Sunday, March 05, 2017

Ties By Balti (Registered Trademark)

Goodness, there was a surprise. The purging of Xe-Lo Huertas had led us to believe that Balearic parliament speakers' fashion lines were a thing of the past. Xe-Lo had provided us with her adapted J-Lo range for the fuller feminist, only for it to be removed from all best alternative retail outlets when the purge totally undermined the Xe-Lo brand and required fleets of lorries to transport the remaining items to the recycling containers or the charity shops.

But no. Gone may be Xe-Lo but instead we now have Tie Rack as re-conceived by Balti. The range is as yet limited, which will come as no great surprise as Balti had said that he would be eschewing neckwear. This parliament president, as he also stated, has one foot on the streets - those streets where ties dare not speak their (brand) name. Despite this vow to remain tieless, Balti bowed to convention - the presentations for Balearics Day - by unveiling the new parliament speaker's spring fashion. And what a tie it was. Its purpleness was a suitably Podemos purple if somewhat purple-lite, a softer, more sympathetic purple, one that spoke to all the citizens, for indeed Balti is a representative of all citizens.

What really had the fashion critics reaching for their reviews was the adornment on the purple - whitish, silvery lines. Were these integral to the tie or had Balti left it outside to air at his Cas Concos commune and allowed the organic snails to wander all over it? Difficult to say, but the overall effect was striking. Balti is the very model of the modern parliamentary major general. Body-hugging sporty black shirt (not tucked in), black Levis and a pair of Converse sneakers. And that tie. He was appealing to the inner Deep Purple among all citizens, those of whom may wish to be Ritchie Blackmore or Jon Lord tribute artists.

Naturally enough, when it came to his speech, Balti called for consensus, thus echoing (parroting) the mantra that has come to characterise the current government. Dialogue was also there, as in "democracy is a system of balances that allows us to articulate dialogue without losing sight of the respect for the views and opinions of others". Some, i.e. Xavier Pericay of the C's, felt his discourse was unusually "institutional", i.e. parliamentary, presidential almost. For the most part it was greeted positively, even if Marga Prohens of the PP thought that it was "idealistic and decaffinated". Well, maybe Balti prefers decaff.

Marga, it has to be pointed out, had already opted for her spring fashion - a flowery frock affair, which didn't seem to play well with Francina, who was photographed next to a beaming Marga with a massive gob on. Francina's functional grey top looked rather lost amidst Marga's flowers and Balti's snail trails. And she knew it. There's nothing worse for a Balearic president than to be upstaged by a PP supermodel and a hippy with a weird tie.

Being kept from view all the while were Xe-Lo and her sister in arms, Montse Seijas, both of whom continue to be outraged by having been consigned to that part of parliament to the rear of the right, namely the PP. The land they occupy in parliament has now become known as the valley of the fallen, from where Xe-Lo can only look on and wonder what might have been as her successor branches out with his own website -, or probably, as a dotcom would smack far too much of globalisation, and that would never do.

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