Carry On Chemists

One thing you can say about Balearic presidents is that you can't keep a good (sic) chemist away from the Consolat de Mar. The current incumbent, sweet and friendly Frankie Armengol, was preceded by the less sweet and friendly J.R., both of them with form in the farmacia stakes. And in seeking to maintain this chemical lineage, J.R., to everyone's horror, announced he was on the comeback trail. Carry On Chemists, with Jim Dale in the role of J.R. (Well, it couldn't be Sid James or Kenneth Williams.)

J.R., having reactivated himself in his highly implausible attempt at becoming national tourism supremo, had decided that the next best thing was to get his feet under the Consolat desk once more and resume his presidency. There was, however, one minor flaw to this plan, which was what J.R. was in the process of attempting to rectify, i.e. becoming PP president again. It was less a carry on and more the Return of the Living Dead, as Podemos's Alberto Jarabo intimated. Count Dracula's fangs are to be sunk into PP opposition, e.g. the wet and liberal regionalist wing, and even the dry anti-regionalist lot if they aren't of a mind to lend him their support, which for the most part they are not.

For once, it was possible to feel sympathy for Jaime Martínez, the chief pretender to the Bauzá anti-regionalist throne. The ex-tourism minister, probably thinking he was off for a pleasant chinwag at Carlos Delgado's gaff, discovered to his horror that a) all the paella had gone by the time he arrived and b) J.R. was there and announcing his Phoenix-like rise from the ashes of the Balearics PP that he had left smouldering after being annihilated at last year's regional election.

Jaime was none too impressed by all of this, and things might have turned ugly. Let's face it, Jaime does a passable impression of a bouncer at a Magalluf nighttime establishment. You wouldn't want to get on his wrong side, especially if he hasn't eaten. Jaime, to his credit, didn't bounce Bauzá around the walls of Casa Carlos, but instead let it be known that he still intends putting himself forward as candidate to be president of the party.

This was all good news for the wet and liberal lot, now sensing a clear split among the vote for the dry and anti-regionalist lot, assuming it does ever get as far as J.R. being on the ballot paper at the regional congress to decide the winner, whenever this might take place. And it was the fact that no PP congress in the Balearics or indeed any other region has been called that caused PP High Command in Madrid to apparently get into a blind flap.

Fernando Martínez Maíllo, no great mate of J.R.'s anyway and the organisational vice-secretary of the party, received a message from Bauzá announcing his intentions, i.e. of standing for the presidency of the party at the next congress. The only congress which has been firmed up is the national one, at which Super Mariano will be formally anointed again. Maíllo, it would seem, went into a panic as he thought Bauzá was going to be putting himself up against Mariano. He wasn't, though on current form you really wouldn't put it past him.