Mallorca is like “Neighbours”. Well, up to a point. People don’t suddenly start living in a different house and generally don’t go missing for a couple of years after a visit to the seaside. But they do ... just go. Now, this is all ancient Neighbours’ history, as I haven’t seen it for years. But there was the time - for instance - when Shane just went. “Shane’s gone to Perth.” I think it was Madge who revealed this. One moment there, one moment gone. And others ... they always went to Perth, or Brisbane. In Shane’s case, we knew nothing of him until he pitched up in “The Flying Doctors” (which was probably where he really went). Sometimes there were set-piece departures, like Kylie’s, but normally ... zippo.
Mallorca makes for transience. The summer population is one thing. The all-year is another, which makes departure seem all the more perfunctory. People leave for a variety of reasons. There are those who need to make a rapid exit; I know of some. The need is often financial or illegal (or both). There are others who find it is not the paradise they hoped for. Then there are those businesspeople who find it’s not what how it was described in the brochure. I have a good friend - he has, or rather had, a restaurant. I’ve never really known why he came here. Maybe he doesn’t either. It wasn’t as the brochure had it, or rather as it was sold to him. He has gone. Just gone. One moment here, one moment gone.
He said that he could just pack up the car and head back for England. But he had his cats to worry about. They had been his companions; he couldn’t and wouldn’t just give them up. He had started to “passport” the cats, but for five of them it was quite a procedure. Chances were he would have gone to the south of the mainland, taken a bar. It wasn’t really him. He loved running his type of restaurant. He made the one here a success by insisting on quality of cuisine. He was successful in England, before his problems got in the way. I won’t say what they were.
I say “success”. The restaurant was a success - in high season. Out of high season, it struggled. He was told that there was business for nine months. It was bollocks. He trusted. Had I known him when he was taking it over, I could have told him it was bollocks.
“Ah”, you might say. “But what about the accounts?” What accounts? Yes, there are often some form of accounts. But that is not the whole story here. There are accounts, and then there is black. And then there is just bollocks. Bollocks and bullshit.
He also encountered this shit on the mainland. He placed a deposit on a place. When he returned, he was told - by the agent - that the price had gone up. Wanted his money back. Couldn’t. That’s how it is in Spain, he was told. What a scandal.
This friend. He had no real need for companionship, except for his cats. He just wanted to run a business, a business for nine months a year, a business that would occupy him, reward him. It was a nine-month pup. A three-month cash cow. He trusted. Perhaps he was a fool. That would be hard for me to say; he is a friend after all. But he wasn’t the first, he won’t be the last.
Mallorca is transient. Not just for those who come to live a dream. Also those who sell - and bullshit - that dream. Because they often just go, too.
I last heard from this friend about, when was it, two, three weeks ago. He was in Barcelona. Now I don’t know. Now I hope he’s ok. I could identify this friend. Some, well, quite a few people here will know him. Some will know the background to his travails. I’ll keep my powder dry. But ... I know. I know all there is to know.
Weather stuff: man alive, is it good. Stupidly warm sitting at 1919 in Puerto Pollensa today. Well, so what happened to winter?
Index for February 2007
Abranaxus - 5 February 2007
All-inclusives - 5 February 2007, 6 February 2007
Architecture - 15 February 2007
Blogs - 24 February 2007
British tourists - 6 February 2007
Business failure - 28 February 2007
Burglary - 24 February 2007
Café La Sala - 24 February 2007
Carretera Arta - 11 February 2007
Climate change - 11 February 2007
Crime - 24 February 2007
Conjuring - 5 February 2007
Cycling - 11 February 2007
Environment - 11 February 2007
Grupo Boulevard - 5 February 2007, 15 February 2007
Guardia Civil - 24 February 2007
La Placeta - 11 February 2007
Language - 15 February 2007
Playa de Muro - 15 February 2007
Roads - 11 February 2007
Tourist behaviour - 6 February 2007
Weather - 15 February 2007, 24 February 2007, 28 February 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Break-in
There was this piece of glass. Quite a big piece. It was lying on the lawn. What some people will chuck into a garden, I thought huffily as I walked from the car. And then I saw.
Later, that evening in fact, I found what was like a jemmy. It was on the low wall in the front of my neighbour’s house. That must have been it. The Guardia Civil officer had been unclear as to how the shutter had been ripped open.
He had parked his vehicle by where I later found the jemmy. He also didn’t notice the traces of blood on the net curtain. Or maybe he had. I didn’t notice them till later. Entering and exiting through a broken window could draw blood; it could also make a piece of glass get entangled in clothing. But when you have a small bag with an expensive digital camera, maybe you don’t worry too much. What do I know?
That was all. Just the camera, and roughly five euros in loose change. To whoever it was. Tough shit, arsehole. Don’t bother in future. There ain’t no money here.
Crime. Yes, there is. The lady officer at the Guardia the next day said it does tend to be like this as the season approaches. People arriving, looking for work, not having any money. Maybe that’s what she meant. What do I know?
Well, I do know that all my immediate neighbours have had the same problem. And now so had I. Life in Mallorca.
Nicer stuff. There’s another blog in Alcúdia. It’s originator is Trevor from the fine Café La Sala in the old town. Check it out. All about the café. Link can be found in the links list. Oh, nice photos of the café, Trev.
First lilywhite body of the season. The really rather warm weather produced it. Chap, purplish shorts, white legs, white torso, walking along the paseo in Puerto Alcúdia. And there was I in jacket, shirt and t-shirt beneath the shirt.
Later, that evening in fact, I found what was like a jemmy. It was on the low wall in the front of my neighbour’s house. That must have been it. The Guardia Civil officer had been unclear as to how the shutter had been ripped open.
He had parked his vehicle by where I later found the jemmy. He also didn’t notice the traces of blood on the net curtain. Or maybe he had. I didn’t notice them till later. Entering and exiting through a broken window could draw blood; it could also make a piece of glass get entangled in clothing. But when you have a small bag with an expensive digital camera, maybe you don’t worry too much. What do I know?
That was all. Just the camera, and roughly five euros in loose change. To whoever it was. Tough shit, arsehole. Don’t bother in future. There ain’t no money here.
Crime. Yes, there is. The lady officer at the Guardia the next day said it does tend to be like this as the season approaches. People arriving, looking for work, not having any money. Maybe that’s what she meant. What do I know?
Well, I do know that all my immediate neighbours have had the same problem. And now so had I. Life in Mallorca.
Nicer stuff. There’s another blog in Alcúdia. It’s originator is Trevor from the fine Café La Sala in the old town. Check it out. All about the café. Link can be found in the links list. Oh, nice photos of the café, Trev.
First lilywhite body of the season. The really rather warm weather produced it. Chap, purplish shorts, white legs, white torso, walking along the paseo in Puerto Alcúdia. And there was I in jacket, shirt and t-shirt beneath the shirt.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Dodgy English
Sometimes I wonder. It’s this English thing. And it’s this aesthetic thing.
I have had words before about this English thing. Like Taylor Woodrow’s “we build in Spain since 1958”. Ungrammatical, innit. I haven’t had too many words about carbuncles and architectural naffness. But now they come together. A kind of symbiosis. Except it’s not a carbuncle, but an expression through construction that highlights the poverty of what surrounds it.
I’m talking Grupo Boulevard, one of the area’s most prominent enterprises. Now, they did get a bit of bad PR over the Dakota restaurant at the start of the Pinewalk in Puerto Pollensa, and they duly subdued it.
Some eighteen months in the building, Boulevard’s seemingly corporate edifice is now about complete, a glass-fronted, black-grey-silver-tinted statement amidst the generally hideous row of “locals” that someone had the lack of foresight to allow to be developed in Playa de Muro. Hats off to Boulevard. The building, out of place though it is, is a distinct improvement. It would be just fine in a city’s financial area. In Playa de Muro ...?
How did planners ever get Playa de Muro so wrong? There you have splendid hotels - the Iberostars for example - but then you also have that row of non-descript, uncharismatic locals, and then you also have the total absence of a “centre” that might make Playa de Muro a place to which people would gravitate, as opposed to pass through.
Undeterred, Boulevard have erected their building. “Precioso,” is how a one-time employee described it. Perhaps. But while it may well be an improvement, how come - and here’s this English thing (eventually) - how come the name? “Boulevard Building Center”. I am not alone in thinking it sounds like a DIY store. Could they not have just run the name past an English-speaker (native preferably), and realised it sounds wrong? That’s this English thing. They’re not alone. Taylor Woodrow’s another. There are many more. Is it so difficult for local businesses (or multinational builders) to find an English-speaker who could point out the error?
Sometimes I wonder.
Weather note: Brilliant. Warm. Lovely. Blissful. Won’t last.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
More Road Non-Sense?
Given the criticism that had been heaped onto the state of the Carretera Arta in Puerto Alcudia, it seems a tad chary to slag it off now that it has been resurfaced. But. In seeking to facilitate pedestrian crossing, there are crossing-point islands, most obviously the one shown here in front of the Ivory Playa hotel. Fine. They are needed. But. The potential problem is that the road narrows to the sides of the islands, cutting out the cycle lanes. I was aware of this problem this morning. There was a line of cyclists. I had to give way. No problem in that, but I fear it might be a problem. Additionally, the island is right by the exits/entries to the Ivory Playa/Campsa Garage and Eroski Syp roads, which means cars turning right or crossing the main road. Maybe there will be pedestrian crossings painted onto the road (not that they really mean much here). Maybe there’ll be speed-calmers. We’ll wait and see. But at the moment, despite the best intentions, I can see this all ending in tears.
And while I’m on the subject. The new roundabouts along the Carretera, while also welcome, have their own problem. The one at the road to Palma for instance. There are two lanes coming towards the roundabout along the main road, but the roundabout is wide enough to accommodate only one line of traffic. Again, especially given the at-best inconsistent behaviour at roundabouts here, I fear problems.
Seems I was quick off the mark in raising the potential environmental disaster that could befall Mallorca as a result of climate change. Based on information from NASA, the consequences of a one-metre rise in sea levels has been plotted on Google maps. Doesn’t make for happy reading. Flooding would reach Sa Pobla and Muro. Worse than I had inferred before. Really, if you’re thinking of buying that lovely villa on the beach, you just might want to think again. Having said this, one metre is an awful lot.
New ownership note: so much for the shortlived ownership of Katie and Marshall at La Placeta in Pollensa. They’re out of there. Harvey’s in.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
How To Enjoy A Holiday
Sharp observers of this blog will know that - like many another blog - I do, from time to time, have something to say about local media or to base some of my stuff on what appears therein. Till now, I have never lifted a whole piece. But I’ll make an exception now, but only in translation from the Spanish.
There is a free newspaper that doesn’t venture north, but is available in Palma. I got a copy today. It’s called ADN. At the back there is a column called “The End” (really, English title). Not a Doors-type “The End” (my beautiful friend), just an end column. One Montserrat Dominguez.
This is what it says today (this is a slightly abbreviated version anyway):
“ITV is showing a series called ‘Benidorm’ which relates - in comedic fashion - the adventures of a group of tourists. The action centres on an all-inclusive complex. The tourists neither have to leave (this complex) nor do they have to eat paella. Did I say paella? (asks Montserrat). Excuse me: the Brits enjoy fish and chips, porridge, baked beans and other specialities of their cuisine; they don’t try local dishes. Why would they risk this, given that their surroundings reproduce a scene in which they have pubs, music, tobacco and drinks.
Why then do they come to Benidorm, to Mallorca, to the Costa Brava or to the Canaries? A walk along the coast shows us (the Spanish) that they can pass through hundreds of urbanisations without hearing a word of Castilian, Mallorquin or Catalan, or even worse, without discovering a cold beer, a slice of tortilla or a good pa amb oli. The Swedish, German or Irish ghettoes on our coastline are a wonder of mimicry.
Perhaps we should ask ourselves our own question though: in the Caribbean, all-inclusive complexes proliferate, and thousands of Spaniards seek out an exotic environment which doesn’t ruin, one jot, their own blessed routines. The French do something similar when they go to their Club Meds. What happiness! To travel thousands of kilometres to feel just like being at home.”
Well, setting aside any dodgy translation, what Montserrat is getting at is that all tourists do what the Brits are notorious for and have been for decades; it was the early ‘70s after all when Eric Idle and the Monty Python gang did the piss-take based on “Watneys Red Barrel”. But she’s right to bemoan the fact that all too few tourists seem to want to escape their familiar surroundings and enjoy the local culture. Some do, but the majority appear not to. That’s largely how it is here, especially for those ensconced in all-inclusives. She might have chosen some of her examples more carefully; I think cold beers can be had in all-inclusives - many of them in fact - but I know the point she’s making.
Happy hols!!!
There is a free newspaper that doesn’t venture north, but is available in Palma. I got a copy today. It’s called ADN. At the back there is a column called “The End” (really, English title). Not a Doors-type “The End” (my beautiful friend), just an end column. One Montserrat Dominguez.
This is what it says today (this is a slightly abbreviated version anyway):
“ITV is showing a series called ‘Benidorm’ which relates - in comedic fashion - the adventures of a group of tourists. The action centres on an all-inclusive complex. The tourists neither have to leave (this complex) nor do they have to eat paella. Did I say paella? (asks Montserrat). Excuse me: the Brits enjoy fish and chips, porridge, baked beans and other specialities of their cuisine; they don’t try local dishes. Why would they risk this, given that their surroundings reproduce a scene in which they have pubs, music, tobacco and drinks.
Why then do they come to Benidorm, to Mallorca, to the Costa Brava or to the Canaries? A walk along the coast shows us (the Spanish) that they can pass through hundreds of urbanisations without hearing a word of Castilian, Mallorquin or Catalan, or even worse, without discovering a cold beer, a slice of tortilla or a good pa amb oli. The Swedish, German or Irish ghettoes on our coastline are a wonder of mimicry.
Perhaps we should ask ourselves our own question though: in the Caribbean, all-inclusive complexes proliferate, and thousands of Spaniards seek out an exotic environment which doesn’t ruin, one jot, their own blessed routines. The French do something similar when they go to their Club Meds. What happiness! To travel thousands of kilometres to feel just like being at home.”
Well, setting aside any dodgy translation, what Montserrat is getting at is that all tourists do what the Brits are notorious for and have been for decades; it was the early ‘70s after all when Eric Idle and the Monty Python gang did the piss-take based on “Watneys Red Barrel”. But she’s right to bemoan the fact that all too few tourists seem to want to escape their familiar surroundings and enjoy the local culture. Some do, but the majority appear not to. That’s largely how it is here, especially for those ensconced in all-inclusives. She might have chosen some of her examples more carefully; I think cold beers can be had in all-inclusives - many of them in fact - but I know the point she’s making.
Happy hols!!!
Monday, February 05, 2007
Abracadabra ..
It seems so long ... Silence from your favourite blog for too long. It’s a quiet time of year. It’s quiet, unremarkable; like the weather. It’s time for spending a bit too much time over a coffee in cafés. But it’s a time for gathering some interesting bits of information. Here are some ...
All-inclusives ... chastened perhaps by the all-day and all-night drunkenness, shitting in the pools and whatever, the Mac hotels in Puerto Alcúdia have dropped the 24-hour all-inclusivity. Let’s see. But also, in the more genteel Playa de Muro, both La Dorada and the Esperanza have dropped the all-inclusive offer. Good for local businesses, especially as Grupo Boulevard’s glass edifice comes closer to opening - Dakota Tex-Mex, Gran Cafe and all.
And now for something completely different ... You don’t get too much that is different here. A bar is a bar is a bar, and Elvis impersonator is .... (fill in the rest). So a different form of evening entertainment - in Puerto Alcúdia - is to be noted. Abranaxus opened some two to three months back. It’s run by a chap called Felipe. It’s a bar, but the difference is that he does magic shows. He showed me some card tricks today. No way could I say how he did them. He has this small show area, with a camera showing his hands onto a screen. It’s a good idea. I hope he does well.
Index for January 2007
Awards of 2006 - 1 January 2007
Climate change - 11 January 2007
Cycling - 13 January 2007
Environment - 11 January 2007
“Euro Weekly” - 4 January 2007
Leapy Lee - 4 January 2007
Palma Airport - 4 January 2007
Posters - 4 January 2007
Racism - 4 January 2007
Roads - 23 January 2007
S’Albufera - 23 January 2007
Speed traps - 13 January 2007
Three Kings - 6 January 2007
Tourism economics - 4 January 2007
Weather - 13 January 2007, 23 January 2007
All-inclusives ... chastened perhaps by the all-day and all-night drunkenness, shitting in the pools and whatever, the Mac hotels in Puerto Alcúdia have dropped the 24-hour all-inclusivity. Let’s see. But also, in the more genteel Playa de Muro, both La Dorada and the Esperanza have dropped the all-inclusive offer. Good for local businesses, especially as Grupo Boulevard’s glass edifice comes closer to opening - Dakota Tex-Mex, Gran Cafe and all.
And now for something completely different ... You don’t get too much that is different here. A bar is a bar is a bar, and Elvis impersonator is .... (fill in the rest). So a different form of evening entertainment - in Puerto Alcúdia - is to be noted. Abranaxus opened some two to three months back. It’s run by a chap called Felipe. It’s a bar, but the difference is that he does magic shows. He showed me some card tricks today. No way could I say how he did them. He has this small show area, with a camera showing his hands onto a screen. It’s a good idea. I hope he does well.
Index for January 2007
Awards of 2006 - 1 January 2007
Climate change - 11 January 2007
Cycling - 13 January 2007
Environment - 11 January 2007
“Euro Weekly” - 4 January 2007
Leapy Lee - 4 January 2007
Palma Airport - 4 January 2007
Posters - 4 January 2007
Racism - 4 January 2007
Roads - 23 January 2007
S’Albufera - 23 January 2007
Speed traps - 13 January 2007
Three Kings - 6 January 2007
Tourism economics - 4 January 2007
Weather - 13 January 2007, 23 January 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
S’Albufera
I live opposite the S’Albufera nature reserve. For those who don’t know, this is the vast area of protected wetlands that lies largely in Playa de Muro but which extends inland to the northern-most part of Sa Pobla. Albufera is home to all manner of flora and fauna; the other morning there was a right noise - it was the water buffalo. Someone I know who works here says there are no buffalo. There certainly are. As there are also all manner of migratory birds, some of which form huge swoops of song and flapping.
Albufera has been dogged with some controversy. A while ago I mentioned that a report had criticised the lack of technical staff, upkeep and a director. Well, there is now a director who has just reported that more than 100,000 people visited the park during 2006.
I don’t know if that’s good or not, albeit the figure is up some 35% apparently. Unsurprisingly, the peak periods for visitors are spring and autumn. In summer, the numbers are less. Too hot. That’s one reason. The other? Too little interest. Sorry, but your average summer tourist ain’t gonna go wandering over in Albufera when he can be soaking up the sun by the pool. Shame, but there you go.
Some other stuff ... The resurfacing of the Carretera Arta in Puerto Alcúdia and Playa de Muro goes on apace - finally!!! And the weather note: after all the glorious weather (ever since Christmas Day), it looks like it’s collapsing. Quite a bit colder. Hey ho, maybe it’s the usual end-of-January weather belly-up.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Clippety-clop, some cyclists shop
Ah yea, they’re back. Cyclists. Great pelotons of Germans aping Jan Ullrich or Erik Zabel. Clip-clop, clip-clop; the supermarkets are alive with the sound of cycling foot furniture - a Holy Grail of horse-hoof coconut-shell karaoke heading for the bananas and the Ritter Sport*.
And shouting. Yes, shouting. On the roads. Shouting. They must have got it from the Mallorcans.
“Achtung, Horst, hier kommt ein grosser Lastwagen. Achtung ... AARRGHH.”
Well, that’s not quite how it happens, but you probably get the picture; three-abreast cyclists, one dirty great lorry, one dirty great lorry’s horn. More shouting. “Arschloch, Arschloch.”
And what do you know, the cycling season has barely even begun. Oh to be in Mallorca now that the cycling spring has Vorsprung durch Rad-Technik.
Not that any infringements of two-wheel road usage are likely to be stamped on by Trafico, especially not at present as they seem to be conducting some form of work-to-rule. All about pay apparently. And this also at a time when new set speed traps are to be introduced on main roads from Palma - one such road being that to Inca, which presumably means the motorway. The deal with the speed traps is that they are to be placed at particularly bad black spots. Five of them.
Fifty, maybe. Five hundred even. Five? Make a well-known phrase or saying involving the following words: wind, the, in, plus the gerund form of the verb to piss.
Mind you, bloody marvellous weather for cycling. Marvellous weather - pretty much - for lying on the beach. Staggeringly good at the moment. It won’t last, I’m telling you, it won’t last. Come the end of the month. Just like the last two years.
* As a footnote, one of the German slogans for Ritter Sport is “Quadratisch. Praktisch. Gut.” Literally - square-shaped, practical, good. Surely only the Germans could come up with a promotion for a chocolate that stresses functionality.
And shouting. Yes, shouting. On the roads. Shouting. They must have got it from the Mallorcans.
“Achtung, Horst, hier kommt ein grosser Lastwagen. Achtung ... AARRGHH.”
Well, that’s not quite how it happens, but you probably get the picture; three-abreast cyclists, one dirty great lorry, one dirty great lorry’s horn. More shouting. “Arschloch, Arschloch.”
And what do you know, the cycling season has barely even begun. Oh to be in Mallorca now that the cycling spring has Vorsprung durch Rad-Technik.
Not that any infringements of two-wheel road usage are likely to be stamped on by Trafico, especially not at present as they seem to be conducting some form of work-to-rule. All about pay apparently. And this also at a time when new set speed traps are to be introduced on main roads from Palma - one such road being that to Inca, which presumably means the motorway. The deal with the speed traps is that they are to be placed at particularly bad black spots. Five of them.
Fifty, maybe. Five hundred even. Five? Make a well-known phrase or saying involving the following words: wind, the, in, plus the gerund form of the verb to piss.
Mind you, bloody marvellous weather for cycling. Marvellous weather - pretty much - for lying on the beach. Staggeringly good at the moment. It won’t last, I’m telling you, it won’t last. Come the end of the month. Just like the last two years.
* As a footnote, one of the German slogans for Ritter Sport is “Quadratisch. Praktisch. Gut.” Literally - square-shaped, practical, good. Surely only the Germans could come up with a promotion for a chocolate that stresses functionality.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
“If You Can’t Stand The Heat ...”
“It was hotter than Hooker in Heater today, and hotter than Heater in Hellmouth, where the high was a hundred and thirty-three degrees.”
You, what?
The above comes from a weather-report spoof on the long-ago album “Everything You Know Is Wrong” by the American comedy troupe The Firesign Theatre. It just came to mind as I mulled over the prospects of Skegness becoming the new Magaluf and the Med becoming too hot for tourism.
More dire environmental prophesying.
Back in early November (entries of 2 and 6 November to be precise), I picked up on the Stern Report and its warnings regarding climate change. I spoke of the dangers of rising sea levels affecting unprotected coastlines here, such as in Playa de Muro. Now we have another warning - this one from the European Commission. This latest report predicts that - during this century - the Med will become “unbearably hot”, so much so that people will no longer flock to the beaches, as they will be able to enjoy Mediterranean conditions in ... well, Skeggy.
It’s long been said that an impact of global warming will be to make Britain and northern Europe that much warmer. The question no longer seems to be if but when. The problem with climate-change predictions is that their actualisations are too far off. “Oh, it’ll be all right, something’s bound to turn up.” That seems to be the reaction of many. But what if nothing does turn up? What if this warming kicks in that much earlier? What if, say, in ten, twenty years time, Mallorca is regularly notching up 40+ degrees in summer, the point at which the heat not only becomes intolerable, it becomes downright dangerous?
What is that about a goose and golden eggs? The airline industry and its partners the tour operators will have helped to have created an irreversible change (not that they are the only ones who should carry the can). But they will have contributed - largely unwittingly until relatively recently - and then they will find that there is no demand for Mediterranean holidays. Too damned hot. They will leave behind wastelands - decaying hotels, derelict bars, destroyed economies, deserted villas.
Whither Mallorca in such a scenario?
The seas will come again and reclaim the coastal plains, rendering what land remains worthless, subject as it will be to ever more encroachment and erosion; as worthless as it was considered until only the last sixty years or so. All the greed and prosperity will be washed away. People will return to the hinterland to pick over what is left of a shattered economic model that saw tourism as its wealth-creator, its greed-creator and finally its destroyer.
Have a nice holiday this year.
You, what?
The above comes from a weather-report spoof on the long-ago album “Everything You Know Is Wrong” by the American comedy troupe The Firesign Theatre. It just came to mind as I mulled over the prospects of Skegness becoming the new Magaluf and the Med becoming too hot for tourism.
More dire environmental prophesying.
Back in early November (entries of 2 and 6 November to be precise), I picked up on the Stern Report and its warnings regarding climate change. I spoke of the dangers of rising sea levels affecting unprotected coastlines here, such as in Playa de Muro. Now we have another warning - this one from the European Commission. This latest report predicts that - during this century - the Med will become “unbearably hot”, so much so that people will no longer flock to the beaches, as they will be able to enjoy Mediterranean conditions in ... well, Skeggy.
It’s long been said that an impact of global warming will be to make Britain and northern Europe that much warmer. The question no longer seems to be if but when. The problem with climate-change predictions is that their actualisations are too far off. “Oh, it’ll be all right, something’s bound to turn up.” That seems to be the reaction of many. But what if nothing does turn up? What if this warming kicks in that much earlier? What if, say, in ten, twenty years time, Mallorca is regularly notching up 40+ degrees in summer, the point at which the heat not only becomes intolerable, it becomes downright dangerous?
What is that about a goose and golden eggs? The airline industry and its partners the tour operators will have helped to have created an irreversible change (not that they are the only ones who should carry the can). But they will have contributed - largely unwittingly until relatively recently - and then they will find that there is no demand for Mediterranean holidays. Too damned hot. They will leave behind wastelands - decaying hotels, derelict bars, destroyed economies, deserted villas.
Whither Mallorca in such a scenario?
The seas will come again and reclaim the coastal plains, rendering what land remains worthless, subject as it will be to ever more encroachment and erosion; as worthless as it was considered until only the last sixty years or so. All the greed and prosperity will be washed away. People will return to the hinterland to pick over what is left of a shattered economic model that saw tourism as its wealth-creator, its greed-creator and finally its destroyer.
Have a nice holiday this year.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Three Kings
Today is Three Kings or Epiphany if you prefer. Yesterday evening there were celebrations across the island, the “Kings” arriving, e.g. by boat into the port of Alcúdia (always perishing down on the pier waiting for them - no different this year). But just what is the deal with the Kings?
The deal is thus: 6 January is the day designated as the one when “los reyes” (the kings) or “los tres reyes magos” (the three magi, aka wise men) arrived, having followed the star, and offered gifts to the baby Jesus. In terms of local tradition, kids put out their shoes (and or stockings) overnight of 5 January; this is the equivalent of Santa here, with present-giving taking place on the 6th.
So much for the background. As often with this blog, there’s an angle, a coincidental angle. Why does so much here hang on coincidence? Discuss.
Anyway, yesterday I was loading the car with stuff from the Eroski Syp supermarket. As I was doing so, someone said “hello”. Who he, thought I. Smartly dressed - tie and hat - English, in his sixties with a wife shaped like and sounding not unlike Janine Duvitski (of - inter alia - “The Worst Week of My Life” fame). No idea who they were. Just said hello, and engaged me in conversation. Staying at the Estrella - till May. That’s a long stretch, said I. The response was not what I expected. It was a non sequitur. “We are Christians. Gideons.” Then something about the difficulties relating to the siesta break and people’s occupation with work. “Er?”, I thought.
Despite having been alerted by the “we are Christians” gambit, and being a civil sort, I asked if they would be going to watch the Kings’ procession. Possibly. And then some more of the unexpected. The Kings aren’t named in the Scriptures. In the Book of Daniel there is reference - fairly accurate in historical terms (allegedly), but no names - or so they said.
And yet, though I didn’t wish to enter a debate on the subject, I had always thought their names were known - Gaspar, Melchior and Balthasar. But then I don’t really do religion.
Well, they were really very nice people, and I wished them a happy new year, and then as a parting gift I was given ... a copy of The New Testament and Psalms. What can I say? Well, it is the time for gift-giving.
Happy Kings.
And just to make a weather note: beautifully clear blue skies - distinctly chilly at night but warm by day. Typical for this time of year, if the last two years are anything to go by.
The deal is thus: 6 January is the day designated as the one when “los reyes” (the kings) or “los tres reyes magos” (the three magi, aka wise men) arrived, having followed the star, and offered gifts to the baby Jesus. In terms of local tradition, kids put out their shoes (and or stockings) overnight of 5 January; this is the equivalent of Santa here, with present-giving taking place on the 6th.
So much for the background. As often with this blog, there’s an angle, a coincidental angle. Why does so much here hang on coincidence? Discuss.
Anyway, yesterday I was loading the car with stuff from the Eroski Syp supermarket. As I was doing so, someone said “hello”. Who he, thought I. Smartly dressed - tie and hat - English, in his sixties with a wife shaped like and sounding not unlike Janine Duvitski (of - inter alia - “The Worst Week of My Life” fame). No idea who they were. Just said hello, and engaged me in conversation. Staying at the Estrella - till May. That’s a long stretch, said I. The response was not what I expected. It was a non sequitur. “We are Christians. Gideons.” Then something about the difficulties relating to the siesta break and people’s occupation with work. “Er?”, I thought.
Despite having been alerted by the “we are Christians” gambit, and being a civil sort, I asked if they would be going to watch the Kings’ procession. Possibly. And then some more of the unexpected. The Kings aren’t named in the Scriptures. In the Book of Daniel there is reference - fairly accurate in historical terms (allegedly), but no names - or so they said.
And yet, though I didn’t wish to enter a debate on the subject, I had always thought their names were known - Gaspar, Melchior and Balthasar. But then I don’t really do religion.
Well, they were really very nice people, and I wished them a happy new year, and then as a parting gift I was given ... a copy of The New Testament and Psalms. What can I say? Well, it is the time for gift-giving.
Happy Kings.
And just to make a weather note: beautifully clear blue skies - distinctly chilly at night but warm by day. Typical for this time of year, if the last two years are anything to go by.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Lies, Damned Lies And Statistics
Never let it be said that I cannot offer praise where it is due. Having granted “Euro Weekly” the honour of the lousy journalism award for its one-time front-page story, the latest issue redeems the paper somewhat. The headline is:
“Holiday record claim is an ‘insult’ to traders”.
This refers to the announcement of the 12.2 million people that came the Balearics way during the first eleven months of 2006. Quoting an albeit unnamed bar owner in the south of the island, the article says that the figures are being used to mask the “shortcomings” of the government. It doesn’t actually say what those shortcomings are, but one gets the point. Pertinently, the fact that Spanish tourism was up by nearly 23%, while British tourism had gone up a mere percentage point tells us a lot. The bar owner says: “Unfortunately tribes of Spanish pensioners do not put money into the till.” How right he is, and not necessarily only the pensioners, though they are an under-spending phenomenon. There is one bar in Alcúdia where they tell them to piss off for the simple reason that they clutter the bar up, spend next to nothing and expect, nay demand, freebies like crisps and olives.
The bar owner goes on: “Anyone can read what they want into figures.” Well, amen to that; I was saying as much during 2006. The emphasis of the feature then shifts to winter tourism. Magaluf is described as a “ghost town” in winter and a cut-price, all-inclusive area during summer”. Sounds familiar. It could also be said of Alcúdia. Warming to his theme, he continues: “we need quantity but we also need quality”. Where have I heard that before? Yes, right here - on this blog.
So, in a nutshell, the article savages the complacency of Sr. Flaquer and his numbers-game, calls for an alternative to all-inclusives and for more winter tourism. Couldn’t really have put it better myself. The only thing is: why is the bar owner not named?
But elsewhere in the paper, we get - on facing pages - not just one columnist of the year as voted for (apparently) by readers but two, namely someone using the moniker Boadicea and our old favourite Leapy Lee. Well, I admit I don’t pay that much attention to the paper, but how many other columnists are there? And what, in all truth, does a one-hit wonder like the Leapster do to deserve this title? Rants on about (favourably) the somewhat summary nature of justice in Saudi Arabia in decrying the procrastination of the British legal system. Strewth.
More interestingly, there is mention of the development of the terminal at the airport which should see less congestion and less of a trek for passengers, especially those travelling with low-cost airlines who, at present, face a long walk to baggage reclaim and the exit. The work is set to be completed by the end of 2009.
Also, there is a thing about an allegedly “racist” poster that has appeared around the island. The poster reads: “Productes de Mallorca: Els mallorquins són els millors”. This translates as - “Mallorcan produce (or also products). The Mallorcans are the best.” Now, you could read this as claiming that the Mallorcan people are the best, but that is not what is being said. It is the products that are the best. Whether one agrees with that is largely beside the point. But people seem to have got themselves into an almighty lather over nothing. Once more quoting an unnamed source (a resident of Puerto Pollensa who wished not to be named - why?), the article bangs on about the offensiveness of the posters and multi-culturalism versus nationalism, blah, blah. A load of noise about nothing. Forget it.
“Holiday record claim is an ‘insult’ to traders”.
This refers to the announcement of the 12.2 million people that came the Balearics way during the first eleven months of 2006. Quoting an albeit unnamed bar owner in the south of the island, the article says that the figures are being used to mask the “shortcomings” of the government. It doesn’t actually say what those shortcomings are, but one gets the point. Pertinently, the fact that Spanish tourism was up by nearly 23%, while British tourism had gone up a mere percentage point tells us a lot. The bar owner says: “Unfortunately tribes of Spanish pensioners do not put money into the till.” How right he is, and not necessarily only the pensioners, though they are an under-spending phenomenon. There is one bar in Alcúdia where they tell them to piss off for the simple reason that they clutter the bar up, spend next to nothing and expect, nay demand, freebies like crisps and olives.
The bar owner goes on: “Anyone can read what they want into figures.” Well, amen to that; I was saying as much during 2006. The emphasis of the feature then shifts to winter tourism. Magaluf is described as a “ghost town” in winter and a cut-price, all-inclusive area during summer”. Sounds familiar. It could also be said of Alcúdia. Warming to his theme, he continues: “we need quantity but we also need quality”. Where have I heard that before? Yes, right here - on this blog.
So, in a nutshell, the article savages the complacency of Sr. Flaquer and his numbers-game, calls for an alternative to all-inclusives and for more winter tourism. Couldn’t really have put it better myself. The only thing is: why is the bar owner not named?
But elsewhere in the paper, we get - on facing pages - not just one columnist of the year as voted for (apparently) by readers but two, namely someone using the moniker Boadicea and our old favourite Leapy Lee. Well, I admit I don’t pay that much attention to the paper, but how many other columnists are there? And what, in all truth, does a one-hit wonder like the Leapster do to deserve this title? Rants on about (favourably) the somewhat summary nature of justice in Saudi Arabia in decrying the procrastination of the British legal system. Strewth.
More interestingly, there is mention of the development of the terminal at the airport which should see less congestion and less of a trek for passengers, especially those travelling with low-cost airlines who, at present, face a long walk to baggage reclaim and the exit. The work is set to be completed by the end of 2009.
Also, there is a thing about an allegedly “racist” poster that has appeared around the island. The poster reads: “Productes de Mallorca: Els mallorquins són els millors”. This translates as - “Mallorcan produce (or also products). The Mallorcans are the best.” Now, you could read this as claiming that the Mallorcan people are the best, but that is not what is being said. It is the products that are the best. Whether one agrees with that is largely beside the point. But people seem to have got themselves into an almighty lather over nothing. Once more quoting an unnamed source (a resident of Puerto Pollensa who wished not to be named - why?), the article bangs on about the offensiveness of the posters and multi-culturalism versus nationalism, blah, blah. A load of noise about nothing. Forget it.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Awards Of 2006
And so here they are - The AlcúdiaPollensaBlogspot Annual Awards. After the first two, things take a turn for the worse...
The Best New Idea Of The Year: The nautical and sepia fairs in Puerto Alcúdia. (report of 1 April)
BAR/RESTAURANT AWARDS
The Best New Bar Of The Year: JK’s in Puerto Pollensa.
The Worst Publicity For A Bar Award: Lineker’s in Puerto Alcúdia
Lineker’s Bar takes its name not so much from Gary but from his brother Wayne, though the connection with Gary has surely been fundamental to the development of the “brand”. Wayne has been a bit of a naughty boy, 200 grands’ worth of a naughty boy in fact. 200 grands’ worth of undeclared wads in suitcases of a naughty boy to be precise. And now he’s serving a term. (25 April)
The Most Shortlived Appropriately Named Chef Award: Oliver at Oliver’s
Olivers in Puerto Pollensa - has lost its Oliver. I’ll not go into the reasons, at least those that have been reported to me. But it’s knackered my line about the serendipity of there actually being a chef called Oliver. Not anymore there ain’t. Oops. (2 June; the restaurant had opened on 1 May)
LOCAL MEDIA AWARDS
The Daily Bulletin Award For Historical Inaccuracy: Discussing Christopher Columbus’s origins,
“The Bulletin” gave us this:
“Theories include claims that Columbus ... was born in Genoa, Italy in 1491.” Quite a feat for a one-year-old to have then discovered America. It also says: “What we do know, however, is that on May 20, 1606, he died in Valladolid”. Right place, wrong century. It was 1506, and he was 57 at the time. Oh dear, let’s just put it down to typos. (14 January)
The Lousy Journalism Of The Year Award: Euro Weekly
This is the front-page headline of the current “Euro Weekly” - “Clean Up Or Clear Out”. All very striking. What’s the story? Well it’s about dogs fouling pavements, especially the one at the back of the beach in Puerto Alcúdia. Fine, except that the whole “big story” is based on one lady and her family’s experience. Not even someone well-known, just a regular, ordinary tourist. From this, the paper conjures up a front-page story. Staggering. (30 September and also 9 November)
MUSIC AND ENTERTAINMENT AWARDS
The Special Bryan Adams Award For Murdering What Was Already Lousy Music: Ecuadorean pipe players
So next time I’m trying to avoid a market and I hear the strains of canned Ecuadorean “Everything I Do ...” piping its way across a hot square, I will take one of the offending pipes and oblige by indeed doing it for them and placing it in a part of the anatomy perfectly moulded and sculpted to accept a pipe. (27 May)
The Naff Entertainment Award Of The Year: Elvis impersonators
Elvis became a fat, bloated cabaret artist; a drug-addled, burger-addicted, fat, bloated cabaret artist. And that was how he died. Why is he so impersonated? Sometimes for affection, and I apologise to fans who might disagree with my appraisal, but often because parodies are so easy to impersonate. Why, for instance, could so many people in the ‘60s and ‘70s impersonate Harold Wilson? Because they liked him? No. Because Mike Yarwood took the piss so effectively. (3 October)
TOURISM AWARDS
The First Choice Contribution To Local Culture Award: Rep at a Puerto Pollensa hotel
Rep: “What’s this photo of?”
Me: The Calvari steps.
Rep: And this?
Me. The pinewalk, here in Puerto Pollensa.
Rep: Oh, yes I must go there some time.
How long has she been here? Two months. How close is the pinewalk to the hotel in question? Three minutes at a stretch. (19 June)
The Most Contentious Issue Of The Year Award: All-inclusives
There is no doubt that the AI attracts - in part - a low-rent market. We’ve heard enough of fighting and bad behaviour, of drunkenness, of kids hyper on Coke overdoses to know that such low rent exists. But it is not the whole truth. Far from it. There are plenty of people who opt for the AI for sound reasons. Some of them would rather go for something else, but the advantages are clear. (20 July)
The Greatest Aid To Father-Child Bonding While On Holiday: The baby buggy
A side effect of this buggy-based mass tourism is that fathers have discovered a whole new way of bonding with their small offspring. They bond through the medium of plastic and aluminium. (2 June)
The Find Some Totty To Promote Mallorca Award: Anna Kournikova
The ITB travel fair has been showcasing the Balearics and a certain Ms Anna Kournikova who - it would appear - is now the face of the Balearics. Why an average Russian female tennis-player, God knows. ... At the ITB, Mallorca has been working hard to promote itself as a place for active holidays (golf and tennis) and for cultural, gastronomic and leisure tourism. All well and good, but what about the low-grade tourism stuff? Does Anna Kournikova pitch up at an all-inclusive and get bladdered? I very much doubt it. (10 March)
The Sculpture Of A Tattooed Tourist Award For A Tourist With Poor Taste: Trev 69
Puerto Alcúdia. Bloke. T-shirt says “Trev” “69”.
There are several words that spring to mind, but there’s one in particular. Six letters, begins with T and ends with R, and it’s not Trevor. (21 May)
OTHER AWARDS
The Destruction Of The English Language Without Any Apparent Attempt At Irony Award: Taylor Woodrow
Taylor Woodrow. A well-known name in the construction industry. They are building on what was the Garbi hole in Puerto Pollensa. They have a slogan, an ungrammatical slogan. It is: “We build in Spain since 1958”. (8 September)
The Most Curious Environmentally Correct Award: “We need the sand”; Playa de Muro’s environmental protection
The notice informing us of this ends with a further request, namely that when people leave the beach could they kindly dust all the sand off themselves and their belongings, as the sand is needed. Strange thing to ask. How much sand can one person carry away with him or her? But that’s ecological sensitivity for you. (11 August)
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Happy New Year
Yes indeed, a very happy new year to all - all working and living here and of course who will be visiting in 2007.
Coming up over the next day or so, when I’ve sobered up, the annual awards of the year. Not to be missed.
Nothing much to say other than cheers, and have a good one, but here are two little gems that I noticed over the couple of days.
On tattoos - a must (it would seem) for most who visit Alcúdia and increasingly Pollensa - Philip Howard in “The Times”, responding to a question in his “Modern Times” column. “I think they (tattoos) display vanity and epidermal infantilism.” Don’t ask me to translate.
And then there’s the always wonderful Jeremy Clarkson. In “The Sunday Times”, reflecting on Tony Blair’s stay with Robin Gibb and people’s choice of a holiday destination: “Anyone who goes to France votes Conservative. Anyone who goes to Italy votes Labour, and anyone who goes to Spain has, at some point in the recent past, held up a post office.
Love it.
Lucky grapes, and have a belting new year.
Index for December 2006
6-0-6 - 13 December 2006
Air tax - 7 December 2006
Alcúdia - 19 December 2006
Alcúdia Auditorium - 29 December 2006
Andratx - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006, 19 December 2006, 30 December 2006
Ayers, Kevin - 29 December 2006
BBC - 13 December 2006
Bougainvillaea - 9 December 2006
Carretera Arta - 6 December 2006
Cats - 9 December 2006
Christmas - 23 December 2006, 26 December 2006
Corruption - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006, 19 December 2006, 30 December 2006
ESRA - 23 December 2006
Expats - 13 December 2006, 23 December 2006
Five Live - 13 December 2006
Football - 13 December 2006
Giants - 19 December 2006
Guardia Civil - 3 December 2006
Hidalgo, Eugenio - 3 December 2006
Holidays - 6 December 2006
Hotels - 9 December 2006
Iberostar Albufera Park - 9 December 2006
Internet - 13 December 2006
Language - 13 December 2006
Magaluf - 23 December 2006
Matas, Jaume - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006
Motorway - 21 December 2006, 23 December 2006
New Year - 29 December 2006, 31 December 2006
Palma Airport - 21 December 2006, 30 December 2006
Pane y Vino - 6 December 2006
Pizzeria - 6 December 2006
Playa de Muro - 9 December 2006
Policlinica Miramar - 9 December 2006
Political parties - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006
Radio - 13 December 2006
Radio London - 13 December 2006
Road accidents - 21 December 2006, 23 December 2006
Roads - 6 December 2006, 21 December 2006
Rodriguez, Jose María - 30 December 2006
Service - 9 December 2006
Supermarkets - 23 December 2006
Tattoos - 31 December 2006
Tourism economics - 21 December 2006, 30 December 2006
Traditions - 19 December 2006
Via Cintura - 21 December 2006
Weather - 6 December 2006, 7 December 2006, 19 December 2006, 21 December 2006, 23 December 2006, 26 December 2006, 29 December 2006
Coming up over the next day or so, when I’ve sobered up, the annual awards of the year. Not to be missed.
Nothing much to say other than cheers, and have a good one, but here are two little gems that I noticed over the couple of days.
On tattoos - a must (it would seem) for most who visit Alcúdia and increasingly Pollensa - Philip Howard in “The Times”, responding to a question in his “Modern Times” column. “I think they (tattoos) display vanity and epidermal infantilism.” Don’t ask me to translate.
And then there’s the always wonderful Jeremy Clarkson. In “The Sunday Times”, reflecting on Tony Blair’s stay with Robin Gibb and people’s choice of a holiday destination: “Anyone who goes to France votes Conservative. Anyone who goes to Italy votes Labour, and anyone who goes to Spain has, at some point in the recent past, held up a post office.
Love it.
Lucky grapes, and have a belting new year.
Index for December 2006
6-0-6 - 13 December 2006
Air tax - 7 December 2006
Alcúdia - 19 December 2006
Alcúdia Auditorium - 29 December 2006
Andratx - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006, 19 December 2006, 30 December 2006
Ayers, Kevin - 29 December 2006
BBC - 13 December 2006
Bougainvillaea - 9 December 2006
Carretera Arta - 6 December 2006
Cats - 9 December 2006
Christmas - 23 December 2006, 26 December 2006
Corruption - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006, 19 December 2006, 30 December 2006
ESRA - 23 December 2006
Expats - 13 December 2006, 23 December 2006
Five Live - 13 December 2006
Football - 13 December 2006
Giants - 19 December 2006
Guardia Civil - 3 December 2006
Hidalgo, Eugenio - 3 December 2006
Holidays - 6 December 2006
Hotels - 9 December 2006
Iberostar Albufera Park - 9 December 2006
Internet - 13 December 2006
Language - 13 December 2006
Magaluf - 23 December 2006
Matas, Jaume - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006
Motorway - 21 December 2006, 23 December 2006
New Year - 29 December 2006, 31 December 2006
Palma Airport - 21 December 2006, 30 December 2006
Pane y Vino - 6 December 2006
Pizzeria - 6 December 2006
Playa de Muro - 9 December 2006
Policlinica Miramar - 9 December 2006
Political parties - 3 December 2006, 6 December 2006
Radio - 13 December 2006
Radio London - 13 December 2006
Road accidents - 21 December 2006, 23 December 2006
Roads - 6 December 2006, 21 December 2006
Rodriguez, Jose María - 30 December 2006
Service - 9 December 2006
Supermarkets - 23 December 2006
Tattoos - 31 December 2006
Tourism economics - 21 December 2006, 30 December 2006
Traditions - 19 December 2006
Via Cintura - 21 December 2006
Weather - 6 December 2006, 7 December 2006, 19 December 2006, 21 December 2006, 23 December 2006, 26 December 2006, 29 December 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Panto And Pants Down
The panto season is upon us. Yes, even in Mallorca. And they flocked to the parliament building yesterday to see this year’s smash hit farce. Slapstick humour at its finest as Jose María Rodriguez, challenged to deny he had tipped off the Andratx mayor, repeatedly said he didn’t do it. “Oh yes, you did,” kept coming the opposition’s riposte.
But presumably the trio accused of having their pants down (bribery and money laundering) were not there, nor was Captain Hook, the PP’s leader Jaume Matas, who was accused by the socialists of making Rodriguez a scapegoat. “BEHIND YOU, HE’S BEHIND YOU!”
Anyway, while we wonder if they’ll all live happily ever after, good news on the tourism front. Confirming this year’s record number of visitors, tourism boss Joan Flaquer has announced that 12,272,323 tourists came to the Balearics this year during January and November. Hats off for such precision counting! And that number represents a 7.4% increase over the same period last year.
Of this 12million+ figure, only half a million did not arrive by air. This wholly unremarkable bit of info clearly impressed “The Bulletin” who captioned a shot of people at an airport (Palma’s, one presumes) with this: “Most tourists visiting the Balearics prefer to arrive by air”. Brilliant.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Kevin Ayers
New year is nearly upon us. Always more of a gig than Christmas round these parts. You can check out times and stuff on the sister blog for What’s On (in the menu). Apart from the midnight craics in Alcúdia and Pollensa on the night of the 31st, there is something happening on the 30th which for any ageing hippy who might be reading this will bring back memories.
Kevin Ayers. Remember him. Yes, the Kevin Ayers, a survivor of psychedelia, one who begat The Soft Machine and was a contemporary of the likes of Syd Barrett. To be honest, I didn’t think he had survived, but he has, and he’s playing the Auditorium in Alcúdia. God knows what he’ll be like now. He did have his moments way back then, most of them not with The Soft Machine who were one of the most unlistenable-to and boring acts of the early prog-rock genre. But here he is, still doing his stuff, and in Alcúdia of all places. And if you’re really interested, visit www.kevin-ayers.com.
Weather note: all that rain meant that some 211 litres per square metre dropped on Pollensa trhoughout December, 27% more than average. There, knew you’d appreciate that little stat.
Kevin Ayers. Remember him. Yes, the Kevin Ayers, a survivor of psychedelia, one who begat The Soft Machine and was a contemporary of the likes of Syd Barrett. To be honest, I didn’t think he had survived, but he has, and he’s playing the Auditorium in Alcúdia. God knows what he’ll be like now. He did have his moments way back then, most of them not with The Soft Machine who were one of the most unlistenable-to and boring acts of the early prog-rock genre. But here he is, still doing his stuff, and in Alcúdia of all places. And if you’re really interested, visit www.kevin-ayers.com.
Weather note: all that rain meant that some 211 litres per square metre dropped on Pollensa trhoughout December, 27% more than average. There, knew you’d appreciate that little stat.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Molt D’Anys!
The diabolical weather duly brought reports of the havoc that was wrought. The north did suffer more than most of the rest of the island, with many a basement flooded. My neighbour has a sizeable basement - or, in effect, an underground car park - which always captures a fair old amount of water, so there is a pumping system to clear it all out (and flood the road, as the drains can’t cope).
But the awful weather suddenly, miraculously almost, changed over the night of Christmas Eve. Christmas Day was just perfect. Clear blue skies and warm - a remarkable contrast that has continued today.
Boxing Day is a holiday here; it is actually the second day of Christmas. In keeping with, for example Germany, there are two days of Christmas. Accordingly, the general greeting - in Spanish - is “felices navidades” (“happy Christmases”) as opposed to the singular “feliz navidad”. Though if you’re doing the Catalan, you can get away with just one Christmas, as in “bon nadal”, though the most common greeting one hears is “molt d’anys” (which sounds liike molt dines). This means literally “much of the years”, and while it is used at other times, it is prevalent around Christmas.
And to show what a Mallorcan Boxing Day looks like, here’s a shot. Well, at least here’s a shot from the back of the Palace de Muro hotel, looking across the pier by the Esperanza towards Puerto Alcúdia that was taken this morning.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Happy Christmas
To everyone out there, a very merry Christmas, with a special greeting from the Alcudia "horse".
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Dreaming Of A Wet Christmas
Jeez, this weather is not getting any better. The wind coming in from the sea is that strong you can barely move against it. There was some nutter kitesurfing this afternoon. Thunder rumbles now and then, downpours are regular; driving is a nightmare. There was another motorway accident yesterday - three killed near to the Consell turning between Inca and Palma.
You might think that the lousy weather is what makes things so quiet at present. But not so. The last Saturday before Christmas. You might think the shops, especially the supermarkets would be packed. Not the case. At half ten this morning, the local Eroski Syp had about a dozen customers. Christmas just ain’t such a big deal, albeit that the supermarket had bowed to the seasonal plague of Christmas muzak - Bing Crosby’s “A White Christmas” and all.
A further reason for the quietness is that a lot of the Brits who live here decamp to Magaluf for the annual ESRA Christmas shindigs (if one can use such a word). ESRA is the English Speaking Residents’ Association, a worthy body in many respects, one that does good works and that helps those in need, but - personally - a Christmas (in Magaluf) with a bunch of expats; not my cup of tea, thank you.
You might think that the lousy weather is what makes things so quiet at present. But not so. The last Saturday before Christmas. You might think the shops, especially the supermarkets would be packed. Not the case. At half ten this morning, the local Eroski Syp had about a dozen customers. Christmas just ain’t such a big deal, albeit that the supermarket had bowed to the seasonal plague of Christmas muzak - Bing Crosby’s “A White Christmas” and all.
A further reason for the quietness is that a lot of the Brits who live here decamp to Magaluf for the annual ESRA Christmas shindigs (if one can use such a word). ESRA is the English Speaking Residents’ Association, a worthy body in many respects, one that does good works and that helps those in need, but - personally - a Christmas (in Magaluf) with a bunch of expats; not my cup of tea, thank you.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Black Thursday
I had an appointment in Palma at ten this morning. Had. Didn’t make it. I was in two minds anyway. The appalling weather was still at it - high winds and heavy rain - but I thought it might be brighter closer to Palma. It was - a bit. But then there was ... the gridlock. For the third time in the past ten days or so, much of the road system in Palma was at a stop. I should have known than to stick in a queue for half an hour before deciding to turn back (itself not that easy on the motorway here). That queue was to get onto the Via Cintura in the Andratx direction. Nothing doing. Nothing doing for a seriously long period of time.
I don’t know what the cause was. An accident almost certainly. No motorway is immune - anywhere. But there is much about the road system here that doesn’t help. Entry and exits taking the same slip road for instance; the closeness of entry slips to divisions in the road. That was the combination that was the seen of a recent accident, and you can see how easily it can happen. As you come to the end of the motorway from Inca before joining the Via Cintura, there is an entry slip, and just past it the road divides - one way to the airport and Palma centre, the other towards Andratx. If you’re not in the right-hand lane for Andratx, you have to cross, and hope to God that something’s not entering at speed from the slip.
The driving here may be manic, but the road system’s pretty lunatic, too. Result - BANG! Bang, and gridlock.
So, I thought I’d start these pieces wirh headlines instead. Hence, “Black Thursday”. Well, if the “Bulletin” can get away with its naff hyperbole so can I. There was another example today. “British Tourism Falls ....” Er yes, the number of passengers from Britain passing through the airport last month was down 8%. Big, bloody deal. And in the report that followed, there was a highly pertinent “however” that introduced the fact that the Balearics will be a popular destination over the forthcoming holiday period. Headline-grabbing. Well ok, but ...
Not that the Balearics will prove to be that popular with folk coming for Christmas if this weather doesn’t get its arse in gear. Truly dreadful.
I don’t know what the cause was. An accident almost certainly. No motorway is immune - anywhere. But there is much about the road system here that doesn’t help. Entry and exits taking the same slip road for instance; the closeness of entry slips to divisions in the road. That was the combination that was the seen of a recent accident, and you can see how easily it can happen. As you come to the end of the motorway from Inca before joining the Via Cintura, there is an entry slip, and just past it the road divides - one way to the airport and Palma centre, the other towards Andratx. If you’re not in the right-hand lane for Andratx, you have to cross, and hope to God that something’s not entering at speed from the slip.
The driving here may be manic, but the road system’s pretty lunatic, too. Result - BANG! Bang, and gridlock.
So, I thought I’d start these pieces wirh headlines instead. Hence, “Black Thursday”. Well, if the “Bulletin” can get away with its naff hyperbole so can I. There was another example today. “British Tourism Falls ....” Er yes, the number of passengers from Britain passing through the airport last month was down 8%. Big, bloody deal. And in the report that followed, there was a highly pertinent “however” that introduced the fact that the Balearics will be a popular destination over the forthcoming holiday period. Headline-grabbing. Well ok, but ...
Not that the Balearics will prove to be that popular with folk coming for Christmas if this weather doesn’t get its arse in gear. Truly dreadful.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
When Giants Dance
Traditions, traditions. Mallorca has its traditions. I’ve spoken of them in the past. We are entering a period of strong local tradition - the Kings, Nit Bruixa, Sant Sebastià. On Sunday, there was a little bit of revived tradition - in Alcúdia. The giants danced for the first time in many a year. The giants are to the town of Alcúdia what the beach is to the resort. They help to define the town. They stand in front of the town hall during the summer fiesta of Sant Jaume, and now they can dance once again, thanks to some nifty remodelling. And of course people go to see them dance, as they go to see the Kings arrive or go to be chased by the devils of Sant Antoni Eve.
What do we British have? I’ve said it before. Very little. Even something like Hallowe’en has been overtaken by the Americanisation of trick ‘n’ treat (albeit that some areas especially in the north of England have long had their own celebrations such as “mischievous night”). Somehow I couldn’t see the population of, say Basingstoke, pitching up to watch some dancing giants. Too sophisticated for that sort of malarkey.
The Andratx scandal rumbles on. One of the central characters - Jose María Rodriguez - has been forced to issue a denial that it was he who tipped off the mayor. But it also would seem that his phone was being tapped prior to the police intervention.
And weather ... Grey and greyer, at least in the north. The clouds are hanging permanently over the mountains, and it has been very, very wet these past two days. Yet this morning - in Palma - it was clear. One of the island’s oddities is that there can - on occasion - be a very distinct north-south divide weather-wise.
What do we British have? I’ve said it before. Very little. Even something like Hallowe’en has been overtaken by the Americanisation of trick ‘n’ treat (albeit that some areas especially in the north of England have long had their own celebrations such as “mischievous night”). Somehow I couldn’t see the population of, say Basingstoke, pitching up to watch some dancing giants. Too sophisticated for that sort of malarkey.
The Andratx scandal rumbles on. One of the central characters - Jose María Rodriguez - has been forced to issue a denial that it was he who tipped off the mayor. But it also would seem that his phone was being tapped prior to the police intervention.
And weather ... Grey and greyer, at least in the north. The clouds are hanging permanently over the mountains, and it has been very, very wet these past two days. Yet this morning - in Palma - it was clear. One of the island’s oddities is that there can - on occasion - be a very distinct north-south divide weather-wise.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
