In A Tiz: Royal texts

Protocol demands that the president (speaker) of Congress has to visit the King personally to inform him of the result of proceedings to select a new prime minister (president). Patxi López, said speaker, duly went to see His Maj, who was doubtless already well aware of the shambles that had taken place the previous week. In fact, one imagines that the King was watching on the telly and thinking "what the fuck" like everyone else was. The meeting with Patxi revealed the extent to which the King towers above Spain's politicians: the top of Patxi's head barely corresponded with Felipe's shoulders. He is not the only one to be dwarfed. And it isn't only in stature. It might require some Constitutional jiggery-pokery, but the King should be nominated as prime minister (president). The man is vastly superior to the shower in parliament. Head and shoulders above the rest.

Felipe had the common good sense to put off for the time being any further discussions with the warring tribes of the Cortes. What was the point? Very little. Until they - whichever ones they might be - can cobble together the constituent parts of the pantomime horse that might pass as a government pact, why waste time on them?

Meanwhile the Royals, with half an eye on the Trial of the Millennium and the extent to which witnesses might have been attempting to put the boot further into the King's in-law, had a spot of their own bother. A leaked text message sent by Tizzy to some businessman who was in the mire for having availed himself of approximately 35,000 euros not entirely legally was splashed all over the media - conventional and social. It was a message that was being compared to Mariano's famous SMS to Luis Barcenas, when the one-time PP treasurer was right up to his neck in allegations surrounding the PP's alleged B accounts (black, in other words). Mazza had told Luis to stay strong (Mazza has since sought to place an ocean between himself and Luis). Tizzy told this businessman fellow that we (i.e. Felipe as well) know you and respect you and that the rest was all, err, brown stuff. She signed off by offering a kiss and referring to "yogui". Social media then proceeded to Photoshop snaps of the Royals with Yogi Bear.

Back in parliament, though, the cartoon continued ...

During the investiture debates of the previous week, The Hairy One had given the bloke who's Top Cat in En Comú Podem (the Barcelona Podemos faction) a smacker full on the lips. Such brotherly love was, however, less in evidence during the week. There was, we learned, some tension between Pablo and the Infant Íñigo Errejón, who was seemingly playing Jerry to The Hairy One's Tom, harrying him and wishing to reduce Pablo's power. Was this the first emerging sign of a split in Podemos ranks of a Stalin-Trotsky nature? Well actually, it was. Pablo responded to reports of the internal fighting by saying that he had sent the Infant and the baby-feeding Carolina Bescansa to Siberia in order to re-educate these dissidents. It was of course a joke. There is no Siberia in Spain. But we shall all be watching the space with interest. There is little finer than observing scraps between left-wing ideologues.

As it was International Women's Day on Tuesday, Pablo was out and about demonstrating his feminist credentials, while the ranks of the Podemistas (those who hadn't stopped talking to each other) were using the day to propose a change of name to Congress. This was a sort of out-in-sympathy with the lot in Palma who have insisted on eliminating the "de Mallorca" suffix. The Congress ones were proposing that Congress should no longer be officially known as "Congreso de los diputados" (note the male usage). Town halls aren't "ayuntamientos de los concejales", for instance, they argued. The "diputados" (deputies) bit excludes women. A change would be a small step towards the eradication of violence against women, suggested Podemista, Rosana Pastor.

The PP's deputy president (deputy speaker) of Congress, Celia Villalobos (she was the one who had made the lice observation about the Tenerife Podemista Natty Dreadlock In A Babylon), said that it was all "nonsense". The rest of the country wondered if they didn't have better things to do with their time.