When Bel Went To Madrid

"Now then, Bel, just listen to what I have to tell the hoteliers, and then later, when the press want to hear from us, give them the normal lines about seeking consensus, lengthening the tourism season, diverting tourists away from the summer to the low season thanks to the success of the 'Better in Winter' campaign, redistributing wealth, creating jobs and so on. Have you got that?"

"Yes, I think so, Francina. But are you saying that I shouldn't say anything to the hoteliers?"

"That is exactly what I'm saying, Bel. Look, you may be the tourism minister, but you've barely been in the job a month, which is not enough time for you to have the faintest idea what you're talking about other than spouting the normal nonsense to the press like myself and every other minister."

"Oh, very well, but I thought this trip was going to be my chance to demonstrate what a firm grip I have on tourism in pursuit of sustainability and securing the future of the environment and the wealth of the citizens."

"You may have thought that, Bel, but the hoteliers aren't going to fall for you being even remotely in charge or having a firm grip on anything. If you must, when it comes to the press, you can trot out some percentage of what the tourist tax will cost the typical family of four relative to the total cost of the holiday. Biel used to do that, which would stun them all into silence for a moment or two."

"But I don't know what the cost of a holiday is for a typical family of four."

"Quite. That's why you're the tourism minister. Now, are we ready for the hoteliers?"

"Yes, Francina."

And so, alas poor Bel, who sat round the table, maintaining a respectful silence as the hoteliers trained their eyes only on Francina. But it wasn't all a waste of time. There were the various photo opportunities. Look, there's the delegation from (insert the town hall as applicable), time for a photo with them. Not that Bel was left on her own. Oh no, all the others were in the photos as well. Francina, Cosmic Bonet of the Council, Mercedes of the Council, Mick of the Council, and anyone else they could drag in.

For the town halls, what a splendid event the Fitur fair was. My, how the media drool over all this stuff. "Mr (Ms) Mayor, what is your assessment of your participation at this year's fair?" "It has been extremely positive. A great success." Meanwhile, and out of view, the massive piles of newly printed brochures for cultural tourism in whatever municipality were remaining stubbornly massive.

Although Mick, Mercedes and Cosmic had taken themselves off to Madrid to, for instance, demonstrate how Mallorca inspires culture (about which we heard not a botifarró), they had more urgent, headline-grabbing matters to attend to back in Palma. Yes, the Great Map Of Mallorca's Zones was unveiled, a cartographer's delight of colour coding, each colour designed to strike sorrow or joy into the hearts of prospective owners of holiday rental accommodation.

"Now then, the red zones are ... ?" "They're saturated." "Ok, and the purple ones?" "They're high tourism pressure." "Isn't that the same thing?" "No, red is saturated and purple is high tourism pressure." "But they amount to the same thing." "Well, yes, sort of." "The grey areas - and I'm not referring to the whole thinking behind zoning - what are they for?" "They're industrial estates." "Industrial estates?" "Industrial estates." "Since when have car showrooms been likely holiday rental accommodation?" "Have you looked on Airbnb lately?"

What a fabulous week it was for tourism, but less than fabulous for Bel, whose thunder was stolen in Madrid and then later in Palma when the Great Map was put on display.

Still, we can now expect her to refer to the Great Map when explaining how sustainability is to be assured, how wealth is to be redistributed to the citizens, how the land (our land) will be saved, how jobs will be created ... . What she probably won't be saying is anything about the tourist tax percentage of the total cost of the holiday for a family of four. Where's Biel when we need him?

The Minder At The Ministry

I didn't know him so much as occasionally stumble into him, though really that should be the other way round, despite a seemingly industrial capacity for holding his drink. There was a pub in Twickenham that I would now and then frequent. It was his local, he having been and remaining Dennis Waterman. On one occasion he was exiting at the same time as I was. He paused and asked - of no one in particular - "anyone seen my Roller?" It would probably have been as well if no one had seen it.

As Terry McCann in Minder, Dennis had his memorable quotes; rather more memorable, one imagines, than the enquiry about the Roller. But it was Arthur Daley (George Cole) on whom Leon Griffiths' script generosity for great lines mostly fell. It was Arthur who pined for the days of honest-to-God, decent, professional thieves. They could no longer be found as they were all living in Spain.

Arthur once let Terry in on his secret as a businessman: "You make contact with your customer, understand their needs, and then flog them something they could well do without.” And why does this come to mind? Well, because it may be the type of advice being issued at the tourism ministry at present. Understand tourists' needs and then present them with what they almost certainly could do without - a winter break when Cyclone Bruno (or any other cyclone) is battering the Balearics. Better in winter, albeit that it was springlike last week.

My guess is that Bel of the Ministry isn't that adept at one-liners. I may be doing her a disservice, but she doesn't give the impression of having landed at the tourism ministry armed with a book of gags. Indeed, when it comes to the imparting of gems of wisdom in an Arthur manner, it may well be that there is a role reversal: it's the Minder who's advising Bel.

We were more or less formally introduced to him during the negotiations over Biel Barceló's successor. Those one-sided negotiations - to ensure Bel was the new Biel - were conducted on the Més side by a trio that someone (not me) referred to as looking like a Bulgarian hit squad. Their opposite numbers from PSOE were Iago of employment and two of the socialist dames - Pilar of the presidency department and Mercedes of the Council (holiday rental zoning and all that). Towering over them was Lluís Apesteguia, who Mercedes will have recognised from the Council. Iago would doubtless have become familiar with him as well. "It's going to be Bel, isn't it." "Er, well, yes." "Good boy."

The reward for Lluis is to now find himself as Bel's Minder, which officially means her chief of staff. A rising star in Més, and a substantial one at that, Lluis' career progression has been assisted by his having gained a degree in classical philology. So, that's at least two philologists in charge of tourism then; Bel's language capabilities we already knew about.

His elevation to Minder status is being interpreted in some quarters as bolstering Bel's bid to lead Més to electoral glory in 2019. His appointment, it is said, gives greater political weight to the tourism ministry, with Bel now given the chance to shine and look forward to becoming the next president of the Balearics. And if she were to be, then what will Lluis' next reward be? As Bel probably wouldn't say: "The world's your lobster, Lluis."

Bel And The Colour Red

They were all dressed up a bit like Santa, or rather Papa Noel to be accurate in a Spanish way. Not that Castellano was top of the agenda. The philologist was being sworn in. It was thus Pare Nadal in a Catalan style, albeit Pare is generally verboten in traditional terms. The philologist's comrade in Palma, Mayor Noggin, had explained a few days previously that it has always been Els Reis Mags d'Orient at Ca'n Noguera. The Kings have it, which is curious if you happen to be a Republican-leaning pan-Catalanist.

Bel, the philologist now in charge of tourism, was resplendent in red facial furniture for the swearing-in act, which itself was all something of an act. The brothers and sisters of PSOE appeared to have ended up with nothing more than an orange and a lump of coal in their Pare Nadal sacks, while Bel had claimed the PlayStation. They had a right hump.

But there were to later be some smiles and even some laughter, as the PSOE collective remembered that there were lenses being pointed at them. "Molts d'anys. Happy days." Not that they were. Still, for appearance's sake, they had mostly lined up in red in order to complement the Bel goggles. Sweet and friendly Francina, who had not wished Bel to darken her door let alone occupy the seat next to her that was formerly reserved for Biel, sported a vibrant red top affair. Pilar Costa, the government spokesperson, had as good as matched Bel with the red rims. Catalina Cladera (finance), otherwise in mourning black, seemed to have had an accident with a government HQ painter; some red starburst thing had been splashed all down the right of her dress.

Of those who had eschewed red, Martí March (education) spent much of the time staring skyward. Was he looking for Pare Nadal? More likely he was thinking oh no, a Catalan hardliner in the vice-presidency, and one who's a teacher as well: the last thing an education minister needs. Patricia Gómez (health) appeared to have been unfamiliar with the woman taking the vice-presidential vows, such was an expression of fierce disbelief mingled with contempt.

Consensually and with dialogue they will now all march forward. Together but disunited. Francina has come to realise that being president of a progressive pact of consensus and dialogue actually means that others insist on having their way. Podemos had done it with the tourist tax, and Més had now done likewise by depositing Bel in a post for which her only qualification is being a member of Més.

Her predecessor, Biel, told the world last week that he doesn't believe in a technocracy. What he meant was that it doesn't matter if a minister hasn't the first idea, in a technical sense, of a portfolio. There are and will be others who beg to differ; such as PSOE.

It had of course all been sown up on the Saturday before the swearing-in. It was a non-contest. PSOE had sent in a triumvirate to bat on their behalf that comprised Pilar with her red frames, meek and mild Iago from employment, and Mercedes from the Council of Mallorca's land department. They never stood a chance in the Bel or not-Bel negotiations, especially because Lluís Apesteguia (Més, Council of Mallorca councillor) was looming over them like a Magalluf nightclub bouncer or that security chap you always see in photos when Jaume Matas is being hauled in to face another court trial.

Ultimately though, they were all kind of united in a United red. But was it red for danger?

The Last Tourism Minister?

No one from the hoteliers or the tourism sector in general was present at government HQ for the swearing-in of Bel Busquets as vice-president and tourism minister. It was apparently the first time that a tourism minister has taken office without the hoteliers having been represented. Their absence was downplayed. The hoteliers were holding an assembly and they were also having their Christmas lunch. So, no controversy there, then.

Whatever the hoteliers and the rest of the tourism industry in the Balearics think about Busquets, they're just going to have to get on with things and try and get on with her. In pure political terms they do at least know what the agenda is: the same as with Biel Barceló. But even sharp division on policies, such as the tourist tax, can be made to appear friendly enough; it depends on the individuals. Barceló and Inma Benito, no longer the hoteliers president, did at least seem to get on. It was a tribute to both that they did.

Busquets, for her part, has been coming out with the normal stuff about dialogue. In fact, she went one step further than normal; there is to be "maximum consensus and dialogue", once Christmas and the Kings are out of the way and everyone can get back to work. If there was ever going to be a good time for her to take office, it has been now, especially as the hoteliers were tucking into their turkey (or whatever) and donning the hats from their crackers at the very moment she was uttering her oath.

In addition to this maximum consensus and dialogue, Busquets trotted out all the other clichés. For instance, the tourist tax is for improving "the territory and the people"; the tax "takes advantage of benefits from tourism to make policies for protecting the territory". Yes, Bel, I think we've all got that message.

The tourism industry should not fear, or so it would appear, as Bel stated that she is not opposed to tourism. Which was good of her. It would be strange indeed for a tourism minister to be opposed to the very thing she is supposed to be responsible for. But then these are strange times, not least because - and despite the government's "agreements for change" (to which she naturally referred) - most of the government and the whole of the non-government didn't want her. President Armengol had wanted an independent and a "consensual" person at the ministry's helm. So had Mae de la Concha, the Podemos general secretary. The PP and the opposition had wanted anyone but another member of Més.

But Bel is now minister, so all that reluctance - as Biel Barceló has noted - should be forgotten. One wonders if it will be. Hers is a peculiar appointment; there are no two ways about it. Even more peculiar, however, is the possibility that she might just be the last Balearic tourism minister. Barceló has suggested there may not be the need for one in future. This is because of all those tourism responsibilities being transferred to the island councils.

So, maybe this is the point we should all get our heads around. Bel isn't opposed to tourism. She's perfectly in favour of it, with other institutions running it. Bel, the tourism minister who called time on the tourism ministry.

Philology And Tourism: Bel Busquets

Being intimately knowledgeable of the detail of a portfolio isn't necessarily a pre-requisite for a ministerial appointment. But it can help, as can demonstrable competence for even having been considered for the appointment.

The rules of the "new politics" have thrust into the limelight those whose qualifications for ministerial office are shaky, to say the least; non-existent might also be a way of describing them. The new politics aren't always at play, though. The Partido Popular in the Balearics is representative of the old school, one that has done quite well at keeping its friends in the private sector contented. The new politics eschew such cosiness. New faces are thus presented, and they are representative of greater democracy. Why should ministerial posts, why should government be the preserve of the old and established guard?

All true perhaps. But there is always a but. The old politics can make questionable promotions, just as the new politics can. For both, it is a matter of dogmatic continuity, or in the case of the PP it was the necessity for dogma to reign supreme. President Bauzá sacked Rafael Bosch as education minister. Bosch's crime was that he knew too much. Education was his specialism. He had doubts about a zealous anti-Catalanism. Dogma ruled, and he had to go.

In his place came Joana Maria Camps, an estate agent by background. She was Bauzá's mouthpiece, but unfortunately what came out just helped to make her appointment seem ever the more bizarre. Poor Joana, one felt sorry for her. She tripped up, none more so than when she managed to use the Catalan verb to tread on to mean the PISA (Programme for International Student Assessment) survey. Parliamentary deputies were in fits of laughter. Catalan had intruded in a way that Catalan should not have. Such, one might suggest, can be a drawback with Catalan philology (the study of language); however odd this was, given the anti-Catalanism of the time.

Bauzá eventually saw sense and replaced her with Nuria Riera, a generally accomplished and experienced politician who did at least attempt to build the destroyed bridges with the teaching fraternity. It was too late, though.

Balearics tourism has had the occasional individual with intimate knowledge at a ministerial level. Jaume Cladera has been the clearest example. Biel Barceló was not intimate. Forget the name, he is not from the hotel group's family. But he did, as he once explained, have some experience of tourism, though he never offered any detail. Perhaps he had once been a hotel entertainer. Who can say?

He was at least experienced, if not as a minister then as someone who had been on the political stage for several years. If Més were to have a tourism minister, which they were always going to have, then it may as well have been Biel. Other candidates were in any event in short supply, if at all.

Biel is part of the new politics, the new democracy of challenging the old guard, and he has now given way to Bel Busquets. Bel is the new tourism minister. The industry, especially that which isn't based in the Balearics, will be asking who the Balearics have managed to serve up this time. Tourism ministers; there have been a few, too many to mention.

The headline of an article in the Spanish media more or less summed up this appointment: "A philologist fronting Balearic tourism." Bel is a qualified Catalan philologist. She has been a school teacher. She is now the minister of tourism. And the only reasons that she is have to do with Més dogma and with the intrigues of the Balearic government. She will carry on the good Més work at tourism, even if she has no real idea what it entails. She will be presented to the tourism industry because Més wouldn't allow any other outcome. Joana Camps revisited, but wearing a pan-Catalanist, eco-nationalist frock.

Regarding the appointment of Busquets, I asked someone - where do they find these people? At the bottom of the pyramid came the response. Barrel might have been an alternative. It's not that I wish her ill; quite the contrary. But how can it be that the Balearics most important industry is placed in the hands of someone who on the face of it is not equipped for the post? Well, I think we know why. Dogma, power games within the government and the sudden opportunities offered by the new politics.

How PSOE must really wish that there was a return to the old way. It was manifestly obvious that President Armengol didn't want Busquets. At her swearing-in there was a distinct frostiness of body language. But PSOE just have to lump it and hope that Busquets heeds Armengol's words about positive dialogue with the industry. At least with Barceló he did appreciate there is a certain "realpolitik" in dealing with the hoteliers. Will Bel?

Més And The Holding Midfield

"Busquets for Mallorca" wasn't the headline. Not quite anyway. The Barcelona holding (aka defensive) midfielder was not being enticed from the Camp Nou with a promise of slumming it in front of one man and his dog when Real Mallorca head for places never previously heard of that host football teams in the Segunda B (Grupo 3). No, it wasn't that Busquets. It wasn't even a male. It was female and it was a Bel.

Finding a replacement (replacements) for Our Man Not In Havana But Punta Cana, Biel Barceló, has been proving to be less straightforward than might have been imagined. It hasn't been a simple case of dotting i's and crossing t's. Oh, that it were. No i has been dotted; instead it has been deleted altogether. From Biel to Bel. Barceló to Busquets. The Més B&B seems destined to continue. Or is it?

It is eminently possible that you have never heard of Bel. If you haven't, I really can't blame you. Bel's possible ascent to the vice-presidency sums up the mess that Més have got into because of Biel's jaunt to the Dominican Republic. Putting it bluntly, Més is not a party overflowing with political big-hitters; it is instead populated with dwarves tossed into a spotlight of slightly less than 14% share of the vote. It has basically been Biel and hardly anyone else. There is the wild man, David Abril, though there will be many who would prefer that there wasn't, and Més also have Mick of the Council. But he is more than content to remain Mick of the Council, president of the self-appointed Government of Mallorca.

Bel, who has been shadowing the wild man as Més joint spokesperson, has risen from rightful obscurity to be the number one for the VP's job: number one where Més are concerned, and no one else. In fact, it isn't really true to say that she's number one throughout Més. It had looked as if Mother Santiago, Fina, was nailed on for the VP gig, but then someone pointed out that she wasn't from the PSM Majorcan Socialists wing of Més. Mother was once with the communists, as was the wild man. The PSM said no to Mother, which must therefore draw into huge question her chances of being Més presidential candidate come 2019.

For Més, Bel would be a safe pair of hands - or safe pair of feet, if you prefer - in a holding midfield role of the unspectacular and indeed anonymous. The party is desperate to hold itself together and hope that it can limp towards the next election having regained credibility, most of which has disappeared along with ministerial and senior official names over the past nine months. In the process, however, it is still doing its utmost to portray itself as a self-interested shambles: say no to Bel and there'll be no acceptance of next year's budget, so there.

It is transparently obvious that neither Sweet and Friendly Francina nor Podemos have been overly enamoured of the Bel proposal for VP. Més have maintained that Bel is non-negotiable. The i must be dotted prior to deletion, and Bel will be the belle of the Balearic government ball - in a holding midfield role.

* And what do you know, Bel does indeed appear to be the belle. The confirmation was made yesterday amidst an undeniable air of reluctance on behalf of PSOE.