Showing posts with label Roundabouts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Roundabouts. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Horsing Around: Sassu and THAT sculpture

There was a time when I had this thing about roundabouts: not the fact that no one has the faintest idea how to drive around one, either with or without the aid of an indicator; not that most roundabouts appear to have been created in order to give Trafico ever more places to hang out: not even the comparatively short history of the Mallorcan roundabout (first one, 1976, Palmanova). No, it was what was on them. Sculptures, artistic works, some of which look like the scrap-metal man's taken up residence, others which are just weird, some which do pass as worthy additions to the landscape. As is my wont, I started to research them, i.e. those responsible for the sculptures. Or irresponsible some might suggest.

This was all a long time ago. Perhaps I became inured to the bits of old tat, the surreal, the occasionally splendid. So much roundabout furniture can leave one blind, as it was no longer having any impact. However, there was one roundabout, one roundabout sculpture that still had the power to overwhelm because of its sheer audacity or what some would describe as monstrosity.

In this former life of rotonda research, someone asked me - in 2008 if you must know - when they were going to get rid of that "thing". Who, came the question, must have had a mate in the town hall to have allowed such a "thing". Whatever possessed anyone to dream up this Angel of the North with its complete absence of angelic quality?

Those of you with knowledge local to Alcúdia will almost certainly have got the gist by now. This is the "Horse which looks to the sky (or maybe heaven) of Alcúdia". It is the horse of the Horse Roundabout, the Rotonda Caballo. Or is it a horse? Other interpretations have been made.

It is a horse of course, as Mr. Ed might have said. The sculptor specialised in horses, often kicking ones, styled in a futuristic fashion. He was Aligi Sassu, Italian, who had shared his time between Italy and Pollensa (Cala San Vicente) from the start of the 1960s. Sassu was well-known to the art world in Mallorca. In 1996, Sa Nostra Bank acquired a sculpture of his that had been crafted in 1989. The "Caballo Airoso" (airy horse, if you like) is still to be found in the gardens of the Sa Nostra Cultural Centre in Palma. But it, and other horse works, were on nothing like the scale of the Alcúdia horse, while, for all his futuristic style, Sassu had never created anything quite like it in appearance. When it was first unveiled - winched into position that is - the reaction was ... . Well, the reaction was somewhat mixed to say the least.

The horse arose in February 1997. A few months earlier, at a different roundabout - Magic - another sculpture had been given the crane treatment. This was "Leonardo's Knot", the work of Ben Yakober. In July of 1997, the roundabouts were officially inaugurated along with their sculptures and indeed roads. Both sculptors were in attendance. Alcúdia had needed a better system of roads, so Alcúdia got them, together with the roundabouts and the sculptures.

One observer from the time who didn't doubt the necessity of the roads or the roundabouts was more sceptical about both sculptures. He could appreciate that there was something of the avant-garde about them but that they would divide opinion between futurists and those who preferred something more classical. But he was concerned that neither said anything about Alcúdia nor indeed Mallorca, and the culture and customs. He believed that, although Sassu and Yakober were highly respected, perhaps there should have been some consultation, to hear what people thought. He also wondered about who had made the decision. The horse cost four million pesetas, roughly equivalent to 25,000 euros, albeit that this was around 20 years ago.

The cost was shared between the town hall and the Council of Mallorca with its dual responsibilities for culture and for roads. Who actually made the decision regarding the horse, who actually commissioned it is unclear. The observer who asked the question might now be in a better position to discover the answer. His observations came from the March 1997 edition of the "Badia Alcúdia" magazine. He used to write regular opinion pieces. He was and is Antoni Mir, the new mayor of Alcúdia.

Perhaps the best thing one can say about the horse is that it is a talking-point. But there's no escaping it. It is so massive, while lacking a quality, like say the Angel of the North, of some emotion, some appeal to those who seek inspiration and meaning. The horse, sad to say, lacks this and also sad to say, Sassu was so much better. There is an exhibition of some of his horse lithographs at the Hotel Molins in Cala San Vicente from tomorrow evening.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Round And Round We Go

Where do you think the first roundabout in Spain was built? Madrid? Barcelona? Valencia? None of these. It was in Mallorca. Palmanova to be precise. The year was 1976. So a mere 67 years after the claim to the first roundabout having been built - in Letchworth (actually, Paris lays claim to having had one in 1907) - Spanish roads finally entered the modern era of motoring. Since that time, roundabouts have been built with a fervour and a fever that would leave breathless even the motorists of Swindon and Hemel Hempstead (two towns with more surreal and simply more roundabouts than most other places).

In pre-1976 film footage for Palma there are what look like roundabouts but which weren't. They were just obstacles in the middle of the road that motorists went past; obstacles created by some old landmark or other. In fact, it had been common enough in cities and towns in different countries to construct something, be it say artistic or a garden, at road intersections. Or, for purely aesthetic reasons, in the middle of old, primitive roads. Artistic creations in the middle of roads, on roundabouts, have since then acquired a whole new lease of life, as can be seen by the numerous examples of roundabout furniture in Mallorca.

The island's roundabouts, indeed Spain's roundabouts, are the stuff of great debate. Party to this debate are environmentalists, road designers and engineers, urban planners, artists and sometimes even motorists. Roundabouts are by no means universally popular, and this lack of popularity stems from different perspectives.

The environmentally conscious road design lobby against roundabouts helped to bring about a report in 2005. This contrasted Spain's roundabouts with its traffic light junctions. On cost alone, there was much to be said for the latter. Roundabouts, obviously of a certain size, cost on average 120,000 euros to build plus any cost of expropriation. Traffic-light junctions cost a mere 25,000 euros and took up far less space. The report also highlighted the costs in terms of energy consumption, the result of all the braking and accelerating demanded by  roundabouts, if they were as regular as many now are. A conclusion of the report was that, generally speaking, roundabouts should only be built at entry points into towns and not within or through them. The report was clearly ignored. Playa de Muro and Can Picafort are just two places that have seen several, small roundabouts placed along the main road in recent years.

A further report, of 2009, by researchers at the department of geography at the Independent University of Madrid, considered the "public art" of roundabouts, all those sculptures that are now to be typically seen. Or not seen. One of the researchers' arguments against all this art was that it was pointless as motorists don't see it. Indeed, you would hope they probably don't, as they should be concentrating on something else. Or maybe they are seeing, hence the accidents at roundabouts. For the most part, the researchers were unimpressed; this public art was of limited cultural merit and had little to do with its location.

What they didn't delve into was what it all cost. Just as an example, though, in 2010 Calvià town hall put out to tender work for three new "ornamental objects" for roundabouts in Santa Ponsa. They were to cost 53,000 euros in total, which may have represented a nice earner for a local artist, even if Balearics artists as a collective have been less than enthusiastic about roundabout art, partly because no one knows who the artist is and partly because they reckon that much if it has been rubbish.

Traffic circulation is obviously the reason for the rapid expansion that there has been in the number of roundabouts in Mallorca. I say obviously, but I am far from convinced that they have helped. Roundabout fever has, at times, seemed to have been designed to alleviate Trafico's boredom and enhance the quality of their worklife: increase the number of roundabouts, and there is a greater choice for where they can stand around plus a greater choice of scenery. The growth in roundabouts may offer more variety when it comes to traffic controls, but do the cops ever bother to advise motorists on their roundabout etiquette?

There are people who claim to know what the rules are at roundabouts. Some of them are probably with Trafico or are driving instructors. But this still doesn't stop articles appearing, at least once a year, in the local Spanish papers which discuss the "chaos" at roundabouts. The truth is that no one seems to know for sure, and even if they do know, then they ignore the rules anyway. Either that, or they're admiring the artwork.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Big Chair


As threatened, a photo of the deckchair. It does have the look of much of the current vogue in restaurant and terrace furniture, the dark brown lacquered mock wicker style but squared and without the high backs. There again, restaurants tend not to have many deckchairs. The steel works of the sculpture do, though, make a decent enough stab at re-creating this contemporary furniture design, which does make me wonder if it hasn't actually been commissioned by a furniture manufacturer. Perhaps a sponsorship sign will be hung from it. After taking the photo, I was hailed from his shop by Nacho - the tabacs opposite the Burger King at Las Gav. He and his mother just referred to the deckchair as a "silla", i.e. chair, and I thought, ah, now they might know something about the birds nest roundabout (the photo of 11 March, Fat Albert Rotunda). And do you know what? They did. So, would you like to know what that sculpture really is? I can reveal that it is ... eels. Yep, a load of eels. Those twisted strips of metals are those things that repulse so many, my friends, and that is official. No tornadoes, no candy floss, no birds nests. But eels. Eels such as you get in Albufera and such as might be in fisherman's basket. As he pulls it up, all those eels writhing and wriggling. Now I know, now it starts to make sense. Eels. In Sa Pobla, the eel goes into the local speciality, the "espingada", which is a treat (allegedly) at Sant Antoni, but it (the eel) is very much representative of Albufera, and so there you have it. I say that it is representative, but for whom? Locals may know, but does anyone else? I very much doubt it. But for those of you who thought the sculpture was just a mess of bits of metal picked up in a scrap yard and thrown together, how could you have? Philistines.


I failed to mention yesterday that a further way in which Pollensa town hall is seeking to eliminate tourism is with the change to the building rules. I have referred before to the temporary lifting of restrictions, allowing work this year to continue until mid June and during October. What I hadn't appreciated was that, apparently, the Casinet works will be going on right through the summer. That'll be nice, won't it.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - "Sitting In The Park", Georgie Fame (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3nNB8D_A1k). Today's title - there was an album called "songs from the big chair", and it was by ... ? Only just had them.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sitting Here On The Bench

Well, it all seemed to be kicking off in Puerto Pollensa's market square yesterday morning. I say kicking off; that is a bit of an exaggeration. But were it Easter already, there would be some unhappy Easter bunnies among the restaurant and bar owners. It's all to do with how much, or how many. Metres. Metres of terrace. It is not a new story in that restrictions have been anticipated for some while, but a by-law was passed last month which stipulated that terraces could be no deeper than 3.4 metres. Why 3.4 and not 3.5 I don't know, but that - apparently - is how far the tables and chairs of the establishments in the square can stretch. 3.5 metres are not very much, and - from a tourism and business point of view - it sucks; sorry, they suck. The owners can appeal, and have. Just as well; the last day of appeal is 24 March. As far as I am aware, this is just something that applies to the square, though it seems that - buried in the town hall - is a document which shows how far terraces can go, even for places that don't currently have them. Whatever. Anyway, the mayor was there in person, flanked by the local plod, while the traders put forward their case. I can't believe that this will not be challenged and overturned. An argument is that, because the tables stretch right across the pavement, they prevent people from sitting on the benches. Maybe so. In which case, why do they allow the market to take place? It may only be one morning, but the same problem applies. Why not move the benches? If I had to guess, there would be more people, far more people wanting to sit at a table in the square to have a meal on a warm summer's eve than there would be those who want to sit on a bench.

You do wonder at times if town halls would rather just kill off the tourism industry. If they got rid of it, then they would get rid of a number of headaches. Of course, one other development in Puerto Pollensa which, so the spurious argument went, would be a benefit to tourism, was that of the pedestrianisation. It seems like a long time since that was mentioned here, but what I am hearing is that, as far as traffic restrictions are concerned, vehicles will be able to use the whole of the coast road into Puerto Pollensa coming from Alcúdia. What's the point of that? If today is anything to go on, there are vehicles currently coming from the other direction as well. But were the road to be made one-way, it would not be a pedestrianisation, so why bother? This was never about benefits to tourism; it was all about an obscure piece of road legislation dating back to 1967, which appears to have brought ruination to some businesses since the so-called and botched trial was started last autumn. It was always a pointless exercise, and now it seems even more so.


Take it easy - sitting on roundabouts
More on the latest tourist excursion - the island tour of roundabout furniture and art. Further nominations for the birds nest affair in front of the Parc Natural (11 March: Fat Albert Rotunda) include a tornado (if you can actually sculpt a tornado), while the roundabout at what were the traffic lights and junction in Las Gaviotas now boasts something which is quite clearly a deckchair. Actually, it's pretty good in a sort-of contemporary, robust, IKEA or perhaps Paco Muebles deckchair style, as opposed to a Bognor-beach-circa-1965 way. I shall take a photo and you will be able to see for yourselves. I wonder how much it costs to sit on? Perhaps it is an ironic statement regarding the beach wars in Playa de Muro these past few years; those to do with sun beds and so on. Hopefully though, no-one will see fit to slash the sculpture in the dead of night.


The best election
Yes, that is election. Thank God. They could have got the word wrong I guess, rather than just the wrong word. And they are? GC Hotels. I was checking through the Google map that I have done and it seems the link to what were the Almarsa hotels (Estrella de Mar, Coral de Mar etc.) is out of date: it diverts to GC Hotels. The thing is that when you go to that site, you are greeted with a legend which states "The best election". Now, the word "elección" can mean election or selection (choice). Clearly, they have picked the wrong possibility for translation. They shouldn't have. Please, no more of the oh well it's quite funny when foreigners make poor translations excuses. It is not funny. It is downright unprofessional. The hotels of Mallorca are meant to offer quality. And quality should exist in all aspects of their business, including translations. Poor.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Daniel Bedingfield (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxI2DEE_Nco). Today's title - line from a fabulous song from the '60s. Circa 1965 in fact: the British hit was by a well-known George.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Fat Albert Rotunda


When the historians of bloggery come to assess the role of this blog in that bloggery world, they will point to certain themes that have been as faithful companions since the early days, crawling from the cradle of blogger.com to be unleashed onto a wholly unexpecting public. One such is and has been the roundabout. The roundabout as in - can you or I make any sense as to how one is meant to negotiate it by means of a four-wheeled vehicle? - or as in - can you or I make any sense of the stuff that grows from the centre of the roundabout? The roundabout furniture. The adornments of roundabouts. Ars rotonda. Rotonda profunda. The meaning of roundabouts. I have an idea for No Frills, and I shall be mentioning it to Seamus when I next leave him stranded at a meeting in the town hall - conducted in Catalan - and that is a tour of the island's roundabouts with accompanying DVD for the aficionado of the roundabout art, Die Kunst des Kreisverkehrs, to take home to his relevant country and amaze and indeed bore friends and family. I actually don't think it's as stupid an idea as it sounds. Mallorca seems to have given the world roundabout aesthetics, or maybe everywhere else offers similar artistic treasures, it's just that I don't get out much. The twisted metals and carved blocks of stone of traffic circulation management are facets of that Mallorcan culture of which we hear so much; they are a heritage to European art, Victoria & Albert museum pieces for a future Tate Modern roundabout design museum. Isn't the old power station in Alcúdia meant to be modelled on the Tate Modern and to be art as well as science? Roundabouts, and their creations, should form the centrepiece.

I once had an email from someone who was doing a school project who desperately needed to know who was responsible for the most hideous of local roundabout art - the Horse (some say chicken or prawn) - and for what Foxes' Jamie dubs "Linkin' Donuts", i.e. the Magic of the Magic roundabout - boing! I did actually know the answer, though I seem now to have mislaid the information, for which I apologise as you are probably all keen to know as well. The point was that the artistic merits of the local roundabout had found expression away from this island. To foreign lands has travelled news of the strange craft of the Mallorcan roundabout. And to all the most famous - the Horse, the rings, the cock of Pollensa, the Canadair of Puerto Pollensa, the basket of Inca - we must now add the "what the hell's that meant to be" in front of the Parc Natural hotel (depicted above). I call it - "Rotonda Flagellens" or "Glorieta Gloriole", the gloriole coming from the suggestion perhaps of the metal straps as kinds of halos. Or are they streamers? If the Magic sculpture is donuts, perhaps this one's a candy floss. Maybe it is an example of a local hairdresser's skill - birds-nested hair - a Robert Smith of the Albufera roundabout. That could be it - the Cure to the answer as to what it is - a birds nest. Don't be fooled, by the way, by the pole in the photo - that's a lamp-post and not part of the roundabout. In other words, it's a lousy photo. It could also be that the artwork is not finished, though I have a suspicion it is, in which case - what is it? Answers, as ever, to the address below. I quite like the Robert Smith Roundabout. It has a ring to it. But then most roundabouts are like rings, or have rings on them, like the linkin' donuts. I still feel though that, as roundabouts are built primarily as places for the traffic plod to hang about on, there should be a sculpture of a cop, arm raised with a "papeles" balloon coming from his mouth. Like a sort of Angel of the North. It would be the highlight of the Roundabout Tour, the day of doing the rounds of roundabouts, a circular excursion of art on the round traffic islands of the island. Well, I'd pay for it even if you wouldn't.

Note: the Spanish for roundabout can be "rotonda" or "glorieta".


THE CAN RAMIS ACCIDENT
The collapse of the second level of the building work at the Can Ramis redevelopment has left five workers injured, one seriously. The redevelopment, which will create a bus station, café and tourist office, has been plagued by delay and has now been hit by another problem. And this comes three months after the accident in Cala Ratjada when four workers were killed as the result of a hotel collapsing. More on this to come no doubt.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Lily Allen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wGMlSuX_c). Today's title - should have looked for a connection with The Cure, given Robert Smith, but this was an album by which great jazz pianist?

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Row The Boat Ashore


Down Playa de Muro way, they're building roundabouts. Have I mentioned this before? Perhaps I have. There is one approaching completion in front of the Parc Natural five-star hotel. A lump of concrete with some bits sticking out of it is emerging as its central focal artistic point. We wait as we would await the latest exhibition of Damien Hirst to see this newest example of roundabout furniture; with huge anticipation. If it - the sculpture - is less than five star, then the accidents that await us on the roundabout will be. There is something I can't put my finger on, but something about the design - as one joins the roundabout from the side road - makes you not want to stop. And I'm not trying to be flippant here. There genuinely is some mysterious impulse at work that seems to make you unaware of slowing and looking to your left. You have all been warned. Then there is exiting the roundabout and turning right in the direction of the other five-star - the Palace de Muro. Something needs to be done about the line of hire cars that are parked on the yellow line because they, too, are going to be a cause of accidents. They were problematic before, but with vehicles coming off the roundabout potentially more swiftly than they used to cross the main road, there is even more scope for a fine old smash.

But I had not intended talking about this. What I had intended was that close to the roundabout is the canal from Albufera; this is known as s'Oberta. (I'm assuming that there are other "s'Oberta's", as I take it to mean "opening".) Whatever. On one side of the canal are moorings for boats. These are all small fishing boats; this is not a grand marina or anything remotely of the sort. The boat owners pay an average of only 400 euros a year, but they are complaining about the state of the place and the lack of security. Apparently there are regular thefts from the boats.

The 400 euros go to the government and the administration of the moorings falls under the environment ministry, albeit, according to "The Diario", this is being transferred to the ports authority. Whoever is responsible, the owners are far from happy, and so they are planning on installing a barrier in order to try and stop the robberies. To be honest, 400 euros does not sound a lot. This is not the marina in Puerto Alcúdia where you can be paying out 300 grand to obtain a mooring, and so would expect a pretty decent level of security; for 400 euros I'm not sure you really can expect a great deal.

Meantime, as part of the road works accompanying the building of the roundabout, the wall to one side of the road bridge over the canal has been demolished. Fortunately, there are some temporary blocks up to stop you driving into the water. With the pathway on the opposite side being upgraded, one can but hope that a result of these road works will be that stupid tourists are somehow prevented from walking on the side of the bridge without a pavement. It probably won't be the result, but should be. The road here is not really wide enough for two lanes and tourists walking two abreast - as is often the case. And this on a bit of road that does not have lighting.


I'm pleased to say that there is a major development to the blog. There is now a "twitter" element, whatever that is. Some of you may have read that this is one of those periodic hugely important things on the internet and with technology that can alter your life - supposedly. Can't say I've noticed. Anyway, if I do actually figure out what the point of it is or what possible benefit there is then I shall probably do something with it. Meantime, if anyone is already twittering or whatever one does, then do contact me and tell me if indeed there is any point to all of it. And there's another thing. In "The Sunday Times" Brian Appleyard has, over the past two weeks, listed the 100 top blogs. I fear that there has been an oversight on this list, and I shall be writing to Mr. Appleyard to point out his omission.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Jimi Hendrix (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4yZXb4aD2Q). Today's title - take your pick.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Two Lanes Will Take Us Anywhere

The power of shaming. Sara did duly send me some snippets, one of which confirmed that it would indeed be illegal to drive with one's wing mirrors detached or in some way not meeting the requirements. The local driving theory book - in its English version, it must be pointed out - is full of "requirements", "obligations" and so on, which suggests it was originally written in fact by a German. Anyway, perhaps the most important thing to emerge has to do with roundabouts, the negotiation of which - for anyone who has ever attempted this here - is open to considerable interpretation as to precisely what one should do. So, here we go, and definitely wake up at the back because this is important stuff.

Right, you have two lanes going towards a roundabout. Let's assume, for one moment, that it is the Pointed Thing, some say Fish Hook Roundabout at the great Muro-Alcúdia divide, itself a roundabout of two lanes - theoretically at any rate - and that you are coming from Can Picafort. Now, the left exit goes to Palma and Sa Pobla, and that is where you want to go. So, the question is this. In which lane do you approach the roundabout and then remain as you circumnavigate the Pointed Thing?

If you have said the left-hand lane, you would be wrong, because it's the right. But for those of you with hands-on or should that be wheels-on experience of this particular roundabout, you will know that virtually no-one follows this procedure. I include myself in this. Indeed, those who do cause considerable confusion (see below). Yet, here is the evidence:

"As the exits are situated on the right (by which it means, one presumes, that you leave a roundabout by turning right), the driver must, as a general rule, situate himself in the right hand lane in order to exit. The exit must always take place using the right turn signal (indicating right) in advance but ensuring that no confusion is caused to other road users."

All clear? Well, of course, it isn't thanks, in particular, to that marvellous caveat "as a general rule". Anything that explains itself by reference to "as a general rule" can of course be interpreted in an entirely different way. One should also note the second brackets in the above, which are from the book and are not my own. They contain the mysterious word "indicating". For you and I this might well be understandable, but local Mallorcan folk would struggle even with a Catalan translation of the word. It comes as something of a surprise that the act of indicating is even mentioned, especially as it is intended to ensure that "no confusion is caused to other road users", because the creation of maximum confusion has always seemed to me to be uppermost in the minds of those using local roundabouts. And the indication "using the right turn signal" does seem to rather contradict convention which is, when the indicator is used at all, to signal left.

Still, I am immensely grateful to Sara, and I'm sure you will all wish to thank her as well and to wish her great success with her driving lessons. And may she always, as a general rule, exit using her right turn signal.


One wonders, still on matters of an automotive nature, whether those taking part in the Classic Car Rally are subject to the same rules, or absence of the rules of the Mallorcan road as others. It is a not unimportant issue because, as mentioned before, the Top Gear boys are going to be hacking around the tarmac of the island this year, and one would hate for them to fall foul of Trafico. Were they to do so might cast a shadow over what otherwise should prove to be a very positive thing for Mallorca. Top Gear has not only a large audience in the UK, it is has a worldwide following. It all does rather depend, though, on how much coverage there is and of what. Meanwhile, "The Bulletin" says that, following its breaking of the news that Clarkson and his chums were on their way, the British community has been "thrown into a frenzy". Perhaps I am one of those because a frenzy means a state of mental derangement, and, along with all British expats, I am mentally deranged as a consequence of knowing that Jeremy Clarkson will be in Mallorca. Actually, this frenzy has been a "long list of people wishing to get involved". And you could just about have predicted it - all manner of bloody wannabes and hangers-on will be wishing to grab a piece of the action. The expat socialite set will be seeking to decamp from their normal places of vacuity for some photo ops with Jezza and co. Platinum blondes of wrinkly brownness tottering in a Barbara Windsor manner atop non-sensible twin towers of Jimmy Choo's accompanied by their husbands - the Blingmaster Flashes. I trust that Clarkson will bring with him his sharpest of pens.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Whitney Houston (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJ_2zQYUFg). Today's title - comes from what is considered one of his finest; he's a bossy sort and the song has a weather element.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Mirror Man

Is it the case in other countries, the UK for example, that car wing mirrors are likely to become detached from the car with quite the same degree of frequency as they are here? And if not detached, then hanging off, flapping or in some other way less than completely associated with the vehicle. I pulled up by a café in Puerto Alcúdia yesterday morning. The next car was minus its passenger-side wing mirror. Around the corner, there was a bloke who was attempting to replace a wing mirror which had, at some point, parted company with the main body of his car.

A few days ago, I commented to a friend that neither wing mirror of his Golf was quite as Volkswagen had intended it: one was minus the actual mirror, the other had assumed an angle of 45 degrees from the position it might normally expect to have. He was of course already aware of this, as you might hope, and pointed out that the car was not actually his but his wife's, thus giving rise to some under-the-breath mumbling of a women drivers' nature. To have one wing mirror battered and bruised is unfortunate, but to have both in a state of disrepair - simultaneously - is carelessness (on behalf of the other driver of course), to say nothing of making the actual act of driving more hazardous than is normally the case here and probably also illegal.

I am glad to say that I have that rather neat electronics trick that enables me to, as it were, close my wing mirrors. And it is a necessity. For this is the land of the broken wing mirror. "Take this broken wing mirror, learn to drive again etc. ..." And that was Mr. Mister, in case you were wondering; well not exactly those words of course. Whether there is anything specifically about wing mirrors and their partial or total removal in the local version of the Highway Code, I would doubt, but I am delighted to be able to report that I am now aware of someone who is taking Spanish driving lessons, i.e. Sara of Ben and Sara. And this is by way of shaming her into reminding her to send me some invaluable snippets which can form the basis of some damn good bloggery. One such is that I have discovered that there is indeed such a thing as roundabout etiquette, though etiquette is used here to mean procedure as opposed to something that might be performed with a degree of courtesy; as far as I know there is no word for courtesy or any word approaching its meaning in the local highway code lexicon. That this etiquette exists is rather beside the point, however, because no-one has clearly ever read the same theory book that Sara has, let alone ever been asked a question about it. And the same absence of etiquette at roundabouts is evident among the two-wheeled ranks of the cycling terrorists of Germany. Let me give you an example. I happened - also yesterday - to be behind a car that was intending to leave a roundabout at the left-hand exit. I say "intending" as his exit was blocked: blocked by a great pelaton of Germans on bikes who were quite happy to totally ignore the fact that the car had right of way and were advancing from behind those white marks on the road which, for drivers at any rate, indicate that you are meant to stop. Is there, possibly, someone out there who is similarly ill-disposed to the norms of the road and can thus enlighten me as to why he or she should feel that he or she has the right to treat these norms with total impunity? In other words, is there a cyclist who rides like a complete prat and is willing to admit to it in public, or as public as this blog can be?


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - I am always delighted when a blogotee responds to one of the quiz questions for the first time, especially when the question is fairly obscure. So, congratulations to Tom for knowing Torchy The Battery Boy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wujTB-nDe-M). Today's title - which other blog can possibly bring you Torchy and then the next day the weird musical genius responsible for this?

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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

At times of recession, it is reassuring to know that certain sectors of employment appear to be not just buoyant but are also enjoying some growth. I read somewhere that Mallorca could offer the world its expertise in tourism and thus make this an export business. That sounds too much like hard work for most Mallorcans. Far better that they stick to something that they are just as expert at but which requires virtually no effort. I am thinking of the current growth in ... road works' stop-and-go-sign men. Of course, the number of stop-and-go-sign men is directly proportional to the number of road works, and I am glad to say that, despite economic woes, the normal Mallorcan winter of holes, mechanical diggers and tarmac is unaffected, thus giving rise to the employment of the stop-and-go-sign men. I am wondering, though - how does one become a stop-and-go-sign man? Is there a course? A City and Guilds or something? A mite tedious I will grant you, but so long as the weather's reasonable or you can keep yourself well wrapped up, it seems like a pretty decent way of spending a winter. Here comes a car, I know, let's get the stop sign out and then wait for half and hour and see what sort of a queue can form.

Not too far from me, one can admire the art, or is it science, of the stop-and-go-sign man. Near to the entrance to the reception to Albufera, they are building a roundabout; yet another roundabout. For an island that, until fairly recently, could boast but one roundabout (in Palma), there has been a roundabout annexation of lebensraum proportions. Has the environmental group GOB ever complained about the number of roundabouts? Not as far as I am aware, and yet the landscape has been transformed by them. The Carretera Artà that runs through Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro is now a circle of roundabouts - largish ones, smallish ones, ones with sculptures on, ones that are only painted onto the surface of the road and are therefore ignored. All manner of roundabout existence is to be found on this road, and yet more appear. A question is whether there is to also be an increase in the employment of Trafico cops. The more roundabouts there are, the more police they need to stand by them.


And another form of employment that's bearing up under the strain of economic hard times is that of the winter beach cleaning corps. My ancient Mallorcan neighbours may consider the beach back of us "un desastre" (as I explained the other day), but it has since been cleared of much of its rubbish - all part of the 600,000 euros that is spent on keeping the beaches of Mallorca and the Balearics clean (or reasonably clean) over the winter months. This beach cleaning is not something as crude as a whacking great bulldozer scooping up sand, bamboo and seaweed. No. They treat the beaches more delicately. I was watching the chaps the other day. They were using what was the equivalent of a rake. I'm not kidding. A rake. The beach between Alcúdia and Can Picafort stretches for what - ten, eleven kilometres? And they're using a rake. No bloody wonder it costs 600 grand.


Meanwhile ... You might think that the heavy snows in the UK offer an excuse to utilities not working correctly, and you would - up to a point - be correct. There is no excuse here. Calm weather, nothing unusual. Seven in the evening. No water. This is not unusual. And no, this is not a case of oh this is Spain. What this is, is crap. This is incompetent. And of course, as it is after two in the afternoon, there is no-one manning the phones at the water company, which is FUSOSA. Well, make a note. This is the emergency mobile, which is only obtainable an answer machine at one of the main numbers. You will need it if you live in Playa de Muro - 676 454 423. Muppets.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Who (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyv_65o1HDY). Today - from The Who to ...?

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Merry Go, Merry Go, Merry Go Round, Ooo-Ooo-Ooo

It's been quite a while since this blog ventured around a roundabout. For those of you with long memories, you will recall that, for a time, here was a virtually daily tribute to the excellent accident opportunities afforded by the orgiastic creation of roundabouts along Alcúdia's Carretera Artà and to the roundabout furniture that grew from them. Talking of which, someone asked me the other day when they're going to get rid of that "thing" on the Horse Roundabout, that "thing" being the eponymous horse of course - allegedly and with due acknowledgement to Mr. Ed. Hideous, ludicrous, at least it gains a reaction, an Angel of the North sculpture with only a northern redemption and a complete absence of angelic quality. My guess is that the sculptor had a mate in the town hall.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, accidents. Or how to cause one or, if not a full-blown front-on collision, then at least a considerable traffic problem. Let's take those roundabouts with no substance, those pink blobs on the road. Bear in mind that one is meant to drive on the right here, though the many locals who drive down the middle of the road might disagree with this, and they would certainly disagree when it comes to the roundabouts with no abouts. Either go straight across them or, preferably, go to the left side. That would appear to be how the local drivers are schooled anyway. See a roundabout that is sort of only pretending, and just ignore it. Don't on any account go to the right as you will only end up blocking the way of the bloke who hasn't, and he will be very hacked off. And it will be your fault, as it always is your fault. And God forbid that plod happens to be passing. "¿Hola, hola, hola, qué pasa aquí?"

Which brings me to Puerto Pollensa and its new road. A fine bit of tarmac it is, too. But the roundabouts, of which there are thousands, are designed in such a way that not only do they prevent any form of lane discipline (not that this matters anyway), they are also so tightly laid out that they are best taken at a snail's speed unless you fancy mounting one of the high kerbs and ripping your under-carriage out. Moreover, they are also spoiling Trafico for choice. So many roundabouts, where to hang out? For an island that used to have but one roundabout not that many years ago, the place has become a veritable Swindon of circular driving, and now Puerto Pollensa has joined the ranks of Roundabout Cities.


And continuing a police theme, did you know that the marching season is nearly upon us? This is not some quaint old Mallorcan tradition, but a contemporary industrial relations tradition - one of demonstrating. The local police in Pollensa are none too happy with the town hall - working conditions, that sort of thing - and so they are going to down whistles, or whatever they down, and take to the streets. Heavy boots rumbling along the charming lanes and roads of the old town. Anyway, as this is a new event in the calendar, make a note for your diary - the first such march will be on 29 July, kicking off from the town hall at ten in the morning. And, apparently, there will be repeats on subsequent Wednesdays and Saturdays. Sounds like splendid fun, especially during the Patrona celebrations.


And following-up yesterday, a comment left suggested that your average tourist on being greeted either in Castilian or Mallorquín would reply - "do you speak English?" This is of course absolutely right and I thank "allanglens" for making the point, which only goes to emphasise the oddness of all this Catalan-restaurant carry-on.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Bill Withers and Grover Washington (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eJbEcq5LWo). Boring video; boring song to be honest. Today's title - which nutcase (and that is pretty much right) did this? Anyone who gets this has a personalised sculpture commissioned to be positioned on one of Pollensa Roundabout City's new road system.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Road Movies

I decided against slagging off the Carretera Arta once again. I decided against taking issue with the notion that is now an aid to traffic circulation. You’ve heard it before. So I decided instead to highlight the benefit, the possibility, the opportunity. Job creation for the police. That’s what it is. Aid to traffic circulation? There were police on point-duty at the roundabout at the top of the Greasy Mile this morning. That’s how much of an aid.

On Test Match Special yesterday Geoffrey Boycott was saying that the people who set the international cricket schedule love the sport, but they have never played it at a top level and don´t understand the sport at that level.

The people who have designed this road doubtless love roads. They love tarmac, white lines, roundabouts, traffic islands. They love data collection on traffic movement. They love operational research models of traffic movement. But have they ever driven on this road?

They can love Google Earth maps of the roads, their own personal road movies. But they don´t know the plot and the actors.

Within operational research there was a development some 30 odd years ago called soft systems methodology. Essentially, this was an extension of the consideration of the human element in systems. Behaviour, if you like. The people who love roads don´t seem to love behaviour. I’ll give an example. I nearly crossed a red at the Sa Pobla roundabout this morning. But I was doing what any driver does. Looking to the left to wait for the chance to go. I wasn´t looking skyward to the lights.

One of the additional problems of the road is that the crossings (and therefore the lights) are too close to the roundabouts. Their proximity does not take into account driver behaviour.

But I said I wasn’t going to slag the road off. So I won’t.


Apparently election fever has gripped the island (trust the good old “Bulletin”; never one to stint on the hyperbole). All I can say is that I must have hypothermia because I am neither gripped nor feverish.


“Street Life” was sung by Randy Crawford, and she recorded it with The Crusaders. Today's quiz: can anyone name any original members of The Crusaders? An hour’s point-duty at the top of the Greasy Mile to anyone who can.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)