Drunk On The Job

Bar work and booze are inseparable. Booze is the stock in trade of the bar, but when the stocks of the trade start to disappear in directions that they shouldn't, the trade itself is damaged. This should be obvious, but laxity of controls suggests otherwise.

I first became aware of bar stock control, or the lack of it, when I was at university. You would think that a university would, because of its well-educated staff, have a grip on the basics of control, but not in my college they didn't, and the same went for other colleges on the campus. Of the eight campus bars, there was constant debate as to which one held the honour of having the drunkest bar manager (the word "manager" was only loosely applied).

The bar manager in my college had a face the colour of which fluctuated in its shades of purple. It wasn't the incident when he was hurled through a patio window that lost him his job - he survived - it was when the college's senior staff, who were meant to supervise the bar's operation, finally cottoned on to the level of "shrinkage". His parting gift was to urinate into the pipes.

As student president of the college, I was shown the books, such as they were. They made no sense. Nothing tallied, nothing balanced. There were apparent losses per unit (be it barrel or bottle), and the reason why was that there was no control.

It is pretty difficult to make a loss on a barrel of beer. A bar in Mallorca might pay around 50 euros for a 50-litre barrel of Saint Mick (the list price is higher, while the actual price can be lower than 50 euros). From this barrel, the bar can extract the equivalent of almost 90 pints. Even at a low price of two euros a pint, the direct contribution of beer sold should be edging up towards 130 euros. Yet a loss can be made. The reason? All the beer that isn't paid for.

A bar owner who is on the premises all or most of the time who chooses to give away free beer or free whatever and/or to drink him or herself into an early grave (and there have been the odd one or two) does at least exercise some control, even if it is control that is out of the control. He or she only has him or herself to blame if the return on a barrel, a bottle, a bag of sausages, whatever it might be, is not what it should be. Exercise firm control, on the other hand, and the return will be more or less as it should be, notwithstanding the inevitable, pretty much expected freebies that are extended to the likes of suppliers.

Where loss is more likely to occur is when control is lax or absent and the owner is also absent. Unless there are strict controls and strict rules as to what is or isn't permissible in terms of staff drinking (or eating) on duty, the losses accrue. I know they do, because I know examples, as I know examples of staff ostensibly in charge who are in a state of pretty much permanent inebriation; it is only the scale of the inebriation which tends to vary.

Apart from the loss, there are other factors when the hired hands are helping themselves to the beer pumps. It may all seem very convivial to join customers for a drink, but does every customer want to be greeted by someone who stinks of Saint Mick? And what about, for example, a chef who has too much juice? There may not be many who go so far as Kurt in "Fawlty Towers" who drank himself unconscious because Manuel wouldn't give him a kiss, but there are examples of those who can pack a fair amount away while in charge of equipment that could cause a serious accident, to say nothing of damage to customers' meals.

Time was when there were few controls. Things have changed. There is far less allowance to staff to drink while on duty. It's right that this should be restricted or totally barred. A bar is a business for all the reasons of control, profit, image and customer service outlined above. Bar owners who have made the rules tighter have sometimes met with resistance; if that's how it is to be, then stick the job. Fine. Why though should anyone drink alcohol while working? Bar it may be, but it doesn't mean drinking it.

If a return, and a pretty decent return at that, cannot be made from a barrel, then there is something seriously amiss. The bar owner is probably in the wrong business, and if drinking staff can't or won't be confronted because this might upset them, then he or she is definitely in the wrong business. Times are tough enough as it is without the profits being drunk. And ultimately, where the customer is concerned, does anyone really like a drunk?


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Like You'll Never See Me

The things that get mentioned over a coffee or whatever. Some of you will know Grizz, in fact many of you will know Grizz, aka Minty for those who have ever been to the Alcúdia Beach. So Grizz says that there has been something bothering him for a couple of days. It is - why do you never see Indians, Chinese or Africans in bars? You do of course see them in the street, but as he raised the question, it occurred to me, no you don't see them. Siraj, from Puerto Alcúdia's Taste of India I once saw in the Eroski café, and there was once a couple of African chaps at Café del Món, and only the other day two Chinese guys were playing pool at Sandra's Bar, and of course Izzy from what was then Agra used to have his "pure beef sausage" at Foxes, but otherwise ... Working, I suggested. Or maybe they are beamed in to the place of work and then beamed out somehow.

I guess though it is that they do work, and that's more or less it. I found out a while ago that there is this cadre of Indian restaurant waiters and kitchen personnel knocking around Spain, most of them actually from Bangladesh, who get whisked over to take up posts locally. The assumption I have is that they put in the hours and then look after their wages rather than going out and blowing the lot, unlike many of the Brit seasonal workers who could, in theory, save up for the fallow winter months but don't.

The reliability of staff is an endless problem here. There are those who come for some bar or other work who see this as a means to an end, the end being to go out on the razz and to get the end away, and find it hard to struggle in (if at all) at nine or ten in the morning, having been at Bells or wherever till six or so. This reliability thing is not just a problem among the Brit workers, it is also very much a Spanish one. A shopowner in Puerto Pollensa who I know well told me yesterday that this guy he'd employed had gone off on a sick as soon as he got his contract sorted out. When he returns, he will - in all likelihood - find himself out of a job. I was once in the office of a company that has a number of cafés. The desk was littered with documentation relating to personnel, and the girl there was moaning about the lack of responsibility of people (Spanish) that they take on and then lose or have to lose.

So perhaps all bars etc should employ just Chinese staff. Grizz has maybe hit on something.


QUIZ
Yesterday - The Stranglers. Today's title - very recent (the title finishes with "again"). Who?

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