not that far from completion. The town hall wants the tourism ministry to cough up. Its argument is that the museum is not just one for Inca but for the whole island. It also says, however, that help from the museum would be a part of the development of a strategic plan for tourism in Inca. The two points don't quite match up, but be that as it may. A question is how much of an impact a museum of footwear would have for tourism. It may be an important aspect of the Inca and Mallorcan economies - and there are few companies more important than Camper in terms of international business - but would it really have tourists coming in great numbers? Probably depends what goes in it. The mayor of Inca wants a museum "that works" and not just a "grand exhibition" (as quoted in translation from "The Diario"). Quite what that means I'm not sure. One might have hoped that they would have sorted that out by now as the opening is meant to be in November. Not without that money from the ministry it won't be.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Enrique Iglesias; his grandfather was kidnapped by ETA: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3hb78_enrique-iglesias-amigo-vulnerable_music. Today's title - who?

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Amigo Vulnerable

As you might imagine, Palmanova rumbles on. The Guardia Civil's association is calling for action to tackle what it calls "grave deficiencies" in respect of security - that of its members. If nothing else the bomb brought home just how vulnerable and insecure the vehicles are as well as the personnel. To park patrol cars in the streets is hardly secure, and questions do have to be asked as to quite why security was so lax. At present, there is still no definitive answer as to the time of day that the limpet was attached. There are still various hypotheses doing the rounds, one being that the bomb could have been planted as long as a week before and set off with an electronic timing device. That would suggest that the perpetrators are no longer on the island and would have left as though they were just any tourists. There have, though, been claims that one of the six suspects whose photos were issued was seen in the vicinity around the time of the incident.


To other matters. This blog tends not to deal with individuals, but because it enables me to trot out a football analogy, then for once it will. John, he who is the Alcúdia Barfly, has moved from La Villa to Comics. It is a return to the Julio empire, or should that be management, a mid-season transfer during what might equate to the transfer window, a return akin to Robbie Keane going back to Spurs - or maybe not. And talking of Robbie Keane, who is of course Irish, the Puerto Pollensa La Villa has its own match winner, namely Sarah who is of course Irish. She once waxed lyrically about the lake back home, which did sound splendidly romantic and quite a distance from a Chinese restaurant, but don't let's be picky as Sarah was afforded something equivalent to a nine out of ten match rating in a letter to "Talk Of The North". Oh dear, could this herald a best waiters/waitresses in Pollensa dispute as a consequence of the columns of the local community organ? Name the other four. Or preferably don't. Please, whatever you do, don't.

But if there were awards for top entertainers in the local hotels, one might believe that Minty aka Grizz from Alcúdia Beach would appear on the list of nominations. Sad to report, therefore, that Grizz has had a bit of a heart scare. Nothing serious and he should be out of hospital by the weekend. All of us will of course wish him well.


Now, that paracetamol thing from yesterday. Might I remind you that the letter-writer cited the five euro price of paracetamol as an example of Mallorca being expensive. It made little sense, given the usual prices in chemists, until a mole informed me that there is a supermarket in Playa de Muro selling the pills for ... five euros. Very naughty, and if there are others doing so they are running a big risk. Need paracetamol? Do not buy it from a supermarket. Go to the chemists.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Nelly Furtado, "Powerless": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E0Rb1y6XAY. Today's title - well, something Spanish for a change - he has a famous dad, also a singer, and what connection - indirectly - does he have with ETA?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Only To Distort

These are some of the things I dislike - misrepresentation, distortion, sensationalism, hyperbole, vitriol, vendettas, agendas, falsehoods, egoism, unquestioning acceptance, black and white. I may be guilty of some of them, but it still doesn't mean I like them. Some of them overlap, intertwine; they are all symptoms of a lack of balance or of proportion.

There have been examples of some of these in the reporting of Palmanova and in the ongoing Mallorca's expensive propaganda. Let us take a letter to "The Bulletin" yesterday, another letter to the paper going down the expensive route. It requires a response, and not one that kow-tows to the sentiments of the letter and calls for price controls. The writer states that paracetamol, as an example, costs almost 5 euros in Mallorca compared to 35 pence in a UK supermarket. What is wrong with this? Plenty. For starters, a pack of one brand of twenty 500 mg paracetamol tablets costs 2.30 from a chemists. It is more expensive than UK supermarkets, but not by the margin suggested (and for 35 pence, how many tablets does one get and at what strength?). Its sale is also controlled. The UK differs from Spain, and indeed other European countries, in allowing the sale of certain drugs outside the chemist channel. UK supermarket chains have enormous purchasing power that allows them to sell a small pack of paracetamol at a lower price than many UK chemists. There is also no equivalent of Boots in Mallorca. But if drugs are on prescription, some can cost a handful of centimos, such is the cheapness of many of them. You cannot compare like with like - it's a distortion of the facts to do so in order to seek to support an agenda that sets out to prove the expensive or more expensive case.

The letter goes on: vodka at the airport is similar in price to the UK. The airport shops are more expensive than ones in resorts, even for tobacco. But note that the price is "similar". The supermarkets in the UK are often criticised for their price competitiveness when it comes to alcohol and to fuelling binge drinking. The comparison has found evidence from one retail setting in order to try and prove a case; it is a further distortion, but even then an argument not well made. The letter believes that "prices in Mallorca are exceptionally higher than those in the UK". This is exaggeration, hyperbole. The truth of the statement, and it is not wholly untrue in certain instances, lies in the functioning of the market. Go back to the purchasing power of UK supermarket chains and add on the level of competition in that sector. You cannot compare it with that in Mallorca. A Wal-Mart or Tesco would shake up the Mallorcan supermarket scene, but neither would be likely to set foot on the island owing to cultural differences, logistics, labour rules and red tape. The letter also compares prices of named brands of sun lotion. They may well indeed be more expensive in Mallorca for the same reason of purchasing power. In which case, don't buy them. Recently I cited the example of the Müller store that sells spray lotions at different factors at very low cost.

Letter-writers, journalists, it does not matter which. One does not start, or should not start, from the conclusion, what one wants to prove; it is wholly the wrong approach, a top-down one that is bound to distort the true situation.


Then we come to Palmanova. "The Bulletin", through its editorial and another letter, makes a point in respect of the lack of information following the incident. The regional government president has since apologised for this lack of information. The point is well made that, without information, speculation was allowed to grow and an untrue representation as to the target of the bombers allowed to be made. There was a PR failure; the government admits this. The main concerns regarding the lack of information were to do with the lockdown of points of exit and of roads and in the immediate vicinity of the incident. There was inconvenience, annoyance and some anger, most of it the result of poor communication. But let's take a UK perspective. When the Glasgow attack occurred, what happened? Security measures were put into place in airports across the UK, immediate restrictions imposed. Much of the reporting had to do with, yes, a lack of information and poor communication and resultant annoyance and inconvenience caused to passengers.

The letter on the subject, otherwise a good analysis of the situation, concludes that Palmanova highlights a lack of political experience and a lack of fitness for office of the regional government. This is unfair and out of proportion. Take out the word political, and one has something more of the truth of the situation. Lack of experience in dealing with such an incident. The lockdown was the effecting of a plan that was already in place. The lesson of Palmanova is that experience should be gained in making communication a key element of that plan; it was this that was missing and has been acknowledged as having been missing. One also needs to consider the instructions of the police, the security forces and the interior ministry. It is they who drive events in such circumstances, not the tourism ministry. The latter should now become a firm feature of joined-up communication responses to any incident in the future, were one to ever occur. There were numerous groups that needed to be communicated with after Palmanova, not just tourists - the general public, the media, tour operators, airlines, other governments. And a final point, there is a language factor. Police not communicating with tourists in Palmanova may, as much as anything else, have been the result of their inability to speak languages. Indeed they could have made matters worse if they had expressed themselves incorrectly.

Ultimately, and despite the failures in communication and the sensationalism in the press, we learn that there are virtually no cancellations of holidays. Some will always respond in a paranoid fashion, but overwhelmingly there is an appreciation that Palmanova was not the manifestation of a threat to tourists. As with plane crashes, people move on very quickly on the principle that lightning very rarely strikes twice. Thankfully, most can see distortion and sensationalism for what they are.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Vic Reeves. One of the biggest responses ever, such as that from Dan. Maybe tells me something about future "quizzes". Today's title - we had her, as it were, only a couple of weeks ago. This comes from a terrific upbeat song.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Big Night Out

While much of the bad-season attention has been paid to bars, restaurants, shops and hotels, one other sector of the tourism economy has not escaped the downturn, and that is "excursions". According to "The Diario", there has been a fall of around 20% in take-up across the islands. One of the greatest falls has been registered with evening excursions - a decade ago these numbered a million and a half; now they are as low as 300,000. The one excursion type that is escaping the worst is that to the waterparks with only a moderate decline. From these numbers, one has to assume that the likes of Pirates and Son Amar are not enjoying the best of times. The cut in the number of excursions is despite the fact that there is a reduced number of rental cars available.

Excursions differ of course, but an evening out can work out as being quite pricey if the whole family goes - 200 euros for a family of four to Pirates, for instance. However, it is not unfamiliar to read on forums that, while they may forego other expenditure, tourists reserve something for excursions. Like the evidence as to only one meal out per day becoming the norm, as opposed to two or three, maybe just one excursion is being taken whereas two or three may have been in the past.

If not excursions, do the towns and resorts themselves offer an alternative in terms of entertainment? An obvious answer is that the hotels are now far more active in their entertainment offers, but during the summer there are also the fiestas and other events provided by the towns. During August, for example, Alcúdia has what at first sight seems like an impressive list of events. Apart from ball de bot in the port, they are all in the old town, the old town to which only relatively small numbers of tourists go in the evenings. This said, there is little that might qualify as fun for all the family. Jazz, theatre in Catalan, the Moscow Ballet performing Swan Lake; all worthy, but unlikely to drag Joe and Joan tourist and the kids up from Bellevue.

And while on fiestas, that of Can Picafort is now under way. It really starts to get going this coming weekend, the night party having been shifted from the football stadium to the town centre. On the 15th is what is one of the most spectacular of all the firework displays, and earlier on that day is the potty duck do, the one where they liberate not real ducks but rubber ones. Despite the animal welfare-correctness lobby having got its way and boosted the sales of rubber ducks, the publicity material for this year's event uses the image of a very real duck. Can they do that? What about the duck's welfare?

Information on Can Picafort and also the Alcúdia events is on the WHAT'S ON BLOG - http://www.wotzupnorth.blogspot.com


A reduction of a different sort. The numbers coming to Mallorca because they have cancelled as a consequence of the Palmanova bombing. Crazy, but never underestimate the power of hysteria. Or perhaps not. The number of cancellations has trebled, while there has been a fall of 15% in last-minute reservations. At least that is what the organisation of hotel chains is saying. The regional government, for its part, is insisting that there have been only 15 cancellations in Magalluf and Palmanova, while the president of the hotel association in those two resorts is saying that practically no cancellations have been made.There is to be a meeting of tourism authorities to put in place a campaign that shows security and normality and tourists enjoying beaches and hotels. It shouldn't be necessary, but the British and German press is being accused of questioning Mallorca's security, and it has been the media that has created whatever hysteria there may have been. It is reassuring that tourists see through the sensationalism, if one takes the government and the Palmanova hoteliers view of things. But everything is normal. There is no threat. Nothing. It was one unfortunate incident. I've held off saying it because it may sound disrespectful or glib, but it was no big deal. Get over it.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Elvis, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q04_ClDxRsk. Today's title - who had a big night out?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Suspicious Minds

Right, let's get back to something resembling normality - after a fashion. Or maybe not. The tension post-Palmanova was reflected on Saturday by the closure of roads around the Lago Menor in Puerto Alcúdia when a "suspicious package" was discovered. Nothing came of it of course. As ever after incidents anything looks like it might be packed with explosives. A problem is that there are any number of things that might qualify as suspicious - bags of rubbish discarded or all the stuff that just gets left out either for rubbish collection or for people to help themselves to. You could fill a house with what gets plonked on the street. Fridges, televisions, stereos, paintings, doors, drawers, entire patio suites of furniture (in need of restoration), old boilers in cardboard boxes. You name it, you can find it if you drive around long enough. And some of it could well fall into the "suspicious" category, especially suitcases. As for an old boiler, God knows what you could pack into that - a nuclear warhead probably. Reacting to a potentially suspicious bag or some such in the street does rather suggest too heightened a level of paranoia. If someone were of a mind to plant something, there are fairly obvious places to put them - like all the different rubbish containers.

And if not suspicious packages, then try the suspicious looking people. One review I read referred to someone that the reviewer thought he or she had seen on "Crimewatch". Let's face it, there are some on the loose who should be. Anyway, now we are being told that the ETA terrorists may have had contacts with radical, pro-Catalan youth groups on Mallorca. Indeed the police have in fact previously intercepted correspondence. There is no particular evidence that such a connection existed in respect of Palmanova, but it is one that naturally the police and Guardia are interested in examining, especially as they try to make sense of how a cell might have been able to exist on Mallorca for several weeks and to reconnoitre its targets. It might come as a surprise to learn that there are such groups. Mallorca is hardly a hotbed of revolutionary fervour, but there is a growing Catalan radicalisation. Any such association that may be proved would not help the cause of legitimate and honourable Catalan promotion.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Eagles, "Hotel California", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea0CDieb4yM. Today's title - impersonator, anyone?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

We Haven't Had That Spirit Here ...

"Plucky." "Dunkirk spirit." "Bastards."

There is nothing like a terrorist incident to excite the juices of tabloidism. Let us for Heaven's sake get Palmanova into proportion. Horrible it may have been, but it simply does not rank in the lists of the truly dreadful. Unusual it may have been for Mallorca, but it was an isolated incident directed at a symbol of the Spanish state.

There is seemingly also nothing like a terrorist incident to excite misinformation and wild rumour. The Chinese whispers have been shouted out. The bomb was at the airport. The airport is closed for days. There are terrorists everywhere, ready to set off further bombs. What if they are about to do something here (as in around Alcúdia)? All of it rubbish. The lockdown of Mallorca for a time and the ongoing police checks are all part of a well-rehearsed contingency plan in the event of an incident. There may have been a lack of vigilance in Palmanova, but there is no lack of foresight in dealing with a terrorist incident. That in itself speaks volumes. The bombing may not have been anticipated, but it was not unexpected. Mallorca may have been spared the terrorist excesses of the peninsula, but it is still Spain; Palma was once widely thought to have been a target for Al-Qaeda, even for Saddam Hussein, which just goes to show the sort of exaggerated garbage that gets trotted out but also the fact that Mallorca has not been excluded in the past from possible attack.

The tabloid reporting has been to an extent sensationalist and out of proportion, but locally it is understandable. Nevertheless, it was "The Sun" what did it with the use of "plucky". I honestly didn't believe that the paper did actually use the adjective. I had assumed it was a parody. But no. "Plucky British holidaymakers" were defying the terrorists, blah, blah. These plucky tourists were determined to still be heading for the beaches or the bars, and the Spanish press reported that things in Palmanova were all pretty much normal, yet "The Bulletin" showed a "desolated" beach, suggesting that everyone was staying away, a report that ran counter to others. Who do you believe? 'Twas ever thus with the press.

Those plucky Brits referred to having lived with the IRA. It's a tired comparison and justification, but there is some sense to it. And you can chuck in post-9/11 as well. Quite why British tourists should feel the need to cancel holidays or to try and get on the first flight out is unfathomable. Palmanova is, I suppose, a shock for those in Mallorca who have not known terrorism at relative first-hand, such as those of us who have lived in London for example. It is why, I guess, the hyperbole works overtime. Paradise lost. Paradise shattered. All that. Perhaps Palmanova has, though, made people realise that there is such a thing as reality, one that many seem to have forgotten existed or one that they were unaware existed at all. But one keeps coming back to what actually happened. It may sound callous, heartless or as though I am wilfully seeking to understate the significance of the attack, but in the terrorist scheme of things only the location is particularly surprising, the actual attack is not. ETA have made a habit of targetting the Guardia, which is not to suggest that the dead officers should have expected to have been blown up, but there should have been an awareness that a Palmanova could happen. Mallorca had seemed immune because of terrorist logistics, but the fact that there is now talk of there being or having been (for some weeks) an ETA cell on the island and of a safe house does again bring into question the role of intelligence.

Contrary to an impression that has been conveyed, there are not people wandering around weeping, being solemn or in a state of shock. People are talking, of course they are, but often talking in order to tell others to give it all a rest and to stop making more of the incident than it merits. There is also a fair degree of annoyance with the press, not least "The Bulletin" and its ludicrous appeal for a "Dunkirk spirit". One does actually despair of some of the reaction. It needs to be measured, it needs perspective. It does not need emotional language that serves only to ratchet up feelings and to heighten fears unnecessarily.

Shit happens, even in so-called paradise. They probably called Bali a paradise, and Palmanova does not come anywhere close to that in terms of scale or horror. It can happen and does happen. Anywhere.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - REM, "Losing My Religion", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB3VTX0pxoE. Today's title - where's this from?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Flailing Around

You have to get things into perspective. In terms of atrocity, two police officers dead is not on a grand terrorist scale; two police officers representative of the enemy where ETA is concerned. This was not an atrocity directed at others. That it took place in a tourism centre fuels publicity, which is of course the stuff of the terrorist. It could, though, have been anywhere; it just happened to be Palmanova. Cue the irrelevant and fatuous remarks along the lines of things like that don't happen there. Of course they do. Things happen, shit happens anywhere. Bombings on Mallorca are far less likely to occur than on the mainland because of the very fact of it being an island, and presenting the terrorist with logistical difficulties, not least of which is the route to escape. As a counter view to this, the "El Mundo" website has polled its visitors and asked them if ETA could count on logistical support in Mallorca - three-quarters say yes. Whatever. That the bombing did occur in Palmanova may have had something to do with the relative proximity down the road of the royal family in summer residence; the Guardia station in Palmanova was probably a soft target compared with ones in Palma.

But the very fact of a terrorist incident is bound to create a burst of discussion - in the media, across a coffee, wherever. Inevitably it does. That such incidents are played out in real time nowadays heightens the sense of shock and, among some, paranoia. But one still needs to retain that sense of perspective. One report - from "The Bulletin" - drew a comparison with the scene in Palmanova with that in New York. This is absurd. It is also dangerous as it creates the wrong sense of perspective, one of a major outrage - a Mumbai, a Madrid, a Bali or of course a World Trade Center. The same report alluded to fears that there might be further bombs. Why would there be? Well, there was one, but ETA does not go around performing mass, co-ordinated attacks in the style of Al-Qaeda. This is a terrorist group flailing around in an attempt to bolster its shot-through organisation. Publicity, concern it has caused, but let's retain that perspective. The chances of there being another bomb in Mallorca must be considered remote. This does not stop even "The Times" raising the temperature of hyperbole, referring to fears of a "summer of violence". It ought to know better.

After the event, there are questions that need to be asked. The first concerns intelligence and vigilance. Intelligence failures are not uncommon, as one knows from UK experience, but on an island the size of Mallorca one does have to wonder as to how a unit or individual can operate. It is highly unlikely that this was the work of a sleeper or sleepers. In light of the explosion at Burgos and the proximity of the 50 years of ETA's founding, what level of alert and what procedures were in place at all Guardia installations? The Guardia's vehicles are commonly parked in the open, on streets in many cases. To have planted a bomb would have meant its being attached under the noses of the Guardia, presumably at night. Where is their own security?

There have been conflicting reports as to how the bomb was detonated. By remote control seems most unlikely. Car bombs are now typically attached magnetically and respond to doors being opened, to pedals being pressed or to movement. Rarely are they triggered by the ignition being turned on. The magnetic attachment requires less time as well (and the latest is that this was indeed the style of bomb). One has to presume that the bomb in Palmanova was placed at some time during the night. A further question that arises, therefore, is the time between its being placed and its explosion. This may not be unimportant. If the bomber was looking to ensure that he or she was off the island, he or she would need a fair time frame, one during which he or she could be well away, possibly even back on the peninsula. Were certain vehicles at Palmanova known to be routinely used only at around two in the afternoon? If so, how? It is, however, speculation that the bombers are off the island. Word has it that they are not.

UPDATE (09:30, 01.08)
Well, well, forget some of the above. The vehicle had been used that day - in Palma and then in Calvia. Either the bomb was very well hidden or it was attached in broad daylight. This changes things. If it had been hidden, it would probably have had to have been detonated in a way that was not dependent upon motion or one of the other typical forms of detonation, i.e. remote or possibly with a mobile phone. If it was attached in broad daylight, then there was clearly a failure of security, a fact being accepted in any event. The likelihood is growing that the bombers are still on the island, and checks are being made on flats for rent. The hypothesis is that there was/is a "commando stable" now holed up in a flat, waiting for things to calm down.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - "Star", Primal Scream, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAANDIe4T7M. Today's title - this comes from one of the all-time great songs.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

One Man's Freedom Fighter ...

And so ETA has brought its bombs to the tourist areas of Mallorca. It is not the first time that ETA has committed an outrage on the island; the bomb yesterday in Palmanova coincided with the eighteenth anniversary of two car bombings in Palma. It is also fifty years since ETA was formed, a fact that was "celebrated" by the bomb in Burgos. Some celebration.

Two Guardia Civil officers lost their lives in Palmanova; the bomb appears to have been placed under their Nissan Patrol vehicle. The Guardia acted swifty; hotels were closed, residents told not to leave their homes, the airport put on the highest level of security, closing it for a time, and helicopter and coastal patrols put into full action. While the outrage was a direct attack on the forces of law - as was the case also in Burgos - it was also in a tourist area. That is not a normal modus operandi for ETA; or it had previously had not been.

One supposes that this will all lead some to question whether it is safe to come on holiday. It might be understandable, but it would not make sense. There is no suggestion at all that tourists are targets; indeed the very notion is both extremely remote and extremely unlikely. ETA has a beef with the Spanish state, and the Guardia Civil is a personification of the state as well as being ETA's "enemy". The Guardia and the National Police are highly skilled anti-terrorist bodies. Alongside their British police counterparts, they rank as the most adept anti-terrorist forces in Europe; they, like the British security forces, have had a lot of practice.

The national president, Zapatero, sought to engage ETA. A ceasefire was formed, but ETA broke it, probably because it had regrouped, having used the ceasefire for that purpose. Why does ETA persist? It's the same question that was asked of the IRA, yet the Irish question had been posed for very much longer than the Basque one. The ETA cause is, for some, not totally dishonourable, but it is infused with a deluded romanticism - the terrorist as martyr in support of a mystical homeland - one combined with psychopathic criminality and without mass support. It is anachronistic within the context of a contemporary Spain, kicking at invisible proscription; invisible because none exists. It is a potent cause for idealists, for fanatics, but it is also totally and utterly futile.


Alcúdia train
Meanwhile, the Alcúdia train saga drags on and on. It is, or appears to be as much as anything a stand-off between two political sides - the Unió Mallorquina, of which Alcúdia's mayor is a member and the so-called Bloc of which the transport minister is a member. The UM wants the southern route, the one to terminate in Puerto Alcúdia, and the Bloc wants the northern route into the town.

The Partido Popular is getting in on the act, probably rightly so as it is expressing concern that the failure to arrive at an agreement could mean that the funds which have been promised might be made unavailable. In other words, those in central government could get hacked off and kill off the whole project, which would be very unsatisfactory to say the least. The PP is also talking of an amendment to the recent Decreto Grimalt in respect of environmental protection aspects that might currently prevent the northern route.


PALMANOVA BOMBING - UPDATES (09:00, 31.07)
Three days of mourning have been announced by the president of the Balearic Government, Francesc Antich.

Everything at the points of entry and exit is more or less normal again. The airport was closed for only two hours, pressure being applied by tourism sources to get things back to normal as soon as possible. Alcúdia port was closed for a time, as were main roads in and out of the town with vehicles being subject to police checks.

There is concern for the impact on tourism, but it is being pointed out that other destinations - Egypt and Turkey - have suffered terrorist acts and not experienced any great harm to tourism. Indeed the attack in Mallorca is far less obviously aimed at tourism than those in these other countries.

The British Foreign Office has raised its advice in respect of travel to Spain to high risk, which seems like an over-reaction. Yes there may be a risk of a further attack, but once again one stresses that tourists are not in the firing-line.

A second bomb was discovered under another Guardia vehicle. It was detonated using a controlled explosion.

UPDATE (14:00, 31.07)
Six suspects named. Photos on http://www.diariodemallorca.es

UPDATE (18:30, 31.07)
The delegate for the Balearics to the central government has said that he believes that the bomber or bombers are still on the island. The interior ministry has not confirmed this.

UPDATE (21:00, 31.07)
"Rings of steel" imposed by the Guardia at the airport and ports, including Alcúdia, to check all movement of vehicles. Checks on ID etc. Demonstration involving 6000 people in Palmanova against the terrorists.

UPDATE (23:15, 31.07)
Studies of the second bomb suggest that it, like the killing bomb, was a "limpet", i.e. magnetically attached. A conclusion is that this would have given the bombers ample chance to get away from the scene.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Godspell, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdEuwqlZdto. Today's title - "is another's terrorist"; one of the greatest songs by a group more commonly known for a more extreme rock style.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)


Index for July 2009

ABC1 socioeconomic groups - 15 July 2009
Alcúdia town hall history - 16 July 2009
Alcúdia's population - 9 July 2009
All-inclusives - 15 July 2009
Beata 2009 - 21 July 2009
Bellevue, tour operators pull out of - 28 July 2009
Bingo - 14 July 2009
Boat taxation - 10 July 2009
Bony - 28 July 2009
Botellón - 26 July 2009
Building laws - 5 July 2009, 8 July 2009
Can Picafort frontline upgrade - 17 July 2009
Christians and Moors, Pollensa 2009 - 20 July 2009, 23 July 2009
Don Pedro Hotel, Cala San Vicente - 24 July 2009
ESRA - 11 July 2009
ETA - 31 July 2009
Fiestas - 3 July 2009, 4 July 2009, 14 July 2009, 16 July 2009, 20 July 2009, 21 July 2009, 23 July 2009, 25 July 2009, 26 July 2009
Heatwave - 24 July 2009
Hotel low occupancy - 12 July 2009
Joan March - 19 July 2009
Ley de Costas - 5 July 2009, 8 July 2009
Mallorca expensive? - 7 July 2009, 27 July 2009, 29 July 2009
Mallorcan society - 3 July 2009, 9 July 2009, 21 July 2009, 26 July 2009
Miss Baleares - 29 July 2009
Monarch's beach in Birmingham - 25 July 2009
Muro's new mayor - 6 July 2009
Musicals - 10 July 2009
Palmanova bombing - 31 July 2009
Patrona 2009 - 20 July 2009, 23 July 2009
Playa de Muro hoteliers - 8 July 2009
Polish tourists, trouble caused by - 24 July 2009
Pollensa town hall contracts - 30 July 2009
Pollensa town hall finances - 18 July 2009, 25 July 2009
Puerto Alcúdia's commercial port - 10 July 2009, 11 July 2009
Puerto Pollensa military base Civil War memorial - 2 July 2009
Puerto Pollensa not like it was - 1 July 2009
Puerto Pollensa old school - 28 July 2009
Pumpkins - 19 July 2009
Rain - 11 July 2009
Road accidents - 14 July 2009
Road names, Franco associations - 19 July 2009
Sa Pobla-Alcúdia train - 31 July 2009
Salt lands, Puerto Alcúdia - 5 July 2009
Sant Jaume fiesta, Alcúdia - 16 July 2009, 26 July 2009
Son Bosc golf development - 17 July 2009
Souvenir shops - 27 July 2009
Swine flu - 16 July 2009, 22 July 2009
To Holiday holiday club - 18 July 2009
Tourism economy - 12 July 2009
Tourism promotion - 25 July 2009
Tourism spend - 30 July 2009
Unió Mallorquina - 13 July 2009
Youth drinking - 26 July 2009

Day By Day

One of those what-are-we-supposed-to-make-of-these statistical moments, courtesy of the Balearics part of the "El Mundo" website. Tourism spend in the Balearics during June was down four per cent on last June; it equated to 993 euros per person. In the whole of Spain, the two most prominent tourism groups - the British and the Germans - spent on average 773 euros and 974 euros respectively; quite a difference. But as ever with these figures, the reaction is something of a so what. At least these figures do not inspire an incredulous reaction, as they were doing last summer when they seemed to be increasing. If those were genuine, then a 4% slump in the context of the current economic situation doesn't sound too bad. The trouble with any of them, however, is making sense of what they mean, how they are compiled, what differences there may be between different resorts and so on. Recently, some friends staying in Puerto Alcúdia told me that a daily spend of 100 euros per person was about par for the course. Setting aside costs of accommodation and travel, which one assumes are never included in these spend calculations, 100 per day is probably about right if one spends fairly liberally. At a more basic level of subsistence for food and drink on a daily basis, assuming one meal out at an inexpensive restaurant and a fair amount of alcohol, I would offer you the following:

From a main supermarket: bread (freshly-baked) 50 cents, fruit and vegetables 1.50 euros, ham and cheese 1 euro, drinks (2 litres of water, 1 litre of cola, juice, 1 litre of beer, 1 bottle of wine) 10 euros, milk, cereals, margarine and eggs 1.50 euros.
Meal out with a glass of wine and water - main course and sweet 15 euros, two coffees out 3 euros, four large beers out 12 euros. Total: 44.50 euros.

There are many ways to skin the food and drink cat, but the above might not be unrepresentative.

Elsewhere, i.e. "The Diario", there is a feature that points to the "alarm" among some hoteliers as to the lack of spend within the hotels themselves. It does support much of what is being said, and makes one rather question the official spend figures. These hoteliers talk of guests buying from supermarkets and making up their lunch snacks in their rooms (and why, pray, shouldn't they?) or of helping themselves to excessive amounts from the morning buffets for later consumption (hardly a new phenomenon, one would have said). Perhaps more scandalous are those tourists staying all-inclusive who get drinks and then go and sell them on the beach. Nothing like a bit of entrepreneurship, but it is decidedly naughty. Then there is what the tourists have actually spent on their accommodation, very low in some instances with rooms packed with four or five people. And it hacks some hoteliers off that some guests forget that they have paid very little and yet demand a level of quality way beyond that for which they have forked out.

All this and August yet to come, a month of high season but one traditionally that results in a lower relative spend because of the generally higher costs of the original holiday. Overall, it doesn't sound very clever, does it. And finally, from the Holiday Truths site, one contributor - all-inclusive - says that he spent, get this, 20 euros during his week's stay. Twenty of your whole euros, everybody. Or 2.01% of that tourism spend figure. Go figure.


Without contracts?
And here we go again ... The Alternative in Pollensa is to press for the creation of a commission to study what he believes to be a state of chaos at the town hall. This stems, says "The Diario", from the fact that some half a million euros worth of services provided to the town hall is not actually contracted, or so says Pepe Garcia, who is having this all checked out by his lawyer apparently. He argues that those firms without contracts have not submitted the correct documentation or bona fides; they include, for example, the company that maintains lighting in the port. The mayor naturally begs to differ, saying that there may be some instances of not all work being covered by contracts, but that all is overseen and supervised by council technical staff.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Phil Collins. Today's title - where did this come from?

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Face Value

Well true to form there was indeed a mention in "The Bulletin" of price controls. This followed the letter it published at the weekend, the one about which I commented a couple of days ago. This notion of price control does raise its rather pointless head every now and then. It is pointless as, in the context of bars and restaurants, there is only so little that could realistically be controlled - coffee, some beers, the price of the menu of the day (and at one time I think this was indeed controlled). But you cannot control or cap the rest. How on earth could you? Price is a facet of a business's marketing mix, it is determined by factors such as cost and the market, of ingredients, style of menu, number and type of personnel; a statist price-fixing mechanism would not only be impossible to apply, it would fly in the face of a free (or relatively free) market. I wonder how many who might argue the case for price controls are in fact Thatcherite market liberals. The whole notion is preposterous.

Rather more importantly, one does have to go behind these statements of everything's so expensive. They are ones made largely as a consequence of perception as much as of reality. They are also ones made, in many instances, based on a lack of appreciation of prices and how they vary from establishment to establishment. To simply accept the words of one or more letter-writers as some sort of gospel of Mallorcan expensiveness, to take them at their face value is to be incurious or unquestioning. Ok, there is much that is expensive in Mallorca; land and property for starters. But it is not the whole story.

Want cheap? Well try the small Spanish bars and cafés then. Even in the square in Puerto Pollensa, there is the variance between Cultural and Bony. They are totally different, and one is less expensive than the other - so be it. There are the menus of the day. Want cheap? La Cantina in Puerto Alcúdia, four euros for a menu take-away. Then there are the food stores. Want cheap? Try a litre of Aurum beer for 59 centimos from Eroski, rather than Becks from a tourist outlet. Or other types of store. Want cheap suntan lotion? Try the Müller store. On offer at a euro a bottle have been CadeaVera sprays at different factors.

It occurs to me that I could list a whole load of bars, restaurants, shops and the rest and give a guide to doing the area on the cheap. It wouldn't be difficult, but to do so would probably run the risk of hacking off those who charge more. The fact is that things are as expensive as people want to make them and to perceive them to be. And even were there to be such a list, it might strike some as being expensive. It all comes down to individual circumstances and perceptions.


Miss Baleares
On 21 July (Childhood Dreams - Part 2), I referred to the election of the Beata at this year's Santa Margalida fiestas, alluding to the non-beauty contest nature of the election. Little did I appreciate that the Miss Baleares contest was due to take place, and did so this past Saturday. One Verónica Hernández has been crowned Balearic totty of the year. But I shouldn't be so non-PC. Señorita Hernández is studying journalism and "audiovisual communication". She says, in an interview with "The Diario", that being a "miss" and being a model are two distinct things; she is the former, a more real woman, in her words. Anyway, there may be some among you interested to know that Verónica does not have a boyfriend. In which case ... here she is: http://www.diariodemallorca.es/secciones/noticia.jsp?pRef=2009072700_9_488249__Actual-Veronica-Hernandez-bonita


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Paula Abdul, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbknGnZXHUk. Today's title - album by?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Opposites Attract

Been wondering what is to be made of the now closed school in Puerto Pollensa's market square (aka church square, aka Plaça Miquel Capllonch)? Well, one element would seem to be a future enhancement of health centre facilities. The central government has approved financing to the tune of 300,000 euros towards the re-development of the actual building. As to what was the old playground, it remains to be seen. There was that talk of an ice-rink, but whether the town hall has the moolah to provide for such frippery is debatable, given the parlous state of the town hall finances. As to its being a bus station - forget it.

And opposite - in different ways - across the square yesterday was José in full "more publicity, more publicity" mode, as in things he can put up in the form of posters. I wonder what he actually does with the CDs he's given, as he was wanting another made up of the various things for which, for my sins, I have been responsible, such as the legs, trousers and clothes-pegs shot and the "olé", sweets-bowl photo. Anyway, Bony is back as though it had never been away - "don't cry". You can't keep a good man down.


Bellevue and the tour operators
It took a couple of weeks, but I have received confirmation from the First Choice press office that it is no longer operating at Puerto Alcúdia's Bellevue. There may be something in this week's "Talk Of The North" about this, which says that a response had not been received. Ah yea, lead times and all that. Anyway, now it has, and it says: "First Choice and Thomson constantly review all the hotels to which we operate to make sure that they meet the high standards we expect for our customers. We can confirm that we no longer operate to the Hotetur Bellevue as it no longer adheres to our selection process".

Well there you go. The statement does not mention anything specific, so it would be wrong to suggest anything specific, but it might be possible to hazard a guess, one I shall leave you to make.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - OMD, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdz0jas03pc. Today's title - or maybe they don't, who is she?

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Souvenir

Never accuse "The Bulletin" of a lack of hyperbole. It headlines a letter "the demise of the tourist industry". And this is? Oh no, spare me. Someone change the record. Or rather, don't, as to do so would deprive me of some blog inches. Yep, you've probably guessed it; everything's so expensive, tourists being ripped off, locals having a laugh, blah, blah.

Let's put the euro-pound thing to one side, shall we. The crisis has created a mindset that has made tourists - and not just tourists - pay far greater attention to prices than was the case. Therefore, things seem more expensive because people are more conscious of what they're spending. In real terms, prices for many items are generally no higher than they were say five years ago, but costs have contributed to increases, inevitably so. Certain things are undeniably more expensive. Car hire for one. And the letter refers to this being "extortionate". Unfortunately, the writer is probably unaware of the supply and demand in the car hire business this season; the agencies could not get hold of the bank finance so had to reduce their fleets. It's not having a laugh, it's very basic economics and very basic doing business.

And doing business is what some tourists seem to resent. There is an enduring belief that Mallorca and Spain should still be some tin-pot economy on the edges of the civilised economic world. It once was, and it was once also very cheap. Not now though. Not cheap to buy products or services, and not cheap to run businesses either. But when the letter-writer refers to eating out for a "reasonable sum", what is reasonable? Are the two large pieces of cod with chips and a salad at the Pins i Mates tourist restaurant in Alcúdia Pins unreasonably priced at 5.75 euros? I don't think so. It all depends where you go and what you have.

Elsewhere we learn that souvenir shops are having a particularly thin time. Well, nothing new there. Last year it was being reported that sales were down by around 60% in some cases. That didn't stop the souvenir shops opening up again. If there was going to be one sector that suffered particularly spectacularly this year, it was going to be the souvenir shops and other stores, such as perfumeries. All that buying gifts for friends and family has been kicked into touch. I never quite understood it anyway. But it's all part of the same greater awareness of what is being spent and therefore what it all costs. A hideous piece of kitchen ceramic may have seemed a reasonable thing to have bought before, but now the price tag, and the fact that it is hideous, has made the tourist think twice before pulling out some folding euros.

But to come back to that letter, the writer was saying all this based on a holiday in Puerto Pollensa. Poor old PP. If it's not the wicked uncles of Dakota or the leg-overing, sweet-dispensing José, it's the fact that the resort is too expensive. As a conclusion, the letter says that officials "need to act now and cap prices". Cap which prices, which products or services? And at what level? The suggestion is nuts, but it probably won't prevent an editorial in the paper reiterating a previous call for price controls.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Dubliners, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVJK1Sl6My8. Today's title - from the '80s, who did this and a completely pointless video that went with it?

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Seven Drunken Nights

There has been a thread over on Holiday Truths concerned with the legal age of drinking alcohol and specifically the suggestion that Mallorca does not have a problem of a British nature with alcohol among the young, over or under-age. It's all a cultural difference, goes the argument.

It's true that there is a cultural difference, it is also true that the Mallorcan young are not in the same league as their British counterparts when it comes to causing trouble or getting drunk, but it is a complete fallacy to suggest that a problem does not exist. In Palma the authorities are now starting a campaign of communicating with parents over the specific issue of the botellón - the street drinking party - that is the most obvious manifestation of youth drinking, and a growing social problem not only in Palma but in many towns across the island. These parties, usually on a Friday or Saturday night, involve cheap booze being brought to or sold at locations in different towns from where the youth will often go on to nightspots, having got tanked up on drink that would otherwise cost vastly more in clubs. In the case of some, those under 18, they wouldn't, or shouldn't be allowed into these venues anyway.

While the main consequences of the botellón are noise and mess, they have also contributed to occasionally serious incidents. The death of Gabriel Marquet in Alcúdia was partially attributed to the botellón by the Magic roundabout, while the authorities in Manacor moved swiftly to outlaw street drinking following an attack on a local citizen - again attributable to a botellón. The delegate for the Balearics to the central government, Ramón Socias, was moved to say that those who could not control themselves when with drink should not drink. It was a pretty pointless statement, but the fact that he was referring to self-control and drink at all gives the lie to the mythical notion of Mallorcan youth all being well-behaved and having been brought up to treat alcohol with respect.

Someone on that thread made the point that at fiestas, and especially the dance parties during fiestas, there is no trouble. It's a fair point, but it is not to say that there are never incidents. There is the further issue of drugs, one that affects the whole of the island. A parent in Puerto Pollensa once expressed to me her worries for her son as he entered his teens where the availability of drugs was concerned. The taking of drugs is as much of a problem in the small towns of Mallorca as it is in Palma.

One needs to be careful and not overstate the problem, but there is a lingering perception among those who merely come to Mallorca for holidays that the island -its people and its youth - exists in some idyllic other world where social problems of other countries do not manifest themselves; that the youth sit around a café table and discuss music or art over a coffee and then go quietly home. It simply isn't true. One doesn't like to have to shatter people's illusions, but many, including some expats residing on the island, have a misguided impression as to life in Mallorca. It is not the social paradise they would like to believe that it is.


The last supper?
On a lighter note, the Sant Jaume fiesta in Alcúdia, that came to its firework-blazing conclusion last night, recorded record numbers attending the open-air supper that is an annual feature during the fiesta week. For two and a half euros, more than 3,000 people were able to tuck into different pa amb olis, a dessert, some wine and water. Not a bad price. Perhaps it was so popular because it was so cheap. A sign of the times maybe. The supper was also, however, a potential demonstration of popular rejection of authority. An aspect of the supper is that there is a grand bingo. The interior ministry, as mentioned here previously, has sought to ban these open-air bingos on the grounds that they are illegal. It's daft. Could this have been the last supper and bingo? But the size of the prizes on offer is maybe also indicative of the current times. Like the cheapness of the meal, so the incentive of a not insignificant cash payout is possibly a way of registering a record turn-out.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Wham, "Club Tropicana", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIzVoNq9f9s. Today's title - could be more, could be fewer - who?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

All That's Missing Is The Sea

If you can't actually get to Mallorca, then what's the next best thing? Flicking through the pages of a brochure or surfing websites and imagining you were there? Or how about going to a pretend Mallorcan cove in the middle of an English city? If you live in Birmingham you could have done just that. Monarch had created an artificial beach replete with sun umbrellas in Chamberlain Square in the city centre. Visitors, says "The Diario", could listen to music such as flamenco, and there is a supporting website - http://beach.monarch.co.uk.

Of course when the skies are grey and it's chucking it down, it does all rather lose its impact, but this is not such a bad idea - the fake cove that is. The Mallorcan tourist authorities put on a Mallorca show in Manchester some weeks ago. How effective that was in attracting business, we will probably never know, but it was a worthy attempt. The Birmingham beach is an example of businesses doing it for themselves. But don't get carried away with thinking that Monarch is only trying to drum up business for Mallorca - they're now doing something similar for Turkey.

And I would be deserting my duty if I did not of course discover something rather odd for you. It comes from that Monarch website. Go to the bit for Mallorca (Majorca) and you will find that is says, inter alia, that "one of the most famous beaches on the island is in Alcúdia (Playa de Palma)". Eh? Well, Monarch is only, through its tie-up with Cosmos and the Co-op, the third biggest tour operator in the UK. You don't expect them to get things right.


Pollensa - six hundred grand light
Further to the note on Pollensa town hall being in debt and seeking bank credit (18 July: Sick And Tired), the administration has, it would appear, been able to secure 400 grand, less than half the amount that it needs. Cue, as always, the usual suspects among the opposition to voice criticism. The head of the PP does "not wish to participate" in what he considers to be "a farce" (the seeking of this credit), given - as he claims - the town hall is sitting on 3 million's worth of short-term credit policies and unreceived taxes for "urbanistic" infractions. The Alternative argues that the town hall should be looking to cut costs, and in this he is almost certainly correct. We come back, for example, to the spend on the fiestas. It may not be a huge amount in the overall scheme of things, but what exactly is the justification for lavish publicity material for the likes of the music festival and Patrona? There are signs up all over the place for the festival. Why? The design and production costs for the Patrona brochure will not have come in cheap. The publicity should be about information, which indeed it is, but it is information that can be conveyed far more cheaply. The town hall runs two websites; it can use those more effectively for getting the information out. People can download and print off if they want. Then there are the fiestas themselves. The town hall was meant to be reducing its spend, but the programme for this year's Patrona suggests anything but. Is it really necessary to have three separate music events going off at the same time in three different squares of the town? What do they all cost? Apart from the artists, there is erection and dismantling of stages and equipment, cleaning-up, policing.

Town halls such as Pollensa are responsible for a number of public services, such as police. It's not as if they do not need sizeable budgets in order to meet these basic obligations, but one also has to wonder at the size of the administrations. Departments for this, departments for that. Jobs for the boys, you tend to think. In a town of under 20,000 people, it should be possible to efficiently run a town hall with far fewer heads than are employed. I have mentioned this before, but I'll mention it again. To the best of my knowledge there is not a public audit office that scrutinises town hall operations. There ought to be. Not only might this recommend savings, it might also be able to check for or indeed prevent any potential misappropriation - a problem in many town halls that has led to the numerous scandals, though not, I would hasten to add, Pollensa. The town halls operate as their own self-sufficient democracies, which is fine, but there needs to be a body to which they are accountable and not just the legal authorities and police when they unearth potential malpractice. If such an office does indeed exist, one might reasonably ask what on earth it does.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - "Heatwave", Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE2fnYpwrng. Today's title - had this before, but it's a great song even if it is complete froth.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Burning In My Heart

Who turned on the oven? It had been forecast that the worst heatwave of summer would be experienced this week; they hadn't said quite how bad. Temperatures of 44 degrees had been anticipated yesterday afternoon; that's around 111 in old money. Sa Pobla is the place that is taken as representative for the interior in the north, and Sa Pobla is where this record high was expected. It is fifteen years since a 43 was recorded there. As it turned out, the temperature was only 42 - only 42. The interior temperatures are higher than those around the coast, by a factor of some five or six degrees very often, but you don't have to go very far inland to get the full effects of that interior heat. In the old town of Alcúdia at midday yesterday, it was unbearable, but back down in the port it was cooler - all things being relative. The weather centre had issued a red alert for the interior, the north and the north-east.

The extreme highs are the result of air being sucked up from Africa. You can feel the heat of the wind or breeze - it grips you, encloses you. This African wind can sometimes just come out of seemingly nowhere and last for only a relatively short period, but when it does spring up it has the ferocity of old red nose giving the hairdryer treatment.

These are dangerous temperatures, ones to be respected. The advice to avoid dehydration is crucial; to not take on liquid is to run the risk of heatstroke or to suffer diarrhoea or worse. Ever had heatstroke - the full dose, that is? I have. I don't much recommend it. The question is, though, what liquid. Much as the thinking is to just take on water, this is not enough. The best drinks are the non-caffeine sports drinks. Eroski does a lemon one. Tastes ok and it has the salts, minerals and vitamins that are as important in preventing the worst affects of the heat. Yet, despite all the advice, you will still see those quaffing back great pints of beer during the day or tucking into a full English or a vast plate of meat and chips. None of this makes any sense. Ok, let's not get too sanctimonious, a freezing Saint Mick of an evening is hugely tempting, and rightly so, just so long as it's not the whole gallon.


What's Cracowing-off in the Cala
Are the Poles the new Brits? Last summer there was something of a street battle involving plod and some youthful Polish holidaymakers in Magaluf. There is now a report of trouble involving some younger Poles in - of all places - Cala San Vicente, but this is all-inclusive Cala, not the genteel old-colonialism of the Moraleja: the Don Pedro in other words. Perhaps it could have been predicted. Put British families together with the nouveau holidaymaking classes of young Poland and it was maybe bound to end in tears. But put them together Thomas Cook have done.

"Talk Of The North" got the story, and it should appear in greater detail in the next issue. From what Graeme tells me it has all been rather unpleasant, a group of Poles effectively terrorising the Brits and causing general mayhem. The boys in green were eventually called, after the Brits demanded that something be done. In addition to "TOTN", you can probably also expect that the forums will be given a bashing by very unhappy Brits, to say nothing of the complaints that will land in the in-tray of Thomas Cook.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Frank Sinatra, "New York, New York", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ro7Uz4jEfmg. Today's title - why? It's a line from ...

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In A City That Never Sleeps

There must, you imagine, be a point in the early morning of the second of August when DJ Enigma or Pako passes by a group of worthy pollencin ancients who look aghast at the ponytail and eyebrow piercing and who are weary from the noise of a night of endless partying in three whole squares of the old town, but determined to be there at five am for the traditional alborada. Fiestas are all about the old meeting the new, but not necessarily in the streets as one lot gets up and the other makes its way to bed. Except, that is, in Pollensa. Why anyone feels the need to get up for a tradition that was invented at the end of the nineteenth century in order to herald the final day of the fiesta week is lost on me. They could just as easily, you would think, pack it all in to thirty minutes at some sensible hour, like ten o'clock; time enough for a decent snooze and a lump of lard and sugar together with a stiff hierba for breakfast. But not with Patrona.

The locals have to suffer for their fiesta art, and that may well mean not having had any sleep ahead of a day that features make-believe Christians and Moors rampaging through the streets and a bloody great fireworks do at midnight. It might not be so bad, but the night before there was another grand party - the marxa fresca - that techno-ed across the Plaça Major. Actually, techno may not be accurate. There is a youtube of last year's marxa and that's got Madness playing. So much for traditional Catalan house or whatever the flavour of the dance world is these days. At least on the night of the Wednesday, the provocatively entitled "Decibels Pollença 2009" is confined to the footy pitch. No sound limiters there, one supposes. God forbid that an unsuspecting tourist booked his family of toddlers into the Hotel Juma on the Plaça Major in anticipation of a quiet few days of cultural tourism at the end of July and start of August. He'd get culture alright, Pants Breakers on the stage in the square and DJ Full-Attack larging it within easy sleep-shattering distance in the Monnares plaza.

Pollensa town hall, strapped for cash as it has been for several years now so much so that it is running a regular deficit in the region of a million of your European Euros, was meant to have been cutting its fiesta budget this year. Not that you would think that were you to take a look at the schedule for Patrona. It's like a mini-Glastonbury, replete with sound, Quakerist, saving-the-world enviro children's parties and benefits for Rwanda and the like. All that's missing is the mud, which is a shame as it would allow the Batley Townswomen's Guild to re-enact the Moors and Christians.

The simulation, Pythonesque or otherwise, is - in its billing - something of a curiosity, given that the Moors were anything but Moors. They were Turks, intent on turning the inns of Pollensa into kebab restaurants, but Moors is how we must call them. The term "moro" is one commonly used in the local languages; indeed Patrona features a comedy (ho-ho) called "No Hi Hara Moros A La Costa" which translates, more or less, as the coast is clear, i.e. there are no Moors on the coast. It will be one of the events that attracts rather fewer tourists than others, one would guess. Another more obscure feature of this year's Patrona is a "return to the sixteenth century" with music and entertainment of the period. 1550 was the year that the so-called Moors attempted their invasion. At Patrona they're making music to repel Moors by. They're making rather more music than that - 14 DJs, 20 groups of different sorts, plus some Mallorcan traditional music and that stuff from the 1500s.

Patrona - the fiesta of the sleepless.

Information on Patrona 2009 is on the WHAT'S ON BLOG - http://www.wotzupnorth.blogspot.com.


QUIZ
Today's title - ol' blue eyes, or is that red eyes, is back.

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Swine Flu

The swine flu situation in Mallorca is gathering some momentum. The first death attributed to "Gripe A H1N1" was recorded last week on the island, though the number of cases remains relatively low. There is a belief that, because of the degree of mobility in Mallorca, the likelihood is that it will register more cases than some other parts of Spain. Perhaps. There are plenty of regions, however, that have high levels of mobility - the major cities and of course all the tourism centres. A British tourist from Birmingham is in hospital on the island and apparently responding well.

The reports that started coming out of Germany last week, led by "Bild", have insinuated that Mallorca is something of a hotspot for the virus. This is overstating the case, but the actions of the police (national and local in the case of Calvia) in taking to wearing masks have not exactly lessened a certain sense of unease. It is being left to individual officers' discretion as to whether they don the masks or not. But if there are police roaming around with masks on, the rest of the population is quite likely to ask, then why not us. The health department thinks they are unnecessary. Nevertheless, well over 200,000 masks are being made available in the Balearics. The Partido Popular opposition in the Balearics has accused the health minister of having contributed to a "general alarm". Meanwhile, the ministry says that there is a reserve of more than ten million antiviral treatments - in Spain.

Of course there is alarm, but much of it, as in the UK, is overblown. The effects of the flu virus are not necessarily that harmful, but all that Mallorca needs right now is a dose not just of swine flu but also bad publicity. And images of police officers wearing masks do not exactly inspire confidence, even if there is sense that the police, and especially the police, take what precautions they can. But the same applies to other sectors. They may as well issue masks to everyone.

The regional government has issued its own advice to citizens. Its information provision is not that brilliant. Go to the website - http://www.caib.es - and you will see there is an announcement to click on. Try the Castellano or English pages, and what do you get? The same default information - in Catalan. Only the menu to the side of the page changes language. How useless is this? Well, one of the pieces of advice is that the transmission of the virus is the same as for any other strain, hand contamination being one means. Given the amount of handshaking that goes on in local society, one measure might be to give that a rest for the time being.

Oh, and there's one other thing health-wise. Temperatures are hitting 40 degrees in parts. Stay home, stay out of the sun, keep cool, and you probably won't get heatstroke or swine flu.


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Childhood Dreams - Part 2

One day the dreams of those raised in Pollensa, the next of those from Santa Margalida. Joan Mas and Dragut duly elected to charge around Pollensa with some vigour like a Blue Remembered Hills grown-up small boys' re-enactment, Sunday was the turn of the election for a rather more sedate role - Beata. One Antònia Frontera Pont has secured the highlight of her still short life - the current-day Beata of what we are constantly reminded is one of the most typical of Mallorcan fiestas that climaxes on the 6th of September with the Beata procession. The election of Beata is not a sort-of Miss Santa Margalida parade of the local totty; there is far more to it than good teeth and wishing for world peace. The aspirant, and there were 22 to choose from, has to demonstrate sound religious credentials for seeing off the rest of the field. Senyoreta Antònia has taken part in Beata in one form or another for several years. A minimum of five years participation is a pre-requisite for candidature. This, and having reached the age of 18, which she has.

According to the report from "The Diario", she could not contain her emotion when the mayor read out her name. It is the dream of everyone in the town, she said, though whether she went on to thank her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, second-cousins, dog was not reported. Probably though; well, some of them. But highlight of her life it will be and will remain so, as Beatas are chosen but once only. Rather like being chosen as a Wisden Cricketer of the Year, the accolade is bestowed on just one occasion. Nevertheless, it probably looks good on the CV. What prospective employer could turn down a Beata? And Antònia is training to be a teacher. In years to come, girls of schools in Santa Margalida will be inspired by the presence of a one-time Beata, which is actually a rather charming thought. "Miss, miss, tell us about when you were Beata." Yes, it is a charming notion.

And being charming and traditional, one thinks what is there to compare with such an election in decadent, irreligious Britain. Very little. In fact, nothing. The odd May Queen perhaps. Do they still have them? Not much of a gig if they do. In Britain, it would be necessary to invent something. Jade Goody Day or some such horror. Text voting for one of 22 candidates lounging around on sofas under the scrutiny of cameras in a make-believe house. Who's the gobbiest of them all? It's you-who. This year's Jade.

No, being picked as the Beata is all rather lovely, partly because it is such a tradition and an important one not only in Santa Margalida but also on the island as a whole. It's why such an election gets reported. You might think it was pretty insignificant, but it isn't. It matters. And it couldn't be further from something as contemporarily commercialised and profane as a Jade Goody. The only thing is, I wonder what some of the other 21 made of it. Now, there wouldn't be any catty remarks being muttered, would there? Perhaps not, but were there to be then they would doubtless be catty remarks made by the odd Cati, as every other female is called Cati.


QUIZ
Yesterday's and today's title - Nelly Furtado, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGtI8m8hW3A.

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