Khaleesi Of Podemos

Now, it is just conceivable that, because of the spot of bother there's been in Catalonia, you were unaware of a referendum closer to home; if you are one of those who chooses to call Mallorca and the Balearics home, that is. This was the citizens' referendum for Podemos. The faithful were called upon to select the successor to Alberto Jarabo as gen-sec in the Balearics.

Prior to the fateful deed being done, The Four Feminists Of The Apparatchik (i.e. the candidates) communed with the citizens in a room at Palma's CineCiutat. I know I've suggested that Laura Camargo could get a part in a David Lynch film, but this hardly inspired confidence. I mean, it's not as though the cinema's that big in the first place. One room? How few citizens could there have been?

Anyway, they were presented one by one: María Asunción Jacoba Pía de la Concha García-Mauriño (and yes, she is just one); our good friend The Boot Girl, Laura; Cristina Gómez; and, erm, a bloke called Jorge Sans. I think you can probably guess that Jorge was on to a bit of a loser, which proved to be the case (3.1% of the vote). Still, he tried manfully, or should one say, womanfully, in insisting that he represented the candidacy of "the bases", which is the arcane term they use for meaning supporters. Jorge added that a new stage was starting for Podemos: one of union to win the 2019 elections, of recovering "visibility" on the streets" and of being "well feminised".

In this regard, Jorge was unlikely to have ever really made it off the starting blocks. He did have one very slight disadvantage - being a he. Therefore, he was somewhat out of place when the foursome had a "femi-café" (whatever that is) prior to their presentations to the citizens. As to visibility, it's reasonable to assume that Jorge will remain largely invisible, which is not what can be said for Granny Mae. Yes, María Asunción Jacoba Pía de la Concha García-Mauriño (for she is Granny Mae) limped to victory: 47.6% of the vote. Jorge had been put firmly in his feminist place, but The Boot Girl was a mere six per cent behind as Granny crossed the finishing line.

The result will have had capitalists breathing a sigh of relief. Granny is from the Jarabo wing of not being entirely anti-capitalist, unlike Laura, who is - and 101 per cent so. The spectre of leading hoteliers being shackled by the wrists and ankles  and frogshuffled off to re-education camps in fields in the general vicinity of Sineu was thus averted.

And what did Laura make of it all? Well, prior to the vote, she had said that they should all go forward side by side. "The collective is greater than the individual (she must have known something) and let's not elbow each other." Quite. Stick the boot in instead. Which is rather what Granny Mae achieved - just about.

Granny's victory does require some explaining. Laura is, after all, very much better known. She spends every breathing parliamentary moment berating anyone she claps eyes on, a terrifying experience that turns all pro-capitalist anti-feminists into gibbering wrecks. With such credentials, surely she should have cleaned up the vote. Ah yes, but we shouldn't perhaps have underestimated the wise summary of The Judge.

Juan Pedro Yllanes, you may have forgotten, was a senior judge. So senior was he, that he was originally going to have been the presiding judge at the Princess Cristina-Iñaki trial. He opted instead to get elected to Congress for Podemos, and his views come with the forensic insight one might expect of his profession. He delivered his verdict. Laura's project was one integrated with the United Left (communists) and anti-capitalists: it was one of "pure extremism". Ouch. Moreover, said The Judge, Laura has no intention of actually formally joining and being a part of the Balearic government. Granny, on the other hand, does have such an intention, which will either sound like good or bad news: the latter, if you happen to be President Armengol. 

Meanwhile, it would seem that we are going to have to get used to Granny Mae adopting an alternative moniker. I give you, in all seriousness, Khaleesi. Yes, according to her support base, she is "our Khaleesi". For any of you unfamiliar with this reference, it is to Daenerys Targaryen ­Khaleesi, the character played by Emilia Clarke in Game Of Thrones. And if you are also therefore unfamiliar with what Emilia looks like, then I recommend that you Google her.

Why is Granny Mae their Khaleesi? Well, notwithstanding the fact that she bears absolutely no resemblance to Emilia, there is the small matter of Khaleesi being the Mother of Dragons. Respect does prevent me from making any comment about old dragons or Peggy Mount, but let us therefore assume that fire will be breathed. Oh dear, Francina, consensus and dialogue won't be much defence when that happens.

Who Holds The Conch?

In Lord of the Flies, what order there was resided with the holder of the conch. Ralph struggled to maintain order, and it was ultimately wrenched away, along with the conch, by Jack. But the conch was only so powerful. Piggy's specs represented the real power. They were needed for making fire. Jack really was an utter bastard.

What order there is in Podemos in the Balearics at present is being wrested away. Alberto Jarabo is to lose his hold on the conch. The faction within the party which isn't behind The Boot Girl, Laura Camargo, wants anyone but Laura in charge. It has come up with someone who might fit the bill: Mae de la Concha. And who is she? A Podemos deputy in Congress. The non-Laura wing would rather like Concha to have the conch and lead them into what they hope will be a glorious victory at the 2019 election. Moreover, it would seem as though they are conspiring to try and get Laura farmed out to Palma town hall. Lucky old Palma, and you think two years to come of Noggin as mayor couldn't be any worse.

But as with Lord of the Flies, it's the specs which have it. And Laura has the specs. Feminist, anti-capitalist Jack that she is, the war paint would be donned, the hunters would roam the land and fire would be made. This, at any rate, is the fear of the non-Laura lot. Were she imposed on Palma, things would be tricky enough, such as her imposing a five-kilometre exclusion zone for all cruise ships. But as holder of the conch as well as the glasses and presidency of the Balearics, to boot, The Boot Girl would commence the process of re-order. Magalluf would be nationalised and become part of the Gulag. Hoteliers would be sent there for their re-education, closely followed by dissenters within the Podemos ranks. The conch wouldn't count for anything for La Concha, as she wouldn't have it.

Of course, and you can rest easy, none of this will happen. Yes, Laura might get to hold the Podemos conch, but the lovely and reassuring Partido Popular are coming to everyone's rescue. So certain are they of victory in 2019 that they have already started drafting legislation. Or repealing legislation. Some which hasn't actually been passed yet, namely the holiday rentals' bill.

The PP will thus contribute to the constant state of disorder. A fire will be lit under Biel Barceló's rentals' law (and possibly Biel as well), with the tourist tax to add extra fuel. Or will it? Who wears the specs in the PP? Biel Company? Marga Prohens? Not as such. Come here, Laura, we need your glasses.