In A Ditch: Driving in Mallorca

Ah, the joys of motoring in Mallorca during the winter. Empty roads, the sun shining, you can take your time and admire the view, untroubled by heavy traffic or by tourists wandering along the middle of roads, armed to the teeth with inflatable dinosaurs. Until, that is, some twat comes hammering along behind you.

The main road from Playa de Muro into Alcúdia is a 50kph zone. In summer, this speed limit is arguably too generous (all those rubbery reptiles threatening to lift off in the breezes demand a lower limit). In winter, it is almost certainly unnecessarily slow, unless you buy into the argument that speed limits are also imposed to keep noise pollution down.

I would buy into this argument myself, were it not for stuff that ventures onto roads that make a mockery of the wish to keep noise down, such as those souped-up quad things and any number of spluttering motos. It isn't much of an argument, in truth, but if speed limit there is, then speed limit there should be. Despite there at times being hardly any other vehicles around, I pretty much observe it. Firstly, because I am rarely in any hurry and secondly, because it isn't unknown for the odd mobile speed trap to be lurking.

I am unconcerned by the inevitable tailgater. Nor am I concerned by the tailgater who, unable to pass or unwilling to take the risk of overtaking along a stretch of road where it is forbidden (not that all are unwilling), takes to one of the parallel side roads and hares along those in order to get ahead. No, I find it amusing. But I do wonder quite why Trafico devotes so many resources to blokes standing about at roundabouts, generally adding to a sense of divisive us-and-them, rather than having spotters that would enable the state to coin in just as much, if not more, from speeding and dodgy driving.

But these speed limits can be curious affairs. Let's take what there now are on a part of the road between Alcúdia and Puerto Pollensa, just by the Club Pollentia Resort. As you come towards the hotel from Puerto Pollensa, there is a sign saying 70, a few metres after it is another sign saying 50. How is anyone meant to be able to slow between these two signs, especially if there is some berk right up your backside? And where does the 50 limit finish? There is no indication that it does, until you come to the bend just before the beach where the kitesurfers go and there are two more signs: one that says 60 and a bit further on, right on the bend, that says go faster - 70. Has no one from the Council of Mallorca or from the police or from whoever it is arranges for these signs ever noticed that these signs don't make any sense?

Knowing at what speed one should be driving is never totally clear, except on motorways. In urban areas, there is huge confusion. In Can Picafort, for example. There, so Santa Margalida town hall had announced in September, all roads apart from the main road through the resort were to be 30 kph (safety and alleged noise reduction being the justification). Yet, come into Can Pic from the Eroski roundabout and what do you see? 40kph. So, what is it? 40 or is it 30?

What one does tend to know, however, is that main roads, like for instance, that which passes the power station between Puerto Alcúdia/Playa de Muro and Sa Pobla do not have speed limits of upwards of 200kph. They don't need signs to tell you that anything much over 100 might be a tad on the excessive side. But if you happen to take a Ferrari out on this road earlyish one weekend morning when there are unlikely to be any police controls out or indeed many other road users, you might feel it is safe to go boy-racing. Except if you lose control, end up in a ditch and manage to write the Ferrari off that you have only just taken delivery of.

"El Mundo"* has named Toni Vanrell. Everyone knew who it was who put the Ferrari in the ditch, as the reports were transparent without actually naming him. Brother Damian explains that the Ferrari had been bought (for half the amount initially quoted) in order to exploit a niche in the market - renting out to filthy-rich Russians. He also explains that his brother is experienced at driving powerful cars. So experienced, he manages to end up in a ditch. Doing what speed?

And this is really the point. Speed. Hiring out a Ferrari to Russian tourists might be good business, but how many of these might be experienced with the ways of high-powered sports cars and at what speeds might they drive? There is no real point in a Ferrari, unless it can be driven at speed. The maximum limit on any Mallorcan road is 120, that for the motorways. Damian, it's not good business, as who else will end up in a ditch or in a worse condition?

* http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2012/12/15/baleares/1355599631.html
** The "Diario" reports that its story about the Ferrari incident has broken all records in terms of reads and social media pass-ons for any of its web stories.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

MALLORCA TODAY - Can Picafort imposes 30kph speed restrictions

Drivers will have to get used to not exceeding 30kph on all roads in Can Picafort, following an order passed by Santa Margalida town hall, designed to cut noise and increase safety. The only exception will be the main road through the town, the carretera between Alcúdia and Artà, that will maintain its 50kph limit; this road is not the town hall's responsibility and so not under its jurisdiction. The new measure will come into effect in September.

See more: Diario de Mallorca

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

You know how it is. You'll be steadfastly and righteously observing the speed limit, and some twat appears in your rear mirror expressing paroxysms and gesticulating ferociously with an aggravated hand, or even both hands where the less diligent are concerned. Ever since they made the gloriously difficult-to-overtake-on new road layout through Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro, the motoring psychotic and impatient have had to improvise methods of speeding themselves along without demolishing their cars and themselves on the inconveniently close-together central concrete islands. The favourite is to nip onto the parallel side road and race at great velocity to the next exit, cornering back onto the main road with a manoeuvre of which Jenson Button (aka Chris Martin of Coldplay) would be proud. And this in order to steal one place as part of qualifying for the grid. 50 kilometres per hour, an affront to motoring civil liberties, but a limit designed to protect erring tourists from being launched into the air and then making a wheel-on appearance in Muro hospital as part of an episode of "Sun, Sea and A&E", attached to a life-support machine and with a weeping spouse clawing at the lilo they had intended for the beach.

Apparently, things have got so good in Spain that annually fewer than 2000 people now lose their lives in accidents on main roads. The news is less good when it comes to towns and those side roads. An encounter with a bus or a souped-up mobility scooter can be fatal, so the traffic authorities are contemplating introducing a thirty kilometre speed limit in towns. Tee-hee, that should cause some fine sport. You know that place in Holland where they've done away with all restrictions, and motorists, pedestrians and cyclists just get on with it. They should do that here - in Alcúdia, for example. What fun that would be. Though my Dutch moles tell me that the Dutch driver can be a bit of an animal, there is aggression and then there is sheer lunacy. The Dutch are not known for their lunacy. Pragmatic, one can see them adhering politely to the non-restriction principle. "After you, Arje." "No, after you, Joost." And the traffic just grinds to a halt as caravans of schoolchildren on bikes collide with some old folk crossing the road.

No, such a civilised solution wouldn't have a chance where the mad of Mallorca are concerned. So, they have to try and impose ever-decreasing speed limits. They, the authorities, should come and hang around those side roads for a day or two. What with the irate overtakers (or should that be under-takers) opting for the side roads as a means of getting ahead of plodders such as myself with the cruise control on the limit and with coaches hammering past houses and divesting parked cars of their wing mirrors, those authorities would soon realise the forlorn nature of their plan. Which is probably why they'll introduce it.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Roberta Flack, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpNdMIAnKko. Today's title - first line from ... ah, but what was its main title?

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