Spain's government has faced some difficult issues this year, none more so than one beginning with C. But things could have been very much more difficult for the government (and for most of us), had there been an attack by zombies. The possibility of such an attack and the defence against it was raised in the Senate by one Carles Mulet of the Compromís party in Valencia.
Carles wanted to know what plans there were for a zombie apocalypse. The government wasn't able to provide a swift response. It needed, among other things, to consult the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy. According to the dictionary, zombies are "people who are supposed to be dead and are revived by the art of witchcraft in order to dominate their will". Given this definition, the government concluded that there was "doubtful probability of such a circumstance arising".
Carles wasn't overly impressed, but it seemed as if he hadn't really believed Spain was in imminent danger of a zombie attack. He was using it all as a metaphor. Hence: "The government has no plan of action for the zombie apocalypse. Its answer can be interpreted as meaning that the government itself is a zombie apocalypse, a human catastrophe brought about by stupefied and automaton people."
The relocation of Es Trenc
The Balearic government, meantime, was finally completing its legislation for the Es Trenc Nature Park. After many months of delay and endless arguments, the legislation was about to be published on the Official Bulletin when someone spotted an error in the nick of time.
This was just as well. Once on the Official Bulletin, things are official and it takes a lot to make them unofficial. In the case of the nature park, had the mistake not been noticed, Kenya and Ethiopia would now be able to boast having the park. The latitudes and longitudes for the park, as noted in the legislation, were wrong - by some several thousand kilometres.
Some might have in fact thought the park or at least Es Trenc beach had indeed been relocated. The promised chiringuitos, to replace the demolished ones, never appeared, while the sunloungers took an age to see the light of midsummer.
Hunt the tourist
There was a spot of anti-tourism agitation knocking around during the summer, but one of the last places that such sentiment might have been expected to have emerged was Esporles. It doesn't really have vast numbers of tourists. Still, this didn't prevent them coming up with a new game for their "jocs tradicionals" (traditional games) that are played during the summer fiestas.
This was "hunt the guiri", as in foreign tourist. It wasn't xenophobic, the organising committee insisted, just a spot of humour with an ironic touch that took "massification" and holiday rentals as its themes. No offence was meant and none was taken, probably because there weren't any tourists.
Kelvin MacKenzie
Even The Sun decided that enough was enough. Its one-time editor, Kelvin MacKenzie, was sacked because he compared footballer Ross Barkley to a gorilla. Shortly before this (it was something to do with Gibraltar) he had hoped the UK would say goodbye to all Spaniards living in the UK, that there would be a holiday boycott of Spain, that a special tax could be place on Rioja and that the state visit by King Felipe would be ruined. No sense of xenophobia there, then.
The CIA files
Declassified CIA files revealed that Joan March, Franco's banker, had been involved with the sale of Jewish assets. Michael Olian, who was a contrabandist like March, sold the assets of French Jews at reduced prices through an agreement with a Swiss bank in Madrid. Joan March was a beneficiary of this. The CIA had wanted to arrest March but was unable to as Spain was, in their words, "supposedly neutral" and because obstacles were placed in front of American intelligence by "our diplomats".
The files also pointed to Mallorca having been the focus for what in 1947 was felt might have been the imminent resurgence of the Nazi Party.
Josep Ferragut
Josep Ferragut's name crops up quite regularly nowadays, even though he died in 1968. He was the architect responsible, among other things, for the Gesa building in Palma and the Glass Church in Playa de Palma. In June there was a premiere at Bellver Castle for a documentary on his life and death.
Ferragut was a homosexual. He was bludgeoned to death by two men (supposedly rent boys) and his body left on the Bunyola road, a few kilometres from Palma. The two were arrested, held in custody and then released some eighteen months later. The case never went to court.
The truth about his murder will probably never be known. Was he murdered by two male prostitutes or had there been other motives? Ferragut was outspoken against corruption. His ethics frustrated building developments. He referred to "barbarities", such as ones in Puerto Pollensa. He had plenty of enemies.
Showing posts with label Zombies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zombies. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Sunday, April 23, 2017
Spain Has No Defence Against Zombies
Buried beneath all the news about the travails of the Balearic tourism minister and of the British ambassador spreading joy of a citizens' rights variety, there was news that THEY clearly wish to keep quiet. I don't wish to alarm you unduly but the Spanish government has admitted that it doesn't have a plan to deal with an invasion of zombies.
While it might be said that there are politicians stalking populations who fall into the category of the living dead - Bauzá, for example - there is a far greater and far more dangerous threat, and Madrid is doing nothing about it. For us to have become aware of this gross negligence, we have to thank Carles Mulet of the Compromís party in Valencia. Carles, it needs saying, does not have a mullet. He sports a more shorn affair and can't himself really be described as resembling a zombie, while his party is alive with various greens, Republican leftists - that sort of thing.
It may be the case that Valencia is at greater risk of a zombie attack than other parts of Spain (I honestly wouldn't know), but whatever the level of danger is, Carles has raised the matter in the Senate. What plans are there for a zombie apocalypse, he wished to know in a written question. The government was caught on the hop. Nevertheless, once it managed to respond, dealing with an apocalypse (in a general sense) appears to be easier than tackling one that specifically involves zombies. Bodies (sic) ranging from the state security forces to the Civil Protection volunteers are capable of handling an apocalypse because the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy says so.
No, that's not strictly true. The dictionary doesn't state this as such - it's not the job of a dictionary to go into the detail of security matters - but it does have definitions. One of these, a "catastrophic situation", is, says the government, something which the security forces can tackle. The other definition is rather more tricky. "The end of the world", implying as it does the end, is not something that the government can plan for. There would, it concludes, be little time to plan for it. Which, let's face it, isn't terribly reassuring.
When it comes to the specific threat posed by a zombie apocalypse, the government has also consulted the dictionary. "People who are supposed to be dead and are revived by the art of witchcraft in order to dominate their will," is more or less how the dictionary defines zombies. Given this definition, the government has concluded that it doesn't believe that such an eventuality is likely. There is "doubtful probability of such a circumstance arising".
This may be designed to allay citizens' fears (citizens in Valencia at any rate), but the response is surely not good enough. And Carles, for one, most certainly isn't prepared to give the government the benefit of the doubt. In fact, he's indignant at the lack of preparedness. "The government has no plan of action for the zombie apocalypse. Its answer can be interpreted as meaning that the government itself is a zombie apocalypse, a human catastrophe brought about by stupefied and automaton people."
Are the PP therefore themselves zombies? Worrying.
Just to add, in case you think that Carles is off his tree, he was being ironic (as was the government in its replies). The zombie issue was raised because Carles doesn't think much of the government's ability to respond to questions.
While it might be said that there are politicians stalking populations who fall into the category of the living dead - Bauzá, for example - there is a far greater and far more dangerous threat, and Madrid is doing nothing about it. For us to have become aware of this gross negligence, we have to thank Carles Mulet of the Compromís party in Valencia. Carles, it needs saying, does not have a mullet. He sports a more shorn affair and can't himself really be described as resembling a zombie, while his party is alive with various greens, Republican leftists - that sort of thing.
It may be the case that Valencia is at greater risk of a zombie attack than other parts of Spain (I honestly wouldn't know), but whatever the level of danger is, Carles has raised the matter in the Senate. What plans are there for a zombie apocalypse, he wished to know in a written question. The government was caught on the hop. Nevertheless, once it managed to respond, dealing with an apocalypse (in a general sense) appears to be easier than tackling one that specifically involves zombies. Bodies (sic) ranging from the state security forces to the Civil Protection volunteers are capable of handling an apocalypse because the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy says so.
No, that's not strictly true. The dictionary doesn't state this as such - it's not the job of a dictionary to go into the detail of security matters - but it does have definitions. One of these, a "catastrophic situation", is, says the government, something which the security forces can tackle. The other definition is rather more tricky. "The end of the world", implying as it does the end, is not something that the government can plan for. There would, it concludes, be little time to plan for it. Which, let's face it, isn't terribly reassuring.
When it comes to the specific threat posed by a zombie apocalypse, the government has also consulted the dictionary. "People who are supposed to be dead and are revived by the art of witchcraft in order to dominate their will," is more or less how the dictionary defines zombies. Given this definition, the government has concluded that it doesn't believe that such an eventuality is likely. There is "doubtful probability of such a circumstance arising".
This may be designed to allay citizens' fears (citizens in Valencia at any rate), but the response is surely not good enough. And Carles, for one, most certainly isn't prepared to give the government the benefit of the doubt. In fact, he's indignant at the lack of preparedness. "The government has no plan of action for the zombie apocalypse. Its answer can be interpreted as meaning that the government itself is a zombie apocalypse, a human catastrophe brought about by stupefied and automaton people."
Are the PP therefore themselves zombies? Worrying.
Just to add, in case you think that Carles is off his tree, he was being ironic (as was the government in its replies). The zombie issue was raised because Carles doesn't think much of the government's ability to respond to questions.
Friday, October 02, 2015
The Balearics Under Zombie Attack
I've no wish to alarm you unduly, but that bloke sitting next to you in the bar, can you be absolutely sure he isn't a zombie? There are zombie attacks every ten minutes, you know. Yes really.
Certain inhabitants of bars might give the impression of having gone into a zombie state, but the alarm being spread as regards zombies in our midst is probably exaggerated. I mean, someone who's taken onboard several gallons too many may have adopted the appearance of the undead, but generally speaking he won't have joined the ranks. On balance, it would be more likely that he was actually dead rather than in death no-man's land.
The every-ten-minutes-there's-a-zombie-attack alarm is of course all a publicity ruse. Partly, it is because of "The Walking Dead", but it is also because in Mallorca and the Balearics, normally sensible people are playing at being zombies. This is, I'm sorry to have to say, not a phenomenon confined to those who don't know better, i.e. children, but is in fact the pastime of grown-ups who really should do.
It is all a bit frightening, not that the zombies are frightening as such, but rather like there are those limping around labouring, in "me 'earty" fashion, under the misapprehension that they are Johnny Depp and so therefore pirates, there are also members of the adult class who seem to think they are zombies. The only upside of this, as far as I can see, is that piratical hegemony that has ruled for so long might be challenged. It's not much of a benefit, agreed, but one does have to try and look on the bright side and for some good out of all this zombie carrying-on.
When, do you suppose, will they open a zombie-themed hotel? Yes, I know, I know, but before you start saying low end of the all-inclusive market, the clientele in these cannot, in all truth, claim any zombie status. The thing with zombies, those who wish to carry the game to its logical conclusion that is, is that they can't drink alcohol. Or eat pizza. So I'm sorry, let's have no all-inclusive jibes, albeit I fancy that if and when they open the zombie-themed hotel, it would have to be all-inclusive. Let's face it, no self-respecting hotel, if this is the correct term, would wish a zombie clientele to be walking the streets of the resorts at any time of day or night: normally night, I fancy.
Now, you might think that they'd never do something as daft as have a zombie-themed hotel. Well I'm sorry, but they might well do. If they can have a zombie cruise ship, then they can certainly have a hotel as well. A zombie ship? Oh yes, indeed. It moored up in Ibiza just a short time ago. Not only that, the zombies took to the streets of San Antonio one dark morning before sun-up and were joined, with a payment of 29 euros per not-undead local, by indigenous Ibizan zombies. The town hall and the local police had gone along with the whole thing, and even informed the residents that they shouldn't be concerned by this zombie invasion.
It was all the idea of zombie enthusiasts who set up a WhatsApp group and who, at just short of 300 euros a pop, were able to catch the zombie ship from Valencia. And what an experience it was, especially for those who weren't zombies. Being confined to a ship on the open seas, there's no escape, and so they were never sure when a zombie might attack.
There are, it has to be said, cruises and then there are cruises. In the scheme of things a zombie cruise would not be the cruise of choice for the majority. Just as the Mein Schiff that has its heavy-metal clientele wouldn't be the preference of another majority. Eighteen-stone, tattoed Germans, head-banging and manically waving air guitars for twenty-four hours a day on a ship, sounds as close to hell as it can get, but not quite as hellish as zombies.
Or have I got this wrong? I think I may have. Why not zombies? Why not heavy-metal hairies with Megadeth t-shirts? It's all in the name of enjoyment after all, while Themes 'R' Us might be said to be the thematic slogan of contemporary tourism. And then, where zombies are concerned, Mallorca has some specific recent form in this regard. Films. In the summer the finishing touches to "Turbulencia zombi" by a Mallorcan director were made in the Palma area of Sant Jordi, and last September there were hordes of zombies being filmed at the likes of Cala Tuent for "Generation Z".
The zombies are here. So watch out. You never know when one might attack.
Certain inhabitants of bars might give the impression of having gone into a zombie state, but the alarm being spread as regards zombies in our midst is probably exaggerated. I mean, someone who's taken onboard several gallons too many may have adopted the appearance of the undead, but generally speaking he won't have joined the ranks. On balance, it would be more likely that he was actually dead rather than in death no-man's land.
The every-ten-minutes-there's-a-zombie-attack alarm is of course all a publicity ruse. Partly, it is because of "The Walking Dead", but it is also because in Mallorca and the Balearics, normally sensible people are playing at being zombies. This is, I'm sorry to have to say, not a phenomenon confined to those who don't know better, i.e. children, but is in fact the pastime of grown-ups who really should do.
It is all a bit frightening, not that the zombies are frightening as such, but rather like there are those limping around labouring, in "me 'earty" fashion, under the misapprehension that they are Johnny Depp and so therefore pirates, there are also members of the adult class who seem to think they are zombies. The only upside of this, as far as I can see, is that piratical hegemony that has ruled for so long might be challenged. It's not much of a benefit, agreed, but one does have to try and look on the bright side and for some good out of all this zombie carrying-on.
When, do you suppose, will they open a zombie-themed hotel? Yes, I know, I know, but before you start saying low end of the all-inclusive market, the clientele in these cannot, in all truth, claim any zombie status. The thing with zombies, those who wish to carry the game to its logical conclusion that is, is that they can't drink alcohol. Or eat pizza. So I'm sorry, let's have no all-inclusive jibes, albeit I fancy that if and when they open the zombie-themed hotel, it would have to be all-inclusive. Let's face it, no self-respecting hotel, if this is the correct term, would wish a zombie clientele to be walking the streets of the resorts at any time of day or night: normally night, I fancy.
Now, you might think that they'd never do something as daft as have a zombie-themed hotel. Well I'm sorry, but they might well do. If they can have a zombie cruise ship, then they can certainly have a hotel as well. A zombie ship? Oh yes, indeed. It moored up in Ibiza just a short time ago. Not only that, the zombies took to the streets of San Antonio one dark morning before sun-up and were joined, with a payment of 29 euros per not-undead local, by indigenous Ibizan zombies. The town hall and the local police had gone along with the whole thing, and even informed the residents that they shouldn't be concerned by this zombie invasion.
It was all the idea of zombie enthusiasts who set up a WhatsApp group and who, at just short of 300 euros a pop, were able to catch the zombie ship from Valencia. And what an experience it was, especially for those who weren't zombies. Being confined to a ship on the open seas, there's no escape, and so they were never sure when a zombie might attack.
There are, it has to be said, cruises and then there are cruises. In the scheme of things a zombie cruise would not be the cruise of choice for the majority. Just as the Mein Schiff that has its heavy-metal clientele wouldn't be the preference of another majority. Eighteen-stone, tattoed Germans, head-banging and manically waving air guitars for twenty-four hours a day on a ship, sounds as close to hell as it can get, but not quite as hellish as zombies.
Or have I got this wrong? I think I may have. Why not zombies? Why not heavy-metal hairies with Megadeth t-shirts? It's all in the name of enjoyment after all, while Themes 'R' Us might be said to be the thematic slogan of contemporary tourism. And then, where zombies are concerned, Mallorca has some specific recent form in this regard. Films. In the summer the finishing touches to "Turbulencia zombi" by a Mallorcan director were made in the Palma area of Sant Jordi, and last September there were hordes of zombies being filmed at the likes of Cala Tuent for "Generation Z".
The zombies are here. So watch out. You never know when one might attack.
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