Chaos And Comedy

If the past few days in Mallorca have been a confusion of pre-electoral jockeying-for-position, then just wait until after today. What chaos may yet await us, unless Bauzá has his "Cameron moment" and sweeps into re-elected power with the sounds of teachers booing and braying in the background.

As things turned out, the strike arranged for the green tide of educational activists was a bit of a damp squib, albeit that the dampness of a squib has to be measured - as always in Mallorcan statistical terms - by a percentage. The Balearics education ministry stated "definitively" that 23.4% of the islands' 11,800 teachers went on strike last week, protesting - inevitably - against the Bauzá regime's educational policies and the introduction of the new national curriculum through LOMCE, the law on the quality of education.

The main thing that the green tide was objecting to, LOMCE-wise, was the test for nine-year-olds. Again, the education ministry was on hand to give some indication as to the "chaos" caused by this test. 6.84% of schools were reported as having "incidents" which prevented the test being taken. The association of primary school heads said that there was "chaos" on account of conflicting instructions that had emanated from the regional education ministry. It, the ministry, was unable for once to place a percentage on the level of its conflicting instruction.

But what was this test? Well, part of it required a spot of English. So, there was, for example, a multiple choice question. Fill in the missing word. "Where (blank) you going? I'm going to the park." What an opportunity was missed. When JR and Frankie Armengol went head to head for their debate on local TV, this should have been the question. How good is your trilingualism? José Ramón? "Erm, erm. Where do you going?" Wrong. Frankie? "I refuse to answer this on the grounds that I believe that TIL has produced chaos in the classrooms of the Balearics - at least 63.7% of them, that is." (Her percentage of course having been plucked entirely at random.)

JR might have been helped in getting the answer right had the presenter of the debate been one Miguel Angel Ariza, who caused a storm on his radio show for IB3 by announcing that listeners should vote for the PP. It was "unfortunate", he was to later admit, but insisted that it had been said as part of a "comedy" programme. Vota PP, the party of comedians. Perhaps. Journalist groups were not having his excuse, though. Impartiality, they screamed, those who had not been demonstrating their partiality in the lead-up to the election. A problem for Miguel, in trying to defend his humour, was that, as one example, on his blog of 19 December he wrote that "Bauzá is, has been and will be a good president", going on to praise a reduction in unemployment and greater wealth. Or maybe that had all been in the name of comedy as well.

The Psychology Of Lists

So, there was this thing - the BBC's website, I think - about lists. The psychology thereof. Why are we so drawn to learning the top ten things to do on a wet weekend in Wolverhampton? Perhaps they should also look into the psychology of why we want to read articles about the psychology of lists. Whatever the article was going on about, I was that underwhelmed that I can't remember what it said. If it had been a list, maybe I would have done.

José Ramón Bauzá may or may not possess intimate knowledge of the psychology of lists, he may or may not be a student of psephology, but he has been hard at it, putting together his own list. Now, who should I put at number eighteen, he may have mumbled to himself at home with Sra. Bauzá who was diligently compiling her own list of the week's shopping items from Mercadona (or any other supermarket; I have no way of knowing the shopping preferences of leading Balearics politicians' spouses as no one has issued a list to identify them).

I know, he would suddenly have thought. That taekwondo girl. What's her name? Brigitte Yagüe. That's her. Silver medal at the London Olympics. Number eighteen she is. How about the tennis boy? Hmm, he probably has other things to do. No matter, there's always his uncle. Rafael Nadal. If there's one good thing about Manacor - and it certainly isn't Antoni Pastor - you can rely on there being a whole load of Rafael Nadals to pick from. Number eleven he is.

Of course, no list for Partido Popular parliamentary candidates would be complete without a fair smattering of the fair sex to attract the fair sex vote. So, why not match women to even numbers and men to odd numbers. Brilliant. What psychology. Number two, Maria Salom; number four, Margarita Prohens; number six, Antonia Perelló (who?). And on they even numbered go, all the way down to the PP's taekwondo expert and beyond.

The trickier part was knowing who to leave out of the squad. When there are 33 to list plus a few reserves, you are not going to make everyone happy, but there will be one or two who are dispensable. How about the health bloke? Sansaloni. He'll be taking the rap for the "caso Farmacias" thing in any event but he won't make a fuss about not being picked. Personal reasons. Just tell them it's for personal reasons, Marti. And he has. Martínez. He's another one for the chop. As it is, never been too sure about a fella who looks as though he's enjoyed too many good lunches being in charge of sport and tourism. Off you go.

The list duly compiled, the winners and losers notified, the 33 headed off for Son Termens and a happy-clappy photo opportunity. All good friends together; one big, happy PP family. What psychology. What could possibly now go wrong? Shame that at the same time, Mariano Rajoy's old chum Rodrigo Rato was being arrested.