Ties By Balti (Registered Trademark)

Goodness, there was a surprise. The purging of Xe-Lo Huertas had led us to believe that Balearic parliament speakers' fashion lines were a thing of the past. Xe-Lo had provided us with her adapted J-Lo range for the fuller feminist, only for it to be removed from all best alternative retail outlets when the purge totally undermined the Xe-Lo brand and required fleets of lorries to transport the remaining items to the recycling containers or the charity shops.

But no. Gone may be Xe-Lo but instead we now have Tie Rack as re-conceived by Balti. The range is as yet limited, which will come as no great surprise as Balti had said that he would be eschewing neckwear. This parliament president, as he also stated, has one foot on the streets - those streets where ties dare not speak their (brand) name. Despite this vow to remain tieless, Balti bowed to convention - the presentations for Balearics Day - by unveiling the new parliament speaker's spring fashion. And what a tie it was. Its purpleness was a suitably Podemos purple if somewhat purple-lite, a softer, more sympathetic purple, one that spoke to all the citizens, for indeed Balti is a representative of all citizens.

What really had the fashion critics reaching for their reviews was the adornment on the purple - whitish, silvery lines. Were these integral to the tie or had Balti left it outside to air at his Cas Concos commune and allowed the organic snails to wander all over it? Difficult to say, but the overall effect was striking. Balti is the very model of the modern parliamentary major general. Body-hugging sporty black shirt (not tucked in), black Levis and a pair of Converse sneakers. And that tie. He was appealing to the inner Deep Purple among all citizens, those of whom may wish to be Ritchie Blackmore or Jon Lord tribute artists.

Naturally enough, when it came to his speech, Balti called for consensus, thus echoing (parroting) the mantra that has come to characterise the current government. Dialogue was also there, as in "democracy is a system of balances that allows us to articulate dialogue without losing sight of the respect for the views and opinions of others". Some, i.e. Xavier Pericay of the C's, felt his discourse was unusually "institutional", i.e. parliamentary, presidential almost. For the most part it was greeted positively, even if Marga Prohens of the PP thought that it was "idealistic and decaffinated". Well, maybe Balti prefers decaff.

Marga, it has to be pointed out, had already opted for her spring fashion - a flowery frock affair, which didn't seem to play well with Francina, who was photographed next to a beaming Marga with a massive gob on. Francina's functional grey top looked rather lost amidst Marga's flowers and Balti's snail trails. And she knew it. There's nothing worse for a Balearic president than to be upstaged by a PP supermodel and a hippy with a weird tie.

Being kept from view all the while were Xe-Lo and her sister in arms, Montse Seijas, both of whom continue to be outraged by having been consigned to that part of parliament to the rear of the right, namely the PP. The land they occupy in parliament has now become known as the valley of the fallen, from where Xe-Lo can only look on and wonder what might have been as her successor branches out with his own website - tiesbybalti.com, or probably tiesbybalti.cat, as a dotcom would smack far too much of globalisation, and that would never do.

From Our Court Correspondent

What do you do with yourself, do you suppose, when you've been handed a 75 months sentence but been allowed to toddle off to Switzerland while the Spanish legal system winds its way along its slow course to a Supreme Court appeal to confirm that you should indeed proceed straight to jail without passing Go? Geneva, one guesses, isn't such a bad place to while away the months (or more) until our learned friends gather - not that I've been there for over 40 years, but it seemed ok back then. But how does one, as in Iñaki, spend one's time? Eating cheese and heading into the mountains to do some yodelling? Or does one get a job? It might be a tad awkward informing a prospective employer that you are likely to need a 75 months holiday at some point, but Iñaki isn't your ordinary prospective employee.

Perhaps he just has to accept the fact that the missus will be bringing in the bacon (and the cheese). And seemingly there is a fair amount of bacon to be brought in. More than half a million euros worth per annum, courtesy of the La Caixa Foundation and the Aga Khan Foundation, or so it appears. Given this, couldn't Iñaki, rather than telling the court he didn't have two hundred grand to his name to stump up for bail, have asked the wife to sub him? I mean, she's also due to be repaid a hefty wedge of what she lodged with the court as a civil liability bond thanks to the court having levied a far lower fine on her.

It's been, how can one put it, an interesting week for the legal system, top honours for which go to the court having decided that Manos Limpias should pay all the Infanta's costs. And quite right, too. Otherwise, there's the business with our good friend Valtonyc, the rapper who faces a rap of three and a half years for some deeply unpleasant things he rapped about the old king and others. Forty-two months for Valtonyc, seventy-five months for Iñaki. Hmm.

I'm certainly not defending what he rapped - promoting assassinations, supporting terrorism and what have you - but does this merit such a sentence? I have questioned whether he should have been in court at all, but then he - even as a mere 17-year-old, as he was - would have been familiar with the law which decrees it an offence to insult the crown. He would have known what he was doing, but even so - 42 months? It's not as if he had it away with a couple of million euros of Balearic government money, to say nothing of Valencia government moolah.

If he had to be in court, a guilty verdict should have condemned him to giving up a year's worth of royalties (assuming he gets any) and handing it over to charity, six months of community service picking up litter in the gardens at the Marivent royal palace and being branded - in public - a Spotty Herbert who should learn to behave himself. Instead, he's going to end up - in the eyes of some - as a martyr.

Then we have our even better friend, Balti of the Balearic parliament. Admittedly he's only copped for 601 euros - and again he would have been fully aware that resisting the Guardia Civil doesn't do you a great deal of good - but in his case I have to say I'm warming to him. Not for resisting - sorry, you can't do that - but for having protested against the bull-run. His fine is fair enough and so was (is) his cause.