For many a long year Mallorca's tourism industry has searched for a solution to the problem posed by seasonality; how to attract tourists during the winter and low seasons. Many ideas have been advanced but not one has adequately addressed the need for Mallorca to receive more than a handful of hardy souls who will happily strap on a backpack and go a-wandering in the Tramuntana mountains and be blown into the Mediterranean by the force of a gale.
These ideas have been little more than piecemeal. A piece of tourism here, a piece of tourism there. Finally, though, an aspect of tourism that has been a feature of attempts to increase off-season tourism since at least the 1980s is really starting to break through. It is, of course, driving tourism.
The regional government tourism ministry's efforts to engage with leading hoteliers on the island and with tour operators are bearing fruit, and it could be fruit for more than just the off-season. Driving cars could be big in summer as well.
It is hard to understand why there hasn't been a stronger focus on driving tourism in the past. As is being pointed out, Mallorca has an excellent and extensive network of wide cycle lanes which connect the whole island and extend into the mountains. Though the government will take the plaudits, really it has required foreign tour operators to give the regional government the push to make driving tourism more of a reality. Among these tour operators is Car Holidays. It is said to be guaranteeing to bring whole plane loads of tourists from Germany, Britain and elsewhere to Mallorca during the low season.
"Mallorca is ideal for driving," a spokesperson has said. "There are whole stretches of flat terrain for the novice and recreational driver and more challenging mountainous terrain for the professional driver. Combine this with the magnificent landscape and the normally good climate in winter, and we think that driving tourism has enormous potential."
Key to the whole driving tourism movement are what are now being referred to as "roads". They would in fact be part of the existing cycle lanes. Indeed, they would occupy rather more of the cycle lanes than the lanes themselves. "To be honest, the cycle lanes have always been wider than necessary. There is plenty of room to accommodate different users, such as drivers," the island's transport ministry has admitted. This ministry has been working closely with a burgeoning new sector on the island - rent-a-car. Agencies who hire cars out to tourists (who therefore don't need to bring their own cars to the island, which has been and still is a problem with airlines) will happily give these tourists maps of the island to show them special routes (the new "roads" will be given numbers).
But not everyone is happy with this potential explosion in driving tourism. Cyclists complain bitterly about drivers who go the wrong way, who don't put lights on when it's dark and who drive two or three abreast and along pavements or pedestrianised promenades, sometimes stopping their cars right outside a bar or on its terrace. Some bar and restaurant businesses argue that driving tourists do not spend. Instead, these tourists head for supermarkets and fill the boots of their "hire cars" with bananas, bottles of water and pasta ready-meals.
Other businesses are more open to this new style of tourism. They say that facilities must be created to allow driving tourists to stop near to restaurants. Some are therefore planning on setting aside land for parks for cars. These parks would be used to leave cars so that tourists can take short walks to restaurants. Indeed, such parks have started to appear and they are commonly being called "car parks".
As part of the drive (sic) towards driving tourism, particular effort will be given to special events on Mallorca, such as rallies and races. Sporting achievements by Britons such as Louis Hamilton and Germans like Sebastian Vettel are making driving tourism very much more popular than before and are spawning a whole fashion among Mallorca's driving tourists, who are to be seen wearing flame-proof overalls covered in stickers for Vodafone. Again, though, cyclists are complaining about all these events, ones which mean that the "roads" are blocked off for hours on end while cyclists have to wait for the long trains of cars to pass, while the sight of these drivers swaggering around in their overalls has become the subject of jokes.
You can't please everyone, but driving tourism, whether we like it or not, is going to be here to stay.
Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.
Showing posts with label Driving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Driving. Show all posts
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Round And Round We Go
In pre-1976 film footage for Palma there are what look like roundabouts but which weren't. They were just obstacles in the middle of the road that motorists went past; obstacles created by some old landmark or other. In fact, it had been common enough in cities and towns in different countries to construct something, be it say artistic or a garden, at road intersections. Or, for purely aesthetic reasons, in the middle of old, primitive roads. Artistic creations in the middle of roads, on roundabouts, have since then acquired a whole new lease of life, as can be seen by the numerous examples of roundabout furniture in Mallorca.
The island's roundabouts, indeed Spain's roundabouts, are the stuff of great debate. Party to this debate are environmentalists, road designers and engineers, urban planners, artists and sometimes even motorists. Roundabouts are by no means universally popular, and this lack of popularity stems from different perspectives.
The environmentally conscious road design lobby against roundabouts helped to bring about a report in 2005. This contrasted Spain's roundabouts with its traffic light junctions. On cost alone, there was much to be said for the latter. Roundabouts, obviously of a certain size, cost on average 120,000 euros to build plus any cost of expropriation. Traffic-light junctions cost a mere 25,000 euros and took up far less space. The report also highlighted the costs in terms of energy consumption, the result of all the braking and accelerating demanded by roundabouts, if they were as regular as many now are. A conclusion of the report was that, generally speaking, roundabouts should only be built at entry points into towns and not within or through them. The report was clearly ignored. Playa de Muro and Can Picafort are just two places that have seen several, small roundabouts placed along the main road in recent years.
A further report, of 2009, by researchers at the department of geography at the Independent University of Madrid, considered the "public art" of roundabouts, all those sculptures that are now to be typically seen. Or not seen. One of the researchers' arguments against all this art was that it was pointless as motorists don't see it. Indeed, you would hope they probably don't, as they should be concentrating on something else. Or maybe they are seeing, hence the accidents at roundabouts. For the most part, the researchers were unimpressed; this public art was of limited cultural merit and had little to do with its location.
What they didn't delve into was what it all cost. Just as an example, though, in 2010 Calvià town hall put out to tender work for three new "ornamental objects" for roundabouts in Santa Ponsa. They were to cost 53,000 euros in total, which may have represented a nice earner for a local artist, even if Balearics artists as a collective have been less than enthusiastic about roundabout art, partly because no one knows who the artist is and partly because they reckon that much if it has been rubbish.
Traffic circulation is obviously the reason for the rapid expansion that there has been in the number of roundabouts in Mallorca. I say obviously, but I am far from convinced that they have helped. Roundabout fever has, at times, seemed to have been designed to alleviate Trafico's boredom and enhance the quality of their worklife: increase the number of roundabouts, and there is a greater choice for where they can stand around plus a greater choice of scenery. The growth in roundabouts may offer more variety when it comes to traffic controls, but do the cops ever bother to advise motorists on their roundabout etiquette?
There are people who claim to know what the rules are at roundabouts. Some of them are probably with Trafico or are driving instructors. But this still doesn't stop articles appearing, at least once a year, in the local Spanish papers which discuss the "chaos" at roundabouts. The truth is that no one seems to know for sure, and even if they do know, then they ignore the rules anyway. Either that, or they're admiring the artwork.
Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.
Monday, December 17, 2012
In A Ditch: Driving in Mallorca
Ah, the joys of motoring in Mallorca during the winter. Empty roads, the sun shining, you can take your time and admire the view, untroubled by heavy traffic or by tourists wandering along the middle of roads, armed to the teeth with inflatable dinosaurs. Until, that is, some twat comes hammering along behind you.
The main road from Playa de Muro into Alcúdia is a 50kph zone. In summer, this speed limit is arguably too generous (all those rubbery reptiles threatening to lift off in the breezes demand a lower limit). In winter, it is almost certainly unnecessarily slow, unless you buy into the argument that speed limits are also imposed to keep noise pollution down.
I would buy into this argument myself, were it not for stuff that ventures onto roads that make a mockery of the wish to keep noise down, such as those souped-up quad things and any number of spluttering motos. It isn't much of an argument, in truth, but if speed limit there is, then speed limit there should be. Despite there at times being hardly any other vehicles around, I pretty much observe it. Firstly, because I am rarely in any hurry and secondly, because it isn't unknown for the odd mobile speed trap to be lurking.
I am unconcerned by the inevitable tailgater. Nor am I concerned by the tailgater who, unable to pass or unwilling to take the risk of overtaking along a stretch of road where it is forbidden (not that all are unwilling), takes to one of the parallel side roads and hares along those in order to get ahead. No, I find it amusing. But I do wonder quite why Trafico devotes so many resources to blokes standing about at roundabouts, generally adding to a sense of divisive us-and-them, rather than having spotters that would enable the state to coin in just as much, if not more, from speeding and dodgy driving.
But these speed limits can be curious affairs. Let's take what there now are on a part of the road between Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa, just by the Club Pollentia Resort. As you come towards the hotel from Puerto Pollensa, there is a sign saying 70, a few metres after it is another sign saying 50. How is anyone meant to be able to slow between these two signs, especially if there is some berk right up your backside? And where does the 50 limit finish? There is no indication that it does, until you come to the bend just before the beach where the kitesurfers go and there are two more signs: one that says 60 and a bit further on, right on the bend, that says go faster - 70. Has no one from the Council of Mallorca or from the police or from whoever it is arranges for these signs ever noticed that these signs don't make any sense?
Knowing at what speed one should be driving is never totally clear, except on motorways. In urban areas, there is huge confusion. In Can Picafort, for example. There, so Santa Margalida town hall had announced in September, all roads apart from the main road through the resort were to be 30 kph (safety and alleged noise reduction being the justification). Yet, come into Can Pic from the Eroski roundabout and what do you see? 40kph. So, what is it? 40 or is it 30?
What one does tend to know, however, is that main roads, like for instance, that which passes the power station between Puerto Alcúdia/Playa de Muro and Sa Pobla do not have speed limits of upwards of 200kph. They don't need signs to tell you that anything much over 100 might be a tad on the excessive side. But if you happen to take a Ferrari out on this road earlyish one weekend morning when there are unlikely to be any police controls out or indeed many other road users, you might feel it is safe to go boy-racing. Except if you lose control, end up in a ditch and manage to write the Ferrari off that you have only just taken delivery of.
"El Mundo"* has named Toni Vanrell. Everyone knew who it was who put the Ferrari in the ditch, as the reports were transparent without actually naming him. Brother Damian explains that the Ferrari had been bought (for half the amount initially quoted) in order to exploit a niche in the market - renting out to filthy-rich Russians. He also explains that his brother is experienced at driving powerful cars. So experienced, he manages to end up in a ditch. Doing what speed?
And this is really the point. Speed. Hiring out a Ferrari to Russian tourists might be good business, but how many of these might be experienced with the ways of high-powered sports cars and at what speeds might they drive? There is no real point in a Ferrari, unless it can be driven at speed. The maximum limit on any Mallorcan road is 120, that for the motorways. Damian, it's not good business, as who else will end up in a ditch or in a worse condition?
* http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2012/12/15/baleares/1355599631.html
** The "Diario" reports that its story about the Ferrari incident has broken all records in terms of reads and social media pass-ons for any of its web stories.
Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.
The main road from Playa de Muro into Alcúdia is a 50kph zone. In summer, this speed limit is arguably too generous (all those rubbery reptiles threatening to lift off in the breezes demand a lower limit). In winter, it is almost certainly unnecessarily slow, unless you buy into the argument that speed limits are also imposed to keep noise pollution down.
I would buy into this argument myself, were it not for stuff that ventures onto roads that make a mockery of the wish to keep noise down, such as those souped-up quad things and any number of spluttering motos. It isn't much of an argument, in truth, but if speed limit there is, then speed limit there should be. Despite there at times being hardly any other vehicles around, I pretty much observe it. Firstly, because I am rarely in any hurry and secondly, because it isn't unknown for the odd mobile speed trap to be lurking.
I am unconcerned by the inevitable tailgater. Nor am I concerned by the tailgater who, unable to pass or unwilling to take the risk of overtaking along a stretch of road where it is forbidden (not that all are unwilling), takes to one of the parallel side roads and hares along those in order to get ahead. No, I find it amusing. But I do wonder quite why Trafico devotes so many resources to blokes standing about at roundabouts, generally adding to a sense of divisive us-and-them, rather than having spotters that would enable the state to coin in just as much, if not more, from speeding and dodgy driving.
But these speed limits can be curious affairs. Let's take what there now are on a part of the road between Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa, just by the Club Pollentia Resort. As you come towards the hotel from Puerto Pollensa, there is a sign saying 70, a few metres after it is another sign saying 50. How is anyone meant to be able to slow between these two signs, especially if there is some berk right up your backside? And where does the 50 limit finish? There is no indication that it does, until you come to the bend just before the beach where the kitesurfers go and there are two more signs: one that says 60 and a bit further on, right on the bend, that says go faster - 70. Has no one from the Council of Mallorca or from the police or from whoever it is arranges for these signs ever noticed that these signs don't make any sense?
Knowing at what speed one should be driving is never totally clear, except on motorways. In urban areas, there is huge confusion. In Can Picafort, for example. There, so Santa Margalida town hall had announced in September, all roads apart from the main road through the resort were to be 30 kph (safety and alleged noise reduction being the justification). Yet, come into Can Pic from the Eroski roundabout and what do you see? 40kph. So, what is it? 40 or is it 30?
What one does tend to know, however, is that main roads, like for instance, that which passes the power station between Puerto Alcúdia/Playa de Muro and Sa Pobla do not have speed limits of upwards of 200kph. They don't need signs to tell you that anything much over 100 might be a tad on the excessive side. But if you happen to take a Ferrari out on this road earlyish one weekend morning when there are unlikely to be any police controls out or indeed many other road users, you might feel it is safe to go boy-racing. Except if you lose control, end up in a ditch and manage to write the Ferrari off that you have only just taken delivery of.
"El Mundo"* has named Toni Vanrell. Everyone knew who it was who put the Ferrari in the ditch, as the reports were transparent without actually naming him. Brother Damian explains that the Ferrari had been bought (for half the amount initially quoted) in order to exploit a niche in the market - renting out to filthy-rich Russians. He also explains that his brother is experienced at driving powerful cars. So experienced, he manages to end up in a ditch. Doing what speed?
And this is really the point. Speed. Hiring out a Ferrari to Russian tourists might be good business, but how many of these might be experienced with the ways of high-powered sports cars and at what speeds might they drive? There is no real point in a Ferrari, unless it can be driven at speed. The maximum limit on any Mallorcan road is 120, that for the motorways. Damian, it's not good business, as who else will end up in a ditch or in a worse condition?
* http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2012/12/15/baleares/1355599631.html
** The "Diario" reports that its story about the Ferrari incident has broken all records in terms of reads and social media pass-ons for any of its web stories.
Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
I'll Be Watching You
Watch out! I'm watching you. I'm watching you in a bar. I'll be coming but you won't know me. I'll be sitting there, watching. I am the eyes of the government, the tax office, the social security, employment. I'll be in your bar.
The tax office, along with the other departments, is stepping up its efforts. "An aggressive plan" against the black economy, the absence of papers or the papers not quite right. More inspections. Checking on those claiming dole, but receiving a wage. Checking on everything, including the importing of goods from Asia and elsewhere.
When the money's tight, the government does what it can to ensure its revenue stream. Quite reasonably so. But when money's tight, the propensity for rule-bending increases. It is the vicious circle of crisis.
The checks are not out of the ordinary. They happen all the time. Just that they're going to be increased. That "aggressive plan". Watching and waiting.
The watching happens in different ways. There's the watching on the internet. For some time, websites with accommodation to rent have been paid particular attention to, especially websites of British origin. The tourism ministry has netted some apartments in Calvia. The fines can be as high as 30,000 euros. The ministry's inspectors paid a visit to one apartment, all perfectly well turned out, cleaned, with the use of pool and garden. 4,500 euros to rent. Except it wasn't quite legal. Others offer even more, such as transfer to and from the airport. Who's doing the transferring?
This watching of websites and of accommodation intensified a couple of years ago. The checking of apartments and villas for quality, safety and tax was not new, just that the level of effort increased and the technology was made greater use of. You wondered whether it would have much effect. It would appear that it has. There is the vicious circle of renting, though. The hoops and obstacles of trying to be legit, only to come up against the impossible barriers. Not everyone wants to do it improperly. But not everyone can do it properly. So the watching continues and becomes more intense.
There's the watching on the roads. The director-general of Tráfico was in Palma not so long ago. More controls are planned. More promotion of the risks of speed and of being distracted, but more potential for revenue, you would have to imagine. Again, not unreasonably though. And then there is also the automated watching. The new radars. They're not watching. Not yet. More investment is needed to make them work.
They need to step up the controls, not just to stop speed, drink-driving and "distractions" (playing with mobiles, sat-navs etc.) but also to compensate for the loss of revenue during what was something of a work-to-rule by traffic police last summer. The number of fines fell by 15% along with a reduction in the number of vehicles that were stopped, albeit, however, that during the first half of last year as a whole the number of drivers caught for drink-driving went up by a staggering 114%.
Watching employees, watching the number of chairs on terraces, watching the needle on a music limiter, watching the PRs, watching the space occupied by sunbeds on a beach. Now watching the smokers. Maybe there are even detectives watching the detectives.
All this watching has its value. Calvia, when setting its budget for this year, placed an amount on what it anticipates coining in through fines. Maybe local authorities all do this, wherever they are. Maybe it is a part of "good" public financial management. I confess it had never occurred to me that local government or any other government income might actually take into account what comes in by way of fines.
Revenue from fines, you might think, would simply be the jam on the other revenue. The bonus. It would seem not. But by formalising the outcomes of all the watching, giving it a number in the accounts, it is as though it institutionalises wrong-doing. The expectation is to break the law. Human nature being what it is, then maybe this is a pragmatic approach. Yet it is a system which appears set up for social failure as it undermines the psychological contract of reciprocity between authority and citizen, the latter afforded the role of the unscrupulous, whoever the citizen might be.
And all the while, the citizen does his or her own watching. That of the politicians and others in positions of authority or in positions within businesses with close connections to these authority figures doing their own fiddling.
The whole world's watching. Each other. In Mallorca, at any rate.
Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.
The tax office, along with the other departments, is stepping up its efforts. "An aggressive plan" against the black economy, the absence of papers or the papers not quite right. More inspections. Checking on those claiming dole, but receiving a wage. Checking on everything, including the importing of goods from Asia and elsewhere.
When the money's tight, the government does what it can to ensure its revenue stream. Quite reasonably so. But when money's tight, the propensity for rule-bending increases. It is the vicious circle of crisis.
The checks are not out of the ordinary. They happen all the time. Just that they're going to be increased. That "aggressive plan". Watching and waiting.
The watching happens in different ways. There's the watching on the internet. For some time, websites with accommodation to rent have been paid particular attention to, especially websites of British origin. The tourism ministry has netted some apartments in Calvia. The fines can be as high as 30,000 euros. The ministry's inspectors paid a visit to one apartment, all perfectly well turned out, cleaned, with the use of pool and garden. 4,500 euros to rent. Except it wasn't quite legal. Others offer even more, such as transfer to and from the airport. Who's doing the transferring?
This watching of websites and of accommodation intensified a couple of years ago. The checking of apartments and villas for quality, safety and tax was not new, just that the level of effort increased and the technology was made greater use of. You wondered whether it would have much effect. It would appear that it has. There is the vicious circle of renting, though. The hoops and obstacles of trying to be legit, only to come up against the impossible barriers. Not everyone wants to do it improperly. But not everyone can do it properly. So the watching continues and becomes more intense.
There's the watching on the roads. The director-general of Tráfico was in Palma not so long ago. More controls are planned. More promotion of the risks of speed and of being distracted, but more potential for revenue, you would have to imagine. Again, not unreasonably though. And then there is also the automated watching. The new radars. They're not watching. Not yet. More investment is needed to make them work.
They need to step up the controls, not just to stop speed, drink-driving and "distractions" (playing with mobiles, sat-navs etc.) but also to compensate for the loss of revenue during what was something of a work-to-rule by traffic police last summer. The number of fines fell by 15% along with a reduction in the number of vehicles that were stopped, albeit, however, that during the first half of last year as a whole the number of drivers caught for drink-driving went up by a staggering 114%.
Watching employees, watching the number of chairs on terraces, watching the needle on a music limiter, watching the PRs, watching the space occupied by sunbeds on a beach. Now watching the smokers. Maybe there are even detectives watching the detectives.
All this watching has its value. Calvia, when setting its budget for this year, placed an amount on what it anticipates coining in through fines. Maybe local authorities all do this, wherever they are. Maybe it is a part of "good" public financial management. I confess it had never occurred to me that local government or any other government income might actually take into account what comes in by way of fines.
Revenue from fines, you might think, would simply be the jam on the other revenue. The bonus. It would seem not. But by formalising the outcomes of all the watching, giving it a number in the accounts, it is as though it institutionalises wrong-doing. The expectation is to break the law. Human nature being what it is, then maybe this is a pragmatic approach. Yet it is a system which appears set up for social failure as it undermines the psychological contract of reciprocity between authority and citizen, the latter afforded the role of the unscrupulous, whoever the citizen might be.
And all the while, the citizen does his or her own watching. That of the politicians and others in positions of authority or in positions within businesses with close connections to these authority figures doing their own fiddling.
The whole world's watching. Each other. In Mallorca, at any rate.
Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Slow Down, You Move Too Fast
You know how it is. You'll be steadfastly and righteously observing the speed limit, and some twat appears in your rear mirror expressing paroxysms and gesticulating ferociously with an aggravated hand, or even both hands where the less diligent are concerned. Ever since they made the gloriously difficult-to-overtake-on new road layout through Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro, the motoring psychotic and impatient have had to improvise methods of speeding themselves along without demolishing their cars and themselves on the inconveniently close-together central concrete islands. The favourite is to nip onto the parallel side road and race at great velocity to the next exit, cornering back onto the main road with a manoeuvre of which Jenson Button (aka Chris Martin of Coldplay) would be proud. And this in order to steal one place as part of qualifying for the grid. 50 kilometres per hour, an affront to motoring civil liberties, but a limit designed to protect erring tourists from being launched into the air and then making a wheel-on appearance in Muro hospital as part of an episode of "Sun, Sea and A&E", attached to a life-support machine and with a weeping spouse clawing at the lilo they had intended for the beach.
Apparently, things have got so good in Spain that annually fewer than 2000 people now lose their lives in accidents on main roads. The news is less good when it comes to towns and those side roads. An encounter with a bus or a souped-up mobility scooter can be fatal, so the traffic authorities are contemplating introducing a thirty kilometre speed limit in towns. Tee-hee, that should cause some fine sport. You know that place in Holland where they've done away with all restrictions, and motorists, pedestrians and cyclists just get on with it. They should do that here - in Alcúdia, for example. What fun that would be. Though my Dutch moles tell me that the Dutch driver can be a bit of an animal, there is aggression and then there is sheer lunacy. The Dutch are not known for their lunacy. Pragmatic, one can see them adhering politely to the non-restriction principle. "After you, Arje." "No, after you, Joost." And the traffic just grinds to a halt as caravans of schoolchildren on bikes collide with some old folk crossing the road.
No, such a civilised solution wouldn't have a chance where the mad of Mallorca are concerned. So, they have to try and impose ever-decreasing speed limits. They, the authorities, should come and hang around those side roads for a day or two. What with the irate overtakers (or should that be under-takers) opting for the side roads as a means of getting ahead of plodders such as myself with the cruise control on the limit and with coaches hammering past houses and divesting parked cars of their wing mirrors, those authorities would soon realise the forlorn nature of their plan. Which is probably why they'll introduce it.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Roberta Flack, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpNdMIAnKko. Today's title - first line from ... ah, but what was its main title?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Apparently, things have got so good in Spain that annually fewer than 2000 people now lose their lives in accidents on main roads. The news is less good when it comes to towns and those side roads. An encounter with a bus or a souped-up mobility scooter can be fatal, so the traffic authorities are contemplating introducing a thirty kilometre speed limit in towns. Tee-hee, that should cause some fine sport. You know that place in Holland where they've done away with all restrictions, and motorists, pedestrians and cyclists just get on with it. They should do that here - in Alcúdia, for example. What fun that would be. Though my Dutch moles tell me that the Dutch driver can be a bit of an animal, there is aggression and then there is sheer lunacy. The Dutch are not known for their lunacy. Pragmatic, one can see them adhering politely to the non-restriction principle. "After you, Arje." "No, after you, Joost." And the traffic just grinds to a halt as caravans of schoolchildren on bikes collide with some old folk crossing the road.
No, such a civilised solution wouldn't have a chance where the mad of Mallorca are concerned. So, they have to try and impose ever-decreasing speed limits. They, the authorities, should come and hang around those side roads for a day or two. What with the irate overtakers (or should that be under-takers) opting for the side roads as a means of getting ahead of plodders such as myself with the cruise control on the limit and with coaches hammering past houses and divesting parked cars of their wing mirrors, those authorities would soon realise the forlorn nature of their plan. Which is probably why they'll introduce it.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Roberta Flack, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpNdMIAnKko. Today's title - first line from ... ah, but what was its main title?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Friday, April 24, 2009
Gissa Job
It's that time of year once more. The time stretches from March till now and on a bit into May. It is the work-searching and pulling-your-hair-out time. Hair being pulled out by both those looking for work but especially by those employers who thought they had their staff lined up, only for whatever to go wrong. It can be the variation on the dog chewed my homework. Unreliability is thy middle name, Mallorca, and thy seasonal workers. It seems crazy, when there is some nervousness among employers in taking people on, that those who get a promise might get a note from their mum. But what of some of those who go in search of work? Would you employ that some? There is not always a great deal of thought given to their personal presentation. Perhaps they're just hacked off with being rejected. Can't blame them totally, but it goes with the territory: traipsing around bars, shops, restaurants making the scripted request and being told no, we've got everyone we need, not at the moment. Some leave a CV. It happened in Eroski one day. Three came in, spoke to a girl at the checkout and handed over the gen. The three CVs were probably filed fairly soon afterwards.
If you're a tourist with a hire car, you can be forgiven for getting things wrong, for taking the wrong turning and looking to hurriedly correct your mistake. Usually you will be ok, except when you effect your remedy just as plod on a scooter is emerging from around the corner. At the turning towards the port in front of Alcúdia church a hire car with what looked like Brits or maybe Germans did just this. Went right when they didn't want to, and slung a U-y across the pedestrian crossing. "Hola, hola, hola. What have we got here, then?" The car drove off, behind it a peeping plod, revving the poot-poot into something approximating maximum 40kph speed. Chances are the driver thought this was just some lunatic local hitting the horn for the hell of it. Wrong. Finally, the car stopped. I trust they had enough in their wallets. The exchange was still going on some ten minutes after it happened.
Restaurants continue to change hands or be taken on anew. In Puerto Alcúdia what was once New Delhi, next to Comics, is now a Mexican. More Mex than Tex says Jose Luis. The restaurant is called El Cuate. On the corner of this road is Alcúdia's only Dakota. Two Tex-Mex's in one street. Yet of course in Puerto Pollensa, home to the Dakota trinity, Nico's is more or less next door to one of them. Nico's, I guess, is the home kitchen contrast to the industrial Dakota, and so it seems to be with El Cuate.
And ... Who turned on the oven? Suddenly it's not just warm, it's verging on the hot. It's easy to forget the heat. It can come as a bit of a shock. Talking of warm weather. As I am launched, as of today, into the official fourth estate of Mallorca, I felt that a newspaper moment should not pass without comment. Moreover, it concerns "The Sun". Not my paper of choice, but can yesterday's front page and headline ever be bettered? Four people in deckchairs on a beach. The gloomy news about the Budget, and there it is: "At Least It's Sunny". Brilliant.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Teenage Fanclub (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAMqJP4VvdE). Today's title - which drama made this famous and who was the actor?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
If you're a tourist with a hire car, you can be forgiven for getting things wrong, for taking the wrong turning and looking to hurriedly correct your mistake. Usually you will be ok, except when you effect your remedy just as plod on a scooter is emerging from around the corner. At the turning towards the port in front of Alcúdia church a hire car with what looked like Brits or maybe Germans did just this. Went right when they didn't want to, and slung a U-y across the pedestrian crossing. "Hola, hola, hola. What have we got here, then?" The car drove off, behind it a peeping plod, revving the poot-poot into something approximating maximum 40kph speed. Chances are the driver thought this was just some lunatic local hitting the horn for the hell of it. Wrong. Finally, the car stopped. I trust they had enough in their wallets. The exchange was still going on some ten minutes after it happened.
Restaurants continue to change hands or be taken on anew. In Puerto Alcúdia what was once New Delhi, next to Comics, is now a Mexican. More Mex than Tex says Jose Luis. The restaurant is called El Cuate. On the corner of this road is Alcúdia's only Dakota. Two Tex-Mex's in one street. Yet of course in Puerto Pollensa, home to the Dakota trinity, Nico's is more or less next door to one of them. Nico's, I guess, is the home kitchen contrast to the industrial Dakota, and so it seems to be with El Cuate.
And ... Who turned on the oven? Suddenly it's not just warm, it's verging on the hot. It's easy to forget the heat. It can come as a bit of a shock. Talking of warm weather. As I am launched, as of today, into the official fourth estate of Mallorca, I felt that a newspaper moment should not pass without comment. Moreover, it concerns "The Sun". Not my paper of choice, but can yesterday's front page and headline ever be bettered? Four people in deckchairs on a beach. The gloomy news about the Budget, and there it is: "At Least It's Sunny". Brilliant.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Teenage Fanclub (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAMqJP4VvdE). Today's title - which drama made this famous and who was the actor?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Trying To Drive Me Mad
So, that by-law about street drinking. The one that was intended to put an end to the botellón on weekend nights in Puerto Alcúdia, the street drinking event that occurs by the Magic roundabout, with car boots opened in order to disgorge the contents of entire drinks cabinets or more likely cheap booze stores. A package of measures was announced back in the autumn (26 September: Did You Have To Pay That Fine?) which was designed to rid the streets not just of the public displays of getting rat-arsed but also street selling. There is a tendency here to believe that things are announced and that nothing much will in fact change or happen. I wonder why some might think like that.
Saturday night. By the go karting. Cars are pulled up. So much so that they take some negotiating by other cars in order to pass. There is a big bloke going home. Ex-army. Not one normally prone to be concerned about going back along the streets late at night. He was looking over his shoulder. Even he found the situation intimidating. Lord alone knows what anyone else might think. Tourists for example.
This has got to stop. The town hall have put the measures in place. It's to the police to effect them. It probably isn't a Guardia matter as, being a local law, it falls to the local police to deal with. But God knows, this all happens just down the road from the Guardia station. The town hall has said, in the past, that there are adequate police to cope with the likes of the street selling along The Mile. In which case, one would think there would be adequate numbers to put an end to the drinking.
Before anyone suggests that this is just an issue in Alcúdia, it is not. And it just goes to emphasise that this nonsensically romanticised view that in Mediterranean climes (well Mallorca at any rate) there is no such thing as the youth getting pissed is way wide of the mark.
And other intimidation. The driving sort. The speed restriction along the carretera through Puerto Alcúdia and the islands that have now sprung up along its length into Playa de Muro have been a good thing, especially in the season. Yet there are still those who don't want to play the game. It happens not infrequently, like yesterday afternoon. You can be doing 50 or more like 60 in truth and there will be someone up your arse, moving wide, not with the intention of overtaking because that really is foolhardy but with the puerile notion of seeking to intimidate, or maybe to be simply a complete prat. I knew full well what would occur. At the fish hook roundabout entering Playa de Muro, the road goes into two lanes. He went into the left one and looked to overtake on the roundabout. I should know better myself, but there are times when you just think what is your problem. So I put my foot down and he had to give way. Stupid, but there you go.
The road layout is now such that it has reinforced the danger that the roundabouts can pose. Then there is the I'm going to use the side road in order to overtake mentality. Someone nips off, hares down the side road and looks to come out in front at the next mini or main roundabout. It's dangerous, not least as the side roads now start to get littered with tourists wandering all over the place. Why is it so damn important? The answer is that it is not.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Pearls Before Swine (aka Tom Rapp). Today's title - line from? They reckon it was the one when the writer had just about finally flipped.
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Saturday night. By the go karting. Cars are pulled up. So much so that they take some negotiating by other cars in order to pass. There is a big bloke going home. Ex-army. Not one normally prone to be concerned about going back along the streets late at night. He was looking over his shoulder. Even he found the situation intimidating. Lord alone knows what anyone else might think. Tourists for example.
This has got to stop. The town hall have put the measures in place. It's to the police to effect them. It probably isn't a Guardia matter as, being a local law, it falls to the local police to deal with. But God knows, this all happens just down the road from the Guardia station. The town hall has said, in the past, that there are adequate police to cope with the likes of the street selling along The Mile. In which case, one would think there would be adequate numbers to put an end to the drinking.
Before anyone suggests that this is just an issue in Alcúdia, it is not. And it just goes to emphasise that this nonsensically romanticised view that in Mediterranean climes (well Mallorca at any rate) there is no such thing as the youth getting pissed is way wide of the mark.
And other intimidation. The driving sort. The speed restriction along the carretera through Puerto Alcúdia and the islands that have now sprung up along its length into Playa de Muro have been a good thing, especially in the season. Yet there are still those who don't want to play the game. It happens not infrequently, like yesterday afternoon. You can be doing 50 or more like 60 in truth and there will be someone up your arse, moving wide, not with the intention of overtaking because that really is foolhardy but with the puerile notion of seeking to intimidate, or maybe to be simply a complete prat. I knew full well what would occur. At the fish hook roundabout entering Playa de Muro, the road goes into two lanes. He went into the left one and looked to overtake on the roundabout. I should know better myself, but there are times when you just think what is your problem. So I put my foot down and he had to give way. Stupid, but there you go.
The road layout is now such that it has reinforced the danger that the roundabouts can pose. Then there is the I'm going to use the side road in order to overtake mentality. Someone nips off, hares down the side road and looks to come out in front at the next mini or main roundabout. It's dangerous, not least as the side roads now start to get littered with tourists wandering all over the place. Why is it so damn important? The answer is that it is not.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Pearls Before Swine (aka Tom Rapp). Today's title - line from? They reckon it was the one when the writer had just about finally flipped.
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Two Lanes Will Take Us Anywhere
The power of shaming. Sara did duly send me some snippets, one of which confirmed that it would indeed be illegal to drive with one's wing mirrors detached or in some way not meeting the requirements. The local driving theory book - in its English version, it must be pointed out - is full of "requirements", "obligations" and so on, which suggests it was originally written in fact by a German. Anyway, perhaps the most important thing to emerge has to do with roundabouts, the negotiation of which - for anyone who has ever attempted this here - is open to considerable interpretation as to precisely what one should do. So, here we go, and definitely wake up at the back because this is important stuff.
Right, you have two lanes going towards a roundabout. Let's assume, for one moment, that it is the Pointed Thing, some say Fish Hook Roundabout at the great Muro-Alcúdia divide, itself a roundabout of two lanes - theoretically at any rate - and that you are coming from Can Picafort. Now, the left exit goes to Palma and Sa Pobla, and that is where you want to go. So, the question is this. In which lane do you approach the roundabout and then remain as you circumnavigate the Pointed Thing?
If you have said the left-hand lane, you would be wrong, because it's the right. But for those of you with hands-on or should that be wheels-on experience of this particular roundabout, you will know that virtually no-one follows this procedure. I include myself in this. Indeed, those who do cause considerable confusion (see below). Yet, here is the evidence:
"As the exits are situated on the right (by which it means, one presumes, that you leave a roundabout by turning right), the driver must, as a general rule, situate himself in the right hand lane in order to exit. The exit must always take place using the right turn signal (indicating right) in advance but ensuring that no confusion is caused to other road users."
All clear? Well, of course, it isn't thanks, in particular, to that marvellous caveat "as a general rule". Anything that explains itself by reference to "as a general rule" can of course be interpreted in an entirely different way. One should also note the second brackets in the above, which are from the book and are not my own. They contain the mysterious word "indicating". For you and I this might well be understandable, but local Mallorcan folk would struggle even with a Catalan translation of the word. It comes as something of a surprise that the act of indicating is even mentioned, especially as it is intended to ensure that "no confusion is caused to other road users", because the creation of maximum confusion has always seemed to me to be uppermost in the minds of those using local roundabouts. And the indication "using the right turn signal" does seem to rather contradict convention which is, when the indicator is used at all, to signal left.
Still, I am immensely grateful to Sara, and I'm sure you will all wish to thank her as well and to wish her great success with her driving lessons. And may she always, as a general rule, exit using her right turn signal.
One wonders, still on matters of an automotive nature, whether those taking part in the Classic Car Rally are subject to the same rules, or absence of the rules of the Mallorcan road as others. It is a not unimportant issue because, as mentioned before, the Top Gear boys are going to be hacking around the tarmac of the island this year, and one would hate for them to fall foul of Trafico. Were they to do so might cast a shadow over what otherwise should prove to be a very positive thing for Mallorca. Top Gear has not only a large audience in the UK, it is has a worldwide following. It all does rather depend, though, on how much coverage there is and of what. Meanwhile, "The Bulletin" says that, following its breaking of the news that Clarkson and his chums were on their way, the British community has been "thrown into a frenzy". Perhaps I am one of those because a frenzy means a state of mental derangement, and, along with all British expats, I am mentally deranged as a consequence of knowing that Jeremy Clarkson will be in Mallorca. Actually, this frenzy has been a "long list of people wishing to get involved". And you could just about have predicted it - all manner of bloody wannabes and hangers-on will be wishing to grab a piece of the action. The expat socialite set will be seeking to decamp from their normal places of vacuity for some photo ops with Jezza and co. Platinum blondes of wrinkly brownness tottering in a Barbara Windsor manner atop non-sensible twin towers of Jimmy Choo's accompanied by their husbands - the Blingmaster Flashes. I trust that Clarkson will bring with him his sharpest of pens.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Whitney Houston (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJ_2zQYUFg). Today's title - comes from what is considered one of his finest; he's a bossy sort and the song has a weather element.
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Right, you have two lanes going towards a roundabout. Let's assume, for one moment, that it is the Pointed Thing, some say Fish Hook Roundabout at the great Muro-Alcúdia divide, itself a roundabout of two lanes - theoretically at any rate - and that you are coming from Can Picafort. Now, the left exit goes to Palma and Sa Pobla, and that is where you want to go. So, the question is this. In which lane do you approach the roundabout and then remain as you circumnavigate the Pointed Thing?
If you have said the left-hand lane, you would be wrong, because it's the right. But for those of you with hands-on or should that be wheels-on experience of this particular roundabout, you will know that virtually no-one follows this procedure. I include myself in this. Indeed, those who do cause considerable confusion (see below). Yet, here is the evidence:
"As the exits are situated on the right (by which it means, one presumes, that you leave a roundabout by turning right), the driver must, as a general rule, situate himself in the right hand lane in order to exit. The exit must always take place using the right turn signal (indicating right) in advance but ensuring that no confusion is caused to other road users."
All clear? Well, of course, it isn't thanks, in particular, to that marvellous caveat "as a general rule". Anything that explains itself by reference to "as a general rule" can of course be interpreted in an entirely different way. One should also note the second brackets in the above, which are from the book and are not my own. They contain the mysterious word "indicating". For you and I this might well be understandable, but local Mallorcan folk would struggle even with a Catalan translation of the word. It comes as something of a surprise that the act of indicating is even mentioned, especially as it is intended to ensure that "no confusion is caused to other road users", because the creation of maximum confusion has always seemed to me to be uppermost in the minds of those using local roundabouts. And the indication "using the right turn signal" does seem to rather contradict convention which is, when the indicator is used at all, to signal left.
Still, I am immensely grateful to Sara, and I'm sure you will all wish to thank her as well and to wish her great success with her driving lessons. And may she always, as a general rule, exit using her right turn signal.
One wonders, still on matters of an automotive nature, whether those taking part in the Classic Car Rally are subject to the same rules, or absence of the rules of the Mallorcan road as others. It is a not unimportant issue because, as mentioned before, the Top Gear boys are going to be hacking around the tarmac of the island this year, and one would hate for them to fall foul of Trafico. Were they to do so might cast a shadow over what otherwise should prove to be a very positive thing for Mallorca. Top Gear has not only a large audience in the UK, it is has a worldwide following. It all does rather depend, though, on how much coverage there is and of what. Meanwhile, "The Bulletin" says that, following its breaking of the news that Clarkson and his chums were on their way, the British community has been "thrown into a frenzy". Perhaps I am one of those because a frenzy means a state of mental derangement, and, along with all British expats, I am mentally deranged as a consequence of knowing that Jeremy Clarkson will be in Mallorca. Actually, this frenzy has been a "long list of people wishing to get involved". And you could just about have predicted it - all manner of bloody wannabes and hangers-on will be wishing to grab a piece of the action. The expat socialite set will be seeking to decamp from their normal places of vacuity for some photo ops with Jezza and co. Platinum blondes of wrinkly brownness tottering in a Barbara Windsor manner atop non-sensible twin towers of Jimmy Choo's accompanied by their husbands - the Blingmaster Flashes. I trust that Clarkson will bring with him his sharpest of pens.
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Whitney Houston (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJ_2zQYUFg). Today's title - comes from what is considered one of his finest; he's a bossy sort and the song has a weather element.
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Mirror Man
Is it the case in other countries, the UK for example, that car wing mirrors are likely to become detached from the car with quite the same degree of frequency as they are here? And if not detached, then hanging off, flapping or in some other way less than completely associated with the vehicle. I pulled up by a café in Puerto Alcúdia yesterday morning. The next car was minus its passenger-side wing mirror. Around the corner, there was a bloke who was attempting to replace a wing mirror which had, at some point, parted company with the main body of his car.
A few days ago, I commented to a friend that neither wing mirror of his Golf was quite as Volkswagen had intended it: one was minus the actual mirror, the other had assumed an angle of 45 degrees from the position it might normally expect to have. He was of course already aware of this, as you might hope, and pointed out that the car was not actually his but his wife's, thus giving rise to some under-the-breath mumbling of a women drivers' nature. To have one wing mirror battered and bruised is unfortunate, but to have both in a state of disrepair - simultaneously - is carelessness (on behalf of the other driver of course), to say nothing of making the actual act of driving more hazardous than is normally the case here and probably also illegal.
I am glad to say that I have that rather neat electronics trick that enables me to, as it were, close my wing mirrors. And it is a necessity. For this is the land of the broken wing mirror. "Take this broken wing mirror, learn to drive again etc. ..." And that was Mr. Mister, in case you were wondering; well not exactly those words of course. Whether there is anything specifically about wing mirrors and their partial or total removal in the local version of the Highway Code, I would doubt, but I am delighted to be able to report that I am now aware of someone who is taking Spanish driving lessons, i.e. Sara of Ben and Sara. And this is by way of shaming her into reminding her to send me some invaluable snippets which can form the basis of some damn good bloggery. One such is that I have discovered that there is indeed such a thing as roundabout etiquette, though etiquette is used here to mean procedure as opposed to something that might be performed with a degree of courtesy; as far as I know there is no word for courtesy or any word approaching its meaning in the local highway code lexicon. That this etiquette exists is rather beside the point, however, because no-one has clearly ever read the same theory book that Sara has, let alone ever been asked a question about it. And the same absence of etiquette at roundabouts is evident among the two-wheeled ranks of the cycling terrorists of Germany. Let me give you an example. I happened - also yesterday - to be behind a car that was intending to leave a roundabout at the left-hand exit. I say "intending" as his exit was blocked: blocked by a great pelaton of Germans on bikes who were quite happy to totally ignore the fact that the car had right of way and were advancing from behind those white marks on the road which, for drivers at any rate, indicate that you are meant to stop. Is there, possibly, someone out there who is similarly ill-disposed to the norms of the road and can thus enlighten me as to why he or she should feel that he or she has the right to treat these norms with total impunity? In other words, is there a cyclist who rides like a complete prat and is willing to admit to it in public, or as public as this blog can be?
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - I am always delighted when a blogotee responds to one of the quiz questions for the first time, especially when the question is fairly obscure. So, congratulations to Tom for knowing Torchy The Battery Boy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wujTB-nDe-M). Today's title - which other blog can possibly bring you Torchy and then the next day the weird musical genius responsible for this?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
A few days ago, I commented to a friend that neither wing mirror of his Golf was quite as Volkswagen had intended it: one was minus the actual mirror, the other had assumed an angle of 45 degrees from the position it might normally expect to have. He was of course already aware of this, as you might hope, and pointed out that the car was not actually his but his wife's, thus giving rise to some under-the-breath mumbling of a women drivers' nature. To have one wing mirror battered and bruised is unfortunate, but to have both in a state of disrepair - simultaneously - is carelessness (on behalf of the other driver of course), to say nothing of making the actual act of driving more hazardous than is normally the case here and probably also illegal.
I am glad to say that I have that rather neat electronics trick that enables me to, as it were, close my wing mirrors. And it is a necessity. For this is the land of the broken wing mirror. "Take this broken wing mirror, learn to drive again etc. ..." And that was Mr. Mister, in case you were wondering; well not exactly those words of course. Whether there is anything specifically about wing mirrors and their partial or total removal in the local version of the Highway Code, I would doubt, but I am delighted to be able to report that I am now aware of someone who is taking Spanish driving lessons, i.e. Sara of Ben and Sara. And this is by way of shaming her into reminding her to send me some invaluable snippets which can form the basis of some damn good bloggery. One such is that I have discovered that there is indeed such a thing as roundabout etiquette, though etiquette is used here to mean procedure as opposed to something that might be performed with a degree of courtesy; as far as I know there is no word for courtesy or any word approaching its meaning in the local highway code lexicon. That this etiquette exists is rather beside the point, however, because no-one has clearly ever read the same theory book that Sara has, let alone ever been asked a question about it. And the same absence of etiquette at roundabouts is evident among the two-wheeled ranks of the cycling terrorists of Germany. Let me give you an example. I happened - also yesterday - to be behind a car that was intending to leave a roundabout at the left-hand exit. I say "intending" as his exit was blocked: blocked by a great pelaton of Germans on bikes who were quite happy to totally ignore the fact that the car had right of way and were advancing from behind those white marks on the road which, for drivers at any rate, indicate that you are meant to stop. Is there, possibly, someone out there who is similarly ill-disposed to the norms of the road and can thus enlighten me as to why he or she should feel that he or she has the right to treat these norms with total impunity? In other words, is there a cyclist who rides like a complete prat and is willing to admit to it in public, or as public as this blog can be?
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - I am always delighted when a blogotee responds to one of the quiz questions for the first time, especially when the question is fairly obscure. So, congratulations to Tom for knowing Torchy The Battery Boy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wujTB-nDe-M). Today's title - which other blog can possibly bring you Torchy and then the next day the weird musical genius responsible for this?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Friday, December 05, 2008
I've Been Driving In My Car
I was driving along the Carretera Artà through Puerto Alcúdia yesterday. As I do most days. Unlike the summer when there is much traffic and tourists wandering all over the road, it is quite a pleasant drive in winter. I don't mind speed restrictions. They let you drive with less stress. The restriction along the carretera is 50. It is probably unnecessary during winter; in summer it is essential. But yesterday, enjoying the quietness of the road, I was sticking to the limit, just about. Not everyone was. There was someone wanting to go a good deal faster. The car behind came right up my rear and then overtook. There is meant to be no overtaking along this road and because of the regular crossing islands it is a hazardous manoeuvre. So what, you may be thinking. Happens all the time. Well, sometimes. Much as I panned the layout of the road when it was re-done, it has at least cut speed and more reckless driving. Praise where it is due. The point about yesterday, though, was not the car behind but the one behind it - the Guardia. They would have been aware of his speed, of his overtaking and of the fact that he had been tailgating. Exceeding the speed limit is one thing that can get you points on your licence, tailgating is another. But nothing. Happens all the time.
I have, on numerous occasions, witnessed cars overtaking a Guardia vehicle and sometimes it has been a Trafico vehicle; Trafico that polices the main roads and motorways. They have overtaken at speeds clearly in excess of the limit. Nothing. Happens all the time.
Someone who was new to the island told me, with some astonishment, of having been in a bar in Can Picafort where two members of the Guardia, having had a couple of beers, then got into their Trafico vehicle.
These anecdotes are all symptomatic of what can often be a laissez-faire attitude to driving misdemeanours and also of setting the wrong example. Those cops having their beers. They may not have been over the drink limit, but if you are going to have a couple of drinks and then get in your car, what message does it send out?
Mallorca has a shocking record of road accidents, but my impression is that things have got a lot better. There was once a time when you went out on the road fearful of being involved in an accident, because any journey would seem to involve passing one that had happened, was in the process of happening or about to happen. Not now. It does seem to have improved. But it could be better still. And a touch more intervention when there is an obvious infraction occurring under the noses of the police might help to make it so.
And moving along the carretera, into Playa de Muro, there is a fair amount of work being done to the road. Not before time. They have laid new tarmac on those parts of the road which had basically fallen to pieces. It's something. They should re-lay the whole thing, as was done on the stretch between the Albufera reception and Can Picafort. They are also in the process of constructing pedestrian crossing-points and small roundabouts to replace the currently non-functioning system of the traffic lights at which drivers are supposed to turn right in order to turn left. Most do, but many do not, and that many do not because they don't see the sign or understand how they are meant to proceed. So the roundabouts should be a blessing. I say should be, but, as we all know here, roundabout etiquette is something that doesn't seem to be taught at driving school, and if it is it gets immediately forgotten.
If you go further along the carretera, as far as the roundabout coming into Can Picafort, you can head off towards Muro town. To your right is the Son Bosc finca, about which so much has been said in respect of the projected golf course. Its realisation edges ever closer. One of the environmental objections was the existence of a species of orchid to be found on the finca. The Balearic Government's environment department has pronounced. An area of some 6,000 square metres will remain protected in order to safeguard the orchid. This will mean that the hole, which would have swallowed up the orchid, will have to re-sited. Not a problem it would seem, as the whole project covers an area of 540,000 square meters. This intervention by the government does, however, means that the project cannot actually get under way. It has to be re-submitted in order to take account of the required change. So, on and on we go to the day when finally the diggers will move in, which they probably will, despite so many voices opposing it and also questioning its necessity. I guess I'll keep saying it. Forget the golf. Stick up a theme park or an all-year tourist development. Anyone for a Nadal centre?
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Fontella Bass, not Aretha Franklin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXSocE_M1G4). Today's title - "it's not quite a Jaguar".
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
I have, on numerous occasions, witnessed cars overtaking a Guardia vehicle and sometimes it has been a Trafico vehicle; Trafico that polices the main roads and motorways. They have overtaken at speeds clearly in excess of the limit. Nothing. Happens all the time.
Someone who was new to the island told me, with some astonishment, of having been in a bar in Can Picafort where two members of the Guardia, having had a couple of beers, then got into their Trafico vehicle.
These anecdotes are all symptomatic of what can often be a laissez-faire attitude to driving misdemeanours and also of setting the wrong example. Those cops having their beers. They may not have been over the drink limit, but if you are going to have a couple of drinks and then get in your car, what message does it send out?
Mallorca has a shocking record of road accidents, but my impression is that things have got a lot better. There was once a time when you went out on the road fearful of being involved in an accident, because any journey would seem to involve passing one that had happened, was in the process of happening or about to happen. Not now. It does seem to have improved. But it could be better still. And a touch more intervention when there is an obvious infraction occurring under the noses of the police might help to make it so.
And moving along the carretera, into Playa de Muro, there is a fair amount of work being done to the road. Not before time. They have laid new tarmac on those parts of the road which had basically fallen to pieces. It's something. They should re-lay the whole thing, as was done on the stretch between the Albufera reception and Can Picafort. They are also in the process of constructing pedestrian crossing-points and small roundabouts to replace the currently non-functioning system of the traffic lights at which drivers are supposed to turn right in order to turn left. Most do, but many do not, and that many do not because they don't see the sign or understand how they are meant to proceed. So the roundabouts should be a blessing. I say should be, but, as we all know here, roundabout etiquette is something that doesn't seem to be taught at driving school, and if it is it gets immediately forgotten.
If you go further along the carretera, as far as the roundabout coming into Can Picafort, you can head off towards Muro town. To your right is the Son Bosc finca, about which so much has been said in respect of the projected golf course. Its realisation edges ever closer. One of the environmental objections was the existence of a species of orchid to be found on the finca. The Balearic Government's environment department has pronounced. An area of some 6,000 square metres will remain protected in order to safeguard the orchid. This will mean that the hole, which would have swallowed up the orchid, will have to re-sited. Not a problem it would seem, as the whole project covers an area of 540,000 square meters. This intervention by the government does, however, means that the project cannot actually get under way. It has to be re-submitted in order to take account of the required change. So, on and on we go to the day when finally the diggers will move in, which they probably will, despite so many voices opposing it and also questioning its necessity. I guess I'll keep saying it. Forget the golf. Stick up a theme park or an all-year tourist development. Anyone for a Nadal centre?
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Fontella Bass, not Aretha Franklin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXSocE_M1G4). Today's title - "it's not quite a Jaguar".
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Completely Automatic
One of the blog's early-days regulars was that of driving; the rubbish state of it here. It's been a while, but it's back, along with that associated old regular, the mobile phone.
It is now, what, two years since they introduced tougher penalties for driving infractions; I could look it up, but the length of time is not important. What is, or should be, are the points on the licence, the possible suspensions and so on. Yet the mobile phone is still very much the driver accessory-of-potential-accident choice. But it has occurred to me that, though illegal phone use goes on elsewhere, here there is an added dimension. I had stopped at some lights the other day. In the rear-view mirror I could see the female driver behind. She was gabbing on her phone. She looked quite nice, I'll be honest. Lots of smiles, a bit of a laugh, some very expressive hand gestures ... And that was it. Hand gestures. The Mallorcan/Spaniard cannot open his or her mouth without a full set of body language extravagance, whether talking on a mobile or in his or her sleep. Herein, therefore, lies the greater danger posed by mobile-phone use when driving in Mallorca. Hands free. Hands free from the wheel, that is. One hand for the phone, one hand for the gestures. You don't get too many cars with automatic transmission here, but they should be mandatory; automatic gear box and automatic steering, allowing the Mallorcan to pursue his or her normal, everyday conversations without the worry of actually handling a vehicle. The only problem then would be whether they were watching the road or looking at some passing totty, and the chances are that it would be the latter.
Where would we be, when it comes to roads, without our good friends on two wheels. Before you say that this is a dig at female drivers and cyclists, it is just coincidence that it was a female cyclist. For those of you who know the main road in Playa de Muro, you will be aware that, at lights, you are meant to turn right in order to turn left. I say meant to, as this does seem something of an option, but be that as it may. So, I'm duly following this rule, the lights flash orange and I start to cross the main road. And then I stop. A lady cyclist has decided to ride straight across in front of me through the red light. She sort of gestures (more gestures) to indicate that I should stop and let her go past. Well, I could have driven into her, but it wouldn't have got me very far. Instead, setting aside my normally cool nature, I shouted out the window "idiota". Made me feel a bit better. But the point of this is, of course, that I could have driven into her, and it would almost certainly have been deemed my fault, as cyclists are the sacred cows of the Mallorcan and Spanish road. It is, I would suggest, the thing that antagonises most where cyclists are concerned; that some appear to be unable or unwilling to obey some basic rules. And they know they can get away with it, generally. Only once have I seen someone pulled up, and she went through a red right under the noses of a Trafico 4x4. It would have been difficult even for them to have ignored it.
And finally on matters vehicular. At journey's end there is the parking, another not totally unfamiliar subject for this blog. I should like to thank John who has regaled me with a tale of the nature of fines in a car park in Datchet, in which he says:
"And then one that reminded me of Mallorca. If your wheels were outside the painted lines - £10 fine. I can remember how many people (locals I think) used to take up two bays when they parked. I found this very annoying, especially in the season when parking is at a premium. The local authorities could clean up at the parking area at the port in Alcudia."
Now, you know, the size of the fine is one thing, but the lack of, how can one call it, parking discipline, is another, and a very Mallorcan another at that. I once said that for the Mallorcan driver, why use one parking space when two will do just as well, because that's how it tends to be. I really must get a copy of the local equivalent of the "Highway Code" as I recall reading somewhere some gems that exist within its covers (assuming someone wasn't just being funny), One of these was the "rule" regarding double parking. Basically, ten minutes was considered the right sort of length, even, I guess, if you had only intended to park for a minute or two. Why double park and clog up the road for just one minute when ten minutes will do just as well; time enough to pop in for a quick coffee or into a tabacos to top up your mobile.
THE SPANISH GENERALS WAR BRIBES STORY
Churchill apparently bribed some Spanish generals in order to deter Spain from entering the Second World War. Big deal. Lining the pockets of another's military to keep them quiet is old-hat tactical stuff. Viking chieftains often received inducements to go and pillage somewhere else. They used to take the ancient moolah and then pillage those who'd paid them anyway. No honour in those days. The bribes are said to have been arranged through the banking intermediary Joan March, the founder of the present-day Banca March in Mallorca, and the suggestion is that they kept the generals sweet and therefore Spain sweet and out of the war.
It's a fascinating old parlour game to speculate what might have happened had Spain entered the war, but the fact is that it didn't. Whether the bribes made any difference is debatable. It's not as though figures in authority in Spain have been immune to the temptations of backhanders - then or since, or indeed at present. Unlike the Vikings they were probably quite content to have taken the money and run - away from the action to which they had little intention of seeing anyway. Maybe the bribes did make a difference, but it shouldn't be forgotten that Spain's military was in no fit state following the Civil War and that Franco didn't care much for Hitler, and the feeling was mutual. Maybe they just didn't like each other's stupid moustaches.
However, the story is not as new as it's being portrayed. If you do just a little bit of searching, you will find a reference to the claim and to the historian making it that dates back to 2004. And some of the reporting of it has barely touched on the key role of Joan March. The book in which the claim is made is in fact about March, who was born in Santa Margalida. Banca March was founded in 1926. March was a supporter of Franco, and was referred to as Franco's banker. Hang on a moment. What was all that stuff about things associated with Franco?
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Smashing Pumpkins (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV_XMQ7uXHA). Today's title - American female trio, biggest in the '80s.
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
It is now, what, two years since they introduced tougher penalties for driving infractions; I could look it up, but the length of time is not important. What is, or should be, are the points on the licence, the possible suspensions and so on. Yet the mobile phone is still very much the driver accessory-of-potential-accident choice. But it has occurred to me that, though illegal phone use goes on elsewhere, here there is an added dimension. I had stopped at some lights the other day. In the rear-view mirror I could see the female driver behind. She was gabbing on her phone. She looked quite nice, I'll be honest. Lots of smiles, a bit of a laugh, some very expressive hand gestures ... And that was it. Hand gestures. The Mallorcan/Spaniard cannot open his or her mouth without a full set of body language extravagance, whether talking on a mobile or in his or her sleep. Herein, therefore, lies the greater danger posed by mobile-phone use when driving in Mallorca. Hands free. Hands free from the wheel, that is. One hand for the phone, one hand for the gestures. You don't get too many cars with automatic transmission here, but they should be mandatory; automatic gear box and automatic steering, allowing the Mallorcan to pursue his or her normal, everyday conversations without the worry of actually handling a vehicle. The only problem then would be whether they were watching the road or looking at some passing totty, and the chances are that it would be the latter.
Where would we be, when it comes to roads, without our good friends on two wheels. Before you say that this is a dig at female drivers and cyclists, it is just coincidence that it was a female cyclist. For those of you who know the main road in Playa de Muro, you will be aware that, at lights, you are meant to turn right in order to turn left. I say meant to, as this does seem something of an option, but be that as it may. So, I'm duly following this rule, the lights flash orange and I start to cross the main road. And then I stop. A lady cyclist has decided to ride straight across in front of me through the red light. She sort of gestures (more gestures) to indicate that I should stop and let her go past. Well, I could have driven into her, but it wouldn't have got me very far. Instead, setting aside my normally cool nature, I shouted out the window "idiota". Made me feel a bit better. But the point of this is, of course, that I could have driven into her, and it would almost certainly have been deemed my fault, as cyclists are the sacred cows of the Mallorcan and Spanish road. It is, I would suggest, the thing that antagonises most where cyclists are concerned; that some appear to be unable or unwilling to obey some basic rules. And they know they can get away with it, generally. Only once have I seen someone pulled up, and she went through a red right under the noses of a Trafico 4x4. It would have been difficult even for them to have ignored it.
And finally on matters vehicular. At journey's end there is the parking, another not totally unfamiliar subject for this blog. I should like to thank John who has regaled me with a tale of the nature of fines in a car park in Datchet, in which he says:
"And then one that reminded me of Mallorca. If your wheels were outside the painted lines - £10 fine. I can remember how many people (locals I think) used to take up two bays when they parked. I found this very annoying, especially in the season when parking is at a premium. The local authorities could clean up at the parking area at the port in Alcudia."
Now, you know, the size of the fine is one thing, but the lack of, how can one call it, parking discipline, is another, and a very Mallorcan another at that. I once said that for the Mallorcan driver, why use one parking space when two will do just as well, because that's how it tends to be. I really must get a copy of the local equivalent of the "Highway Code" as I recall reading somewhere some gems that exist within its covers (assuming someone wasn't just being funny), One of these was the "rule" regarding double parking. Basically, ten minutes was considered the right sort of length, even, I guess, if you had only intended to park for a minute or two. Why double park and clog up the road for just one minute when ten minutes will do just as well; time enough to pop in for a quick coffee or into a tabacos to top up your mobile.
THE SPANISH GENERALS WAR BRIBES STORY
Churchill apparently bribed some Spanish generals in order to deter Spain from entering the Second World War. Big deal. Lining the pockets of another's military to keep them quiet is old-hat tactical stuff. Viking chieftains often received inducements to go and pillage somewhere else. They used to take the ancient moolah and then pillage those who'd paid them anyway. No honour in those days. The bribes are said to have been arranged through the banking intermediary Joan March, the founder of the present-day Banca March in Mallorca, and the suggestion is that they kept the generals sweet and therefore Spain sweet and out of the war.
It's a fascinating old parlour game to speculate what might have happened had Spain entered the war, but the fact is that it didn't. Whether the bribes made any difference is debatable. It's not as though figures in authority in Spain have been immune to the temptations of backhanders - then or since, or indeed at present. Unlike the Vikings they were probably quite content to have taken the money and run - away from the action to which they had little intention of seeing anyway. Maybe the bribes did make a difference, but it shouldn't be forgotten that Spain's military was in no fit state following the Civil War and that Franco didn't care much for Hitler, and the feeling was mutual. Maybe they just didn't like each other's stupid moustaches.
However, the story is not as new as it's being portrayed. If you do just a little bit of searching, you will find a reference to the claim and to the historian making it that dates back to 2004. And some of the reporting of it has barely touched on the key role of Joan March. The book in which the claim is made is in fact about March, who was born in Santa Margalida. Banca March was founded in 1926. March was a supporter of Franco, and was referred to as Franco's banker. Hang on a moment. What was all that stuff about things associated with Franco?
QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Smashing Pumpkins (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV_XMQ7uXHA). Today's title - American female trio, biggest in the '80s.
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The Surrey With The Fringe On Top
Twat bikes. Not one of my expressions. It comes from one bar, and I'm naming no names as there may well be customers pedalling about on twat bikes. What's a twat bike? A trike. That four-wheeled surrey with or without a fringe on top, with or without a horse's head at the front, with or without some holiday brains in control or more often out of control. That trike that is taken to the open carretera and wielded like a dodgem, while all the time the "driver" is seemingly blissfully unaware that there are some industrial twats behind the wheels of cars who could quite easily take him and his trike out.
You know, you don't want to spoil people's fun and it has to be understood that everyday life here co-exists with that of the holidaymaker, but there are some things that just make little sense. Like trikes. Like trikes on the main roads. Like trikes being driven down the centre of the main roads. Like trikes with small children hanging on to the horse's head as they are pedalled frantically down main roads. There is a dividing line between holiday brains and crass irresponsibility. My guess would be that in health and safety and child-protection-obsessed Britain, an infant atop a horse's head on a trike on an A road would have social services round in a flash. But it's ok here as it's holiday time. Of course it is.
Many a time I have written about the roads here and many a time more will I doubtless write again. There has been a further growth in no left turns from and into the carretera between Alcúdia and Can Picafort. You wouldn't know it. From one such now prohibited turn this morning emerged a tourist coach. Perhaps like cyclists, coach-drivers can do as they please. It seems like it at times. The other development, that of further speed restrictions, is destined to tax the patience of what is an intrinsically impatient beast - the local driver. I've started to take a certain perverse pleasure in sticking to the 50kph speed that is at it should be between the Magic and Pointed Thing Roundabouts and between the Eden Center roundabout in Playa de Muro right through Can Picafort. It is a perverse pleasure; to see in the mirror the mouthing and gesticulation of the driver behind. Stupid of me, but there you go. Of course, it is possible to overtake, and the roundabouts themselves are used for this purpose. You can more or less guess what will happen. The guy behind has been up your backside, the road goes to two lanes coming to the roundabout, he goes one lane, you go the other and he looks to hurtle past on the in or outside (because no one knows which lane to be in by the way). Way to go, and he does.
And the season starts to home into view and the weather will start to warm up, and the roads will fill with more trikes and more people sticking to the speeds and more impatience, and the annual nightmare will start all over again. The joy of motoring - Mallorca-style.
QUIZ: Yesterday - Queen. Today's title - where does this come from?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
You know, you don't want to spoil people's fun and it has to be understood that everyday life here co-exists with that of the holidaymaker, but there are some things that just make little sense. Like trikes. Like trikes on the main roads. Like trikes being driven down the centre of the main roads. Like trikes with small children hanging on to the horse's head as they are pedalled frantically down main roads. There is a dividing line between holiday brains and crass irresponsibility. My guess would be that in health and safety and child-protection-obsessed Britain, an infant atop a horse's head on a trike on an A road would have social services round in a flash. But it's ok here as it's holiday time. Of course it is.
Many a time I have written about the roads here and many a time more will I doubtless write again. There has been a further growth in no left turns from and into the carretera between Alcúdia and Can Picafort. You wouldn't know it. From one such now prohibited turn this morning emerged a tourist coach. Perhaps like cyclists, coach-drivers can do as they please. It seems like it at times. The other development, that of further speed restrictions, is destined to tax the patience of what is an intrinsically impatient beast - the local driver. I've started to take a certain perverse pleasure in sticking to the 50kph speed that is at it should be between the Magic and Pointed Thing Roundabouts and between the Eden Center roundabout in Playa de Muro right through Can Picafort. It is a perverse pleasure; to see in the mirror the mouthing and gesticulation of the driver behind. Stupid of me, but there you go. Of course, it is possible to overtake, and the roundabouts themselves are used for this purpose. You can more or less guess what will happen. The guy behind has been up your backside, the road goes to two lanes coming to the roundabout, he goes one lane, you go the other and he looks to hurtle past on the in or outside (because no one knows which lane to be in by the way). Way to go, and he does.
And the season starts to home into view and the weather will start to warm up, and the roads will fill with more trikes and more people sticking to the speeds and more impatience, and the annual nightmare will start all over again. The joy of motoring - Mallorca-style.
QUIZ: Yesterday - Queen. Today's title - where does this come from?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Talk On Corners
Can we go back to that old chestnut, driving? Driving in Mallorca. I wonder quite what happens at the driving schools - las autoescuelas - in these parts. Let's take the art of taking a corner, as in one is driving towards a T-junction, and as one gets to the junction, one has to slam on the brakes as the other driver has turned left cutting straight across in front. Is it that the driving-school instructor teaches drivers to literally cut corners? Is there some sort of altruism being displayed by the instructor? Cut the corner and it will save a cent on petrol?
I was going along the Bot road by the Pollensa Park hotel, making for the coast road. Come to the junction, lady in a VW - right across me. And what really pisses me off is that when I give a look, the look back suggests it is all my fault - never their fault. Bear this in mind, and beware those of you who would risk the Mallorcan highways, it is always your fault. Maybe that's the most important thing taught at local driving schools - make the other driver feel as though he (or she) has made the mistake.
Urban myth time maybe. No sooner had I posted yesterday's piece about the bus to Barcelona, than John (ex-Highlander) mails me to say that this was asked of him. The certainty of the tale that Jack related me concerning the Smugglers makes me wonder - did this couple go into more than one bar and ask the same question? It could be. But on a grander scale, there do seem to be rich pickings here for some form of great work concerning the daft things that tourists ask. Jamie at Foxes gave me one more today. Couple, not the same one presumably, come in, get talking, say "we're in Mallorca" (pronounced correctly as in Ma-yorca), but where is Majorca (pronounced as in Madge-orca))" Of course, two totally different places. That's it, all this worrying about how to spell the name of the island and to pronounce it, the answer is simple. They are two places. Now why didn't I think of that?
And finally. I wouldn't normally, but ... That story about the supermarket with prices in pounds. When was it? Last year. July I think. "Selling Mallorca By The Pound" was the title. Talk on corners.
QUIZ: Yesterday - Montserrat Caballé. Today's title - album by?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
I was going along the Bot road by the Pollensa Park hotel, making for the coast road. Come to the junction, lady in a VW - right across me. And what really pisses me off is that when I give a look, the look back suggests it is all my fault - never their fault. Bear this in mind, and beware those of you who would risk the Mallorcan highways, it is always your fault. Maybe that's the most important thing taught at local driving schools - make the other driver feel as though he (or she) has made the mistake.
Urban myth time maybe. No sooner had I posted yesterday's piece about the bus to Barcelona, than John (ex-Highlander) mails me to say that this was asked of him. The certainty of the tale that Jack related me concerning the Smugglers makes me wonder - did this couple go into more than one bar and ask the same question? It could be. But on a grander scale, there do seem to be rich pickings here for some form of great work concerning the daft things that tourists ask. Jamie at Foxes gave me one more today. Couple, not the same one presumably, come in, get talking, say "we're in Mallorca" (pronounced correctly as in Ma-yorca), but where is Majorca (pronounced as in Madge-orca))" Of course, two totally different places. That's it, all this worrying about how to spell the name of the island and to pronounce it, the answer is simple. They are two places. Now why didn't I think of that?
And finally. I wouldn't normally, but ... That story about the supermarket with prices in pounds. When was it? Last year. July I think. "Selling Mallorca By The Pound" was the title. Talk on corners.
QUIZ: Yesterday - Montserrat Caballé. Today's title - album by?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Who's Gonna Drive You Home?
"Cyclists, blah, blah, cyclists all over the road, blah, blah, cyclists going the wrong way, blah, blah." It didn't actually say this, but a letter to "The Bulletin" was along these lines. Crikey, never heard of this problem before. But not that I will disagree. I have said as much myself here on many an occasion. Someone said to me the other day that cyclists "play games". Pretty dangerous games, taking on a Mallorcan car driver, or indeed a car driver of any nationality. Cyclists here are untouchables. You touch them, or rather your car touches them, and you are at fault, even if they have ridden straight at you on the wrong side of the road. It's an uneven playing-field or open road if you prefer.
There are certain stretches of road that tempt both cyclists and drivers into ever more dangerous games. Take the road going from Can Picafort to Son Serra. Much of it is nice and straight and relatively quiet. The local Alonsos hack along as though it were the Mulsanne straight and the cyclists treat both lanes as their own personal fiefdom. Like many other stretches of road, it is an accident in the making.
I'm not here to defend drivers. There are enough arseholes here who defy defence, but many a cyclist might well be defined with an abbreviation - F.T. I'll leave it to you to fathom out what F.T. stands for. Maybe there is some mathematical equation that measures the level of F.T. It is related to the size of the brain that determines awareness of and courtesy towards others. F.T. = X (brain) divided by A + C. Or something like that.
While on roads, the bit of the carretera going towards Can Picafort from Playa de Muro, newly laid out with chicanes and whatever, is to be a 50kph zone between the months of April and October. Fair enough I suppose. But some bits of road at 50kph do seem especially slow. I had some practice today. Behind a driver of exceptionally advanced years. Still, 50 it will be, so you have been warned.
But so much for the joys of roads. Never let it be said that I do not respond to being corrected. Someone emailed me about the number of "relax houses" in Alcúdia. Apparently, there are seven, not four. How about that? Seven knocking shops in little old Alcúdia. You don't get this sort of information in your average brochure you know.
QUIZ
Last time - "Woodstock", Joni Mitchell. Today's title - Who did it? And what made it particularly and rather oddly famous?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
There are certain stretches of road that tempt both cyclists and drivers into ever more dangerous games. Take the road going from Can Picafort to Son Serra. Much of it is nice and straight and relatively quiet. The local Alonsos hack along as though it were the Mulsanne straight and the cyclists treat both lanes as their own personal fiefdom. Like many other stretches of road, it is an accident in the making.
I'm not here to defend drivers. There are enough arseholes here who defy defence, but many a cyclist might well be defined with an abbreviation - F.T. I'll leave it to you to fathom out what F.T. stands for. Maybe there is some mathematical equation that measures the level of F.T. It is related to the size of the brain that determines awareness of and courtesy towards others. F.T. = X (brain) divided by A + C. Or something like that.
While on roads, the bit of the carretera going towards Can Picafort from Playa de Muro, newly laid out with chicanes and whatever, is to be a 50kph zone between the months of April and October. Fair enough I suppose. But some bits of road at 50kph do seem especially slow. I had some practice today. Behind a driver of exceptionally advanced years. Still, 50 it will be, so you have been warned.
But so much for the joys of roads. Never let it be said that I do not respond to being corrected. Someone emailed me about the number of "relax houses" in Alcúdia. Apparently, there are seven, not four. How about that? Seven knocking shops in little old Alcúdia. You don't get this sort of information in your average brochure you know.
QUIZ
Last time - "Woodstock", Joni Mitchell. Today's title - Who did it? And what made it particularly and rather oddly famous?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
Friday, February 22, 2008
I’ll Come Drivin’
… “Fast as wheels can turn”. The somewhat orgasmic lyric that introduces this piece might aptly apply to the climactic impetus of much of Mallorca’s driving. It is essentially wham bam, there is little by way of Taoist prolongation, just the arousal in getting from A to Z in as short a period of time as possible and in an aggressive manner as possible. Some like it rough and their cars are treated in a similar way.
“The Bulletin” reports on a recent demonstration of the art of “northern-style” driving. Commercial drivers in Mallorca, such as taxi drivers, have been shown that the apparently smoother way in which northern European drivers handle their cars saves fuel and keeps the cars in better nick to boot. The “latin” way guzzles gas, wrecks gearboxes and, one might add, puts mostly everyone in peril.
I once took my car out with the woman who ran the garage where it was serviced. I thought there might be a problem so we drove off so she could assess it. Whilst we were motoring along, she said to me that I drove “smoothly”. She made precisely the point that this demonstration has been attempting to get across. It had never occurred to me that I drove in a particular way.
One doubts whether the northern style would ever be adopted on a wider scale here, even with the message that it could save some euros of petrol. It is not as if the whole of northern Europe drives in the style that is being suggested. Ever driven in Germany at 200 kph on an autobahn? Ever driven around London (before the congestion charge)?
There is another way of changing driver habits, and that is road layout. The changes to the Carretera Arta in Alcúdia may have been designed with more accidents in mind, but – to everyone’s surprise (mine included) – they do seem to have worked, even if I still have my doubts about the roundabouts (largely because no one seems to know how to negotiate them). The central islands and the roundabouts are now emerging further along the road in Playa de Muro going towards Can Picafort. Whereas the new layout in Alcúdia seemed questionable, in Playa de Muro – on the stretch from the bridge to Can Picafort – it is not. This is a blackspot. Traffic goes way too fast. I have mentioned the flowers by the roadside before. So the introduction of speed-calming measures is a good thing. The problem is when you get a bit of extreme “latin” driving at 140 or so that doesn’t know about the new layout, and …
QUIZ
Yesterday – Junior Murvin recorded it originally and co-wrote it, though The Clash popularised it. Today’s title – and the first line of the piece. Which duo who went drum ‘n’ bass?
(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)
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