"So, where do you stand on the men with no shirts debate?" "What men with no shirts debate?" "Men with no shirts in bars and supermarkets and so on." "Never thought about it. Never been bothered about it." Thus replied a bar-owner (female). The bar in question has a terrace and it is in Puerto Alcúdia. There is a bar in Puerto Pollensa that does not have a terrace and also has a sign saying "no shirt, no sale" - or something like that.
What does it matter? Shirtlessness, that is. Elsewhere, I have seen an exchange about this in the context of the alleged increased tackiness of Puerto Pollensa. Men with no shirts. God forbid. And in the resort of the blessed that is Puerto Pollensa, as opposed to the resort of the damned of Puerto Alcúdia. What will become of us all? At the one extreme, I fancy there are those who would prefer males to be clad in safari suit and pith helmet and to be carrying a stout cane with some flagellant straps on the end with which to ward off flies and the natives. At the other, there are those who seem only to have brought with them a pair of shorts and flip-flops and ward off everyone and everything with an expanse of belly. Avert that child's eyes and put blinkers on that horse! A semi-naked man, with added lard!
Some people have no class. That's undoubtedly the case. When last nosebagging at Taste of India, a gentleman of body artwork seated himself at the adjoining table - minus shirt. Why? Would the same gentleman tackle a tikka masala in his local Indian back home bare to the waist? No, I don't imagine he would. It may be warm, but it's not a nudist colony. And even at nudist colonies, mercifully, people generally dress for dinner.
There is of course body and body. Unfortunately, there is often far too much body. The Phil Mitchell-isation of the British male is a curious, knuckles-to-the-fore, arms in the Dubya coat-hanger-position phenomenon of mob-instinct peer-grouping among adults who really ought to know better. And there was I thinking that "clone" was a gay motif. Gut, tattoos, a low-number head shave. Ultra attractive. Many moons ago, I noted here that two Spanish women in the Eroski supermarket uttered "guapo" (lovely) in a sarcastic tone as two Mitchells who had failed to pack a shirt bullocked by - vast beef mountains of flesh that should have been carved up and had the toothpick of a price per kilo stuck into them on the meat counter. What on Earth do they think they look like? Eroski seems to have given up with its sign asking for a shirt and something on the feet. It had little effect, so the poor, demure girlies at the check-outs still get a very full frontal of stomach and man boob in glorious pink.
There again, they are on holiday. And when on holiday, any decorum that may have been attained over the years is left on the airplane, deposited in the EasyJet rubbish sack. Not though that I am without some sympathy. Restaurants, main supermarkets, chemists - here are places of almost Catholic reverence that require the male equivalent of the something on the female shoulder. But bars, those with terraces especially, and on the streets? When you come from a land of the summer midday moon, every opportunity is needed for third-degree sunburn on that voluminous hillock of ashen belly.
The real problem is that places like Puerto Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa have never quite managed to reconcile the fact that they are holiday resorts and also working, everyday towns. Viewed through the eyes of someone living in either (and also by those tourists who remembered to include a shirt on their packing list), there is something of the naff about troops of the non-shirted parading the streets. But to how many tourists does it actually occur that there is life beyond the beach and the pool? No, I don't blame them. Unappealing it may be for some, but it's holiday. Just be thankful they brought their shorts.
SUNWING GETS IT IN THE NECK
When a hotel and apartment complex has been around for getting on for 40 years, there comes a time for a bit of smartening up. And over the past winter, the Sunwing Resort in Puerto Alcúdia received just a refurb. Would have cost a bit. Unfortunately, it's going to cost a bit more. "The Diario" reports on a fine of some 750 grand for works that apparently didn't have the right licence and that caused a nuisance to neighbours. Oops.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Jam, "That's Entertainment" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mv55WsedLYI). Today's title - this comes from something by some of the greatest lunatics of British popular music - and they were?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Showing posts with label Sunwing Resort. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunwing Resort. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
To Fly Again, ... To Live So Free
Sunwing. The simplicity of a name. Taken to the sun by wings. Or an allusion to a freedom in the sun. It's a masterpiece of holiday-ese. Hotels have sought the allure of exotic local names or have been corporatised so that one is not entirely sure. The Iberostars Alcúdia Park and Albufera Park, separated by kilometres, are sometimes transposed. The Vivas Blue and Bahía. Now which one is which, again? The Sols all stand together, yet are distinct; not that the tourist necessarily knows this and so has to enquire: " is it this or is it that?". Others have fallen back on the we're all in it together tag, which may indeed be apposite in the cases of Club Mac and Club Bellevue. The only "club" of purpose is Sea Club, another brand of straightforwardness - a club by the sea.
The hotel name. It's a subject worth a piece or several on its own, but for now, to return to Sunwing. This complex of hotels and apartments is one of Puerto Alcúdia's biggest and most enduring. It has not aspired in the same way as Bellevue has to having its name used to describe an area, even if it is a convenience to explain that such and such is "by Sunwing". It has also not been granted quasi-geographical status as, unlike Bellevue, it has not spawned a Mile equivalent. Sunwing has the best of all worlds. It is close enough to the Mile but not a part of it, it is a pleasant stroll along the beach path to the port, and it is slap bang on the beach.
Yet for all the importance and advantages of Sunwing, go to the various holiday advice sites (the English ones anyway) and you will find no mention. There are no enquiries after the state of the entertainment or the kids' club or the existence or otherwise of Germans. And the reason why not is very simple, like its name. The Brits can't go there. I had thought that one of its hotels, the Princesa, was to go Brit, but this has not turned out to be the case. Sunwing is Baltic, Nordic, Scandinavian, and is likely to remain so.
Sunwing is the concrete embodiment of the Scandinavian Alcúdia holiday; it is indicative of a history of Swedish holiday colonisation of Alcúdia. More so than the Brits or the Germans, it was the Swedes who claimed first land rights. And they have made sure to keep Sunwing for themselves and their Scandinavian brethren.
In a more general sense, Sunwing and its convocation of nations, is part of a diversity of European tribes in Alcúdia that rarely gets mentioned. One might believe that The Mile is the Brit on holiday, but even blocks in Bellevue are for other nationalities, the Scandinavians included. The "British" bar along The Mile is as much a phenomenon of the successful export of British holiday and social culture as it is anything to do with actual ownership; the diversity of the Alcúdia tourist is not mirrored by the presence of ethno-bar-style. Yet it is this very disparate agglomeration of EU and non-EU nations that contributes, in part, to the vitality of Alcúdia. There may not be a mass of Scandinavian bars or even German, French, Czech or Russian ones come to that, but there is a multi-dimensionality to Alcúdia that is not to be found in, say, its neighbour Puerto Pollensa. "Bild" may have unwisely laid guilt by association at the beaches of Puerto Pollensa when it said it was a place for Germans to avoid, but it was right in the sense that Puerto Pollensa is very much the Brit on holiday, to a far greater extent than Alcúdia.
The Scandinavians of Alcúdia should be a protected species. Not only are they well regarded for their willingness to part with hard cash, they are also singularly unaffected by the negative characterisations of other nations, notably the Germans and the British. Scandinavians do not suffer from accusations of arrogance or projectile vomiting. Given the cheapness and availability of alcohol compared to the likes of Malmo, one might have thought the Swedes would be in a state of two-week binged oblivion, but generally they are not. And perhaps there is something in prohibitively high alcohol prices. Take a walk around Sunwing, and after the shock of all that blondness, the thing that strikes is you is that they look so disgustingly healthy.
Sunwing. So important but so unknown - to the British. And something tells me that this is how the Scandinavians intend to keep it.
QUIZ
Chain - "Gloria", Van Morrison; "I Will Survive", Gloria Gaynor. And the connection between the latter song and REM? Very simple. Yesterday's title - Wah (see this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr0_zWaVzU). Today's title - where's this pompous lyric from?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
The hotel name. It's a subject worth a piece or several on its own, but for now, to return to Sunwing. This complex of hotels and apartments is one of Puerto Alcúdia's biggest and most enduring. It has not aspired in the same way as Bellevue has to having its name used to describe an area, even if it is a convenience to explain that such and such is "by Sunwing". It has also not been granted quasi-geographical status as, unlike Bellevue, it has not spawned a Mile equivalent. Sunwing has the best of all worlds. It is close enough to the Mile but not a part of it, it is a pleasant stroll along the beach path to the port, and it is slap bang on the beach.
Yet for all the importance and advantages of Sunwing, go to the various holiday advice sites (the English ones anyway) and you will find no mention. There are no enquiries after the state of the entertainment or the kids' club or the existence or otherwise of Germans. And the reason why not is very simple, like its name. The Brits can't go there. I had thought that one of its hotels, the Princesa, was to go Brit, but this has not turned out to be the case. Sunwing is Baltic, Nordic, Scandinavian, and is likely to remain so.
Sunwing is the concrete embodiment of the Scandinavian Alcúdia holiday; it is indicative of a history of Swedish holiday colonisation of Alcúdia. More so than the Brits or the Germans, it was the Swedes who claimed first land rights. And they have made sure to keep Sunwing for themselves and their Scandinavian brethren.
In a more general sense, Sunwing and its convocation of nations, is part of a diversity of European tribes in Alcúdia that rarely gets mentioned. One might believe that The Mile is the Brit on holiday, but even blocks in Bellevue are for other nationalities, the Scandinavians included. The "British" bar along The Mile is as much a phenomenon of the successful export of British holiday and social culture as it is anything to do with actual ownership; the diversity of the Alcúdia tourist is not mirrored by the presence of ethno-bar-style. Yet it is this very disparate agglomeration of EU and non-EU nations that contributes, in part, to the vitality of Alcúdia. There may not be a mass of Scandinavian bars or even German, French, Czech or Russian ones come to that, but there is a multi-dimensionality to Alcúdia that is not to be found in, say, its neighbour Puerto Pollensa. "Bild" may have unwisely laid guilt by association at the beaches of Puerto Pollensa when it said it was a place for Germans to avoid, but it was right in the sense that Puerto Pollensa is very much the Brit on holiday, to a far greater extent than Alcúdia.
The Scandinavians of Alcúdia should be a protected species. Not only are they well regarded for their willingness to part with hard cash, they are also singularly unaffected by the negative characterisations of other nations, notably the Germans and the British. Scandinavians do not suffer from accusations of arrogance or projectile vomiting. Given the cheapness and availability of alcohol compared to the likes of Malmo, one might have thought the Swedes would be in a state of two-week binged oblivion, but generally they are not. And perhaps there is something in prohibitively high alcohol prices. Take a walk around Sunwing, and after the shock of all that blondness, the thing that strikes is you is that they look so disgustingly healthy.
Sunwing. So important but so unknown - to the British. And something tells me that this is how the Scandinavians intend to keep it.
QUIZ
Chain - "Gloria", Van Morrison; "I Will Survive", Gloria Gaynor. And the connection between the latter song and REM? Very simple. Yesterday's title - Wah (see this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr0_zWaVzU). Today's title - where's this pompous lyric from?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Forever Changes
More on hotels. There are, from time to time, the bugles of the changing of the nationality guard at certain hotels. Three years ago, the restaurants of Can Picafort were ordering more cash registers in anticipation of increased Anglicisation of some of the vast hotel stock in the town. The Germans, they said, who had committed sunbedsraum in colonising Can Picafort some years previously, were retreating and taking their closed wallets with them. I don’t know that it made much difference to Can Picafort, though it is fair to say that the town is still host, in addition to more British, to a German market that might be characterised as being more Ostmark as opposed to D-mark, even if the current visitors don’t necessarily come from the eastern part. A front-line restaurant owner said to me last year that the general level of tourism in the town was “cheap”. I won’t mention the restaurant’s name.
Nationalities get branded according to their willingness to part with folded notes. The British, usually, are looked upon as being the most generous, the Germans as being tight and the Spaniards as letting one cup of coffee last for several hours. It’s a nonsensical generalisation of course, and has everything to do with differences in resorts and also hotels. In Alcúdia, the British are not always believed to be big spenders. Those in the all-inclusive Club Mac ghetto or in the all-inclusivised part of Bellevue have little incentive to spend, and, in many cases, they don’t have the money to spend either.
And then one comes to the Scandinavians. Last year, it was being said that it was Baltic euros and kroner that were keeping much of Alcúdia from penury. An exaggeration of course, but the Swedes and the rest tend to be good spenders. The mystery is that the Swedes are not drunk from the moment they leave the plane till the moment they leave, given that a night out on the booze in Stockholm or somewhere costs about the same as the annual GDP of a small African country. The nationality one tends to hear little of is the Dutch, who, apart from a reputation for being, well Dutch, rarely get mentioned when it comes to the European spending league. But they are all the size of rugby lock forwards, so one presumes that a fair amount of nosebag and watering is required to keep them sufficiently fuelled, which means goodly amounts of moolah.
But where was I? Ah yes, hotels. The Swedes and their neighbours have, over the years, turned the Sunwing Resort in Puerto Alcúdia into a Nordic zone of disgustingly healthy-looking blondness. In so doing, they nabbed for themselves one of the best locations for hotels and apartments in the area – slap bang on the beach, halfway from the port and halfway from the noise of The Mile. They couldn’t have planned it better. Some poor Brit, suitably impressed by the potential of a holiday there, contacted me last year, bemoaning the fact that the Sunwing website was not available in English. The reason why it was not was because they didn’t have any British clients. All sewn up by the Scanda tour operators. Well seemingly, this may be about to change as one of the two Sunwing hotels, the four-star Princesa, is due to go British following this winter’s major refurbishment, which will be good news for the British previously barred through the Scandinavian apartheid and will still be good news for the local hostelries as they should bring with them a minted tourism comparable to the Baltic spend.
While Sunwing becomes more cosmopolitan, another place is set to take, possibly, the dispossessed Scandinavians of the Princesa. I say possibly, as the Solecito Apartments, opposite the Club Mac, are hardly the same deal as Sunwing. But the apartments are, apparently, going Scandinavian and Dutch (quite how the Dutch get in on this I’m not sure, but be that as it may). This part of Alcúdia is pretty much solid Brit. Now the Solecito is not exactly huge, but for the bars there, used to serving up a diet of the full English and burgers, maybe they will have to invest in some raw herrings and smorgasbord. And my guess is that the new demographics might just mean higher spend, but perhaps I am over-generalising.
QUIZ
Yesterday – Carly Simon. Today’s title – one of the greatest albums of the ‘60s; American group and they were?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Nationalities get branded according to their willingness to part with folded notes. The British, usually, are looked upon as being the most generous, the Germans as being tight and the Spaniards as letting one cup of coffee last for several hours. It’s a nonsensical generalisation of course, and has everything to do with differences in resorts and also hotels. In Alcúdia, the British are not always believed to be big spenders. Those in the all-inclusive Club Mac ghetto or in the all-inclusivised part of Bellevue have little incentive to spend, and, in many cases, they don’t have the money to spend either.
And then one comes to the Scandinavians. Last year, it was being said that it was Baltic euros and kroner that were keeping much of Alcúdia from penury. An exaggeration of course, but the Swedes and the rest tend to be good spenders. The mystery is that the Swedes are not drunk from the moment they leave the plane till the moment they leave, given that a night out on the booze in Stockholm or somewhere costs about the same as the annual GDP of a small African country. The nationality one tends to hear little of is the Dutch, who, apart from a reputation for being, well Dutch, rarely get mentioned when it comes to the European spending league. But they are all the size of rugby lock forwards, so one presumes that a fair amount of nosebag and watering is required to keep them sufficiently fuelled, which means goodly amounts of moolah.
But where was I? Ah yes, hotels. The Swedes and their neighbours have, over the years, turned the Sunwing Resort in Puerto Alcúdia into a Nordic zone of disgustingly healthy-looking blondness. In so doing, they nabbed for themselves one of the best locations for hotels and apartments in the area – slap bang on the beach, halfway from the port and halfway from the noise of The Mile. They couldn’t have planned it better. Some poor Brit, suitably impressed by the potential of a holiday there, contacted me last year, bemoaning the fact that the Sunwing website was not available in English. The reason why it was not was because they didn’t have any British clients. All sewn up by the Scanda tour operators. Well seemingly, this may be about to change as one of the two Sunwing hotels, the four-star Princesa, is due to go British following this winter’s major refurbishment, which will be good news for the British previously barred through the Scandinavian apartheid and will still be good news for the local hostelries as they should bring with them a minted tourism comparable to the Baltic spend.
While Sunwing becomes more cosmopolitan, another place is set to take, possibly, the dispossessed Scandinavians of the Princesa. I say possibly, as the Solecito Apartments, opposite the Club Mac, are hardly the same deal as Sunwing. But the apartments are, apparently, going Scandinavian and Dutch (quite how the Dutch get in on this I’m not sure, but be that as it may). This part of Alcúdia is pretty much solid Brit. Now the Solecito is not exactly huge, but for the bars there, used to serving up a diet of the full English and burgers, maybe they will have to invest in some raw herrings and smorgasbord. And my guess is that the new demographics might just mean higher spend, but perhaps I am over-generalising.
QUIZ
Yesterday – Carly Simon. Today’s title – one of the greatest albums of the ‘60s; American group and they were?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
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