Sunday, October 27, 2013

Let's All Meet Up In The Year 2030

"Good morning, Tourist, how does the morning find you on our paradise island? The high today will be 44 degrees in the shade. Warm enough for you?" "Morning, RepBot. All good thank you, and yourself?" "Oh, you know how it is with we RepBots, I'm totally creamed and totally crackered. Up all night, party, party, party. I am sorry to say though that I missed the Miley Cyrus concert at your resort complex last night. My Tourist Integrated Televisualisation System went T.I.T.S. up, so to speak. I am being taken into maintenance to be given a thorough seeing to later. Lol." "Ha, ha, you RepBots are so funny." "Oh yes, everyone a winner. How was Miley though?" "Glad to say my system was in perfect working order. She was amazing. To think you can have international stars right here at your own resort complex through the wonders of technology." "It certainly is, Tourist. Not like the days when a fat boy from Warrington would pretend to be Justin Bieber and the karaoke machine would break down. Did Miley reveal her breasts? Oh, what am I asking? You can of course have Miley reveal everything if that is what you wish with the aid of your T.I.T. System (trademark Club Allinclusivana)." "Let's not go there, RepBot." "No, let's not. She hasn't been the same since she started having Harry Styles's babies. But enough of this small talk. I need to know where you would like to go today." "Erm, just the one virtual visit today, please. I thought I'd give the Resort 2000 trip a go." "OMG, you really are one for ancient history, aren't you. Do you really want to mingle with all those sweaty bodies which once milled along the streets and gathered on terraces in bars and restaurants outside your resort complex?" "Point taken, but it would be interesting to see and feel how it was in the, you know, good old days." "I'm sorry that does not compute. Good. Old. I'm sorry, these concepts are mutually exclusive. Are you sure I cannot interest you instead with a tour of the mountains that were once here on this paradise island before they were levelled in order to make way for gated estates of villas to house Middle Eastern businessmen and their several wives?" "No, you're ok, another day perhaps. Resort 2000 please." "Oh well, don't say that I didn't warn you."

The Tourist mindsets the T.I.T. System that is chipped into his Club Allinclusivana Free To Go Where You Want, Free To Do As You Wish, Free To Order Anything For Free intelligent and interactive sunglasses. He is no longer lying by one of the several pools at the resort complex. He is walking along a road lined with many different bars, shops and restaurants. It is thirty years before. He mindsets the same road to the current day, experiencing simultaneously both the present and the past. He is astonished. "Where have all the people gone? What happened to all these bars?"

In his Resort 2000 mindset he goes into one of the bars. He asks for a pint. He talks to the bar owner. He is English. He asks how business is. "Pretty good thanks, but it's not like it was. This road here. Even a couple of years ago, you couldn't move for people in the evenings. There are fewer people around, I'd say. It's ever since a couple of hotels started all-inclusive. Don't know where that will go. Some reckon it'll take over. What happens then ... well, I'd rather not think about it."

The Tourist can smell the different food being prepared from the various restaurants. He stops and has a crêpe from some funny guy who has a small kiosk by the side of the road. He listens to the strangulated singing from a karaoke bar. It's rubbish but it's fun. He wanders into the terrace of a large restaurant that is packed with people. They are tucking into vast plates of steaks. They are listening to an act on the stage in one corner of the terrace. Who are they meant to be, the Tourist wonders. "Let's all meet up in the year 2000, won't it be strange ..."

He unsets his mind. He looks up at the sun. It is half ten in the morning and the heat is already unbearable. He thinks about Resort 2000 and about now. "I'm part of this, aren't I," he mumbles. "I'm the consequence of Resort 2000. I'm living a holiday through a pair of sunglasses. Am I right to be? Or am I wrong? Have I been wrong for many years?"

"RepBot, are you there?" "I am always here, Tourist. Did you enjoy Resort 2000?" "Sort of. But I wonder, can I have another trip after all? I'd like to try Resort 1990. Before there were any all-inclusives."

"Before. All-inclusives. These concepts are mutually exclusive. They do not compute. Club Allinclusivana wishes you a nice day. Do not compute."

* The shot is from the video for Pulp's "Disco 2000".

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