Do The Hustle: Tourist publications and dead pop stars

I went to see The Hustlers the other evening. When I say "see", I actually went to talk to them. If you don't know, The Hustlers are one of the very few jobbing live bands that play locally. There is plenty of live music and live entertainment during the summer, but very little by way of what you might think of as pub bands and hardly any who ply their trade by playing rock-to-Latin-to-pop classics - in English. A question I asked was why did they think that their style of music, i.e. one that is authentic in the sense of playing instruments - and in not being a tribute act - was so rare. They weren't sure, but suggested that it might be because it's easier to just plug in a machine and play backing tracks, which can often be the case.

The reason for talking to them was that the interview, if one can call a fairly casual chat over a pizza and a beer just prior to their performing an interview, will form the basis for an article about the band that is set to appear in what will be a new publication this season. This "newspaper" is intended to be quite different to much of what goes around as tourist literature. But it still hasn't got a title. Well, it has had several - as working titles.

Coming up with a name is not straightforward. You might think it is, but it isn't. You want impact, but you also want sense or context. You might also want something that is understandable to or pronounceable by the natives. You might also, despite the tourist focus, want to avoid the words "tourist" or "holiday". Someone said to me that tourists don't like to be identified as tourists, and he's one who is working with them every day. I know what he means. If I'm in a foreign place, in a foreign land, I'll usually write down what I need to know and leave the publication behind, or if I have it with me, I'll go and hide somewhere and consult it. You won't find me on a busy street corner, a map unfolded and a baffled expression as I try and make out the road signs, with an even bigger sign above me and pointing down at me saying "clock the tourist". Nope, I'll be in a darkened doorway somewhere.

Everyone has an opinion as to the title. It's good in one way. They are interested. But everyone tends to be an expert when it comes to publications. Why not call it this, or that? Why not do this, or that? I may occasionally volunteer some comment about a bar name or what a bar or restaurant or attraction is doing, but what the hell do I really know? It's not my business after all.


And also on newspapers ...

It may not have escaped your attention that I do occasionally refer to some of the stranger things that emanate from "The Bulletin" and from Riki Lash. There was a piece yesterday that left me wondering if I had imagined that someone had died, namely Mike Smith, once of the Dave Clark Five. In the Lash column, it was going on about Smith having recovered from the accident which had left him paralysed, to the extent that he would be taking part "in a 40th anniversary tour next year with the original Dave Clark Five", a tour which apparently includes a date in Palma.

It will take some doing, I would suggest. Smith's wikipedia page; the websites of the "Daily Telegraph", the "Daily Mail", "Rolling Stone"; the Dave Clark Five website: maybe they're all wrong, but they all say the same thing. Smith died at the end of February 2008. Yet in Lash land, Smith has not only miraculously recovered from being a tetraplegic, he has also miraculously risen from the dead. And another thing ... were Mike Smith to in fact be taking part in an anniversary tour, why would it be the 40th? When, for example, was "Glad All Over" a hit? 2011 minus 40 = 1971, i.e. eight years after "Glad All Over" was released.

Bizarre.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Take It Easy

More road sense or lack of sense. The otherwise wise creation of crossing-points and islands now along the whole stretch of the carretera (main road) into Playa de Muro has nevertheless thrown up the potential hazard that comes from drivers having their views obscured. Always assuming people choose to use the crossing-points, as opposed to wandering across wherever the fancy takes them, the pedestrian access to several of these points is through gaps in the hedges along the sides of the road. Moreover, the parking that is available to either side of the road goes right up to the crossing-points. So what, you might think. Well, the so what is that the combination of parked vehicles and hedges means that pedestrians emerging to use the crossings can and do take you by surprise. It's bad if they are wearing dark clothes and at night; it's not so clever in daylight. The reaction of drivers, on getting a pedestrian suddenly appearing, can be to slam on the brakes; thanks very much, mate, you've smacked me up the back. Or maybe they don't react all. Of course, most pedestrians will not just simply walk across without stopping and looking. At least, you hope that would be the case. It just goes to emphasise that the speed limit of 50 is important to stick to; in summer it is, in truth, too high.


Manners. At the risk of falling into the trap of more cultural stereotyping, let it never be said that the Brits do not have an awful lot of courtesy, the like of which others tend not to. It's remarkable that the Brits ever get anywhere, the time they spend holding doors open, allowing others through or past and saying thank you or excuse me. I have been into a Brit-dominated hotel a couple of times over the past days - the Alcúdia Beach. This is not a hotel with doors that open at the command of a sensor or your weight on a trigger mechanism; it is a hotel with doors, as in those that have to be manually opened and closed. It is a hotel with doors designed with the British in mind. Used as one becomes to there not being a whole bunch of doors-being-held-open, to be plunged into a small part of Britain in Alcúdia comes as something of a surprise. "After you." "No, after you." It can take hours to get in and out of the place.

And with the Alcúdia Beach in mind, the image today shows someone not unassociated with the hotel. It's an image that you will have to get used to as it is part of the front cover of a well-known tourist guide in Alcúdia; in fact, the best known. Though no-one is recommending sitting on deckchairs on roundabouts, the Las Gaviotas sculpture does cry out for some special tourism promotion - and so here it is, with a fat bloke sitting on it, well sort of. It's a visual gag, if you like. And crisis, what crisis is what Jim Callaghan never actually said; it was "The Sun" what did it. The deckchair motif comes from Supertramp and their album with that title. And, as mentioned recently, "The Sun" surpassed itself with its front-page "at least it's sunny" and people sitting on deckchairs - that was what put this image firmly into my mind. The original photo with Minty had "The Sun", but I thought, ah no, let's play around; the "enjoy yourselves" thing is unashamedly borrowed from the excellent Tiberi restaurant in Puerto Pollensa. So there you are. You now know the references when some Mallorcan asks what the hell it's all about and reckons that covers of tourist guides should only ever have the same old boring photos of the Roman town, the walls and all the rest. Roundabout sculptures are far more interesting. And taking it easy, relaxing on your deckchair, reading your paper - oh, come on, that's what holiday's about; not all the rest.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Neil Diamond, and here he is with Barbra Streisand (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cG7_jheC8A). Today's title - American one-time longhairs.

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