Germans Taking Umbrage

When Maria Antonia Munar and Celesti Alomar, respectively the former president of the Council of Mallorca and regional tourism minister, once advocated a greater quality of tourist and took particular aim at the Germans, the reaction was one of outrage in Germany. Or one should say among certain elements of that country's media. As always, the words of the politicians were blown out of proportion, but the press in Germany, e.g. Bild, managed to whip up sufficient offence for the number of German tourists to fall sharply in 2002 (there were other factors, i.e. the ecotax and a faltering German economy at the time).

There is now something of a repetition. Palma's mayor Antoni Noguera has referred to "rubbish" tourists from Germany (his term might also be translated as junk or even scum). Bild has taken umbrage and so have opposition politicians in Palma. Irresponsible, says the PP's Marga Duran, ignoring the fact that Noguera was talking about recent incidents which quite clearly demonstrate that there is a breed of German tourist (in Playa de Palma) which is indeed rubbish.

The non-Bild-reading Germans will be among those agreeing with Noguera. He has called out a sector of German tourism and was not wrong to have done so. What Bild and some others might care to reflect on is the fact that this issue does crop up fairly repeatedly. The message might eventually get through.

The difference now is that Noguera has taken specific aim at behaviour. Munar and Alomar were more concerned with spending power, as was - in 2013 - the then deputy mayor with tourism responsibilities Alvaro Gijón. He had advocated a policy of increasing quality in Playa de Palma. His words were misinterpreted, Bild believing that "our favourite island" was coming to an end. Gijón was planning a resort for the rich in "Germany's most popular party zone". The assault on Gijón and the defence of German tourists was such that the paper took issue with any attempt to deny tourists the right to take "buckets of sangria" onto the beach.

One of the images of Playa de Palma over the years (and it is the case elsewhere) has been the bucket of booze with long straws. There is now renewed talk of banning supermarkets from selling the booze buckets, which is another aspect of the general attempt to eliminate rubbish tourism on a broad scale in Mallorca. It was this image that Bild defended, and so also defended the right of German tourists to get drunk. The headline was something along the lines of "hands off Ballermann", i.e. let the tourists drink at Balneario 6, which has long been the epicentre of drunken tourism.

A further difference now is that Noguera's rubbish tourism is not confining itself to the earlier season. Residents' groups are saying that it extends into the main season and they are identifying a type of tourism which unashamedly only comes to drink. As such, therefore, moves to promote greater quality in tourism and to place families, responsible tourists in general over the low-grade category are failing. Once more, the tour operators need to share some of the blame. But above all, it is the tourists themselves who are to blame. Rubbish tourists? Kick 'em out.

Nothing Changes: Trouble In Resorts

Oh dear, things aren't going too well, are they. You remember - how are you allowed to forget - all that stuff about tourism heading up-market, about "quality" tourism, about transformations (Magalluf's, if nowhere else), about improvements to image, about eradication of drunken tourism. You do remember, don't you. Do you remember thinking it was all nonsense? If you did, then well done. Have a banana, but don't whatever you do use it for a purpose other than eating.

Shall we put together an inventory of the past few days? Where shall we start? Ah yes, the beaches in Cala Ratjada (and sorry if I offend those who insist that Cala Agulla and Son Moll aren't Cala Ratjada). The dunes being used as a communal toilet. Loud music on the beaches. Drinking, as in alcohol in glass containers (bottles to you and me), which are verboten. German tourists may not know that they are verboten, though normal German common sense (of which there is a great deal in most circumstances) should determine the fact that taking glass onto beaches isn't one of the best ideas in the world.

From Cala Ratjada we move south to Playa de Palma. What did we find there? Among other things, the image of a colossal, pale German youth sort seated at the wall in der Nähe vom Ballermann Sechs (aka Strandlokal, aka Balneario 6), surrounded by all sorts of debris of a drinking nature. My, how the locals lapped that photo up. Elsewhere in Playa de Palma, there was someone defecating in the street (captured on video).

Then we nip over to Palmanova. Normally dwarfed on the antics' front by its rowdy neighbour, it was subjected to the unedifying spectacle of eighteen young British (male) tourists taking a jog in broad daylight across the beach road, while another one was stopping traffic (or attempting to). Just a bit of high jinks? Possibly so, but try telling the locals that, in particular any who might have had kiddies at a nearby playground.

Into Magalluf itself and there were English and Scottish so-called supporters enacting normally nightly battles on the Punta Ballena in broad daylight. It was curious to hear match reports speaking of England fans applauding their Scottish counterparts and everyone having got on famously. In Magalluf, ludicrous enmities were persisting. Bar chairs were substitutes for seats hurled in a stadium. And it was all on video and all over YouTube. Thanks to the video, as was the case with Palmanova, plod were able to identify some of the miscreants.

And plod have definitely taken an interest in the video in the Bierkönig. Yep, we're back in Playa de Palma, where a group of German neo-Nazis caused uproar by shouting "foreigners out" and brandishing the Kaiser's flag. Their fellow countrymen, very much in the majority, responded with "Nazis out". The local police service for hate crimes and intolerance has referred the matter to the prosecution service. The target of these repulsive Nazi foreigners was a "foreigner" with black skin.

So, what do we learn from all of this? We learn that there is nothing new under a burning Mallorcan June sun or within the confines of a beer hall. Nazis? Get them every year. Their targets are always the same. Drunkenness in Cala Ratjada? They've been lamenting that for ages and identifying the same cause - German youth. Streaking naked? Somewhat original perhaps, but largely because it was on video. Fighting in Magalluf? Well, who would have ever have thought?

Calvia town hall, virtuous Calvia town hall, with its transformational bylaws to support transformational Meliaisation, insists that nudists in Palmanova and brawling Scots and English are the fault of some businesses which are not adhering to the model of change. They are continuing with happy hours, with pub crawls, with low-quality all-inclusive. They're just not playing the game.

Maybe Calvia is right. But it seems all too easy to blame problems on certain businesses in-resort and not others. Not everyone travels with tour operators, but a lot do, and tour operators need to start walking the talk of responsibility rather than just filling planes, ferries and rooms with whoever can meet their volume requirements. They really don't care, even if - where British tour operators are concerned - they are starting to care about false compensation claims.

But let's not castigate British and German tour operators. What about some Spanish? Part of Alcudia is about to be laid waste to, courtesy of a Spanish tour operator. Magalluf, Playa de Palma, Cala Ratjada know the same or similar scenario.

The worst aspect of all this is that it neglects something else that hasn't changed and shows no sign of changing. Lads having a bundle, other lads streaking; they divert attention from the mugging prostitutes, the ones about whom virtuous Calvia can seemingly do nothing. Do nothing, and nothing is changing.

The Short Life Of The Arenal Tram

We all know, or at least I assume we all know, about the Soller tram. But do we all know about the Arenal tram? The chances are that we don't: it ceased to be a long time ago.

The story of trams in Palma dates back to 1891. The first tram wasn't quite as we came to know them. It was driven by mules and it wasn't really a tram at all; it was more like a bus. But they still referred to it as a tram or as a "rippert" after Monsieur Ripert of Marseille, the carriage-maker who came up with the design, which others then borrowed (which is a nice way of saying they ripped it off).

It was a hundred years ago that the first electrified tram started to operate in Palma. It covered the same route to Porto Pi that the mule tram had. By then, trams were starting to become faddish. Soller already had its, and then in 1921 the Arenal tram was inaugurated. It was referred to as Es Carrilet de S’Arenal, the "carrilet" being a popular name for a narrow gauge railway.

The route took it from Coll d'en Rebassa via Can Pastilla to Arenal, where a garage was built by where the yacht club now is. While Coll d'en Rebassa was by then an established urbanisation, Arenal wasn't particularly and Can Pastilla most certainly wasn't. There were very few properties along the route, but Arenal had started to become popular with summer visitors. There were also fishermen and stoneworkers.

The track ran right by the beach. There were a couple of obstacles in its way, i.e. the Sant Jordi canal and the Torrent des Jueus, so they built bridges, and the engineer responsible for the track was someone who was to become famous in Mallorca's engineering and tourism history. If anyone has ever wondered who the Gabriel Roca is who has lent his name to many a road in Mallorca, he was the engineer.

A news report at the time of the inauguration spoke of the new tram service. It was operated by the Sociedad Tranvia del Arenal company. Gabriel Roca was named in that report. At the time he was 25 and had just graduated from the school of engineering in Madrid. He was to become the director of the board of works for the port of Palma and was to initiate the project to create the Paseo Marítimo in Palma. The other name - the official name - for the Paseo is the Avenida de Gabriel Roca.

That report went on to say that the tramline of some eight kilometres was attractive because of the "panorama" - an incomparable beach and a splendid forest. The tram itself was driven by motor tractors and was in perfect condition to be electrified at any time. Palma, it was said, welcomed the fact that it could count on there being a tram network that goes to different "suburbs", all of them important because of their natural charms; ones that the tourist can also admire enthusiastically.

It is interesting to note that there should have been a particular reference to "the tourist". The year before the tram was inaugurated, the Hotel Ciudad Jardín was built in what was the first garden city resort in Mallorca. In Arenal, some years later, there was there was the plan for the Bellavista garden city. The tram had almost mapped out was to eventually become Playa de Palma. Gabriel Roca would have taken note. In 1949, he also became the president of the Mallorca Tourist Board.

The Arenal tram wasn't to last very long. The Sociedad Tranvia del Arenal, burdened with debts, ended up bankrupt. In fact, it is reckoned that the company, very soon after the line had opened, realised that it wasn't especially viable. It couldn't really have been, given that hardly anyone lived along the route and that visitors - such as they were - were only going in the summer. Less than a year into its operation, the company tried to sell it to the Palma tram company. They turned the offer down but a few years on did acquire it in order to prevent any competitor from doing so.

As to when the tram eventually ceased to be, there is some conflicting evidence. 1935 is given as the year that it "disappeared", but a different version suggests 1941, a key reason being the scarcity of petrol for the tractors. Whenever the end actually was, it was some years before Palma's trams went into extinction: that was 1959, by which time Palma had a bus service and Arenal was well and truly part of the project for Playa de Palma.

Sorrier Seems To Be The Hardest Word

So there was I, not for the first time, labouring under a misapprehension of pronunciation. Sorry, sorrier, sorriest. The latter two, to me at any rate, sound odd in English, even if they are legitimate usage. The middle one - sorrier - doesn't sound odd if applied correctly (roughly speaking as it were) to the name of the national government's pantomime villain, José Manuel Soria. José Manuel is more sorry. He is sorrier.

Except of course that he isn't. José Manuel is not for apologising. Instead, José Manuel is for saying that's how it is, and you can lump it, the latest example of this take-it-or-leave-it attitude being reflected in the small matter of 63 million euros that the Balearic government would rather like to get its hands on and fritter away on Playa de Palma.

The problem, partly, is that José Manuel is none too convinced that what meagre amounts of investment for tourism purposes that Madrid has felt benevolent enough to transfer to the Balearic government's bank account have been spent wisely in the past. He may of course have a point, but such detail is of no importance to the current Balearic leadership. We want, nay we demand, our 63 million, and we demand it now. And with it, Playa de Palma will become Magalluf Mark II. Or something like that.

If it were all a simple case of justifiable spending of the nation's money, then this 63 million spat might be resolved with relative ease and a touch of maturity. However, it isn't so simple. One has to stress the "partly" nature of the problem. There are other parts which are somewhat larger and all a bit immature.

President Armengol tarried long enough at the World Travel Market to hear Soria not say that he was sorry and to hear him deliver a lecture against the evils of the tourist tax. Once he was finished, La Presidenta was there to deliver her own lecture, a public handbagging for national government enemy number one (a position Soria vies for along with Rajoy and Montoro). While she was launching into him, behind the pantomime villain - he's behind you! - was El Vice-Presidente, Biel Barceló, smirking with an ironic smirk. 

Were he to have to deal only with a PSOE-ist like Armengol, matters might be less fraught, but there are also the econationalists, i.e. Barceló, to contend with as well. Soria, solid Partido Popular citizen that he is, finds no common ground with such ecological self-governing tendencies, especially those that involve taxing tourists for whatever reason.

The withdrawal (or at best paralysing) of the 63 million smacks of being a punitive measure: a reprisal for the tourist tax. This may not be the reason, but perceptions suggest otherwise. And the one who did the withdrawing was Soria's number two, the Mallorcan Isabel Borrego, someone detested by the Balearic left and considered, how can one put it, rather ineffective by most of the tourism industry. Borrego seems to be the only aspect of Mallorcan and Balearic existence with whom or with which Soria can find common cause. In other words, he appears to have it in for the Balearics, regardless of which political party is in power.

This latest difference of opinion with the tourism supremo and his sidekick comes in the wake of several others, mostly all of which involved Soria butting heads with ex-president Bauzá. There is, therefore, form when it comes to Soria's dealings with the Balearic archipelago (and let it not be forgotten that he originates from a different set of sun-and-beach holidaying isles, i.e. the Canaries).

There was a time when Soria was declared persona non grata in the Balearics. He still is. This wasn't so much to do with tourism but with one of the other governmental hats he wears, that for energy. And energy means oil. The barrel of the gun that Bauzá pointed at Soria in having him firmly in his sights was principally one aimed at oil exploration off Balearic shores. However, there was more to it. Bauzá, it was widely suggested, also had Soria's job in his sights. This seems odd, now that Bauzá has been despatched to exile in the Senate chamber, but there was a time when he was a bit of a Madrid darling. So bad were relations between Soria and Bauzá that they once both contrived to avoid each other at the Berlin travel fair by pulling a sickie, having succumbed to the flu. The tourism industry was far from impressed by the fact that neither of them put in an appearance.

At least Soria was prepared to go to London (the flu season doesn't start for a couple of months yet), fully aware that the new guns of the Balearic government lay in wait to take a pop at him. Was he sorry or sorrier? No.

Season 2015: What did we learn?

Resorts can be changed
The naysayers said it couldn't and wouldn't be done. These were naysayers whose beliefs were clouded by self-interest and an inability to see beyond the status quo. A resort, its image, its offer is for all time. Long live the old resort! The naysayers operated, however, from a manual that does not exist. There is no rule which says that a resort has to remain the same. No rule which says that it should have been as it was in the first place. Magalluf changed.

There is still more to be done
But before we get carried away, and one suspects that too many have, we can't overlook what hasn't changed. The glowing tributes for Magalluf's makeover constantly fail to address the cancerous continuance of the mugger-prostitutes. One thing that was learned was that police operations can make a difference. They did so in Playa de Palma, where the National Police broke up a human-trafficking gang and arrested some thirty individuals. A judge issued restraining orders, some women were taken into care, others were detained. The keys to this were police observation and also, crucially, reports by victims. More than anything, this was a lesson that goes beyond the scope of local police forces. It is an international criminal matter, and one for which the National Police and Guardia Civil should be given all resources possible in working with other police forces and agencies to eliminate. A mantra for Magalluf and Mallorca that politicians and the tourism industry chant is that it is a safe destination. Indeed it is, but it could be safer still.

The end of youth tourism?
We became confused by what this meant. The drunken, loutish element was seemingly being shown the door, and this was heralded as a success. Yet why should there not be youth tourism? It frequently has good levels of disposable income. The question became and now is, what type of youth? Perhaps BH Mallorca - and further developments in Magalluf to come next year - point the way, but not everyone is convinced that this represents such a dramatic shift towards a - might one say - more mature youth market.

Elsewhere, meanwhile, there was the problem of the spring-breakers from different countries but not least from the Spanish mainland. This is a youth tourism that is having potentially disastrous consequences in resorts already dominated by all-inclusive where the season is now compacted into three months. Spring breaks of two to three weeks strip away much of what business there might otherwise be. This might not seem a long period, but where the season is so short, then it most definitely is.

Did someone say all-inclusive?
The strength of the pound, the upgrading of hotels were contributing to a lowering of the all-inclusive offer, or so it was said. Yet all-inclusive was being spoken of as never before, partly because - praise be - politicians had woken from a twenty-year-plus slumber and cottoned onto its existence. The change in government brought with it an apparent determination to regulate, and the administration was provided with a cause into which it could sink its teeth: self-service alcohol. This was bizarre, and it demonstrated how out of touch the political class appears to have been. All that was happening was that the means of delivering alcohol was changing, not the principle of as much alcohol as one holidaymaker can stomach. But it did at least hint at tighter control over what is allowable as part of the all-inclusive offer. Regulation should follow in the not too distant future, but it has to be matched with far tighter inspection. There was a lesson from a different source - the campaign against fraudulent work contracts. Deemed a success, it was because of the additional inspectors specially brought in from the mainland. Regulation is meaningless unless there is the inspection capability to enforce it.

Overcrowded Mallorca
Other regulation was in the air, that of private accommodation, but the emphasis shifted this summer. It was no longer a case of whether to permit the commercialisation of private apartments or of how to enable this, but of the sheer availability. The previous government had sat on its hands and flatly refused to consider any meaningful regulation, and this summer highlighted the absence of such regulation. The massive growth in rental accommodation via the internet was identified as the principal reason why the island reached saturation point. But whatever regulation there might eventually be, without the resources to control it, it will prove as toothless as any for all-inclusive standards.

A record-breaking season it proved to be (for some at any rate), but there was no disguising some reasons why - instability elsewhere most notably. The chief lesson was that, for any advances made, they are inextricably linked to the ups and downs of the competition.

The Perfect Storm Of August

Might this August mark a watershed in Mallorcan and Balearic tourism? Within the context of the political change in spring, various factors are colliding, producing a perfect storm of tourism dynamics which might go beyond this weekend's anticipated storm and produce responses to more than simply the collapse of the road network caused by tourists seeking an alternative to the beach on account of poor weather.

In fact, the roads, especially in and around Palma when the weather is less than benign, have already provoked tourism minister and vice-president, Biel Barceló, into declaring that saturation point has been reached and surpassed. Palma struggles to cope when the clouds gather: its roads clogged, its car parks full to overflowing. Why are there so many tourists? Many are the factors, but always taking some into account, such as instability in parts of the Mediterranean, there is one which, more than others, is being singled out: private holiday accommodation.

It will be some months before they release the figure for the day in the middle of this month when Mallorca and the Balearics reached their highest level of human occupation, but when it comes, it will surely be higher than ever before. It may even be substantially higher. Aptur, which is the association that defends the rights of the private owner to rent out his or her accommodation to tourists, is not blind to the problems that the internet has caused. It is speaking of a "bubble" which it believes will burst because of the rotten quality of some of the accommodation, thus fuelling the arguments of the hoteliers that the private apartment is not up to scratch in all manner of ways. This is a fallacious argument because there is plenty of high-quality accommodation, but it is also correct, and Aptur accepts that it is.

The association is pressing the case, therefore, for legislation to get to grips with this private supply, to finally introduce a system of properly regulated accommodation with standards to be attained and maintained. It is the pragmatic approach that the previous government simply refused to recognise the need for, preferring to outlaw all apartments rather than bring them into line with a system of standards akin to the keys' categorisation for the hotelier-owned tourist apartments.

The trouble is, of course, that even with regulation the bubble might well keep growing in its illegitimate fashion. Reservations via web portals for Spanish destinations are up on average by 40% this summer. These include perfectly legitimate accommodation, but they also have much which isn't. As Catalonia has discovered, regulation can bring success in one way - by enforcing standards and by also boosting tourist tax revenue - but it doesn't eliminate the problem of the illegal supply, despite the swingeing nature of sanctions. Governments can say all they like about cracking down, but they - their tax and tourism agencies - are massively under-resourced.

Nevertheless, the need for regulation in the Balearics is urgent. Barceló, minded to be permissive towards the private accommodation sector, is an environmentalist at heart, as is his party, Més. He wants a brake applied to the number of tourists, so any regulation would need to be carefully drafted in order to still allow good accommodation to be made fully legitimate. But brake there surely has to be, and the perfect storm of this August is increasing the urgency.

In a different respect, all-inclusives, something else seems to be happening. It is never perhaps wise to cite Magalluf as a benchmark but if, as is being reported, some all-inclusives there have been knocking in occupancy levels substantially lower than those for other types of board, is the consumer worm finally turning? It was always going to be the case, regulation again notwithstanding, that the consumer would decide. A problem in Magalluf is knowing what type of market is leading to the lower AI occupancy. If it is family, then the worm might indeed be moving in a different direction. Ot is it a case of the family having been deterred by negative publicity?

Meanwhile, Menorca has added its voice to the saturation argument. Formentera already has but can seemingly do little to prevent its small size being flooded by tourists. In Menorca, the threshold of human pressure that it can withstand and keep within the boundaries of its status as a biosphere reserve is likely to be exceeded this month. Wherever one looks around the Balearics, the message is much the same: there are just too many people.

There is another factor contributing to the perfect storm: attitudes of residents. For too long overlooked, they have played a part in Alcúdia and Capdepera addressing the type of tourism they receive on occasion, while in Playa de Palma, residents have had enough. Noise, filth, crime, anti-social behaviour and a consequent inability to relax or sleep are pushing tensions high. They are similar in a way to what led Barcelona to come down so heavily in La Barceloneta. When mayor José Hila speaks of a cleaner Palma, he has to take into account that Palma means more than just the old centre and the neighbourhoods.

It is understood, quite clearly understood, that Mallorca lives by its tourism. But it is tourism which should be on Mallorca's terms, not those of others. It is for Mallorca to decide on the balance of its accommodation, not websites, not tour operators. The overwhelming majority of the island's visitors are respectful. And this majority needs to be cared for properly. The perfect storm has arrived: kick out the dross of the minority, kick out the rotten accommodation, kick out the poor quality end of the all-inclusive market. And keep the traffic moving.

Do They Take Us For Fools?

The word had been that it was going to be more insane than ever. The word may well have been right. How many do you, do we, do they want dead? It's only just begun and yet the emergency services are equating it to high summer. Two dead in Magalluf. One in Santa Ponsa. Another badly injured in Palmanova. Half a dozen have fallen from balconies, two of them put into a body bag. The British media have a video of a dwarf whipping a groom-to-be during some warped S&M session in a bar. The local media have been highlighting gangs of chanting, drunken Germans blocking the main road in Arenal. They are following events in the notorious resorts like never before. It was going to be more insane than ever. Wasn't it?

Civic ordinance in Palma, civic ordinance to be introduced in Calvia. More resources. More powers for the authorities. Greater co-operation between businesses. Greater willingness of businesses to assist in a clean-up. Promises of this. Promises of that. It is more insane than ever. The so-called prostitutes more aggressive than ever. More driven by their criminal gang organisers than ever. The National Police taking measures to identify sources of criminal supply to the lookies who wander the streets of Palma with groundsheets and who lay them down on steps, on squares: Saharan bazaars in the centre of the Balearic capital. Pickpockets, daylight robbers, drug sellers. More of these, or at least they are the more that social media, with its wildfire spread of news, suggest. Who is to say there isn't more? 

Reports of a trial into corruption among police, officials from the local authority and businesspeople. Reports replete with orgies and Russian prostitutes, the latter being afforded protection in order to give witness statements. Reports which follow last year - Magalluf and police arrests - and the year before, when Playa de Palma's police first came under investigation.

Write all the above, and there are those who hammer you for negativity, for exaggeration, for choosing only the blackspots. Avoid saying the above, and others lay into you for turning a blind eye and for complicity. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. But avoidance has been part of the problem, as - for so many years - was a form of self-censorship or persuasion to play things down. You can't or shouldn't say that; it would be bad for tourism.

One person's bad is another person's good for tourism. If nothing else, Magalluf has taught us this. But this one-time reticence is no longer possible, not when there are videos of sex acts all over the internet, not when there is sensationalism on the pages of the British and German press, willing accomplices in generating ever more insanity. Too much past reticence and too many apologists, of whom there are still many. Maga, Arenal (and you can add one or two other places): they are what they are, tourists are coming for fun, to party. They are what they are, what they have been and what they will be.

To party, to have fun. Absolutely. Essences of holiday. For thousands upon thousands. For families, for older people, for younger people, none of whom can be blamed, and none of whom wish to be implicated in all the above or have any reason to be. Responsible tourism, a convenience of marketing with its environmental eco-righteousness that cannot disguise the business ambitions of hoteliers, of tour operators, of bar owners. Volume, they need volume, as do the planes. Responsible tourism is a two-way street and not only that of Punta Ballena. Whoever decreed that it was acceptable for foreigners (and Spaniards) to treat parts of Mallorca with such irresponsibility? Who the hell do they think they are?

But the blame game will say it's the fault of others. It is. But the fault stems from that old reticence, that old "persuasion". Bad for tourism. The heads were in the sand for years and years before some tourists - so hacked off with the persistent pestering - started to stick flags in the same sand bearing the legends: "no sunglasses, no massage". Complacency and a complicity of a different type. We all know who to blame.

It will be better, though, not more insane. Just wait for the ordinances to really kick in. For the end to drinking in the street. For the end to balconing because of the fines. Do they take us for fools? Hopefully, they will be right. Hopefully, it will improve. But who's doing the caring? Onieva? Isern? Martínez? All gone at the election. Maybe their replacements will, however, discover the legal wherewithal to deal with the greatest of the insanities - the mugging prostitutes of the streets - and not instead introduce fines for supposed clients. That beggars belief. The equivocation of victimary. Taken for fools.

The Good Cops Of The Resorts

German tourists in Playa de Palma have started to take things into their hands. They have been making posters which can be stuck into the sand which declare "no sunglasses", "no massage". There are also t-shirts bearing the same messages. The targets of these messages should be obvious. Other German tourists have been behaving in a somewhat less responsible fashion. On more than one occasion, great hordes of them have taken to the main road, chanting and blocking traffic.

There is a common thread to these two separate examples of how tourists behave. The local police. Here is a resort which is subject to a city ordinance that was designed to bring an end to (or at least reduce) anti-social behaviour and illegal trades. Yet, there are tourists who are so fed up with the pestering they receive from the lookies and the massage girls that they have sought to deter them, while there are others who appear to be able to brazenly take to the streets (a main road no less) and conduct themselves in a wholly inappropriate manner. Where are the police?

Well, one factor is that the reinforcement of local police numbers isn't due to take effect until 1 June. Why? The tourism season, in a sort of official sense, starts on 1 May; in truth, it does of course start earlier. Is a 1 June commencement for the reinforcement a reflection of the laments that the season has become ever shorter? It shouldn't be. The security forces should not be bound by notions of seasonality.

Local police numbers can of course only ever be finite. Resources dictate this. Police numbers are dwarfed by the sheer volume of visitors - both welcome and unwelcome. There is mitigation, therefore. They, the finite numbers which exist, can't be everywhere. Nevertheless, these examples from Playa de Palma highlight a problem - not just one of police numbers but of image.

Last summer, the public prosecutor started the second phase of an investigation into the local police force that had been opened the previous September. Various police officers were being looked into. Allegations included trafficking of influence and bribery. The Guardia Civil had been called in and had raided a police station in 2013.

Earlier this year, a well-known businessman (unnamed) with interests in nightlife in Playa de Palma was arrested. This investigation is now in court. Witnesses have been giving evidence of payments to one officer for "turning a blind eye", who was apparently prone to visiting one particular club owner in seeking ever more payment. These witnesses have also spoken of orgies involving prostitutes which were attended by public officials, including one mayor from the "part forana" of Mallorca, i.e. away from Palma. Police officers did not, according to witnesses, attend these orgies, but there were alleged "arrangements" for alcohol and sex, though never payments.

This investigation and the complaints about an absence of police in the resort are not linked, except in one way: image. They might also be said to be linked through an issue of morale. The good cops are operating against a background of an ongoing investigation into allegedly bad cops. While lookies and massage girls patrol the beaches and German tourists maraud across the main road and can all do so with apparent impunity, a link - however false - might be made. The good cops are damned, and unreasonably so, by association.

There is of course a similarity between events in Playa de Palma and those in Magalluf. Police corruption allegations arose there last summer, and with the new season upon us, the good cops - and the Guardia - appear to still have their hands tied by regulations that do not allow them to tackle the resort's principal problem of the mugging prostitutes, while, for reasons that baffle many, they cannot yet enforce local ordinance designed to tackle anti-social behaviour.

Whether this ordinance, once it is in place, achieves what it is designed to is questioned by many, just as it is in Playa de Palma. And if it fails, then the image of the police (and of politicians) will be dented further. Some bad cops may have brought this negative image upon themselves and, by association, their forces, but the good cops have to be given the means.

There is this vast gap between developments of resort embellishment and improvement and the lights of the more seedy infrastructure which attracts the moths of poor behaviour and criminality. Tourism will always attract these, but they don't have to be a given or to be to the extent that they are, and until such a time as the greater excesses are truly stamped on and stamped out, the investments of embellishment will be undermined, their returns limited by this at present unreconcilable discrepancy. Give the cops what they need - the good ones, that is - but, by God, make sure they are the good ones.

The Endemic Nature Of Corruption

Well, here's a surprise. A Partido Popular politician has admitted that corruption is "an endemic problem", this politician being Palma's mayor Mateo Isern. He wasn't, however, referring to his party, but to the local police. Isern's statement and his actions in having immediately suspended without pay certain officers facing corruption allegations contrast greatly with the equivocation in Calvia when there were arrests of officers there, though to be fair the allegations that relate to Playa de Palma do appear to be greater and involve more police than was the case in Magalluf. But for Isern to say that there is endemic corruption is quite an admission, one which, while it may be thought welcome, does makes one wonder how officers who are not corrupt might feel about such blanket an assertion.

As Isern will not be standing again as mayor, he may feel he can make such sweeping statements; he has nothing to lose by doing so, other perhaps than his reputation. But he has moved to salvage any potential damage to this by apologising for not having been able to detect these cases and by setting up an internal unit that will investigate "irregularities" and bequeath to his successor an "unpolluted police". One hopes that this is what emerges, but his observation that he (and so therefore others in the town hall) has been unable to do any detection leads one to ask why. Accusations of local police corruption in Playa de Palma, and in Magalluf, have been made over the years; not necessarily formally but certainly anecdotally. No smoke without fire and all that, some accusations will undoubtedly have been wild ones, but as there has at least been a sense that not everything was right, then some town-hall detective work had surely been called for. Endemic corruption, if this is indeed so, does not suddenly emerge. For it to be endemic, it has to have existed over a substantial period of time and to have become ingrained. It has taken the investigations of the National Police and the Guardia Civil to have finally exposed this endemism, but the very nature of such a culture should have been apparent to the town hall long before. Why was it not able?

Twin Obsessions: Playa de Palma and Magalluf

Playa de Palma in its entirety has getting on for 40,000 hotel places. Palmanova-Magalluf has slightly fewer than 30,000 places. These two resort conurbations account therefore for roughly a quarter of Mallorca's hotel places. In the past few years we have bombarded with news of the redevelopment of Playa de Palma. Over recent weeks, the bombardment has been renewed; new hotels of a luxury variety, so we are told. In Palmanova-Magalluf, or more accurately Magalluf, we have been bombarded endlessly with news. There may have been a time when there was no news bombardment, but when that was is lost in the mists of touristic time.

This coming winter, we are informed, will witness hotel investments and projects the like of which have not been seen for many a long year. They are aimed at increasing hotel prices, increasing profitability and increasing employment. All positive stuff perhaps, but the focus of attention is on projects in these two conurbations. Playa de Palma, Meliá, Viva, BH; the island's tourism news agenda is driven by two resorts. Nowhere else matters.

Both Playa de Palma and Magalluf are news for the wrong reasons, and we all know what these reasons are. The reporting of these wrong reasons is entirely understandable - it is not reporting with which I take issue - but it is separate to the other reporting, that to do with the investments in the resorts. Again, this reporting is perfectly reasonable. When there are developments, they should be discussed. But it is these developments which, because the media reflects the objectives of others, have created an obsessiveness. Playa de Palma and Magalluf are twin obsessions. Not because the media has made them so, but because political and commercial interests have, and they are twin obsessions which are a disguise and a diversion and which are potentially deleterious and prejudicial to the 75% of coastal hotel tourism land which isn't either of them.

Around the coast of Mallorca there are four principal concentrations of tourism: Calvia, Playa de Palma, the bay of Alcúdia and the bay of Cala Millor, to which can be added lesser concentrations such as Capdepera, Pollensa and Santanyí. Not all of these centres are ancient in Mallorcan tourism terms; much of Playa de Muro, for instance, is of more recent vintage. Not all are centres of high-rise, massive hotel construction; Puerto Pollensa, for example. But most of it is ancient and massive.

In Calvia as a whole there are almost 60,000 hotel places. 50% of them are, therefore, neither Palmanova nor Magalluf, but Palmanova, for the purposes of the obsession, is unimportant; just as Peguera and Santa Ponsa seem to be unimportant. The Alcúdia bay conurbation of Alcúdia itself, Playa de Muro and Can Picafort has over 50,000 places; the bay of Cala Millor, over 35,000.

Between 2012 and this year, we are told, 260 million euros have been spent on hotel redevelopments of some form another. They have been spread around: Alcúdia 33, Cala Millor 26 and even Colonia Sant Jordi with 23. It's not as if there isn't and hasn't been investment, but this is not the issue. The type of project is the issue, and it is this which gives rise to the twin obsessions.

Playa de Palma's redevelopment, for so long in the planning and the debating, has essentially been a political investment. Both national and regional governments have bet a great deal on its transformation. Magalluf's is more purely commercial than political. The white knight of Meliá has ridden into town brandishing the standard of saviour and has attracted the fellow-travellers which now also seek the accolade of transformer.

The twin obsessions of transformation are the consequence of political expediency (Playa de Palma) and of proximity (Magalluf). Meliá can attract investors to itself to embark on the beautification of Magalluf because of its man-made physical advantage; that many Meliá hotels in close proximity. Political and commercial sugar daddies are, though, short in supply. Other resorts have neither. It is not as if there isn't a political appreciation of the need for resort modernisation - both the 1999 and 2012 tourism laws spoke of it - but where is it going to come from?

Playa de Palma and Magalluf create disguises of and diversions away from the realities of other resorts - realities such as those of Calas de Mallorca, where Manacor town hall does at least seem to have been shamed into doing something after the criticisms of neglect which were highlighted last week. The self-congratulation that flows like champagne with every new announcement regarding the twin obsessions obscures the falling self-esteem created by the flat beer of under-investment elsewhere. The corks pop and champion the new-age Mallorca. But behind the mask of this shiny future, there is all the other old age, for which obsession does not exist.  

Prostitute Communications

The season started on Thursday, but before it had even got underway, the news coming out of Magalluf, especially via social media, was the same as always. Worse perhaps. The prostitutes were back and were more brazen than previously. Where were the police? What was Calvia town hall doing? What about those promises of greater security and tougher action?

Magalluf is not the only resort which has problems with prostitution. Playa de Palma is similarly affected. In recognition of this, there was a meeting on Wednesday between police forces in Palma, Calvia and Llucmajor and a group called Gepib (Grupo de estudio de la prostitución de Baleares). It was organised by Palma town hall's social welfare and equality unit.

The principal reason for the meeting was to consider a report produced by Gepib in association with the university in Palma. It is entitled: "Reflections and Recommendations: Good Communication Practices Concerning Prostitution". Essentially, it is a guide for the media, Gepib having called for a "change in treatment" and for an avoidance, through the press, of stigmatising and sensationalising prostitutes and prostitution.

The report itself makes for quite interesting reading. Did you know, for instance, that, while 19% of European men are or have been clients of prostitutes, the figure rises to 39% of Spanish men? Did you know that Spanish law does not recognise or prohibit or regulate prostitution? Legally, it doesn't exist, except when it comes to lack of consent. Forced prostitution is illegal. The law also refers to victims who are foreign women who find themselves in situations of "administrative irregularity" (no papers, therefore) and who, if apprehended, can have a period of thirty days during which they can consider whether they wish to co-operate with the police in investigating suspected criminality.

Did you also know that one out of seven prostitutes is the victim of exploitation and coercion, that Spain has the second highest number of women who have been victims of human trafficking in Europe and that, in a one-year period alone (2009-2010), this number all but quadrupled. The Spanish interior ministry reckons that there are in fact some 12,000 women who are affected. No one knows for sure, though.

It is the case that many if not all the women who engage in prostitution in Magalluf and Playa de Palma are victims of human trafficking, of threats of violence and of abuse by organised criminal gangs. There have been arrests of ringleaders, but the practice continues. Gepib is right to draw attention to the wretched circumstances that women find themselves in and to also seek restraint, greater objectivity and wider and better citing of sources in media reporting. However, what Gepib doesn't go into is the reality of what happens in Magalluf and Playa de Palma. What is ostensibly prostitution isn't prostitution; it is robbery with violence, perpetrated by women in fear of the gangs.

In addressing the "good communication practices", Gepib takes issue with the "over-representation" of street prostitution. (It underlines the word "over-representation" in order to emphasise the point.) Only one in four prostitutes operates on the streets, says the report, but well over a half of news reports analysed in the study dealt with street prostitution. The group says that press coverage often is respectful, insofar as it doesn't always state nationality or circumstance (illegal immigrants), but it quotes examples where it isn't. One was headlined - "New night raid against street prostitution in Magalluf". This was an example of sensationalism and of criminalising the women who practise prostitution, so Gepib maintains. But almost certainly it was a headline that had to do with what are referred to as the mugging prostitutes of Magalluf.

The issue in both Magalluf and Playa de Palma is one of organised crime. The crime of human trafficking has produced its further crimes - not prostitution, because this isn't illegal - but robbery and violence. Gepib can call for "good communication practices" but it, as with so many in Magalluf and Playa de Palma, should be calling for good police practices to stamp out the gangs once and for all. Easier said than done, though. The National Police and Guardia Civil are confronted with a massive problem.

Balnearios Back To The Future

"Balneario" can translate in different ways into English. It means a spa or health resort, thus reflecting its original meaning, i.e. baths, as in, for example, the Roman Baths in Bath (the word comes from Latin). But for most tourists, it means something which, if one's being strictly accurate, it doesn't in Spanish - a beach bar. So how is that the beach bar is called a balneario?

The answer lies with the growth in popularity of the sea as a means of hydrotherapy in the latter part of the nineteenth century. Balnearios of varying kinds sprang up along the Spanish coasts. They were primarily establishments to facilitate the "taking of the waters", but many served a much wider function. Some were not dissimilar to piers at the British seaside. Others, which were reserved solely for bathing purposes, could be bizarre in the extreme. There is an example of what was like a Moorish palace that was manoeuvred along rails into the sea at San Sebastian. It had various doors out of which the discreet bather could step into the sea, take his or her waters and then return again. The bathing hut was most certainly not the preserve of the prudish Victorian Britons.

There are some magnificent examples of balnearios from the turn of the twentieth century. Alicante specialised in them, or so it would seem. They were called things like the "Diana" or the "Alhambra" and displayed, as with the contraption in San Sebastian, more than a passing acquaintance with Arabic style.

Gradually, balnearios became places that served several functions. As prudishness began to give way and people were more inclined to show off their bodies, to actually do some proper swimming and to indulge in the new fad of sunbathing, so the balnearios catered for different needs. In Miquel Ferra i Martorell's recollection in the "Majorca Daily Bulletin" of the American Bertran Galbraith (24 November last year), he explained how Galbraith became a swimming instructor at a balneario in Palma in the 1920s. The balneario had a solarium for sunbathing and a children's playground. It also staged dances and performances by jazz orchestras. It almost certainly would have also offered some forms of refreshment. The balneario, therefore, came to mean whatever you wanted it to mean, and today it means a place to get a drink or have something to eat: a beach bar whose original meaning has been all but forgotten.

In certain instances, balnearios at Mallorca's resorts have become so much a part of the resort's fabric that they are used as points of reference and as means of location or measuring distance. This is certainly true of Playa de Palma. There are fifteen balnearios in all, and a process of improving them should mean that four - numbers 4, 6, 8 and 10 - will have undergone their improvements by the start of the season. Three million euros are being invested by the company with the concession for the balnearios, Mar de Mallorca, and as part of this investment, the balnearios are to be themed. Yes, theming will no longer be confined to piratising or rocking a hotel, the balnearios of Mallorca are to be given the theming treatment as well.

Actually, this theming is not what it might sound, unless you think that there is a "back to the future" theme going on, because back to the future is pretty much what is happening with some of them in that they are reclaiming their sporting nature - that which was acquired thanks to the likes of Bertran Galbraith - and their role as places for relaxation. Four have been earmarked as "tipo relax". I'm not entirely clear what this entails, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't entail a tipo of relax that is offered by certain establishments most commonly frequented at night time. Other themes will mean that four balnearios will be franchised as, for example, ice-cream parlours or cocktail bars. Three more will be for entertainment and/or the ubiquitous chill-out. Showers, massage, towel hire and safes will all form part of this general upgrade in provision, one which Palma city council believes will lead to the attraction of tourists with greater wealth.

The council may well be right in believing this, but does this represent a move that is totally welcome? I wonder. The beach in Mallorca has become increasingly corporatised. It hasn't been privatised, but the desire to exploit the balnearios (for God's sake, do we really need any more chill-out?) is symptomatic of a somewhat soulless sanitisation of the island's seaside.

But there again, exploitation is not universal. In Playa de Muro they've demolished the most profitable of the resort's balnearios because it obscured the view of the sea. It was a bizarre decision, but, hey, at least Muro's former Balneario 1 won't be turned into a chill-out bar. We can, therefore, be thankful for some things.

* Photo of the machine at San Sebastian comes from http://www.balneariosysalud.com

Gambling Men: The PP and the casino

A week is a long time in politics, so Harold Wilson supposedly once said. Much can happen within the space of seven days, and in British politics it does. In Balearics politics, little happens over the course of seven days. Or over the course of seven weeks. The impression might be given of things happening, but in truth little of any real significance takes place.

A week ago, there I was, suggesting that José Ramón Bauzá probably had a clear run towards being re-selected as Partido Popular presidential candidate for the regional elections in 2015. But it was a clear run because of the lack of any obvious challengers, except perhaps Maria Salom at the Council of Mallorca, rather than because the party was unanimous in being enamoured of him; the other Salom, Jeroni of that ilk, the president of the party, was clearly not.

What I couldn't have anticipated, however, is what is said to have transpired at Palma's yacht club the other day and which involved, in one corner, Mateo Isern, the mayor of Palma along with his number two and tourism councillor, Álvaro Gijón, and in the other corner, José Ramón and one of his oppos, the economy minister, Joaquín García.

Reports suggest, and there is no reason not to believe them, that there was more than just a slight argument involving the two camps. At one point, Isern didn't offer Bauzá outside but offered him behind, grabbing hold of him and taking him behind some curtains to give him a piece of his mind. Various matters were raised but what had caused temperatures to rise, and for Gijón and García to have already exchanged unpleasantries, was the government's decision to site Mallorca's second casino in the Teatro Balear in Palma. Isern and Gijón want it to go in Playa de Palma as part of the resort's regeneration and where the scheme for its location would also involve the building of a new five-star hotel.

What Isern wanted to know, among other things, was how the Playa de Palma alternative could, in the evaluation process, score virtually "nul points" in terms of guarantees and financing offered when the company involved would be the same one which currently operates the casino in Porto Pi and which had previously operated the casino when it was sited in Sol de Mallorca, i.e. one with a not insignificant amount of credentials and experience when it comes to casinos.

Gijón, it would seem, questioned the process of competition for the casino overseen by García, while both the Palma men were, to say the least, disappointed that what could have been a cornerstone of the transformation of Playa de Palma was being removed.

As far as the decision is concerned, I'm inclined to agree with Isern and Gijón. I don't really give a damn whether there is a second casino, but if there is to be one, then Playa de Palma would appear to be preferable because of the regenerative potential it would have. But the politics of the spat seem altogether more entertaining.

If you're Bauzá and you want to fall out with a mayor from your party, then it probably doesn't matter if that mayor is in charge of some backwater, inconsequential, alleged municipality comprising a few hundred inhabitants and several hundred goats. But if that mayor happens to be in charge of roughly half the population of Mallorca and is mayor of a town hall which behaves as though it was a government in its own right, then it probably does matter. And so, from nowhere, we are presented with the delicious prospect that Isern, having fallen out with Bauzá over the casino, might fancy a pop at being leader of the party. We can but hope so, as suddenly things have become potentially very much more interesting than they were a week ago.

It would of course be instructive to learn what the "various matters" other than the casino were when Isern offered Bauzá behind. Isern hasn't, for example, appeared to have been a flag waver for the anti-TIL faction in the PP, but he will know that it could yet prove to be a problem when elections come round. Whatever these matters are, though, he clearly isn't happy, and he is one of the few really big beasts in the PP who could make things awkward for Bauzá. He is also, were he to choose to thrown his hat into the ring, a somewhat more personable figure, not one who hasn't had his own critics but one who might just cut a more sympathetic character than the presidential incumbent.

Yep, a week is a long time in politics, and Bauzá might just have found out how long a week can be. Let battle commence?

Photo of the Teatro Balear from Wikipedia.

MALLORCA TODAY - Police clash with a hundred looky-looky men in Playa de Palma

Early yesterday morning, local police, later assisted by National Police, clashed with some 100 illegal street-sellers (looky-looky men) in Playa de Palma, following the arrest of one their number after he had tried to assault a police officer. By the time that the National Police turned up, however, the lookies had dispersed. A comment in this report by a German tourist does perhaps sum up what goes on with incidents such as this: "They are laughing at the police but they (the police) do nothing. In Germany they would all be arrested". Which is doubtless the case, but a problem the police in Mallorca have is that, even if they arrest the illegal street-sellers, there is little they can do with them. If an assault occurs, this is one thing, but for infractions such as illegal selling, detentions only mean clogging up cells and being unable to extract fines.

See more: Ultima Hora

See No Evil, Hear No Evil: Problems in paradise

The other day I was driving past Hidropark. Two local police officers were involved with a woman. I suspect I know why. In the past I have seen local police officers involved with other women. Around the Mile for example. The flower-lady pickpockets. They exist in many parts of Mallorca. They have existed for years in Alcúdia, but Alcúdia doesn't have the same scale of problems that other resorts do. It is neither Magalluf nor Playa de Palma. It isn't even Cala Rajada.

Last year there were any number of complaints in Cala Rajada about the drunkenness and antics of young German tourists. Cala Rajada doesn't usually rank highly in the "dark summer" league table, principally because it has fewer tourists than the Big Two, which vie with each other for dark summer champion dominance, and because it doesn't have the same history of summer darkness. But it is in the league nevertheless, as is Alcúdia.

And so even is nice, quiet, genteel Puerto Pollensa. It has its massage girls and its lookies. It has the local police and the Guardia meeting with the government delegate to the Balearics to discuss operations this summer to combat, among other things, the "venta ambulante" on the beaches. Another resort that is comparatively lowly placed in the summer darkness league table is Playa de Muro, heading ever more to the promised land of five stars and Russian tourism but, as was reported last year, plagued by similar problems to those on the beaches of Puerto Pollensa. 

I am not intimately familiar with every resort of any great size in Mallorca, but I would guess that every resort has similar issues to contend with. It is easy to single out the Big Two and brand them league leaders, but it is an ease that comes partly because of a longer history of problems, partly because of sheer numbers, partly because of a particular type of tourism.

Yet, as the complaints in Cala Rajada revealed last year, Playa de Palma is not the only resort where younger Germans congregate; those with lower net worth but with an abundance of Red Bull-fuelled energy to be spent on getting blind drunk.

"Bild" really has done everyone a favour. There are of course the deniers, but finally the message may just be getting through. It is revealing that, while the immediate aftermath of the "Bild" dark summer splash brought about the inevitable placing of fingers in the ears - "la la la, I can't hear you" - the ears, along with the heads, have now risen out of the sand and blinked through the formerly rose-tinted sunglasses of a looky-looky man and seen that paradise has been lost. 

For too long, the denial has been predicated on a paradisical blindness and deafness to see no evil and hear no evil. This blunting of senses, invaded only periodically and temporarily by the sight of blood and vomit on the streets and the wails of police and ambulance sirens, has induced a quasi-utopian world view, one stripped of a cognitive appreciation that a certain dystopia may exist. It has further induced the disbelief that the voracious Hannibal Lecters of a pap-sensation-seeking media can firstly exist and secondly lead lambs to the slaughter in the way they did in Magalluf.

A prescription for troubles in Playa de Palma is that the tourist profile needs to change. Get rid of the low-cost, low-net-worth, low-20s lumpendrunkenproletariat and all the problems will disappear. Like prostitutes. Really? Replace it with high-cost, high-net-worth, high-40s or 50s and the mugging whores may disappear, but in their place might well come the high-class hookers, hanging around the bars of the newly five-starred Playa de Palma. They would have no need to nick a mobile. Need a new iPhone? Your place or mine?

Tourism attracts crime. This is an unfortunate fact of life. Tourism attracts different types of tourist. This is a fact of tourism life. How does a resort remove its less desirable tourist elements? It doesn't, unless the tour operators remove them and unless local businesses refuse to pander to them.

Problems in the resorts can be both overstated and understated, but they cannot be dismissed. And nor can they be treated by indulging in blame games. There are those who should be exempt from blame. Local police forces, the Guardia, the emergency services; they are the heroes not the villains. They work according to their resources, according to constraints and according to political inertia, business priorities and an historical blindness and deafness - see no evil, hear no evil.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Every "Bild" Tells A Story

"The seventeenth state topples." Germany has sixteen states, its sixteen Bundesländer. These are sixteen states within the borders of Germany. There is a seventeenth. Mallorca. Germany's relationship with Mallorca is not the same as Britain's or any other country's. It is a great deal more intimate. Mallorca is not just a holiday destination, it is as though it is an honorary member of the Bundesrepublik.

"Bild" deals with the sensationalist. It is very popular, but there are plenty of Germans who look down their noses at it, just as there are Germans who would look down their noses at Mallorca.

The German relationship is, in these respects therefore, not dissimilar to Britain's relationship with Mallorca. And as with the British press, "Bild", where Mallorca is concerned, both giveth and taketh away. "Germany's favourite island," it headlined a special feature in May to announce its collaboration with Air Berlin to fly lucky winners to Mallorca for the broadcast of "Wetten dass ...?". With a nod in the direction of Mallorca's culture, it offered mentions of Chopin and Valldemossa before getting down to the real business and a description of the island's "dream beaches".

A month or so on and "Bild" has shown its other side. The taketh away side. The seventeenth state toppling side. The darker side. And Mallorca's "dark summer" side.

It stings when foreign media attack Mallorca. It stung Magalluf when it was discovered that the BBC had exposed its darker side. It has stung in the past when "Bild" has been critical or been sensationalist. It was "Bild" which reckoned that bird flu in Germany had been brought back from Playa de Palma. And once again, it is Playa de Palma that the newspaper has turned its attention to. Playa de Palma, Arenal, the main German tourist centre on the island.

It stings, but who is really stung? Is it the tourist, either regular or prospective? Or is it the sensitive Mallorcan or resident of the island? It depends, in part, on the novelty aspect of the sensationalism; in part, on the accuracy and the truth. The BBC claimed that it would be telling the truth about Magalluf, but then truth was a good word to include in a programme title. You knew what was coming, and it didn't disappoint. But nor did it say anything that wasn't already known. "Bild" has said nothing that isn't already known. Problems in Playa de Palma show, and have shown, that Magalluf's problems are not unique; the main difference lies with the nationality.

Has the BBC's documentary made any noticeable difference to Magalluf, either in terms of numbers or in terms of actions taken to eradicate problems? As to the former, the answer would appear to be no. As to the latter, well possibly it has. The programme was criticised, but it stung; there was truth, even if it was only a certain truth and nothing but the whole truth. Will "Bild", using the oldest journalistic trick in the book, of starting its article with a series of negatives - binge-drinking, mugging whores, criminal gangs, gambling tricks, cheap sex, fatal balcony falls - make any difference to a German public familiar with issues in Playa de Palma and with the "Bild" style? Probably not. But it might just sting Palma and Llucmajor town halls.

The Spanish media does what it typically does when a full-frontal assault is launched by the foreign media. It closes ranks with outraged local authorities and others who would protest that a foul has been committed. It brandishes the "sensationalist" charge (not unreasonably and not inaccurately, admittedly) and, as has happened with the "Bild" article, dissects the facts and stats. Mallorca is not more dangerous than it used to be. Criminal incidents were down last year. "Bild" should get its facts right. This is the reaction.

Of course it should get its facts right, but if the facts are wrong, then why are there people in Magalluf and Playa de Palma who are sick to the back teeth with enduring problems that exist? Why are there petitions to get something done?

Yet, and here is the irony, the Spanish media, while eschewing the sensationalist, feeds the foreign media with its "facts". For instance, if "Bild" uses an image of young tourists drinking from an alcohol-filled bucket, this is no different to images that have been presented in the past by the Spanish press. 

"Bild" is sensationalist, but sensationalism has lost its power to sensationalise because of its ubiquity. Nevertheless, it can have some impact. "Bild" means picture. Every picture tells a story. It may not be the whole story, but it isn't necessarily the wrong story.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Sandcastle Wars

At the start of last month, a storm caused pine trees to be uprooted along Puerto Pollensa's pine walk and Pollensa town hall to ask the Costas Authority to pay rather greater attention to the pine walk than it had been. An aspect of local government in Mallorca that some may be unaware of is that land which is in the proximity of beaches and sea (and some land which isn't right next to the coast) is ultimately the responsibility of the Costas, i.e. the Balearics division of the Costas, itself a part of the national environment ministry and so therefore part of the national government. The town halls work in co-operation (usually) with the Costas in managing this land as well as the beaches themselves, but it is the Costas which have the final say.

Whether the Costas have taken any notice of the request for better maintenance of the pine walk I don't know, but they have addressed a matter in Puerto Pollensa that is obviously far more urgent. In a manner to which many have become accustomed in understanding how the Costas operate, they have marched in with their heavy boots and, metaphorically if not physically, trampled all over the elaborate sandcastles that are built on a tiny part of beach near to the quay which leads to the yacht club. They have fined the bloke who builds the sandcastles. Fined him just over two grand.

The justifications for the fine are that the chap has no permission to build the castles and that they occupy public space, thus denying other beach users the use of this space which is, in any event, the property of the state. The Costas also suggest that the sandcastle man has benefited financially. The fine is said to equate to what the Costas believe he has received. The sandcastle man says he has not received a single euro.

Whether he has received money from admiring tourists or whether he hasn't, the Costas action is heavy-handed to say the least. Though the sandcastles endure through the summer, they are not, by their very nature, permanent structures. They are in fact quite marvellous pieces of art and skill that have become something of an attraction in their own right. They do not deny beachgoers the use of beach because there is plenty more beach to go around. The fine is an utter nonsense.

In British newspaper cliché style, the Costas action is an example of "the world going mad", a cliché I would normally avoid like the plague, but in this instance it is probably appropriate. It is jobsworthyism of the highest order. Pollensa town hall, for its part, says there is nothing to stop the building of sandcastles and that, in any event, their building is not included among those activities that the Costas demand the town hall to rubber-stamp (like, for instance, contracts for managing the beaches, a subject about which we are only too familiar). All one can say is thank Heavens there isn't a procedure which requires permission to build sandcastles; the whole matter is totally ridiculous.

There is, however, a further aspect to all this. One that has not, as far as I am aware, become a factor in Puerto Pollensa sandcastle building, but which is elsewhere on the island and is one that would also be of interest to the Costas but which is of even greater interest to police forces.

Over the summers of 2010 and 2011, a sandcastle war developed on Playa de Palma. It was one that elements of the local Spanish media delighted in reporting, as they could wheel out the M-word (mafia) and state that the war was all the work of Romanians, and Romanian "mafias" specifically. (The local press appears to take special pleasure in being able to single out certain foreign nationalities.)

The war involved extortion, as sandcastle builders were clearly receiving a financial benefit and a pretty reasonable one at that. It also involved the destruction of rival sandcastles and the castles being the centre for other activities, for example the sale of drugs. The problem got so bad last year that Palma town hall instructed the beach operator to level castles when it was cleaning beaches each evening. The operator had to have police accompaniment. Even this didn't do the trick, as the castles would be re-built.

The story of Playa de Palma's sandcastle war serves as a warning. Not because of what the Costas might seek to extract as a fine (which is an absurdity) but because of how sandcastle building, an innocent activity one would think, can turn into something that is rather more sinister.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

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