All The Nice Girls Love A Sailor

Hetty King was her name. In 1909 Hetty took the world of the music hall by storm and all the nice girls loved a sailor, primarily because a sailor had a pocketful of cash and a parrot in a cage. Quite what the parrot had to do with anything, I'm not sure. Be this as it may, back in Hetty's day, the loving of a sailor probably didn't usually extend to his going downstairs on a first date, or on any date come to that.

The Virgen del Carmen fiesta in Puerto Pollensa will this year feature a sailors' party. All the nice and not so nice girls will have the chance to love a sailor as will, one supposes, all the nice boys. But Hetty would never have sung about such things, while the chances of there being a genuine virgin over the age of consent at the Virgen fiesta would be pretty slim, one imagines. Not that it follows that a nice girl has, by definition, to be a virgin, though presumably Hetty would have preferred this to be the case.

While sexual behaviour has changed over the past 103 years, so has music. Thankfully, there is no longer the music hall. As Alexei Sayle once put it - "Friends often ask me, 'Lex, why's there no music hall any longer?', and I tell them, 'because it was crap' ". Yet fiesta music still retains some semblance of the traditional. And in a Mallorcan stylie, this means men with bagpipe things and whistley things and a brass band. Yes really, 'appen, the brass band.

Far less traditional are the fiesta DJs. These come in different guises. Regrettably, there are some who seem to think that they are the Hairy Cornflake or Ooh, Gary Davies, as they insist on going all retro and dragging out your favourite discs of the '70s (of which, let's be honest, there can be very few). Better news comes in the form of the current-day DJ, mashing-up, sound clashing, making one hell of a racket and applying so much bass that a tsunami in the nearby bay is threatened.

Better news musically, but not better news if you happen to want a good night's sleep and are anywhere in the vicinity of the sailors' party that will last until five in the morning.

This party, revived this year, was a previous tradition of Virgen del Carmen. Its new incarnation, going as a sailor, is simply a thematic device; the party itself is not new. And staging a party that goes on all night slap bang in the middle of a town is also not new or original. Most places in Mallorca indulge in such parties at least once a year; more often, if you are really lucky or unlucky, depending on your point of view, your age probably, your need for sleep or your need to be up at six o'clock to go to work.

The thing with these parties is that there appears to be a view that everyone welcomes them and will want to join in. Current-day DJs might mean that not everyone does. While I happen to think they are a great idea, I also don't happen to live anywhere near where one occurs. I still might think they were a great idea if I did, but then I might also not think they were.

While the night parties are common enough across Mallorca at fiesta time, there has been an increase in the trouble that they attract. Excessive drinking, anti-social behaviour, e.g. taking a leak in the square, and violence have dogged some. Pollensa town has experienced problems and so, most obviously, has Sa Pobla; the Districte 54 party has been dropped again this year, mainly for cost reasons, but it led to all manner of incidents last year having been banned by the previous town hall administration because of the potential ASBO-ism.

Holding an all-night party in an urban setting, be it the town square or wherever, is bound not to meet with everyone's approval. One can argue that, well, it is just one night, but in Pollensa, for example, it isn't. Or hasn't been. There is just the slight hint of double standards about such parties in that there is so much insistence otherwise on limiting noise, or at least trying to.

These misgivings notwithstanding, they are a good thing. They are a real expression of a Mallorcan summer, and the island would be a worse place without them. Noise is an inevitable by-product of summer and especially of a summer where tourism is so central and where the fiesta is also so central.

All the nice girls will love a sailor, come next Saturday night. One hopes that they will still be loving the sailor when he has had more than his fair share of rum and when he starts to think about getting the parrot out of the cage. 


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

What every girl dreams. If she lives in Santa Margalida. At the weekend, Francisca Oliver Fornés was chosen to be La Beata, the saint Catalina Thomàs. Requirements for being selected include having participated as an attendant in previous Beata ceremonies, being church-going, single and eighteen. To be nominated as La Beata is quite some honour. The fiesta in September is often referred to as Mallorca's most traditional, La Beata herself acting out the refusal to be tempted by the devil.

Single, eighteen, not necessarily church-going and not necessarily inclined to turn down temptation. The contrast between a weekend ceremony to select the current-day embodiment of a saint and a weekend ceremony of unsaintliness is stark. At a similar time to Francisca's selection, the Districte 54 party in Sa Pobla was rumbling. The mayor of Sa Pobla has been forced to apologise to the people of the town. Mess, noise, lack of respect, excessive drinking. What on earth had he expected?

The mayor had wanted the party reinstated as part of the town's fiestas. It was largely his doing that it took place this year. It was he who had criticised the previous administration for not staging it last year. It was he who said that it brought economic benefits and a load of people from across the island.

He was not wrong in respect of the numbers attending. But the numbers, as with other fiesta parties, are swelled by those who, thanks to social networks, know full well that there's to be a botellón. The street-drinking parties are happening everywhere. Organised through Facebook and what have you, they are creating attendances at the parties so large that villages and towns cannot cope. They are being overwhelmed by people, by drunkenness and violence. I ask again: what on earth had the mayor expected?

Districte 54, more than most of the parties, is a magnet for trouble. It's why it was banned last year. Nevertheless, the town decided to go ahead with it again, with the result that the police had to respond to numerous complaints and the medical services were needed to treat those who were totally off their faces.

Mayor Serra says that there will not be a repetition; that if the party happens again, it won't take place slap bang in the centre of the town. It might find a convenient finca somewhere in the countryside, which is what they have done in Maria de la Salut, and the parties there pass off without much incident.

Whether it happens again or not, the trouble at Districte 54 is further evidence of the degree to which the fiesta parties have grown in size to the point at which they are out of control. The wishes of town halls to limit street drinking botellóns, as in Pollensa, are not being met because the social networks enable people to find ways around whatever controls might be put in place. The town halls seem to have failed utterly to comprehend how modern communications work.

The traditional Mallorcan fiesta has broken down and has been taken over by DJs and cheap booze. And this breakdown in tradition isn't simply one that can be styled as being down to the generation gap. There is a division also within generations. Which is what Francisca represents. While she was being named Santa Margalida's Beata, the Santa Margalida herself was being defiled in Sa Pobla; Districte 54 was part of the Santa Margalida festivities.

The coincidence of this is one thing; the contrast another. Over one weekend in July, two separate happenings highlighted the way in which Mallorcan youth has split. The requirement for a Beata aspirant to demonstrate her good Catholic credentials seems almost quaint now. The church has lost much meaning for and support among the younger generation.

If you had to choose between the two, you would opt for Districte 54 and its attendant troubles as being more representative of Mallorcan youth than Francisca and La Beata. And if you do opt so, it kills, once and for all, the myth of Mallorcan (and Spanish) youth being unlike their British counterparts. You might recall that some while ago a report established that the level of alcohol intake among Spanish teenagers was as high if not higher and the frequency of drinking greater than that of British kids.

Of course, you can't and shouldn't tar every Mallorcan teenager and young person with the same alcoholic or violent brush, just as you shouldn't the British youth, but what can be said with some certainty is that a societal shift isn't underway; it has already happened. Temptation has been taken. And no amount of saintliness will put the devil back in the box.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

MALLORCA TODAY - Districte 54 causes problems again

The Districte 54 night party in Sa Pobla, reintroduced this year by the new ruling Partido Popular administration at the town hall, caused problems on Saturday night of the sort that had seen it scrapped last year. Police received numerous complaints about noise, and mayor Biel Serra has apologised for the mess and the lack of respect shown by those attending the event which became once more a botellón drinking party. He has said that there will not be a repetition.

All Night Long: Fiesta parties

So there will, after all, be a party on the final night of Pollensa's Patrona festivities. Public pressure helped to ensure this, the last town hall meeting having been packed by those in favour of it. The mayor had been criticised for not having consulted in seeking to ditch the event.

Here we go again. If it's Pollensa, it must be a case of the town hall not consulting. There are some things it should consult about, such as the pedestrianisation plan for Puerto Pollensa that was scrapped primarily because it had failed to consult, but there is surely a limit to what it is obliged to consult about. Or perhaps, in the case of fiestas, the people's parties if you like, there should be an obligation. There again, they didn't consult the people of Puerto Pollensa about what has turned out to be a programme for Virgen del Carmen that is like little more than a village fete.

The night party is going ahead, but economic constraints will mean that it will finish earlier than previously, at 2.30 in the morning of 2 August. Economic constraints or something else? The deputy mayor, Malena Estrany, hopes that by ending the party a couple of hours earlier there will not be a repeat of the botellón street party and unseemliness that has been associated with the event. There remains the suspicion that cost was a secondary factor in the town hall's wish to call the event off, and that the botellón was the primary factor.

But now, having backtracked, the town hall would wish us to believe that lopping two hours off the party will help to stop a grand old booze-up. Are they serious? The strangeness of this logic is made even stranger by the town hall's intention to ask neighbouring towns to check that people being bussed in to the event from the likes of Sa Pobla or Alcúdia aren't carrying drink.

This presumably means the local police in these towns being called on to search and confiscate. A question arises whether they have any right to do so. Drinking alcohol in the street may be against local laws, drinking on a bus may also be, but carrying drink? Moreover, drink can be obtained in other ways. The botellón isn't always just a bunch of people turning up at random with a carrier-bag with a couple of cheap bottles of vino.

Elsewhere in Mallorca, one party has been scrapped precisely because of the problems that a botellón can create. In Pòrtol, following incidents last weekend, a DJ party for this coming Saturday is to be dropped and probably replaced by a dance orchestra.

But also this coming Saturday, a party which had been dropped last year and which had acquired greater notoriety than the Patrona party is to make a re-appearance. Sa Pobla is organising the Districte 54 event as part of its Santa Margalida festivities. This was banned last year on safety grounds and because of complaints about noise and the state that the town got into thanks to its accompanying botellón.

Districte 54 has been one of the biggest of the fiesta night parties. It was first launched in 2003 by the then Partido Popular administration in the town. Who is now the new mayor of Sa Pobla? Biel Serra of the Partido Popular. Last year he criticised the decision to scrap the event, pointing to its economic benefits and to the fact that it brought the whole island to Sa Pobla.

There is more than just a hint of the populist behind the decision to resurrect Districte 54, and Pollensa's mayor may also have begun to have had second thoughts about how a decision to ban the night party might impact on his popularity, a mere month into his new term of office.

Serra's belief that Districte 54 has economic benefits contrasts with the economic constraints said to have been influencing the Pollensa decision. Which brings you back to the question as to how well these economic benefits are measured, if at all, and to a further question therefore, which is, despite the costs of staging events, do they actually generate a sufficiently greater revenue?

Local businesses would argue that they do. And this is the nub of the issue with the botellón parties which occur at Patrona or Districte 54. Yes, they can cause unpleasantness but they are really about potentially depriving businesses of revenue; hence the measures that are being introduced to try and limit their impact. People can put up with noise and mess if the tills are turning. And you can bet that those who packed the Pollensa town hall meeting weren't just revellers.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

And Your Bra And Panties: Fiesta traditions

Cut along to your local fiesta and the last thing you might expect is to be presented with a group of "lads" proudly waving their prosthetic erections around. Depends what type of fiesta you go to though, I suppose. If traditional Mallorcan, then the only big knobs would normally be the local dignitaries as they make their entrances for the fiesta climax. But then how many years count as traditional? In Bunyola, there is a modern fiesta tradition. Come in your underwear, as in attend in your smalls, unless you're the boys with a woody strap-on and you invite the double entendre.

For six years, the Saint Matt fiesta in the town has featured a parade of "ropa interior" - that's bras and pants to you and me. The flaunting of the nearly nude is lubricated by free beer. Bread and circuses. It's an old trick, one I learnt at university: anaethetise the college population with regular and copious, gratis Boddies and Thwaites and they'll be bound to return you at the next elections. Give 'em enough and they'll do anything, like the lads during Bunyola's Friday parade or the lasses concealing their modesty with multi-coloured bouncy baubles.

This is a splendid new tradition. Not for the fact of bare flesh - you can cop an eyeful enough of that on your nearest beach - but because it is not the same. Not the same as all the other fiestas. Want to know what's going to be happening at this year's fiesta? Easy. Look at last year's programme, or the one from the year before. All you need do is change the dates, and with some fiestas you don't even need to do that. Alternatively you can simply look at the fiesta schedule from a different town: pipers a-piping; giants a-dancing; balls-de-botting. Yep, they'll all be there.

There is much to be said for continuity and for the headlining fiesta events that drag in the crowds - be they Moors and Christians having a bundle, the Beata procession of Santa Margalida or the grape fight of Binissalem's Vermar. The year-on-year familiarity of the fiestas can be reassuring in the same way as it is if you go to a different type of party and find that you know everyone. The only trouble is that you end up telling the same jokes, having the same arguments and disappearing behind the shed with the same adulterous missus.

The formulaic introspection of fiesta and the maintenance of tradition are increasingly the source of anxiety as the forces of the generation gap square up to each other in the market or church square. Not completely. There remain the honour and pride of, for instance, being selected as La Beata or as "vermadors" and "vermadores", but the good burghers of the Mallorcan towns are shaking their heads at what they see as a threat to the fiesta tradition - one that comes from the very breaking with tradition.

The night parties of the fiestas are, in their current incarnation, relatively new traditions. But so much concern do they now arouse that you have a town hall such as Sa Pobla scrapping the Districte 54. Partly this was for financial reasons, or so they said; the more pressing reason was the mess and noise. Sa Pobla is not the only town hall which worries for the future of fiestas if the young treat them merely as excuses for massive piss-ups. In Pollensa, much as the town hall tried to limit alcohol in the fiesta centre for the Patrona parties and to ask kindly that the squares and streets weren't used as lavatories, the ambience was awash with less of the romanticism than the brochures might have you believe.

In Sa Pobla this year the fiesta programme was one that could be enjoyed by those of all ages. That was what the town hall reckoned. But was it? Having unleashed the genie of the night parties, it is hard for the town halls to put them back in the bottle without some resentment. Moreover, there must be the temptation to retrench further into the past and into long-established tradition, thus provoking a greater distance between the generations.

In Bunyola the undies parade is for all generations. It is an example of tradition invigoration that is positive in both its harmlessness and its profound silliness, one that is different and at the same time respectful of the population as a whole; well, maybe the mock stiffies might not be. Perhaps, though, too much is made of the night parties and the apparent rejection of tradition by the young. There is another tradition - quite a bit older than Bunyola's. It is the Fornalutx "correbou". If you had spent some time looking at images of the reaction to the recent protest in the village against the bull run, you might have been surprised, shocked even. The reactionaries were predominantly the young. It doesn't add up. The young are meant to reject tradition.


QUIZ -
In your best lascivious voice, who requested "and now your bra and panties"?


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.