Whiter Shades Of Pale

I wouldn’t exactly define myself as “cool” but I am an habitual wearer of shades, though I never use the word - except here. Sunglasses. The mystery to me is that not everyone wears sunglasses all the time here, like I do. Not indoors, I’m not Bono, but outdoors, where the light is bright - though not today admittedly - and to not wear sunglasses means screwing up your face so that you end up looking like Adrian Chiles: all squinting and hoods over the eyebrows. It can also mean, given the bright light that normally assaults you here, but not today (did I mention not today already?), that you will end up with cataracts like Monet. There has been research into the fact that Monet’s cataracts blurred his colour sense to such an extent that he came up with impressionism, which was presumably also the reason why Pollensa’s art tradition, founded in the early twentieth century (Anglada Camarasa and Tito Cittadini - so now you know who these geezers were and why there are streets named after them) was impressionist.

I do also wear sunglasses on my head, which probably means that I am cool, but it also means that I won’t get cancer of the hair*. I am convinced that there are some, not me of course, who get sunglasses solely for the purpose of plonking them on the nut; a bit like some buy a windsurfer only to put it on the 4x4 roof in order to hang out at the beach and look cool.

But there is a point to all this. Some months ago, I reckoned I needed an eye-test; it had been some years. So, I went to a shop of a chain here. This was in Puerto Alcúdia. When I asked about a test, the bloke looked at me as if I had made a proposition from Wittgenstein, as John Cleese once put it (how is it he has got into this blog two days running?). Anyway, the test involved me having to ring up a day or so later in order to make an appointment, so I gave that up as a bad job. A few days later, I went into the same chain’s shop in Puerto Pollensa - you can imagine it - huge amounts of totally redundant floor space with spectacles hanging off the glass-lined walls. This was a bit more promising. They said they’d call me. They didn’t. So the months rolled by, and the other day I was lurking with intent, waiting to see José at Bony in Puerto Pollensa, and thought - why not go into Bellavista next door. Want an appointment? No problem. There and then. Want a new set of prescription sunglasses? No problem. There and then. That’s the point of all this - if you want an eye-test here, go to Bellavista.

And did I mention that sunglasses weren’t needed today. Not half, they weren’t. Another mother and father of a storm. Not in the tornado category, but there were animals entering two-by-two along the road outside my house.

Oh, and the sunglasses are bloody cool. White trim on black frames. Look great on the head.

(*I cannot claim this as my gag; it comes from “Broken News”.)



QUIZ
Yesterday - Mad Max 2. Today’s title - a slight corruption of the Procol Harum classic, but what was Procol’s only other top-ten hit?

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